OpENING NOTES!
I've only got a few things I need to point out here.
1) As with my previous two stories, this STORY is rated 'M' for stuff that people under 'M' shouldn't be reading. There will be some strong language and some violence, but I do try to keep it within the guidelines.
2) I don't own, nor do I claim to own, anything belonging to Stephenie Meyer or her creations. The only characters I claim to own are the ones you don't recognize from anything. They're just characters, though, and don't represent any actual people.
3) This is a continuation of my previous story, Standing on the Moon. I highly recommend reading the first two stories in my list (and maybe reviewing them a little? :D) before reading this one, or I swear you'll be pretty lost.
4) I'm trying something different here. I'll be making these chapters a bit shorter than my previous ones. A few might run longer, but that's just how it goes.
5) It's late, my son refuses to sleep, and I'm probably releasing this too soon, but here we go!
Onward!
Chapter One
The motivational poster hanging up on the wall across the hall was staring at me. I'd never wanted to punch a kitten more in my life than I did right then.
There was no way to express how much I hated myself in that silent moment. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did it anyway. I knew what would happen if I did it, but I did it anyway. I didn't even want to do it, but I did it anyway.
I knew the sound that girl made as I pushed her down the few steps outside the school shouldn't make me smile, but it did anyway.
"Leandra?" I turned my head, looking up the hall at a familiar voice. "Dang it, why do you do this stuff?"
Andrew landed in the plastic seat beside me.
I hadn't been at school very long before things started piling up. Reasons why I would never be okay with this.
Time with Andrew was one thing I truly appreciated my family insisting on. I loved it. Around him, it was almost easy to pretend I wasn't the kind of person I was. I could ignore the way I was raised, and this was as close to normal I'd ever felt. It was different with him. I was a different person. Like he threw a blanket over my head.
When I was around my family, it was okay to not be okay. I could give time and attention to the torn parts of me, and try to figure out how to begin filling the holes left in me by my past. It wasn't an easy thing to figure out, but I felt like with my family, I could really take a look at who I was supposed to be.
Spending time with Andrew gave me a first look at what it meant to be a normal human ten-year-old. With Andrew, I put those thoughts away for a short time, and I got to focus on a whole different part of me. Another part of me that needed just as much attention as the bad part of me.
However.
Without anyone with me, I scared myself. In those inevitable moments when it was just me, I became someone I hardly recognized. Of course I was ashamed of who I became when I was alone, but that was just it. I couldn't control it. Alone, I felt cornered and scared. This was one of those times.
The things I did for seemingly no reason scared me, because at the same time, I knew it was justified. I hated it, but I wasn't wrong. I wasn't sure exactly when I developed this little personality trait, but I had a feeling it had a lot to do with my time in Port Angeles. Or with Keith.
In a way, I felt like three different people. Not in the crazy way, but I hid different parts of me around different people. The parts of my personality I was okay with showing around my family, I didn't show to Andrew, but there were things I didn't dare show anyone.
Things I tried to hide from even myself. It lived under all the hurt and anger and fear. It lived underneath everything, but it felt like it never left. Those were things that drowned me when I slept, things I felt just as realistically as it had been. It was those things that I refused to face, but it scared me to face the fact that it wasn't going away. It was my instincts, my behaviors. It was dark, and I knew it was only hurting me, but I held onto it.
It wasn't going away. It was pushing me on, making me do the things I did.
I saw the pattern, so I knew everyone else did too. I saw the point my behavior was making. I saw the similarities between the way I behaved to the way Jack had always treated me. It was like the day I fought with Rachel. I didn't have a filter anymore. It was like that all the time now. I wanted to cause as much damage as I could. I knew what they were worried about, because I was worried too.
What if trying to tell myself that Jack was really gone was making me act that way? What if I was just a horrible person that nobody could control, and without the fear of Jack punishing me, I wouldn't bother to hold it back anymore.
Counselling and therapy, two separate days, were getting me nowhere. I hated going, and they all knew it. And even they would only shove against a brick wall for only so long before they would give up. I felt like it was pointless. If it took someone like Jack to get me this bad, I knew people like them wouldn't be able to fix me no matter what they tried.
These thoughts ran through my mind over and over as I sat there, finally opening my eyes and staring down at my hands in my lap.
"I don't know." I finally answered Andrew's question, looking over apologetically.
Just to my right was a closed door, and behind that door, Carlisle and Esme sat talking with the school principal. It really must have been bad this time, considering they usually only called Esme. They normally didn't bother Carlisle.
This was my third school fight in the last two weeks. Two day's suspension between each, and I'd known before I was on thin ice here, but somehow, that didn't stop me from beating on another student.
Since the Cullens had gotten back, my hatred toward other people had grown. At an alarming rate.
Now, it was a miracle if I tolerated any amount of attention. The slightest things provoking me. A glance, a mutter to another student. Whispering my name just loud enough for me to hear in a passing conversation. I didn't hesitate anymore. My fists had a mind of their own. I was mean and unpredictable, even to myself, and I blew up.
The first couple of weeks were tense, but slowly, it only got worse.
"I'm sorry I wasn't with you." Andrew replied. "I had to give my notebook to Zack. I was coming right back."
Andrew knew me well enough by now to know I had a really short temper. He also knew me well enough to know that I didn't like showing it in front of him. He knew that just being around me was probably the only reason they hadn't kicked me out yet.
"I don't need a babysitter." I sighed. "You can do whatever you-"
"Oh, stop." He rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Leandra. You gotta stop doing stuff like that. They're gonna kick you out."
"I don't like doing it." I countered defensively. "They just need to shut their stupid faces. So I shut it for them. Has what's-her-face-"
"Mariah." He knew who I was referring to.
"Okay, has she said anything since I shut her up last week?"
"She hasn't been back to school yet." Andrew reasoned. "She lost two teeth. I get it. I hate it too, hearing the things they say about you, but-"
The door beside me opened, and I looked over as I was broken out of conversation by the sound.
"Leandra." The principal, Mr. Brown, sighed. I slowly stood, already defensive. I could feel it. I could definitely feel it, but I couldn't stop it.
I sighed heavily. This wouldn't go well.
"Good luck." Andrew told me as I turned toward the room.
"Thanks." I was going to need all the luck I could get.
Mr. Brown closed the door behind me.
"Please." He said. "Have a seat." I chanced a glance toward Carlisle and Esme, and the looks in their eyes told me I was in trouble. I shamefully looked down, sitting slowly in the chair to Carlisle's left. Sliding down, slouching slightly.
I watched Mr. Brown step back around his desk, sitting with a sigh. Sliding an open folder back to him and looking down at it. It was quiet for a moment, and I sighed quietly as well, looking over at Carlisle. His eyes were on me now, and the disappointed look in them had me look back down.
I knew the bruise displayed clearly over my right cheek wasn't pretty, and neither was my newly split lip. Purely the other student's attempts at self defense. I'd brought them on myself.
"Leandra." Mr. Brown finally spoke. "Do you realize what I'm faced with now?" I stayed quiet, knowing responding now would only get myself into more trouble. "I don't know your reasons, and frankly, at this point, I don't care. You have one more chance. I'm giving you one last chance. You so much as speak out, you're out."
"Am I supposed to thank you?" I grumbled, and Carlisle reached over, taking my hand.
"What you've done is unacceptable, and right now, I'm considering you a threat to the rest of the students." Mr. Brown said, leaning forward and placing his arms on the desk. "If it weren't for your parents, you'd have been out long ago after the first unprovoked fight."
"I know that."
"Leandra, drop the attitude." He told me firmly. "Do you even realize what you're doing? What you've done to that other student?"
"She deserved it."
"I hardly think Noel deserved to be pushed down those ten steps.." He replied incredulously.
"Oh, that was her name." I actually had just remembered. He paused, sighing heavily as he looked back down at the folder in front of him.
He looked back up at me, continuing. "Leandra, you're smarter than this. I know you are, and I know there's a good kid in there somewhere. It's like you're purposefully throwing it all away. You don't want something like this on your record."
I was quiet, staring down at my hand as I smoothed my pantleg awkwardly. What was I supposed to say to that? Even if I told him the truth, he wouldn't get it. Was I supposed to lie, and say I'd try harder? Should I just tell him what he wanted to hear?
"You've been suspended for a week." He sighed when I didn't reply.
"Good." I internally kicked myself at my response. Knee jerk reaction. I glanced sheepishly toward Carlisle. I didn't mean to be this way.
Mr. Brown chose to ignore that. "When you come back, I want to see some effort."
"What's that?" I asked sarcastically. Shit. Leandra, I thought to myself, just shut up!
"I know you know what effort is." He replied patiently, despite the fact that I knew he was losing it. "This isn't a joke, Leandra. This isn't a game. You started this year doing so well. Then, suddenly, you just.. Gave up. That bothers me. It really does."
"Right." I snorted.
"Leandra." Carlisle corrected me, squeezing my hand. Mr. Brown was quiet for a moment, looking back down at the folder.
"I made the decision to let you come back after initially expelling you for lack of attendance." He murmured, looking back up. "At your parents' request." I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Don't make me regret that decision. Show me that you want to be here. Show me that you're trying. That's all I ask."
"I have tried." I finally answered sharply. "It's your fault you don't see it."
"Leandra, please." Mr. Brown sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want to argue with you."
"Then don't." I grumbled. "You only notice when I'm bad. Why should I be good, when the next time I see you, you'll just say I'm not trying hard enough?"
"What I've seen from you isn't trying." He countered. "Maybe trying to get kicked out. There's got to be some kind of intent or purpose there."
"How the fuck would you know?" I was getting upset. "Nothing I ever do is right."
"Leandra." Carlisle corrected me again, and I growled, sitting back.
"Two weeks." Mr. Brown finally said firmly, now quite a bit more irritated. "Maybe you can use that extra week to find some way of controlling those outbursts. Doubtful, but it's worth a try, isn't it?"
"Why bother?" I muttered. "Why not make it three?"
"Leandra-" Carlisle tried.
"How about four?" Mr. Brown responded. "The rest of the year? Are we going to keep going, or will you attempt to control yourself?"
"I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was tell you what you're doing wrong." I stood, spinning. Esme attempted to call after me.
"Leandra." Mr. Brown stood. "I'm tired of your attitude. You walk out that door, you're not coming back." I froze, my hand on the knob. "I don't need an influence like you around the other students. I'm trying to help you here-"
"An influence like me?" I asked, turning to look at him. "What the hell does that mean?"
I didn't miss Esme covering her face with her hands, shaking her head a little.
"Personally, I'm not sure what I'm facing here." He replied. "I want to help you, but you seem to enjoy making that extremely difficult."
"I know."
"Don't do this." Mr. Brown warned.
"Fuck you." I spat, spinning. Yanking open the door, and slamming it behind me as hard as I could. I stormed out of the office.
"See you later, Leandra." Andrew called, not moving to follow me. As mad as I was, I knew I would see him later. He'd heard the whole thing.
I continued on up the hall and outside. The front exit. Down the several steps in front of the school. The same ones I'd pushed Noel down. Stepping off the curb facing the parking area, I sat on it, fuming.
I knew what I'd just done, but I didn't care at that point.
Nothing I ever did was good enough to please those people that were supposed to matter. Everything I did was wrong in some way or another. To everyone else, everyone besides my family, all I did was wrong.
Nobody understood me, or even tried to. I hated everything at that point. I lived with a hole in my heart. It seemed like I was patching that hole with anger and whatever resentment I could get my hands on, and I had to ask myself again and again. Why bother?
I was so mad all the time, but it was only away from my family, or away from Andrew, that I reacted. For the most part. My distrust was hurting me. My anger was hurting me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Since they'd been back, I had no idea what I was doing. It'd only been a few weeks, and how far I'd gone this direction was even surprising to me.
Esme and Carlisle came out about ten minutes later, and by then, I'd started to feel ashamed of myself. They didn't say a word, but Esme reached out, taking my hand and helping me stand.
The ride home was silent. I chose to use the ride home to calm down, to go from the level of defense I was at, to calmer. More on the level of rational thinking. I knew I was in trouble, and nothing I could say would make it any better for myself.
I had no explanation. No excuses. I couldn't tell anyone why I did what I did, because I had no idea myself.
Normal kids could hold their temper. Normal kids didn't attack other kids. Normal kids just ignored the comments other kids made, and unless it was really bad, didn't strive to beat the snot out of them. Normal kids took a scolding, and just kept quiet. Normal kids didn't get angry like I did.
That was the problem. I wasn't a normal kid, and they were trying to fit me into normal situations. Like school. Normal situations wouldn't work for a kid like me. The problem was, I didn't know how to tell them that. I'd actually been hoping they would figure it out on their own.
Before the car even fully stopped in the garage, I jumped out. Running inside. Trying to put off the scolding that was coming for as long as I could.
"Leandra." I heard Carlisle. I did hear him, but I kept running. Finding Emmett on the couch, I flopped down beside him, looking straight ahead at the TV. Watching some midday news channel. Pretending for just a moment that nothing was wrong.
"Shorty." Emmett sighed in disappointment. "Seriously? Again?"
"She deserved it this time. I swear." I replied, looking up at him.
"Leandra." Carlisle called again, closer this time.
"Whoops. Gotta go." I said, and I jumped up. Emmett caught me before I could run off, pulling me back down.
"Uh-uh. Sit with me for a minute." His arm came around my shoulders, hugging me into his side. I looked over, watching as both Esme and Carlisle came into the room. Both clearly very disappointed in me. Reaching down, Carlisle lifted the remote, turning off the TV. Standing there for a moment, studying me as I kept my eyes down.
"I want to know why." He finally spoke. "What did that girl do so wrong?"
I shrugged, staying quiet. It wasn't often that I stayed quiet around my family. Only when I was in trouble. When I was worried that what I'd say would get me into more trouble than I was in before, which was major possibility, because I often let my mouth run away with me when I was defensive.
"Leandra." He sighed, crouching slowly in front of me. "I'm just trying to understand. I'm not angry."
"I don't like them." I mumbled. "I can't stand them."
"Why?" He asked.
I shrugged again, looking back down at my hands. "They're all the same. Every single one of them. They don't care who it hurts, who hears it when they open their stupid mouths. Talking shit about people they don't know. They don't even know me. Why would they want to hurt me?"
"Were they teasing you, shorty?" Emmett asked quietly.
"Not to my face." I admitted. "But to other people. I could hear them."
"What were they saying?" Emmett asked.
"I don't like the way I am." I said instead. "I tried to ignore her. I swear, but.. She talked about me right there behind me. Knowing I could hear her."
"They're just being kids." Esme reasoned. "They don't know any better."
"I don't care." I said, sitting forward. "I'm tired. I'm tired of trying. Why should they get away with saying those things? I'm glad I hit her. I'm glad I pushed her down those stairs." I sighed, as I stood. "It's not fair." I stepped around Carlisle. "I don't care if they kicked me out or not. I'm not going back."
"Leandra." Esme sighed. "Honey-"
"No." I said. "You know what's going to happen if I go back. Why should I? I don't like them, I don't learn anything there. None of the teachers like me. Hell, even the principal doesn't like me."
"Leandra, the way you spoke to him.." Esme trailed off, shaking her head. "It's no wonder."
"He wouldn't listen to me." I reasoned. "None of them listen to me. I'm not a danger to anyone that's not being mean to me. No matter what, it's just going to turn out the same way. Why should I have to try when they don't? How in the hell is that fair? Just like my mom. I told you the same thing about her, and I was right."
"I know you're upset." Carlisle murmured comfortingly. "I know this is hard on you, believe me. I see you're struggling, and it hurts to see you this way." I looked down. "Just.. Take the next three weeks. Please. Give it one more try."
I sighed heavily, sitting down on the armrest of the couch. I couldn't say no. Not with how pleading he'd made his voice. I didn't want to yell at him, but he was sounding a lot like the people I hated.
"You know what they're saying isn't true." He continued. "Why do you let it bother you so much?"
"Because I don't know that what they're saying isn't true." I replied quietly. "They're right. That's why it hurts."
"Really. What are they saying about you, shorty?" Emmett asked firmly.
"Everybody knows you." I said, finally relenting. "And you know how people talk. Everybody knows me too. They say that I don't deserve to be with you."
"That's not true." Esme replied. "Not in the least."
"Yes it is." I argued. "I'm not smart, I'm not pretty. I don't have anything to give anybody. I'm mean. I don't talk to anybody. The only thing I'm good at is fighting, and when I do, I hurt them. I hurt people. I hurt them by hitting them, and I hurt them with what I say. I embarrass you. I know hitting them is wrong. I know yelling those things is wrong, but I don't think. They say things about me, and I just have to do something."
"I don't like where this is going." Emmett murmured, but I stood, frustrated again. I was trying to explain how I was feeling, but I couldn't find the right words.
"I'm not the same." I pointed out almost desperately. "I'm too difference. There's them, and then there's me. I don't belong there, and making me go back is just asking for more trouble." I was getting more frustrated. "I know they're just words, but they hurt so much more since they're true. They're true, and I know I'm worthless. I don't need them-"
"Stop right there, shorty." Emmett stood, and I turned, looking back at him. "I don't want to hear you say that again."
"What?" I asked, confused.
"That 'W' word." He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Worthless?" I asked. "It's-"
"No it's not." He said firmly. "That's a blatant lie some coward told you to make himself feel better. You are anything but worthless."
That 'coward' he was referring to was my stepfather, Jack. I hated the reminder, but at the same time, it never left my mind these days.
"He's right." I replied before he could stop me. "Jack's right. Tell me how I've got any worth. All I do is cause trouble. I can never do anything right." I turned, sitting back down. "I'm tired. I'm always so tired."
"Leandra, please." I glanced up at Carlisle's voice. "Never say that again."
"Fine." I mumbled. "I won't say I'm worthless again. Just know I'll always be thinking it."
"Not that." He said, shaking his head. "Although, I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are about that."
"Then what?" I asked quietly.
"Never, ever tell me that Jack was right." I looked down. "Not one word he ever told you was true. In any way."
"Then help me!" I cried. "Help me figure out the difference between what he told me, and how I'm feeling, because I can't tell what it is! Please!"
Instead of arguing further, possibly fueling me, Carlisle strode forward and lifted me. Hugging me securely.
"I know." He told me as I gave in, returning the hug. "I know. Leandra, life hasn't been kind to you. I understand this. We all do, and honestly, I can't blame you for wanting to walk away. I can't blame you for wanting to turn away from it, but that's not an option for you right now."
"I know, I know." I mumbled, pulling back. "I'm just always so lost. I want to try. I want to get it, but I know I'm missing something." I paused. "I don't know how to be human."
"I know you're trying." Carlisle replied. "I see it every day. Just give it more time. Be kind to yourself."
If only he knew how impossible that was.
The discussion calmed soon after that, but I knew it was far from over. I knew I still had the other members of the family to face. In particular, Alice. She was always one of the ones asking where my head was at when I did what I did.
As soon as Alice stepped through the door, home from school, she crossed her arms over her chest, as she was suddenly standing in front of me.
"I can't see the TV.." I mumbled, hoping she'd forget about the scolding she was about to give me.
"Another fight?" She asked. "No, that wasn't a fight. That was just.. I don't even know. Leandra, you could have seriously hurt that girl."
"Oh yeah." I laughed a little. "You saw it, huh?"
"I'm the one that gave Carlisle heads up." She nodded, irritated.
"What'd she do?" Emmett asked, sitting forward. "It never came up."
"I pushed that stupid bitch down the front steps." I admitted, looking over at him. He clasped first one hand over his mouth, then the other, trying to hide it, but I clearly saw how much he wanted to laugh. "All I had to do was push her hard enough. She rolled, and just.. Kept rolling."
"It's not funny!" Alice insisted when Emmett couldn't contain his laugh anymore.
"No, no." Emmett laughed. "It's not. But.. Oh man, shorty. Really?" He lost himself to another fit of laughter.
"Emmett, go somewhere else." Alice sighed, irritated.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because he's not helping." She replied. "It's not funny. You really could have hurt her, or gotten hurt yourself. Not everybody you approach is going to be weaker than you, Leandra. Why can't you see that?"
"I haven't found one yet." I stood, defensive again.
"Leandra, we're trying to help you, but we can't always be there to look out for you. I don't want to see you get hurt because you picked a fight with someone more than capable of defending themselves."
"I know, I know." I grumbled. "You've told me before."
"Then why aren't you hearing me?" She asked. "Why don't you listen? I worry for you. I do. Seeing you like this bothers me. It bothers us, and we don't know what to do here. Added on to that split in your lip, the lacerations before, and it makes this so much harder on all of us."
"Then how about I just live outside?" I spun, heading toward the door.
"Leandra," She sighed, frustrated. "I didn't mean that."
She didn't stop me. I knew she didn't mean that. I understood what she was trying to say, and I knew that I was the one in the wrong this time. I sat heavily on the top step, already hating the way I snapped at her. She didn't deserve that. I sighed, running my hand through my hair.
I drew my knees up, resting my arms on them. I wished I didn't have to try so hard. I wished I understood what I wasn't getting. Why I was so different.
Again, though, we all knew the reason behind that. I was really beginning to see some things in myself that scared me.
Jack had been in prison for just over a year. I hadn't seen or heard from him since that day, but I still remembered that day like it was yesterday. Despite how much had happened since then, it was still on the top of the 'don't think about this day' list.
The things I did without even thinking about it still scared me. I'd gone from biting people when I was scared to lashing out at the slightest provocation. Thinking about the things I did now, inevitably made me remember being on the receiving end of that kind of behavior.
That had been how I lived my life until the Cullens found me. Waiting for Jack to snap. Never being strong enough to stand up for myself. Well, I could now. How easy it was to hurt other people when they were my size was something I figured out the day of the fight against my classmate Rachel that made me meet Carlisle.
I wondered if the snap I felt that day right before I punched her was part of my problem now. It kinda felt the same.
But at the same time, I just didn't understand other people, or their constant need to put other people down. Why they refused to think beyond their own selfishness.
The real question I had to ask myself, was did I even want to understand them? Did I even want to be like them? Selfish and mean. Refusing to see passed what they want or their own happiness. I didn't want to try. Not because I was selfish, but because I was afraid. If they could hurt me so much without even trying, what would happen when I let myself be hurt?
They don't even know me. It didn't make any sense to me why they would choose to put me down the way they did, but I didn't want to understand. They didn't deserve it. They didn't deserve for me to cry over them or what they'd say.
Sighing again, I rose to my feet.
I knew exactly how to make myself feel better. I started toward the drive, knowing I probably wouldn't be stopped. I could usually wander, if I didn't go too far. It was sort of an unspoken rule. I could take walks, and considering they knew right where to find me when I did leave, they were okay with it.
"Be home before dark." Alice called out the door behind me.
"'Kay." I called back, letting her know I heard her. I knew she knew I would apologize to her.
Just the thought of where I was headed made me feel better. It took me a little less than half an hour to walk, but I was okay with the walk.
I'd taken it so often, especially in one of the darkest times of my life, so I knew the route like the back of my hand. Along the side of the almost-constantly deserted highway, straight through town, taking a left onto the street just passed the gas station.
Andrew lived one street over from the street my mom used to live on. His house was where I spent all my time with him. Mainly, more recently, after school when I'd get suspended. It was easier to pretend to be normal that way, and it got me out of the house, which I knew was a small relief to Jasper.
They knew I didn't spend my time with anyone else, and it certainly didn't hurt that Andrew's father, Richard, was a cop. I was over often enough for Richard to have become normal to me too. I was okay with him.
Richard was funny. He was so easy-going, but I also knew he had the ability to be firm when it was needed. Though I hardly spoke around him, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the things he'd say or do.
I didn't know what made Andrew so different, but I considered him worthy of speaking to. The only other human in my daily life that I did trust. Of course my family weren't going to refuse to let me go to him.
To my surprise, I found Andrew before I got to his house. He was walking along the sidewalk, toward the corner connected to the back road. I turned, jogging across the street to his side.
"Where you going?" I asked, falling into step beside him. He sighed, shaking his head. Me arriving out of nowhere was pretty common. He knew I didn't live anywhere around here anymore, but it was still never a surprise to him.
"Another fight, Leandra?" Andrew asked, and I shrugged. He went on, not expecting an answer. "I'm heading to a friends house. He has my notebook, and I need it to finish tomorrow's homework."
"Oh? Making new friends without me?" I sniffed, turning away briefly. "I'm on to you."
"Well, if you talked to people.." He trailed off.
"I'm not talking to them." I countered. "Fuck them."
"At least you like me enough to talk to me." He laughed at my tone, reaching down and taking my hand. That had become acceptable lately.
"Is that where you were at lunch today?" I asked, looking over.
"Yeah." He said. "Sorry about that. Zack had questions, so I just let him take my notebook. It would have been easier than explaining everything to him." He gestured to my face. "Looks like she hit back."
"Only a little."
"How long this time?"
"A week at first. I got two more for talking back." I smiled. "They're saying I'm a threat to everybody else."
"You are." He replied. "What am I going to do with you?"
"You know you keep me out of trouble." I laughed, jogging forward to kick a rock up the sidewalk. "I can't be left alone. Or else I beat someone's face in."
"True." He sighed. "I should get paid." I stuck my tongue out at him.
"So this kid." I said, gesturing ahead of us in the direction we were headed. "Is he nice?"
"I think so." He replied. "Remember? Zack. One of the other kids that ride our bus. Him and his brother live just over here."
"Oh." I vaguely remembered them. They were always okay. From what I could tell, anyway. I followed, rounding the corner with him. Up the sidewalk, and three houses later, he started up the front walk.
It was a decent sized two story house. Nothing fancy, more plain. I stayed behind, lingering by the mailbox by the curb. I didn't want to push my patience.
"I'll wait here." I said. "Just don't take too long." He sighed, but nodded. I watched after him as he jogged up the steps and knocked on the screen door.
Andrew and I had definitely gotten closer. Since returning to school, I went to his house as often as I could. Which was almost every day for the passed month or so. I'd briefly begun to worry that I'd get sick of him, but so far, I only liked being around him more.
He was protective of me, in a very subtle way. I was protective of him, in a very obvious way. He always offered his advice in a very passive way. He was very laid back, but I liked that. I probably wouldn't have gotten along with him if he was like me.
We made the oddest pair, but that didn't matter to me. No matter how bad the day I'd had was, seeing him always made it better. He just didn't worry about things the way I did. He made life seem less complicated.
I didn't mind so much being away from home anymore, though I still held the worry of them leaving. I liked being outside. Free, to a point.
While I stood there by the mailbox, I watched a car drive up and park in the driveway. I was curious, so I kept watching it. Soon enough, the door opened and a woman stepped out.
Her long, dark brown hair was back in a braid, and given the outfit she wore, she was a nurse at the hospital. Her blue eyes seemed friendly enough. She looked a little familiar, but I couldn't remember from where. I'd seen so many different nurses by then, it was almost annoying, but I couldn't place her.
"Hi there." She smiled as she shouldered her purse. I also couldn't figure out why she seemed to recognize me as well.
"Hi." I replied quietly. "I'm just waiting for my friend."
"Oh." She said, palming her keys and closing the car door. "Well, would you like to come wait inside?"
"No thanks." I forced a small smile. I was a little worried she'd insist, but she just smiled again. The feeling that she recognized me just got stronger as she looked at me again.
I jumped a little, looking back at the front door opening behind me. It was Andrew, followed by two boys. He was talking to them quietly as he led them my way.
I recognized them, but had never taken the time to talk to either of them.
"It was nice talking to you." The woman told me, and I nodded my response as she turned toward the house. I still wasn't sure about her, but my focus was taken by the two other boys again.
One looked about our age, the other a little older. Both had dark brown hair, almost black with how dark it was. The younger one's hair was longer than the older one's, almost long enough to pull back into a ponytail, but not quite. His eyes were a light, almost ice blue color, and he smiled in a friendly way.
The older one's eyes were just a few shades darker that his younger brother's, but it was enough of a difference to make me instantly dislike him. Something about these two unsettled me, though. The three of them stopped on the sidewalk, and Andrew turned to me.
"Leandra," He said. "This is Zack, and Josh." He pointed them out. Zack was the younger one, Josh being the older one.
"Guys, this is Leandra." I waved a little, choosing to stay silent.
"I know." Zack replied. "She used to ride our bus."
"I know her." Josh laughed. "She'd be pretty, if she weren't all bruised up." Josh reached out to touch my cheek. I glared, yanking back. He laughed. "Andrew, I don't think your girlfriend likes me."
"Shut up, Josh." Zack grumbled before looking to me. "Don't mind him. I think you're pretty anyway." I smiled a little. I didn't mind Zack so much. He reminded me a lot of Andrew already. "I heard about that fight at school. I think Noel deserved it." Now I knew I liked him. "I know she'd been making fun of you all day, so whatever she did during lunch, she got what was coming to her."
I looked down briefly, glancing to Andrew.
"Be careful, though." Zack went on. "I heard Noel is friends with a lot of sixth graders, who have a whole lot of middle school and high school brothers and sisters. They're probably going to be a little mad at what you did to her."
"I can handle it." I mumbled, and he smiled. Looking to Andrew in happiness. Andrew had probably told him I wouldn't speak unless I felt comfortable enough.
"Still, though." He said. "Be careful. I don't want you to get hurt. More than you are, I mean. Noel lives just up the street here, and her older sister likes to hang out with a bunch of friends at the park just over here every night." I frowned, knowing I'd have to walk right passed that park on my way back home.
"Thanks." I told him, grateful for the heads up. I'd just have to put off crossing the street until I was passed it.
"No problem." He said. "So how long did they suspend you for?"
"Three weeks." I answered, glancing to Josh who stood there without a word. "I still don't know if I'm going back or not."
"I wouldn't." Zack said, shaking his head. "Everyone there seems pretty ticked off at you. You sure know how to pick the fights, Leandra."
"I don't pick them." I said. "I finish them."
"I heard that girl before Noel had to get stitches after you punched her in the face." He laughed.
"I can only work with what I'm given." I laughed along with him. Andrew seemed pleased that I was talking to Zack, smiling a little at me.
"Why do you fight so often?" Josh asked suddenly, and I looked over at him. "Aren't you afraid they're going to smash you?"
"No." I answered. "And they usually start it. Not me."
"Well, I've heard about you." He continued. "Around my school. I know a lot of people are hoping to find you somewhere."
"Gee." I muttered. "Thanks." I considered myself lucky to not have run into anyone yet. Especially with how often I walked through town. I shook my head, looking to Andrew. "Are we going back to your house now?"
"Yeah." He said as if he'd just remembered. "Zack's coming too."
I nodded, just fine with that. I didn't mind him at all, surprisingly.
"If you're going along," Josh said. "I'm coming, too. I don't want my little brother getting beat up for associating with you." Him, I minded.
"I think he's pretty safe." I grumbled, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Just in case." He grumbled right back at me. I wasn't used to anyone being immune to my attitude. Usually they had one of their own, but Josh was just returning my tone, nothing more.
"Whatever." I sighed, turning. "Do what you want."
Again, we took the back road. It seemed safer, and it was the opposite direction from where Zack said Noel lived. I wanted to avoid that. I had to admit that it was scary learning that. As stupid as it was, I never expected my actions to come back at me like that.
"What grade are you in?" I asked, looking over at Josh.
"Seventh." He replied. "A lot of eighth graders know who you are." He went to the Junior High school. I nodded.
We made it back to Andrew's house right as his dad arrived home from work. Andrew led the other two boys up the stairs, but I lingered at the bottom. I really wasn't up to extra socializing, despite how I did like Zack.
It wasn't often I had to be jealous, but I knew it was stupid.
"Hey there, Leandra." Richard greeted me as he walked in. "Feel like staying for dinner?"
"No thanks." I sighed. "I should probably get home." He smiled a little.
"Do you need a ride home?"
"No, thanks." I said again, smiling a little. "I'll walk. I just think I stayed longer than I should have."
"You sure?" He asked. "I don't mind."
"No, it's okay. I know the way like the back of my hand." I laughed quietly.
"I'll call your dad, at least." He said. "Let him know you're on your way. Be careful, sweetheart." He must have heard some things too. Either that, or he just wanted me to be careful anyway.
"Thanks." I said. "Good night."
I darted from the house, shaking my head a little at how stupid I was. I knew with this new bit of information, I did need to be careful. I just didn't know why nobody had told me about it before. Not that it would have changed what I did, but just so I could be prepared.
I jogged quickly toward main street, slowing once I remembered Zack's warning earlier. I was coming up on that park quickly, and I knew I should be careful. The streetlights were just coming on. I neared the corner of the park, glancing to the side.
My heart sank as I spotted a large group of girls, much older than myself, just leaving the park up ahead of me. That had to be them. I knew immediately that they saw me, their talking and laughter dying down. They paused in their walking, and one glance told me they'd changed their direction.
"Hey." I heard someone murmur to another. "Look. Is that her?" I tried to ignore them, walking faster once a few from the group started faster in my direction.
"Hey." One of them called. "Come here for a second, kid." Fat chance, bitch. I kept that thought to myself, walking just a bit faster. If they got any closer, I'd start running. Stupidly, I looked back at them, just as I stepped under a streetlight.
"That's her." Another confirmed, laughing at their apparent luck. It took them a few seconds, but the decision had been made. They started at a run toward me, and that got me going.
Without the welts and bruises, I could run pretty well.
Despite being faster than them for a good while, they didn't stop. They didn't change their minds, or give up. I was a twenty minute walk from home, maybe ten minutes running, but that didn't help me.
Passed the streetlights, passed the city limits, they chased me for a good while. I whimpered, trying to think. I couldn't keep that kind of running up for as long as I needed to. I knew when I started to slow down.
I felt a hand grab the back of my jacket and swing me to a breathless stop. I didn't think. I leaned in and bit. The one I bit squealed in pain, releasing her hold. I felt that, jumping back once I was free and running again. Stumbling a little in my fear.
Shit, shit, shit! I whimpered, running as fast as I could.
I was yanked to a stop once more and punched in the stomach before I could bite this one too. I lost my breath, dropping to the road. They laughed as I curled a little, trying to take a breath. Another quickly kicked me before I could. Knowing as long as I couldn't breathe, I wouldn't run.
Before another could kick me, I reached out and gripped one by their pantleg, yanking as hard as I could. She fell to the road, straight onto her back, hitting her head pretty hard. I quickly righted myself as the two others closed in at the same time.
I was pretty scared at that point, never having faced three people before. Much less, three much bigger than myself. I couldn't keep my eye on both of the ones standing at the same time, but it was the one on the ground that managed to get me back down. Pulling my leg out from under me, I fell, scraping my palms on the rough concrete.
Another kick to the stomach had involuntary tears come to my eyes, a sob of pain leaving me as I laid back, clutching my stomach.
"Aww." One of them laughed. "She's crying." I wasn't far from home, so I just had to make it that far.
"Hey." I actually started to cry at Alice's voice. "Is there a problem?" The group around me dispersed, and I rolled to get up as Alice approached. Jasper not far behind her.
"No problem here." One of the three laughed. "We just caught a rat, that's all."
"That 'rat' you're referring to is my sister." Alice was defensive. "I'd watch what you say. If you'd prefer, I can settle whatever you started with her." I looked up as Jasper helped me to my feet, and I felt so stupid just by the way he looked at me.
The oldest of the group of three scoffed. "Come on, guys. She's not worth our time."
"Watch yourself, rat." One of them called back at me. "You won't be so lucky next time." I whimpered again, holding tighter to my stomach.
"Any of you touch her again, you'll be dealing with me next." Alice warned them.
"We're not even yet, Cullen." She was warned right back. "We'll get that little psychopath soon enough." I hated being called that.
"Keep moving." Jasper's tense voice next, and with my eyes on the ground, I listened to the three girls walking away. Their laughter fading away with them. A moment later, I remembered. I looked quickly to my palms before closing my hands into fists.
"Crap. Sorry." I stepped away from Jasper. "I-I'm bleeding a little."
"It's okay." Alice replied with a sigh. "We know. We're okay." I would know if they weren't okay. She looked at me. "Leandra, you could have really been hurt."
"I'm fine." I was still catching my breath, so it wasn't that believable.
"What happened?" Emmett showed up. To my surprise, Rose right behind him.
"Three older girls were chasing her." Alice answered. "High schoolers."
"Babe." Emmett called after a few seconds. "Remember, it's illegal to kill them."
"She's just going to talk to them." Alice murmured.
That surprised me. I wanted to smile, wondering if they were going to get a talking to that was anywhere near what I got a couple of months ago.
"You okay, shorty?" Emmett asked, and I nodded. "Let's get home."
I whimpered a little as he picked me up. He brought me around, settling me on his back. I clung to him now, wrapping my arms around his neck and locking them.
"Hang on, shorty." He said, and he started walking.
I only released my hold when we were inside, my shoes touching the couch. I still trembled, shaken up, but alright.
"Leandra." Carlisle was immediately there. "What happened?" I pulled away from his hands.
"I know." I mumbled. "I'm sorry." I jumped down off the couch, heading straight for the bathroom. I slammed the door and started the water. I leaned against the sink, waiting for it to get hot. Removing my jacket, I threw it onto the floor by the tub.
Looking up, I looked myself over. My nose was bruised. My left upper cheek was slightly swollen and sore, but it wasn't too bad. It wasn't any worse than the bruising I'd gotten during the fight with Noel earlier.
I rinsed off my hands, and raised my pantlegs to get to my knees. Getting all the dirt out of the wounds. It stung, but I just grit my teeth and dealt with it.
I raised my shirt over my stomach, sighing at the dark purple bruising I now had there. Luckily, they'd mostly left my ribs alone, so those were fine. I touched the new bruises, wincing a little.
Reaching under the sink once I was done, I rinsed the sink out with bleach and warm water. Knowing the drill by now. A handful of scrapes on my elbows still bled a little, and I hoped it wasn't enough to hurt them. I lifted my jacket, and opened the door, jumping at Esme standing there.
"I'm fine." I mumbled, stepping around her, headed for my room.
"Leandra." I'd gained Carlisle's attention as well, and he followed me into my room. "Do you know who did this?"
"It doesn't matter." I sniffled, sighing and sitting on my bed. He still expected an explanation. I looked down.
"Zack was the one that told me." I said. "Most of the kids at my school hate me. A lot of them are friends with everyone, so they take their side. Then, a lot of the friends of the kids I've hurt have older brothers and sisters, or friends in the middle school and high school.." I trailed off. "The ones I ran into today were probably friends of Noel's sister. Zack tried to warn me, but I left Andrew's house by myself anyway, and.. They saw me. I tried to run, Carlisle. I did, but they were faster."
He sighed, looking to Esme.
"I really am fine." I mumbled, shrugging. "Just a few scrapes from falling, a few more bruises from being kicked-"
"Kicked?" He asked, now concerned. "Show me."
"It's nothing serious." I insisted, looking up as he crossed the room. He sighed, sitting beside me. Trying to get a look at my cheek. I shook my head, standing. "I'm fine."
Those words had come out harsher than I meant them, and I looked down.
"I'm sorry." I said, looking at my hands. "I'm.. I-I'm more embarrassed than anything. I don't like running away. I hate it, but there was no way I could take three of them. Not alone."
"You're not to go anywhere else alone." Carlisle sighed, standing. I nodded, understanding perfectly. "Now, please. Humor me. Where did they kick you?"
"I'm fi-"
"Please?"
I groaned, but gave in. Lifting my shirt over my stomach, instantly gaining his attention. I felt so stupid, but I had to remind myself that it wasn't Carlisle's fault. He was just taking care of me.
I sighed, closing my eyes as I yawned. A minute went by as he looked over the bruising with a frown. "So? Am I going to live?"
"I'd say you got very lucky." He sighed, stepping back. "If you're going over to Andrew's house again, you'll have one of us go with you or we can drop you off."
"Okay." I agreed, nodding.
"Until we can somehow get this sorted out, I want you to be very careful." He continued. "And I want you to tell me if this happens again."
"Okay." I sighed again, sitting back down.
"I mean it." He said. "I don't want you to pretend it's nothing or try to hide it." He really did know me too well.
"But it's not your problem." I argued.
"It most certainly is." He countered. "Your safety is our highest priority. It is our job to protect you, but mine especially. That applies to outside this house just as much as it does to inside it." He paused, but I stayed quiet. "I understand how hard it can be to remember that you're not alone anymore. It's an adjustment, and how unstable the last year has been for you has only made that adjustment harder, but being a part of a family means never having to face these kinds of things alone. Whatever it is, no matter what you're going through, we're here to help you figure it out."
I appreciated that reminder.
I went to bed that night more sore than I had been in awhile. I wondered if they'd still make me go back to school. I curled into my blanket, feeling very insecure. If they made me go back, it'd only get worse. I knew that for a fact.
It was true, though. I was far more embarrassed than hurt. I probably could have fought back if it'd just been one, and I wouldn't have needed Alice to come save me again. I also hated that I had nobody to blame for this but me. I brought this on myself. I just wasn't sure I was ready for the consequences to come back to me.
A/N: I'm pretty okay with how this first chapter turned out. I won't draw this AN out, just because there isn't much to say. I hope it's a good start!
THANK YOU to my reviewers of last story's last chapter! You guys are AWESOME!
Chapter two needs a final go-over, but that comes after sleep. Geez I'm tired.
Until Two, my friends! :D
