Hopefully you readers like Onodera as much as I do and sympathize with her plight. Sorry for posting so infrequently.
As always, readers you are appreciated,
JB
Someone taps me on the shoulder. Slowly I come back from my dream-like state. I recognize my surroundings: the hundreds of babbling conversations, the groups of friends shuffling through doorways, and the post-ceremony excitement enveloping those who sat through opening ceremony at the beginning of the school year. Another tap, this time harder.
"Hey, hellooooo there. You ok?" It's Ruri-chan. I must have drifted from the conversation because I saw "them". I continue to watch them leave and then turn to the group chattering before me. My friend tilts her head to the side and peers at my face.
"Whatcha staring at?" My friend follows the path of my previous gaze and looks at me knowingly. I try to give an honest-looking confused expression and a shoulder shrug. This doesn't work, so I turn to leave. Besides, I wasn't talking to anyone in the first place. Instead of a tap, this time a punch is landed on my shoulder. It doesn't hurt but I'm surprised, so I feign pain.
"Ow! What?"
"Does it hurt?"
"No, but jeez what do you want?" I rub my shoulder while my friend raises her eyebrow to look at me shrewdly over her glasses.
"I wasn't talking about the punch…"
"I don't know what you're talking about"
"Yes you do. It has to do with what you were staring at." My mouth lets loose another retort.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. Does it hurt?" She asks softer this time. I look again to see if they are still around but they are already gone and it only serves to worsen the pain. I stare at the pattern of the floorboards. It's a struggle to look at my friend but I manage to meet her concerned expression. A feeble chuckle escapes my throat.
"Haha, yea. Yea it hurts." I don't know what to tell Ruri-chan. She always makes these connections so quickly and insists that I do something to compete. I'm a little embarrassed and, obviously hurt, so I walk toward the doors again, Ruri-chan follows.
"If you want to talk about it or something I can help. I also have a notebook filled with strategies on how to gain the attention of your crush. It is all laid out with diagrams and step by step instructions you would understand." It's nice but slightly questionable at the same time. Why would Ruri have an entire notebook filled with that kind of stuff, it's embarrassing. It still won't do anything to change the situation so it's pointless, which saddens me further. I lean against the door which acts as a gateway to the pounding rain outside. I appreciate the concern my friend has for me and the fact that she noticed something was wrong and talked to me but…
"I had hoped someone else would have noticed my staring other than you." An annoyed look is thrown my way from the spectacled girl. Great, more feelings hurt. "I'm sorry, but it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. You can't put a bandage on a heart that is being torn apart. Thanks for talking to me." I push the door open but stop to hear the last question from her mouth.
"Why does it have to be Ichijo-kun?"
"Because I catch myself gazing at him all the time and even when I close my eyes I can still see his face. The problem I have is that he is looking everywhere else but back at me! Do you know how hard it is to see him with someone else? To see him spending so much time with a girl he just met? We have known each other for so long and yet there is nothing I can do about it!" I can't handle anymore. I sigh, shrug my shoulders, and walk across the courtyard toward my homeroom.
I couldn't stop crying but rain mixes nicely with the tears streaming down my face. They make it easy to mask my feelings again.
Staring at Ichijo-kun feels like waiting for a shooting star that has already joined a constellation. He doesn't know how much I care and he doesn't know how much it hurts when he follows Chitoge-chan around, when he smiles at her, when he gazes at everything around him except the one person who is completely interested in him. I was scared it was true but I saw it today. I saw him with someone else.
