Musing Hearts

"Everything changed when he met her and yet who knew this would happen."

Song of Choice – Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray

"I didn't realise that he felt this way about me and now knowing this. Well I just can't help but think about my future. I feel less certain than ever that Donny was the one for me but my certainty that Niles was the one for me has started to grow yet I wonder how that would work out because it wouldn't be right but this small voice in my heart is forcing me to realise that this is right because it is love, true and unrequited love. I know that for all doubts that you should listen to your heart but what if my heart is wrong. What if Donny is the one for me, would I risk everything just to listen to my heart? Yet why wouldn't I? Aren't all my romance novels the upholder of this? Ever since I met Niles, I have felt this creeping sensation ever since and was this my feeling of love at first sight? I suppose it was as I feel so strange now and I'm sure it's love. I didn't know what to do so that's what got me here.. so what should I do?" I sat facing my therapist, Dr James who had been writing furiously into her notebook as I spoke.

Dr James sat up straight and spoke clearly knowing what to do but felt her face burrow into thought. "Daphne.. you see. I think it's quite obvious what you should do.. don't you think?" She raised her hand outwards to be able to finish speaking. "You see.. Donny isn't the one for you and Niles is. At least that's what I'm getting. You seem so happy talking about Niles so what is it about him that you like and how does he compare to Donny?" I sat back and thought about him, summoning up all the memories of him that I've hid from for years as I knew there was a deeper meaning to them. The Snowball, in the kitchen, when we first met, at The Sure Thing, Donny's proposal.. I saw his face throughout those moments and saw confusion in those deep blue eyes, sadness when I accepted Donny's proposal and … love at the Snowball, their first meeting and really.. whenever I was around him. I suddenly had her answer, I took a small breath and spoke, words coming from her heart and I meant every single word.

"I love him because he's a spineless little snob who cares so much about me.. I love him because he has always shown so much compassion. That he faints at blood, that he is scared of such little things, has many phobias and is allergic to everything, I love that he sniffs my hair, notices my perfume and notices any new clothes. That he cares so much about me, that he loves me and.. I love him." I spoke the last word and felt everything come to confront me, many emotions surrounded me. I saw his face in my mind and had a vision. A dragon.. which was in a vision I had not too long ago but the man holding the dragon.. I could see his face. Niles Crane. Did this mean what I had already realised. I loved him and he loved me. Dr James just stared at my neutral face and I managed to concentrate again. Dr James started her analysis.

"You love him. So you should end things with Donny and go speak to Niles. It doesn't take a fool to see what I see. You two are perfect for each other so you should get out there and get your happy ending. And.. I'm sorry but our time is up, if you need too but I doubt it, you can book your next session by phoning my office. Okay?" Dr James stood up as I did, we both walked to the front door where Dr James whispered something, "Don't worry Daphne.. everything will end perfectly, I just know it." Dr James smiled an encouraging smile and I smiled in reply. I walked out the door and stepped into the elevator.

Step One: Donny

Step Two: Niles

Step Three: Happy Ever After

=Niles=

Song of Choice – The Scientist by Coldplay

Turning off my desk lamp, I looked at my paperwork with very little enthusiasm but I did realise it was better than going home and moping about Daphne, like every other day. My brother did point out that I should do something with myself and so that's what I'd do. My hands carelessly brushed past the paperwork and to my immaculate and prized possession, the silver banded Calligraphy set given as a gift by Daphne, my goddess and my father's important and irreplaceable physical therapist.

I decided to phone the ticket office and book a ticket to see Wuthering Heights which I knew was playing in the down town cinema and well it was Daphne's favourite movie. And if I could not have Daphne! I'd have the next best thing Daphne's favourite movie which I shall watch while eating Shortbread, a favourite of Daphne while also drinking Orangina and if not that Ginger Ale, another favourite which I was told by Daphne during there last movie get-together also with my father. I picked up my briefcase and started to dial the Ticket Booth number.

=Frasier=

"God dammit Frasier, if your so damn worried about Niles, go see him yourself, don't keep having me phone him in every twenty seconds!" Roz had shouted from her booth on the other side of the glass. I decided I would end the show with a personal note, dedicated to my brother of course who was bound to be listening considering all he does in his spare time is stand or sit or lie on the floor and endlessly rant about his "missed chances with Daphne" and how it was all my fault. I was caught on the wrong side of my thoughts as I heard a loud scream echo through my ears.

"Hello? Listener are you there?" The line goes dead and there is an eerie silence filled in with unnecessary coughing.

"Well we seem to have lost our caller there.. I well have decided to end this on a personal note dedicated to my brother Niles who is going through a rough time having lost the girl of his dreams and too all my listeners out there in a similar situation well I have some advice... Keep going, you think you've lost the woman of your dreams but you'll find someone better out there, don't lose hope on that almost impossible goal as you will find someone maybe not next week or next month but in the next year or in the next 5 years, you might find that special someone. Even if you don't just keep going because if you give up then you will have lost everything even your dreams. So on that note, Goodnight Seattle." As I hanged up my headphones, I looked to my partner, Roz who was unmistakably enough in tears. I grabbed my briefcase and rushed into her booth. Kneeling down, I comforted her like a brother would do, no like a friend, an extremely close friend.

"Roz, are you okay honey?" I patted her arm in hope of calming her down. Roz then pretty much leaped into me in a massive bear hug and as she cried against my new Armani suit, getting stains into my suit in which my tailor would be impressed with, she spoke quite hoarsely.

"Oh Frasier.. tha-that was so beautiful.. I really hope I found the man of my dreams!" I hit a rather dead note on it's centre. Oh that was what it was, she not finding the main of her dreams. I suppose that makes sense considering how hundreds of men surround her every night. As Roz continued to cry in my suit, I prayed beyond end that my brother was not at home because if he was, then undoubtedly he would end up coming over tonight because he cannot stand being alone by himself well he manages somehow until I finish work then he's over there like a shot. I still don't see how this could upset him so much, I managed without Lilith and Diane. I mean he and Daphne never even dated for goodness sake! I really don't understand my brother at times.. I sometimes wonder if we're related at all then of course I remember his love of Armani and sherry and realise he is indeed my brother, if at times he is quite a handful. Oh Niles.. I hope you regain control over yourself before you lose everything.

=Daphne=

Sitting in my car for no reason whatsoever, I don't quite know why I'm still sitting here when I should be marching inside to Donny's and explain how I cannot marry him but I can't. Something is holding me here.. a fear of rejection perhaps. I mean what if after I get rid of Donny and get to Niles, he rejects me because he has truly found the love of his life. It's just I don't know if he even loves me still, I mean after that whole Mel nonsense, he could have found someone completely different who he loves and would do anything for... like he used to say he'd do for me. I never did take him seriously, did I? When we were at the Snowball, I called him an actor for how he showed his feelings towards me. I suppose that explains is more saddened outlook when we left. Then there was the Ski Lodge.. if he didn't mean for Annie to hear what he said, then those beautiful words were meant for me. Before that though.. Rodney, he was exactly like Niles but he wasn't Niles at all because he ended our relationship. I chose Rodney without realising how similar he was to Niles. I guess even then I loved him, oh how I wish I knew earlier. We could have been together by now. I need to look towards my future in a positive way, with Niles.

I felt strong enough to get out of my car and went inside Donny's apartment building before reaching Apartment 1708. Knocking twice, I felt a new confidence fill me. I could do this and soon enough I will be in Niles's arms and he'll kiss me and I'll return it. Oh how wonderful it will be!

Donny opened the door and saw me, gripping me in a huge hug and kissing me before I pushed him away. "Donny. We need to talk." At this point he led me into the apartment, we both sat down on the couch facing each other, neither of us knowing the outcome of this talk.

=Niles=

Song of Choice – Sleepyhead by Passion Pit

I've booked a ticket to San Francisco.

Yes you heard me correctly, I'm moving to San Francisco. I'm opening a practice there. All my patients here will be referred to other psychiatrists, hopefully one will be Frasier. Also I've met someone! Yes a woman whom is very attracted to me and I think I really do love her. I will never get over Daphne but I have Alice, a lovely psychologist whom actually works in San Francisco and was here for a get-together. We are getting pretty close, I met her last night after spending too many nights moaning over Daphne. It was quite a good night we had dinner at Le Cigare Volant and had desert afterwards if you catch my drift. Oh I cannot wait to gloat to Frasier, Dad and.. Daphne. Oh what am I going to do about Daphne? I cannot tell her, it would be too heartbreaking to see her face when I tell her that. I will tell Frasier to tell Daphne and beg them not to say anything until I'm at the airport because otherwise everything could fall apart. Right now I'm lying in my bed naked only covered by a sheet and half of Alice's body. Alice lay sleeping unaware of my thoughts of another woman.

Daphne.. Daphne.. Daphne. Would I ever be able to forget her?

No, I doubt it. She is and forever will be the love of my life but I will never be able to tell her that, well I did, once. At the Snowball, 4 years ago. I suppose afterwards, nothing was the same. I told her how I felt and she thought I was acting to show off to my "dear friends".

I suppose that my only comforts were brandy and Mel, even though she broke up with me a week ago after I excruciatingly shouted out Daphne's name in a very inconvenient place. She left straight away and made it clear that we were over when divorce papers came through my door, it was a clean break which was something I knew I couldn't pass off, after all Maris was tough but Mel would be painful. The Brandy part came after advice from Dad saying that if anything mended a broken heart it would be Brandy or Scotch but having drank scotch as young student, I decided against it considering it gave me blinding headaches. I decided to go pour myself a glass of brandy, otherwise ignoring my already bad hangover considering how much wine I drank last night but I suppose in this situation I should take the wise Roz Doyle's advice, "If you have a hangover might as well keep drinking." After my otherwise stupid move at my Halloween party, a few years back, of course she herself didn't take her own advice after revealing a somewhat surprising piece of news. Then not that long later, he precious bundle of joy arrived in Alice. I suppose I felt like an Uncle, a maybe distant Uncle but an Uncle nonetheless.

I moved slowly moving Alice's body off my own, gently so I won't wake her. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table, noting that it was 5AM. Oh what the hell in my land I'll drink whatever god damn time I want to. I'm already love drunk might as well make me an actual drunk. I went downstairs, going straight to the kitchen and pulling open my fridge and grabbing the brandy which was the only thing I have stocked in my fridge now. I didn't take notice of the fact I was naked and when the door bell rang, my only thought was to open it. Oh hell, why didn't I take a dressing gown. The door opened to reveal Frasier shocked at my naked physique pushed me back and closed the door behind him. He was about to shout so I took liberty of speaking before he did.

"Frasier, I've met someone and she's upstairs sleeping so if you don't mind leaving.. just close the door behind you." At that, I turned around grabbed my bottle of brandy again not realising I don't have a glass but that was long past me. I started to head back upstairs before someone tore the bottle of brandy out of my hand and carried me down and placed, no, more thrown me onto the fainting couch. Frasier then disappeared upstairs and when he came down through a dressing gown on top of me.

"Dress yourself! Niles you have really got to sober up here. Meaning no more brandy!" I was so out of it I hadn't the strength to move well except for pulling my dressing gown around me and tying it.

"Oh who gives a damn, Frasier I have nothing here so guess what? Me and Alice are going to San Francisco and I'm not coming back here because I have nothing. Yes you could say you and dad but then there's Daphne who I cannot face for the life of me. If she was the one at the door, she'd leave and I would have decided to go to San Francisco with Alice today but no. I'm leaving tomorrow. You can tell Dad as I will be busy packing, hell you can tell everyone even Daphne but not until I'm at the airport because I cannot face her." After that drunken spiel of words, I felt myself lose all strength but hearing Frasier's reply all the same.

"Fine, you are a drunk Niles, if you have to run away from your problems then go ahead I'm not stopping you but you know how about you think about this.. If Daphne knew your feelings now would you be so willing to leave? You've always been so eager to run if things don't go your way and this is no different. Niles you should stand up and stick up for yourself and do something, not run. Because these problems will still be here even if you come back. Just think about that Niles please? Try and lay off the brandy.. even if Dad says it helps, it won't." Frasier then walked towards the door and closed it behind him. I then just fell into a drunken slumber, confused and just upset.

=Frasier=

That did not go well, he's even worse than I thought he'd be. I mean San Francisco with this pretty much complete stranger whom he slept with, it's stupid even for Niles's standards. Oh how he got a higher IQ than me I will never know. But he is leaving with this Alice.. and he says he won't come back, I suppose if he's leaving tomorrow, I had better tell Dad. I will also tell Daphne in the morning after a long talk with Dad about Niles and a few glasses of sherry to calm my already agitated self. I'll also call Niles to see if he's sober and still going to San Francisco.

In my car, I play endlessly with the radio before settling on a show on it's repeating session. Of course it's my show and well I'm giving advice half set for disaster. Then this one guy tells me how he's running away because of the girl who is getting married and what do I tell him that "there is other fish in the sea..". I don't think that even helped him but he didn't call back, I suppose he did move on. Yet did he ever forget this girl, probably not. If it's that deep to you, he probably still thinks of her everyday. I never thought Niles would ever be happy and well he was happy for this shortest while, whenever he was with Daphne, he'd light up like a Christmas Tree. I didn't think Niles was in love with Daphne more so just looking for someone to care about him so when he met Daphne, she cared about him and he developed this infatuation with her but as years passed I've realised that he is in love with her.. because any normal infatuation would have faded but he still hangs onto every word well he used to.. after Donny proposed he never did act the same way around Daphne he almost withdrawn. I suppose Daphne thought it would be because of Maris and how he wishes he had someone to which he could propose too. But me and Dad knew it was because he's lost Daphne, the girl of his dreams.

I remember all the times I used to fight with Niles, other this opera and that aria, over who got to play the piano on the weekends. Over who gets to be read a story, over this book or that book. We never really did get along then when I lived in Boston, we lost contact completely. No letters or phone calls. I never did understand what happened, I suppose we were just so busy or we just didn't care. Then when I moved back home, we became friends again, we became rivals again too. I'll never say this to him but I love him a lot and I really do care about him because he is just my younger brother who was always bullied by the people at school.

I reached my apartment and opened the door to find my father sat in front of the TV looking at me with a curious face. Oh how he knew.. he knew I went to visit Niles, I suppose he can tell that it didn't go well.

=Martin=

I was watching the old tube it was mostly the Seahawks highlights against the Kansas City Chiefs. That game was great, they won and even that was a shock. I had a suspicion that Frasier would go see how Niles was doing I mean even though it was 4AM when he left I did wake up sneaking into the living room, not sure if Daphne was even in her room or not. I decided not to take my chances so I got my beer and sat down watching the Seahawks in action even now I can re-watch it again and again. I wasn't paying much attention to the time. So when Frasier came in, I felt myself become a little bit nervous and I tell ya it takes a lot to get me nervous. Frasier didn't look great so I suppose Niles wasn't great either.

"How's Niles?" I pride myself on being easy-going and able to talk in the most uncomfortable times, this being one of them times. I just didn't expect Niles to be doing well but even Frasier's reply surprised me.

"He's moving to San Francisco with a woman called Alice.. Dad.. he was drunk and hungover. He'd been drinking a lot of brandy and well he is leaving tomorrow, he told me to tell everyone even Daphne well not until he was at the airport but I have a feeling he may have sobered up by tomorrow but then I usually have no idea what Niles is feeling so.. he could leave and might never come back. So Dad, Niles is doing awfully and I have not god's name clue to how to deal with it, some psychiatrist I am.." He was quite upset and well I didn't know what to say I suppose I never expected my son to leave because of Daphne.

"Oh jeez.." I then had an idea which was quite a good one if I say so myself.

"Hey Fras, I have a plan."

Frasier looked up in a confused sort of way. "What?"

I smirked at him and spoke highly sure of this plan. "We will tell Daphne in the morning and I'm pretty sure it will get a reaction of some sort and she will go and stop Niles from leaving, right now though I'm going to bed and phone Niles and find out when he's leaving.." I stood up and walked back to my bedroom where I slept hearing the sounds of conversation.

Niles can be so stupid at times... I mean he slept under a piano because of a bully. I should have taught him karate or shown him how to use a gun that would have gotten all them children to lay off him and probably made Frasier quite jealous.. that would have been a great plan. Oh jeez.. I need to sleep.

=Daphne=

Wow. I'm in my bed at my home in Apartment 1901 in the Elliot Bay Towers having survived Donny's anger. He was quite angry when I left but he did seem to understand as he did put divorce papers or as he had explained in an angry tone "Prenuptial Disagreement Papers" under his door to which I picked up, he obviously couldn't face me. He had some good questions about Niles and well once I answered them all I left, picked up my divorce papers/prenuptial disagreement papers which I signed instantly because he didn't want anything and neither did I well except Niles of course, so I signed my divorce papers or prenuptial disagreement papers and passed them under the door and left and I'm here but I can't sleep knowing I really should be at Niles's now but it's too late to go over now he'd be sleeping like I should be. I did arrive back and everyone seemed to be sleeping so I decided just to get change into new clothes and just sit in my room on my bed until it seems reasonable time to come out. I saw until it was 6:30 and decided to go into the kitchen and make breakfast. As I knew that Mr Crane would wake up soon and at around 7:30 Dr Crane wakes up so I went into the kitchen and prepared some toast and scrambled eggs which weren't so greatly appreciated by Mr Crane who says my toast is like a brick and my eggs are too scrambly. I suppose he is just fussy but I didn't expect what Dr Crane says when he woke up. He stumbled into the living room where his father and I sat eating while his coffee and breakfast sat in the kitchen prepared to a tee just waiting for when he comes in. Dr Crane puts his hand on my shoulder and takes a deep breathe.

"Daphne.. I should have told you sooner but you weren't here so I decided to wait until now.. it's about Niles.." This peaked my interest and also my heart as it beats at a 100 million times per second.

"What about Dr Crane, Dr Crane?" I spoke incredibly nervous if something was wrong with Niles then I would just... not be able to handle it.

"Well.. he's leaving Daphne.. he's leaving for San Francisco.. his plane leaves at 9AM, he says he has nothing here. I'm so sorry." I couldn't handle it, I was already dressed. It was 7:50AM in which it takes almost an hour and a half to reach the airport so I ran and ran to my car. Before pushing on the gas pedal and hoping for the best.

=Niles=

I was packing and I was sad but I had Alice now so I had to be happy. Right?

Wrong without Daphne I will never be happy.. my happiness is never complete without her.

I'm in my car with Alice and I'm sad. I thought Daphne might have shown up to stop me but sadly not.

I'm at the airport with Alice waiting for boarding. Still no sign of Daphne. My heart is slowly shrinking, dissolving into nothing only leaving me blood and air nothing to show my love for anybody. I will be an empty shell that just survives and cares but does not feel.

Boarding Call. Nothing. Now What?

Nothing. A life full of misery but is that what's accepted by those who don't have what they want? Is that pain strong enough to destroy but not strong enough to crush me completely which it should have already? My mind conquers my body in acceptance but I cannot accept it, my heart won't allow it. I feel myself starting to crumble away already, feeling my body struggle with my weight to walk, I convince myself to be happy with Alice and force myself to communicate but communication is worth nothing as if it helps me stop feeling so empty inside. Nothing will help me. No I'm wrong the only thing that will help me is the only thing not here. Daphne. My family is here in spirit but she. No, she hasn't appeared, she has only watched from afar as I dissolve. I'm not here, I am a shadow of my former self. Without her I am a ghost, I watch my life slowly crumble from the helm of Heaven where I sit with my mother and just stare as I fall to pieces.

=Frasier=

My news shocked her. No my news destroyed her. She was there and then she was gone and I knew where. I didn't know If she'd make it. I hoped for the best. If she didn't make it, I can see now, she'd be completely crushed. I suppose my anxiety made me notice something sitting under her chair, so I grabbed it and just stared. She is breaking off her wedding but why..? Did I not know the answer is staring me in the face. Daphne loves Niles. My father watched me with a smirk as I realised what he already realised.

"Daphne loves Niles.." I spoke clearly spooked. My father just had a smile on his face. "Yup, she's going to stop him no matter what.. that's clear as day to me." I just nodded, it's clear who she loves now and I hope she won't give up on him. I just hope she makes it.

=Daphne=

Song of Choice – Clocks by Coldplay

Nothing Else Compares..

I reached the airport and my body was days ahead of my mind. My only plausible thought was to keep running and don't stop. I saw that a plane was boarding for San Francisco. So I ran. I couldn't think I just felt tiles under me slip under my feet as the wind carries me faster throughout the busy terminal. I jump over suitcases as I seem crazy but only pumped on by my heart and the love of this one man who I care about so much. As I see the gate for San Francisco, I run faster than I never knew possible. The clocks were ticking as time passed.. the gate would close soon so I had to keep going as my breath starts to slow, I was becoming tired to quickly when I had to keep going.

Niles. Please. Niles. Don't Leave. As I reached the gate I jumped over the barrier without thinking as I rushed I felt someone push me back as the plane's door closed and I was pulled backwards. The plane was gone, I had lost him. I felt my legs give way as I collapsed to the floor and just cried. I couldn't stop as I kept saying his name and that I lost him. I lost him. He left and he's gone. He's not coming back. I've lost Niles. I've lost the man I love. The man who cared so much about me is gone. I only remember vaguely being taken to hospital and being checked over before Dr Crane and Mr Crane and Roz come over. I was still crying and repeating my words. I couldn't think only feel, pain as I sink into depression, sadness that he left and won't come back yet I feel like I have to do something but I don't know what to do, I don't even know where he is. Somehow I feel as though I've lost everything and well I have. I've lost the one person who means more than the world to me. I've lost Niles Crane, the man of my dreams and the man who loves me.

=Niles= - A week since he left -

Song of Choice – Vienna by The Fray (Fun Fact: This story was originally called Vienna)

I've been listening to the radio a lot recently and even got an iPod as a gift from Alice. This song in particular describes how I am at the moment because I don't feel as though I can survive. This one part of the song completes every word of a sentence that pours out of my mouth.

"There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
Is there really no way to reach me?
Am I already gone?
So this is your maverick
And this is Vienna"

I don't know how I reached this point. I struggle through every session with my patients and I'm losing patients now. My relationship with Alice is broken and well I don't know what to do because I have nothing other than work and Alice. Nobody talks to me because I just ignore everybody and just stare at the floor or the ceiling or the walls or any other non pleasurable surface that I can cast my eyes on and never have to move. At night I don't sleep I just sit on my bed and rest my arms on my knees and fit my fingers together and just sit, I don't think and I don't feel because well there is nothing to feel. I have lost everything and I'm just wondering how much more I will have to go through before I just stop and give up.

=Frasier= - Present – Niles has left and Daphne's broken -

I didn't expect a phone call from Seattle General Hospital especially about Daphne. It didn't sound good and well when we arrived (we being myself, Roz and Dad) it certainly didn't look good. She looked absolutely devastated and broken. She kept mumbling on and on about how he was gone, how the love of her life is gone. I didn't know how to react and Roz, Dad weren't sure either. Any attempt to talk to her was airbrushed as she just kept mumbling on and on. I decided to go take Dad home as he was beginning to get a little upset. I was too, I mean. He was gone and she was just crying and absolutely destroyed. I looked towards Roz and gave a silent nod as in showing we were leaving, she nodded back and just sat on Daphne's hospital bed and patted her shoulder.

The drive back was silent as we didn't quite know what to say. This situation is quite terrible and thus I have no idea what to do. I mean I didn't expect this to happen. I mean everything changed when he met her yet who knew this would happen.

=Roz=

Watching Daphne just sit and cry about Niles was extremely upsetting, who knew she cared about the little weenie so much? I sat on her bed and put my arms around her and she cried into my shoulders and spoke her first word to me, acknowledging my presence. "Roz.. why did he leave?" Her voice was scratchy and I felt shocked at how upset she sounded so I felt I should tell her the truth as if she finds out I lied about anything, it would tear her apart. "Daph.. he left because of you." I said it so bluntly, I felt bad so I just hugged her tightly as she let her emotions out. I realise I have felt like this before with my first boyfriend in college, it's the reason I'm the way I am. He left because I wanted commitment and we almost had a baby but.. I had a miscarriage and well I lost baby Emily. When he left I cried for weeks over how I've lost my boyfriend and my baby, I then became addicted to just having casual sex and thus I couldn't deal with commitment any more than my first boyfriend could. I decided I needed to talk to Daphne as talking did eventually help me more than anything in the world. "Daphne how much do you love him?" I said it slowly trying to keep her calm and let her be able to speak out. Her reply mangled by her crying but I understood all the same. "I love him more than anything in the world, more than I need oxygen to breathe. He was my best friend and he was the closest person to me, he loved me for who I was and not what I tried to be." I choked up a bit that was incredibly sweet and also heartbreaking.

We cried for a long time and before long I had to leave while nurses gave Daphne a bath as she wasn't talking to anyone and I was the first person she has talked to since getting here. As I left the hospital and got into my car, I decided to go down to the graveyard and place flowers on Emily's grave.

=Daphne=

Song of Choice – How To Save A Life by The Fray

After a week or two I had to get out of this place so I acted normal just to appease everyone and to get to my room and cry forever. My act did seem to work and after a few days I got home. There was a party and after a while I actually felt happy, an emotion that I had thought was gone and lost but here I was smiling and having a good time but behind everybody's happy faces, you could see they were upset too. Everyone was.

I had hoped there would be a letter or something but no. After the party I went to my room and sat on my bed trying to understand how this happened. I mused over the fact that Roz mentioned that he left because of me and I suppose that made sense, I accepted a marriage proposal in front of his face. He was bound to be upset. I just didn't think he'd leave. Someone knocked my door and me being the kind physical therapist let them in, of course it was Dr Crane with a white envelope in his hand. He sat on my bed and spoke gently aware of how much I was hurting.

"Daphne, I know you feel bad right now but things will get better and anyway this came in the mail. Here." He passed the envelope to me and he left my room. I stared at the envelope for a long time before mustering the courage to open it as I did, I felt a single tear trickle down my cheek. I took the note that was inside it out and read it.

Dear Daphne,

I'm sorry for what I've done to you. What I did was a coward's way out and everyone knows it. I don't know why I did it.. no I do know why I did it. I was stupid and upset because you were getting married and I just couldn't handle it. Then Mel left me which was excruciating and I just gave up. I know you probably hate me now and you have every right to. I left you without even saying goodbye to you, I deserve to be killed for hurting you so much.

Somehow I wonder how I'm still here because right now where I am, it's painful. I don't have anything here because Alice left too because I didn't care and she was right I didn't. I only cared about one person and that person has only ever been you, Daphne. My heart was left in Seattle for you to destroy it if you must or accept it as a gift, in the hopes I would one day return and take it back and give you all of me to love. I don't know why I'm writing this letter, maybe in the hopes that you care enough to write back. I wish that I was still in Seattle that I would still get to speak to you everyday, that I'll be able to smell your hair and comment on how beautiful you look.

I'm writing this letter because I love you and always will, the reason I'm not coming back is because I've hurt you enough. You will already be married by now so I'm sorry I missed your wedding. I hope this letter will send you my love from where I am now.

Your gift should be attached..

Love You Forever and Always,

Niles

I looked at the gift which was attached to the note at the back. It was a diamond ring encrusted in sapphires. It was also engraved on the back, it read. "Love, Niles." I put the ring on instantly, not thinking but just putting it on my ring finger meant for wedding rings and well when I put it on. I felt like he was here with me I closed my eyes and kissed the ring and then I had a vision. This vision just showed a piece of paper with an address in San Francisco. I decided to ignore the vision at the moment and decided to go into the living room, my mind at ease but my heart pumping with love for Niles.

I sat at the dining table trying to just not think for once and to just feel something and I did, I felt my heart burn intensely as I noticed a piece of paper lying on the table, it was addressed to Dr Crane but she had to read it as when she touched the paper, the burning in her heart stopped, it was a hunch that it's from Niles.

Dear Frasier,

This is a short message because I want to tell you what's happening in person. I'm struggling in San Francisco and I wrote Daphne a letter, when she reads it, she will probably want to speak to you but I repeat do not give her my address, if she comes here and sees me like this. I won't know what to do..

The address is Apartment 1603, Roslyn Towers, San Francisco. It's easy to find and quite huge. It was also incredibly cheap. I don't care when you come because well I've lost my job but I still have loads of money left while I try to salvage something here, I need to speak to someone because well Alice left and I don't know what I'm doing.

I Need You Frasier

Niles

I knew what I had to do, it wouldn't be easy but I had to do it. I went to my room to begin packing and felt hope the one feeling I have missed and now I feel as though I have a chance.

=Niles=

Song of Choice – Born To Die by Lana Del Ray

I don't know why I wrote to Daphne, I suppose it was to give me some help handling my guilt of leaving her. I just hope she doesn't find me, I don't need her here as my life is already a mess. As I wrote the letter, I swore I could smell Cherry Bark and Almonds but it is just a piece of my imagination as I think of her. My life is falling apart and now I sit here with a bottle of Brandy and feeling like a complete fool. I shouldn't have left but I can't go back now, I'd be hated for what I did.

I suppose my only ally in all this is Brandy and even he is going to run out on me.

I hope Daphne is fine all the same..

=Daphne=

I was on the plane trying to ignore everything around me, focusing on my only goal. Finding Niles and getting him home. Before I boarded the plane, Dr Crane was phoning my mobile constantly but once I turned it off I was okay just nervous, no actually scared and extremely worried. It's only been three weeks since he left but I worry about him constantly and now I'm on a plane to San Francisco. I just hope that he's okay.

=Frasier=

I received Niles's letter this morning and placed it on the dining table and went to have my shower of course when I returned it was gone before long I noticed Daphne was gone too. It didn't take too long for me to realise where she's gone. She's gone to San Francisco, of course before I left, I read his address so I know what I'm going to do.

"DAD! WAKE UP NOW!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. He hurried to the living room at his own pace of course and well I shouted loudly.

"DAPHNE'S IN SAN FRANCISCO, WE NEED TO GET TO SAN FRANCISCO NOW DAD!"

Dad was being grumpy as usual. "I HEARD YA THE FIRST TIME. I'M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW I'M NOT DEAF!" His shouting was on par with mine so we both hurried or at least I did and we got packed to head to the airport. I decided to phone Roz and get her to come with us, to at least help calm Daphne. Roz said she'd meet us at the airport and so I got my suitcase and Dad's taken down to my car before we set off and picked Roz up before heading for the airport.

=Niles=

Song of Choice: Never Say Never by The Fray

I'm sitting on the floor staring at my bloody hand, wondering why I haven't fainted yet. A knife lay next to me. I don't know what made me cut myself was it the fact that people say harming yourself calms you and helps depression or that I really had nothing to do with the world. I wonder if Frasier will come soon because I can't survive this, I have nobody and right now I just sit and drink brandy all day without doing much else. I stared at the phone sitting centimetres away from me and I grabbed it. Instinctively I dialled her number knowing that she'll probably ignore it. The ringing from the phone didn't stop as it was a waste of time. She wouldn't answer and now left the only other person who might listen. The phone rang once, twice...

"Hello?" It was Dad strangely on Frasier's mobile, my voice began to ache as I couldn't muster the courage to speak but someone else did. "Niles. If that's you, then please just listen. Wherever you are, just calm down and think about how much Daphne cares about you because I see that she cares a lot and if you throw your life away then what will she think? That she loves someone pathetic enough to throw his own life away.. Now don't cu-" I threw the phone across the room as a spasm of anger hit me. I was hyperventilating on the floor as I cast my mind back to moments ago. "She loves someone pathetic enough.." She loves me and Dad just told me and he didn't even seem to realise his mistake. Seconds later I was out.. I fainted in the aftermath of this. It seems it took a couple of minutes for myself to realise that I was bleeding.

Fainting isn't a pleasant experience, you just feel like your in pain and you're extremely cold. You dream, frequently when you faint and these dreams are never pleasant. It wasn't a surprise that I dreamed about Daphne, it was to be expected considering my situation. My dreams were about Daphne, she was facing me and telling me how much she loved me and I was convince she was lying. We were on top of the Golden Gate Bridge and I started moving closer to the edge, she screams that she loves me and I jump backwards, head first into the sea. I become cold as hypothermia sets in on this cold, snowy day. I could hear other screams, members of my family and I saw my mother above the city, just staring at me. Her eyes were cold and tears dropped down her cheeks. I was dying and I blacked out, only to wake up with a familiar face staring at mine and the smell of Cherry Bark and Almonds.

=Daphne=

I arrived in San Francisco only to be greeted by snow and a wet, cold feeling spreading across my face. I felt my eyes watering but forced myself to hide my tears and focus on finding the apartments. As I stood outside of the airport, I could spot taxis everywhere but they were all going somewhere else then she spotted a familiar face amongst the crowds, 3 familiar faces in fact. So she hurried towards them as she felt herself trip up, she skidded across the pavement and felt throbbing pain come from her leg but she had to hurry and catch up with them. As she finally was able to get to them she shouted from behind. "Dr Crane, Mr Crane, Roz!" Only for the people to turn around and stare because they were just complete strangers and she suddenly felt absolutely and totally alone because she knew nobody here and she hadn't a clue how to get to the apartments so she dropped to her knees, confused and feeling more stupid than ever.

=Frasier=

We had arrived in San Francisco, an hour ago. Looking for any sign of Daphne but we couldn't see her as we found our rental car. I drove slow and steadily, facing angry glares from the other drivers but this was a different city, I had to be extremely careful. As I was driving towards our apartments for the night, my phone rang which Dad grabbed before I could even reach for it. He was talking to Niles, it seems but didn't seem to be getting a response and he was suddenly cut off, Niles probably hung up. "I'm pretty sure he's In shock considering what you said about Daphne." My father met me with a confused look as Roz looked on from the back seat, very quietly. "What did I say about Daphne?" I felt my brain explode and Roz seemed to be holding in laughter. "Dad... YOU TOLD HIM DAPHNE LOVED HIM!" I shouted and burst into a nauseating screaming match with Dad while Roz exploded in laughter at us and while it felt good to be bit normal, I still couldn't help but wonder where Daphne is and how Niles is doing.

=Roz=

Song of Choice: Cemeteries of London by Coldplay

I didn't really speak much because I couldn't, I just could not get my head around this. Daphne ran off to get Niles back because she loves him and Niles loves her but he ran away. It all seems sort of far fetched but my sweet friend Frasier told me it's because I don't know what it's like to be in love. I did feel like punching him in his big fat mouth for insulting me like that. Did he not think I had been in love once? He probably didn't because otherwise he wouldn't stick his neck out and say something like that. As Frasier and Martin shouted at each other, I felt quite annoyed, so much so I had to say something.

"Just shut up? Okay? I mean Daphne loves Niles and she is going to find him and bring him home and that's all that matters okay? It might even help that Niles knows, it'll certainly make things easier." My point seems to have made big mouth silent and Martin equally as quiet. I thought I had a breakthrough before your highness came with another equally as strong argument.

"What if Niles think she's lying just because she wants him to come home.. as a friend?" This time I fell silent and couldn't think of anything else to say because that could happen, Niles is in a bad way and this really could make him feel like that. I mused over a conversation me and Daph had a few years back after she came back from the Ski Lodge and it did seem like she felt something for Niles.

Daphne came over a day after the Ski Lodge because she had wanted to tell someone about the trip. I suppose considering she didn't know anyone other than me, that I was her first choice. I had opened the door to find Daphne practically glowing for some reason.

"So how was the trip?"

"Great! It was so much fun, we went skiing and it was just amazing!"

"Did you meet anyone?"

"Sadly not.. because the only one I liked there was gay well except this one other person but.. uh.. yeah."

"Who's this other person?" I was beginning to get a little suspicious here and was wondering who this other person could be.

"He's taken so really it doesn't count.. uh.. and he liked someone else anyway."

"What's his name?" It was a simple question, really.

"N-n... Neil." I was a little confused about how she didn't seem to know the name of the person she liked.

"So is Neil married?"

"Yeah but he liked someone else.. "

"You?"

"No! No.. no.. no.. Uh. Yes.. no.. I DON'T KNOW!" I was a little shocked because it seems as if she didn't know if he liked her or not.

"Who's he married to?"

"An evil, thin and spineless woman called.. M... Murial! Yeah that's it! Murial!" So Neil may or may not like her and is married, I didn't quite think over this when she first told me but it does make sense now. I asked her one more question.

"Do you love him?"

"... Um. Yes.. I'm sorry Roz I have to go do the... Laundry.. if I don't Dr Crane will fire me!" She rushed out of my apartment before you could say ski lodge.

It all made sense but nobody seemed to notice Daphne's feelings, not even Niles himself. I wonder what Daphne's doing now. I hope we get to our apartments soon, I'm too tired to even flirt and god that's a first.

=Daphne=

Song of Choice – Soldier On by The Temper Trap

I don't know where I am, I'm hopelessly and completely lost. I'm on this narrow street carrying a handbag and pulling my suitcase. The street lights are blinking and the night is dark and gloomy, cold and wet. I see a small corner bar so I decide to see if I can get a taxi from there. Walking down to this bar, I felt quite scared to be in the middle of nowhere. I went inside the bar and spotted this friendly bartender. He was quite welcoming and I noticed that his name was Sam.

"Hello Sam.. I wonder if I can get a taxi from here to the Roslyn Towers." Sam was quite a big guy, and a little muscular just the type of guy I'd normally go for. He was also quite charming.

"Well sure, I just wonder what brought a pretty person like yourself here. Oh and let me buy you a drink. How about a bottle of Orangina to calm the nerves." He grabbed a bottle of Orangina from a fridge and hopped over the bar pulling up two barstools and I told him everything, he seemed quite annoyed by the fact I was here because I was looking for someone I love but he was still sweet enough to call me a Taxi and he wished me well. He told me his name was Sam Malone and that this bar was called Cheers and if I'm ever in San Francisco or Boston then just look around and you should find Cheers. He kissed me on the cheek and led me out with my suitcase to the taxi which he was kind enough to pay for. I felt myself become nervous but before Sam left, he whispered in my ear.

"Don't worry I'm sure this Niles guy will love that you did this for him and if he's dumb enough to let you go well just remember my name and I'll be sure to give you a good time." He winked at me before letting me into the taxi and going back inside the bar. I suppose he is pretty sweet and on my way to the Roslyn Towers, I felt a feeling of joy because I would finally be able to talk to Niles again. I told the Taxi Driver to wake me when we get to the Apartments and I slept peacefully for the first time since Donny proposed.

When I arrived at the Apartments I felt a small poke in the shoulder and the driver told me I was here, he had already taken my stuff and put it on the side of the pavement. I got out of the taxi and thanked the driver before taking a deep breath, and pulling my suitcase and carrying my handbag, I walked into the Roslyn Apartments telling the front desk manager that I was here to visit a Niles Crane and that I was his girlfriend as otherwise I doubt they'd let me in. They gave me a key to his apartment and I went up the elevator, a bundle of nerves the whole way. I reached Apartment 1603 and immediately saw how cheap this place was as the wallpaper was hanging off the handle covered in dirt and the elevator had a faded smell of cherry tobacco.

As I put my key into the keyhole, my hand was shaking as I turned the key and opened the apartment. It had 3 rooms from the looks of it, the Living Room/Kitchen, the Bathroom and the bedroom. I pulled my suitcase and put It against the wall next to the door before laying my handbag on top of it. The apartment was mostly a square room with a kitchen just to the right with a TV sitting in front of the kitchen entrance. It all seemed sort of messed up as the couch was sitting facing the TV and there was really not much room so I moved quick. Behind the couch were two doors one leading into a bathroom and the other to the bedroom. As I stood behind the door to the bedroom, I took a look around the room noticing a mirror and looking at my reflection, I was wearing a blue jacket and a white t-shirt with white jeans, if I took off my jacket, I would look similar to how Niles did 3 years ago when I went to the Montana after my fight with Sherry and almost slept with him, oh how I wish I did sleep with him then, I just wish I had brought my damn thyroid pills.

I then turned to face the bedroom door putting my hand on the handle and turning it, I opened the door to see Niles sitting on the floor facing the door, hyperventilating with a bloody knife next to him and a cut on his left hand. Instantly I bent down and pulled out the handkerchief that was sitting up in the pocket of the shirt he was wearing, wrapping the handkerchief around his hand to form a bandage while I grabbed the back of him and started to pat him gently, trying to get him to calm down but he wasn't even realising I was there before he suddenly stopped and whispered, "Daphne.." His voice was quite weak and I struggled to reply, "W..-what Niles?" He was able to move his head to face me, he seemed to struggle with talking and that I had assumed was because he was drunk. "Why.. are.. you...". He took a deep breath and felt himself slowly getting calmer to be able to speak properly. "Here?" His blue eyes looked at me and I saw the struggle in them, the pain in his eyes becoming more obvious and I could see anger that was starting to appear. I managed to reply without becoming upset. "I'm here because you left me... I'm here because I love you." His reaction shocked me, he pushed me away and took the bloody knife next to him and threw it across the room hitting the wall and making it stick in the wall. He stood up and started waving his arms about he started to shout, "No! You don't! Otherwise you wouldn't have accepted Donny's proposal! Otherwise you wouldn't have married him!" He was angry that was easy to tell, his frustration was understandable. He was hurt by me and he insists that I married Donny.

I don't know how to deal with this.

=Niles=

Song of Choice(s): Go Away by Katy B / Shattered by Trading Yesterday

I opened my eyes and saw her kneeling next to me, I felt myself tense up and I just stared at her and whispered in eerie wonder, "Daphne." She nodded slightly and asked, "What Niles?" She seemed to struggle to speak like I was, this situation wasn't easy to understand. I couldn't get out my next sentence without choking up a bit but I don't think she noticed how hard it was for me just probably assumed I was drunk off my ass. "Why are you here?" I looked at her and she stared back in a moment of pure insanity she decided to answer, "I'm here because you left me.. I'm here because I love you." A frenzy set inside me as I instantly decided that she was lying so I could come home and I couldn't and I felt proper anger and it flared up presumingly scaring Daphne. I grabbed the knife that was lying on the floor unnoticed and I threw it across the room and making it dent the wall as I stood up and waved my arms about in a rage that I didn't know existed inside me. I literally screamed out in anger.

"No you don't!" I only remember saying that before I lost all conscious thought of what I was doing. I remembered hearing a door close and my momentous weeping when I broke down. I touched my face and tugged at the beard that was starting to form. I looked around my room, shaken by everything that's just happened. I walked out of the bedroom and sat on the couch and buried my face in my hands hoping no one else would surprise me.

Then I heard a knock on the door..

=Martin=

Fras decided he'd drive which I felt was a bad decision, I mean geez he can barely find his way around Seattle, not to mention we're in a different city so how is he meant to know the way yet I came here as a student and I'm pretty sure as hell it's not changed much and Roz has also been here so why doesn't he trust us, I mean I know I get on his case a lot but can't he trust me for once.. Oh wait. No! Because he's great little stinkin opera and wine loving prissy pants.

Anyway I wanted to drive because I had an idea of where the apartments were but your highness of course decided he knew where it was easily and so we got lost for two hours before finally arriving at Niles's apartment building. As I got out, I saw someone come out with their head low, she was wearing this weird flowery dress with a scarf that I knew only one person wore... well in America at least and she was crying. I shouted at her, "Daphne get over here!" She turned her head for a second and I was right because it was her. Roz also noticed so she ran after her, I hoped to god that she caught up and luckily Roz has experience chasing people considering all the boyfriends she's had. They walked back, Roz holding Daphne the best she could considering Daphne was a bit taller than she was. I then noticed Frasier standing next to me staring at Daphne probably in shock. I guess he came back from parking the car quickly enough. As Roz and Daphne met us, I wanted to ask Daphne what happened but I decided instead we should all go inside Niles's apartment. Daphne was crying with her face covered so she didn't notice which was probably for the best.. we rode the elevator in silence except for Daphne who was still crying. Oh geez something pretty bad must have happened. Frasier knocked on Niles's door and Daphne looked up and moaned, "No.. he doesn't want to see me, can I leave..? I'll go wait in the car.. Just please." But all moaning and begging wasn't gonna work as when the door opened, nobody knew what to say except for Niles.

"I expected just Frasier not my old father, the slut and the heartbreaker.. but I can't have everything.. or anything it seems." I suspected everyone felt like punching him but he was drunk, it's easy to tell really. Niles walked inside leaving the door open.. so we walked in.

I felt pretty bad for Daphne at this point. Niles seems to hate her and she actually loves him.. a whole damn lot.

=Daphne=

Song of Choice: From Yesterday by 30 Seconds To Mars

I felt sick and cold even if it was way warmer than Seattle I felt stone cold and not because of the fact I bumped into the Cranes and Roz, it was the fact he seemed to hate me and well in a way I couldn't blame him. I came here when he was settling into a new life and probably nearly over me but now I'm back and he's just confused and angry because I'm here. The elevator ride was horrendous as the silence was unbearable but the worst had yet to come.

As when Dr Crane knocked on the door, I felt myself sink to a new low. I felt like screaming somehow "he" did this to me. I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him yet this happens.. he thinks my feelings are fake. I suppose he thought I was acting like.. he thought I was at the Snowball, I realise now he wasn't acting and neither was I, I just tried to convince myself I was acting to save grace.

I began to beg not to have to go inside but that was worth nothing as Mr Crane pretty much forced me to come in and when the door opened and Niles spoke I felt a treacherous breeze run down my back, making me shiver. He spoke rudely enough that it made Roz very angry and well me feeling like a complete idiot. He called Roz a slut and me a heartbreaker well I didn't know what to do about that..

We all walked in to the apartment, I suppose everyone was waiting for somebody to speak and that person would probably have to be me when I opened my mouth I felt a cry of sorrow escape me causing Niles to snidely comment, "Feel upset now? Well your only feeling a fifth of what I felt when you broke my heart. You are an annoying, rude, sarcastic bitch of Manchester who goes through men like Frasier goes through Bran Meal." I have never, ever heard Niles call me something like that, I mean before today he never even raised his voice towards me. He was always kind and considerate about me and now he acts like I've been his worst enemy from the moment we met. I could feel the others cast me looks of sympathy as we all sat on the couch while Niles just stood by the fridge with a bottle of brandy. He looked me straight in the eye with a look of pure and utter hatred. So I did the one thing that I thought might get through to him. I stood and he watched me, his face still with his mouth edging towards an amused frown. I walked towards him as the others all drained breath as they didn't seem to know what to say at all so they just sat in silence.

Every step I took, it seemed he was getting further away but I got right in front of him I could taste his breath. His face was cold and hard but his eyes had a familiar glow about them. I moved closer, determined to do this, to break through his shell. Our lips not far from touching, I could feel his breath get ragged, uncertain of whether or not this was good or not. I heard a door close from behind me and I assumed the others were going to go to either their apartments or all went into the bedroom to give privacy. This small thing gave me the push so I went forward and our lips met.

Our lips met and sparks sure did fly..

=Niles=

Song of Choice: Shattered (MTT) by Trading Yesterday

I don't know why I'm so angry at her, I should be relieved she's even here. I suppose I'm releasing all my suppressed emotions all at once, all at Daphne and maybe landing a crude remark here or there at Roz. I suppose the brandy wasn't helping matters at all but I couldn't stop when I let them in, I went to the fridge and grabbed the bottle of brandy while they sat down on the couch, nobody speaking the silence speaking for itself.

They didn't know why I was so frustrated and well Daphne looked upset. I tried to think of other things, like my work which is going downhill or to what's on TV tonight which is what I'll be doing as I haven't been on a date for a few months. I then looked at Daphne's eyes and saw mine reflected and I saw my hatred, I felt like I was going to cry and my eyes became lighter. I then focused on Daphne's eyes, a deep, beautiful eyes that were certainly not dull. I love Daphne with all my heart and soul, that will never leave me, I will never forget Daphne, never. She is the one that binds me to this world without her I wouldn't be able to go on. I see her most days and I think of her every night. I may have lost myself but I couldn't lose Daphne.

I sometimes wish if my life had started with Daphne, where would I be? Even though I've wasted years, thinking of telling her, I don't think I've lost hope. So should I take a chance now? She must hate me but I can't bear to lose her, not now. Not ever. I've broken myself but I will never break my heart. I cannot live without my heart. That is the truth and in all words Heathcliff, "I cannot live without my soul." Because it yearns Daphne's name and I will always, always know her for who she is and what she is to me.

I stand here in silence and I'm about to make a move before she does but she beats me. She stands and moves closer. I don't know what's she's doing, my heart beats faster as she edges towards me. I feel my eyes blink in response to this. I feel like breaking down to her and kiss her with passion that will burn with the heat of a thousand suns. She moves closer and I feel my breathing become deeper as I begin to lose myself within her. I smell her hair as a cast of old memories. Ah. Cherry Bark & Almonds. I know right now I could never forget her. She moves closer and I feel a thought of sudden aspiration hit me that she wants to kiss me and lose herself. I can here faint footsteps as my family leaves the room. She gets even closer, we're face to face and I feel my lips being drawn and then we kiss. I throw myself into it and I revel to the fact she's not stopping it, she doesn't want this to end. She loves me? She must, shan't she? I couldn't care less now. I kissed her with all the passion I had in me. Then we stopped and stared into her and for the first time in about a year, I smiled and so did she. I didn't have all my answers yet but right now we're happy, both of us, at the same time for the same reason.. because we're together and now that's all that matters.