A/N: I decided to write a sequel to The Non-Believer for a possible post-10x12 scenario. Hope you enjoy the crazy dream sequence! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. I just play around with it.
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
- Erma Bombeck
Jackson had decided to spend his New Year's Eve alone for the first time since he had turned twenty-one. Although he was at Joe's, he still considered himself to be alone because he sat in the corner, ignored all of the happy, celebrating people around him, and motioned for the bartender to bring him scotch after scotch. Alex had invited him to spend the night with him and Jo, Meredith had mentioned that she and Derek were having a few people in for hors d'oeuvres and drinks, hell; even Yang had proposed her plans to him. It was clear that people were worried about him but he didn't want to talk to any of them. He brushed off all of the "how are you?" questions and turned away at all of the concerned looks he received at work. He had even ignored the countless calls from his mother. He just wasn't ready to talk to anyone until he had his answer from the one person that mattered.
April had fled to Ohio after her ruined wedding. She was spending the holidays with her family and no one had been brazen enough to question her time off. She had called him from Moline and they had engaged in a very brief conversation. He had been too shocked to say much and really he had been just glad to hear her voice. She had told him that she was mad at him but she couldn't deny that she really cared about him. She needed time to think things through and she would talk to him when she returned to Seattle. He hadn't asked about Matthew but she had asked about Stephanie. He had assured her quickly that they were done and that he felt like an asshole but he only wanted her.
Even though she had said that she would talk to him, and that they would sort things out, when she came back, he still couldn't help but feel that with every day that passed his chances of being happy with her decreased. She must really hate him for what he had done to her. His grand declaration of love had showcased the worst sides of himself: his selfishness, his lack of consideration for others, his arrogance, how he had lied to himself for so long. The more that he thought about it the more that he realized that it hadn't been very romantic at all.
Why would she want him after all that? How could she love him back after all he had done to her?
He drank until the bartender finally told him that he was cut off and that he had called a cab for him.
He stumbled through the front door of his apartment and squinted at the clock on his stove. It was only ten o'clock, which meant that he had drunk a lot in a very short period of time. He had stepped into Joe's at quarter to nine. He managed to find his way to his bedroom and he quickly stripped down to his boxers. He threw and kicked his clothes aside before crawling into his bed.
If this evening was any indication then he didn't have much to look forward to in 2014. Maybe he could just sleep through the entire year.
Jackson found himself back in the barn venue April had used for her wedding. He was wearing the same suit that he had worn that day and he was sitting in a pew. He looked around in confusion and noticed that he was the only person in the building. Stephanie wasn't sitting next to him, there were no guests, April and Matthew weren't standing at the altar, and a bewildered Reverend Drew was not looking down at him.
He slowly turned around and spotted someone walking through the doors. However, the blinding sunlight prevented him from seeing their face. It was a man wearing a suit and he was tall with broad shoulders. Maybe it was Hunt returning to kick his ass. The Chief of Surgery was one of the many people who hadn't liked his ill-timed confession.
Jackson slowly got to his feet and began to walk towards the mystery man. When he finally got a good look at his face, he was confused but he smiled. It was Charles.
"Hey man," Charles grinned. "Nice to see you again."
"You too. Nice suit," Jackson replied with a laugh.
"I thought it fit the situation," his old friend retorted.
"So, why am I here?" Jackson asked as he slowly looked around the room. "I know that these crazy dreams have meanings now."
"They do," Charles confirmed. "I'm here because we all thought you needed a little bit of a lift. You're a little down in the dumps. When you spend New Year's Eve alone, as drunk as a skunk, it's a cry for help."
Everything that Charles said was true, but Jackson was hung up on one word. "We?"
Charles tilted his head back and looked upwards with a smile. "You got a lot of people who care about you up there, a lot of people who are proud of what you did. Reed was a little pissed at first," he chuckled, "but she got over it pretty quickly. Mark's happy you finally took his advice."
Jackson smiled a little to himself. "That's great but I think that I waited too long. I shouldn't have been such an ass."
"Well that's true," Charles laughed. "You were an ass," he paused, "but I don't think you were too late." He began to walk out of the barn and he motioned for Jackson to follow him. "Come on, man. I'll show you."
Jackson eagerly manoeuvered out of his pew and followed after Charles. As they walked, there was a bright flash of light that transported them to another time and place.
"Still doing that I see," Jackson muttered as he looked around curiously. They were standing in the residents' locker room of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital and April was sitting on a nearby bench in orange scrubs.
This day was very easy to place for Jackson. It was the first day of the merger between Seattle Grace Hospital and Mercy West Medical Center. Their new baby blue scrubs had been on back order and they had needed to wear their old Mercy West ones. Those orange scrubs were a little hideous but he thought that he had been able to pull them off; April certainly looked cute in them.
She was sitting on a bench with tears in her eyes, clutching that red notebook of hers with both hands. He instinctively wanted to walk towards her and put his arm around her, but the past version of himself beat him to it.
The younger version of himself wearing orange scrubs walked into the locker room and immediately moved towards her. He had been wearing a smile but it had fallen off his face as soon as he had seen April. "Hey, what's wrong?" He whispered as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
She buried her head in his chest and began to cry even harder. Jackson remembered exactly what she was upset about but he was waiting for her to say it.
"Lexie Grey stole my notebook," she sobbed. "She read everything. She knows everything."
Jackson watched himself comfort April and whisper in her ear. "Hey it's okay, I have no idea what ya got written in there but it can't be that bad."
"Yes, it can," she argued. She pulled away from him and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Can you tell I've had a nose job?"
"What?" He asked with a startled laugh. "You had a nose job?"
She nodded reluctantly and Jackson laughed at his former self's expression. He certainly hadn't seen that one coming.
"Yeah, freaky sports injury," she weakly explained. "I haven't played volleyball since."
Jackson watched himself chuckle and he was absorbed in the memory until Charles spoke. "You've always had that ability to instantly calm her down; it's been pretty much that way since you met. You make her feel better in a way that nobody else does."
"So what?" Jackson shrugged angrily as he turned away from the rather touching scene in front of him. "Most of the time I just make her feel worse, or I act like an ass." He remembered what she had said when they had been in the OR together on Halloween, when he had been worried about Stephanie and her eye surgery. She had told him that he had never been that nice to her and she had been right. He hadn't treated her the way that he should have. He had been too frustrated and too confused by his own feelings to think about hers.
And even though she had told him that she was glad that he had treated her that way, he still wished that he could have a do over.
"You're thinking about all of the bad times," Charles argued. "But you can't just forget six years of good times, six years of friendship where you had been willing to do anything for her." He noticed that skeptical expression on his friend's face and he scowled. "Time for the next memory."
The bright light flashed again and Jackson found himself in Yang and Hunt's old firehouse apartment, watching himself beat the crap out of Alex Karev. This was another memory that Jackson would never forget. He had really hated that guy back then, and he had absolutely loathed him for what he had tried to do to April. He had channeled all of his anger and frustration from the day, and losing one of Bailey's patients, into his fists and the idiot who had tried to force his best friend to have sex.
Jackson smiled rather fondly as Sloan and Hunt wrestled him away from Karev. He could still see the enraged expression on his face and it was clear that he had wanted to go a little longer.
"You really laid him out," Charles whistled.
"Yeah," Jackson laughed. "He took it like a champ." He turned to Charles and asked curiously. "Why are we here?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Charles sighed. "You're her protector. You've always been that guy for her."
Jackson knew that that was true…or at least it used to be true. He had always been fiercely protective of April, maybe because he felt that she was a little too naïve, a little too pure and innocent to face the big bad world on her own. And then when they had lost Charles and Reed, he had felt an obligation to protect her because she was all that he had left. He owed it to the memories of his fallen friends to look out for April, and he had taken his role very seriously.
But he wasn't her protector anymore, or at least he didn't think so. A guy whose job it was to protect her wouldn't have hurt her the way that he had.
"Not anymore," he murmured sadly.
Charles turned towards April and watch her hold back her tears thoughtfully. "Do you know how she felt after you did that?"
"I dunno," he shrugged. "Angry, she probably thought I was an idiot."
Charles laughed. "Well a little, but mostly she just felt really safe. She knew that she could count on you."
Jackson smiled to himself. "Yeah?" He questioned skeptically. He couldn't deny that that statement made him undeniably happy, but he still found it a little hard to believe.
"Trust me," Charles retorted quickly. "I have access to all of these memories now and what the people in them are feeling. You made her feel safe, which no man besides her Dad had ever made her feel. You make her feel a lot of things that she's never felt before."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
Charles grinned widely. "That's my cue. Thanks for the segue."
The annoying bright light flashed once again and Jackson's new surroundings were a familiar, out of state bathroom. Jackson had revisited this memory often himself. He quickly spun around and pushed Charles towards the door. "You don't get to see this…or hear it!"
The past versions of himself and April were hidden in a bathroom stall but it was clear exactly what they were doing.
"Fine, fine," Charles groaned before he turned around and covered his ears with both of his hands. "But it's not like I haven't watched this before."
Jackson punched the guy in the shoulder before he watched April and himself stumble out of the stall. They rearranged their appearances in silence but one thing was incredibly noticeable. This version of himself was trying his best to suppress a grin (it had been an amazing round of sex) and he was unable to take his eyes off of the red-head.
April redressed while sneaking looks at him and a faint blush spread over her cheeks. "Your tie is crooked," she murmured.
He turned towards her with a smile. "Thanks."
As he moved to face the mirror, she stepped up to him and fixed his tie for him. "You look really nice by the way," he told her quietly.
"Thanks," she smiled bashfully. "You too."
Jackson watched the two people stare at each other in fascination. He had thought about this memory and this encounter numerous times, but he hadn't really reflected on this particular moment. They looked like a couple…they looked like they were in love.
"Good luck," he said as they moved towards the door.
"Yeah, you too. Don't let your Mom get to you."
Jackson and Charles took a step to the side so that they weren't blocking the path to the door, not that it mattered anyway since they were both virtually non-existent.
Before Jackson, the Jackson wearing the purple tie, could open the door, April grabbed his forearm and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
"See you after?" She asked hopefully.
He nodded with a smile. "Yeah, definitely."
Jackson watched them leave in confusion. He didn't remember that happening. He supposed he had blocked that part out because everything that had happened before it had been such a mess…and most that had happened after had been a mess as well.
"You may not believe it," Charles began solemnly, "but you really calmed her down. She aced her last session."
"Yeah, well," Jackson smiled wryly. "It really didn't matter, did it? She failed anyway."
He started to pace the empty bathroom in annoyance. He really didn't understand the purpose of showing him these memories again. All that they were doing was making him feel worse.
"Can you tell me what we're doing?" He asked Charles desperately. "Because I really don't get it."
The angel sighed in annoyance before he began to count things off on his left hand. "You always know how to make her feel better, you calm her down, you're always ready to protect her, you make her feel safe, and this memory was about desire. You made her feel desire for really the first time in her life. What do you think I'm showing you?"
"I don't know!" Jackson yelled in frustration. "Just tell me!"
"The last time we did this it was because I had to show you how much you love April, how right for you she is, and how she's the one for you."
Jackson nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I get all that now so what's this about?"
"This time, dummy, I'm here to show you that you're the one for her."
Jackson opened his mouth to speak but before he could form words he had to shield himself from the blinding light.
"I see I need to make this message a little clearer," Charles sighed. "You may be pretty but you're not the brightest."
They were now standing in a hospital room, and not just any hospital room. They were in Matthew's Taylor hospital room, the one that he had stayed in after that tanker had exploded and he had thrown his body over a child. Jackson assumed that the idea of making things "clearer" would start by comparing him to Matthew, the perfect man. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like this either.
"I don't think I want to see this," he muttered unpleasantly.
"Trust me, you do. Just remember what happened between you and April earlier on this day."
Jackson thought about that very carefully. April had rambled about why the universe would tear two people apart if they were meant to be together, then she had lost her patient, he had tried to comfort her, and then they had…
"We almost kissed," he remembered.
"Yeah," Charles smiled. "You did."
They both fell silent when they spotted April in the doorway to the room.
"I'm so sorry I haven't been to visit you more today."
She sighed heavily and Matthew immediately asked, "Are you okay?"
She stepped farther into the room and scratched her head. "Do you…do you believe that God plans for two people to be together?"
Matthew smiled out of the corner of his mouth, clearly thinking about her. "Yeah, I do," he responded confidently.
"My patient died," April told him in a small voice. "Her husband is left with their new baby."
"Oh I'm so sorry."
The red-head sighed in frustration. "It just…it doesn't…it doesn't make any sense. Why would He bring these two people together, make them fall in love, open up to one another, make them feel like they were meant to be together, and then just…pull them apart?"
Jackson walked towards her instinctively as his heart ached for her. She had been struggling with that question all day; it was even more obvious to him now upon seeing this. This day had really tested her faith, and even though he didn't fully understand that, he still didn't want her to have to go through that. He hated anything that made her unhappy.
She was clearly still in deep thought when Matthew spoke. "April, I get it. I-I know today scared you, but I'm here. I'm…I'm fine," he smiled. "I promise you I'm not going anywhere…and I love you too."
April seemed shocked and taken aback and every other word for surprise that Jackson could think of. It seemed clear to Jackson that April had not been thinking about her love for Matthew when she had posed her philosophically religious question. And she couldn't find the words to answer him. She just smiled and took his hand.
Jackson looked over his shoulder at Charles with a perplexed facial expression. "She wasn't thinking about him was she?"
Charles grinned uncontrollably. "No, I can tell you with certainty that she wasn't thinking about him. This day really threw her for a loop and when she was thinking about two people being meant for each other she was not thinking about her and Matthew."
Charles could see that Jackson was totally fixated on April and that it was time for them to move on. "Come on," he said. "I have to show you something else that you've never seen before."
Their scenery changed and now they were standing outside of the hospital, at night, in the pouring rain. It was the night of the storm and they were helping patients from the bus crash into the hospital. Jackson looked down at his hands in awe. The sensation of the rain was odd, he could feel it but it wasn't soaking into his clothes.
Perks of being with an angel he supposed.
"Where's Jackson?" April yelled as she looked around for him.
"Right behind us!" Torres answered.
"No, he's not!"
Jackson knew exactly where he was. He was trying to coax that little girl out from underneath the bus, but nobody else knew that.
Minutes later, the bus was completely on fire and Hunt and Torres, along with April, were calling out to him.
But he was wholly unprepared for April's reaction. She stared to scream as she ran towards the bus and she didn't heed warnings from Hunt, Torres, or her fiancé. Matthew took off at a run after her and grabbed her to pull her back just as the bus exploded.
Jackson swallowed the large lump in his throat as April's piercing screams of his name cut through him. He hadn't been able to hear her cries the night of the storm but now that he had the opportunity to watch this moment, it was obvious that she was terrified and devastated by the thought that he had died in that explosion.
…And hours later he had thrown that back at her as weapon.
"I am such an idiot!" He yelled as he watched himself emerge from the cloud of smoke and walk towards the hospital with the little girl in his arms. "The things that I said to her were terrible."
"You were hurt," Charles offered. "You were afraid that she was being impulsive. I get it."
"You think I'm an idiot too," Jackson argued. "Don't even try to lie about it. It's not like I was just an idiot about it either," he ranted to himself, "I was an asshole about it too."
Charles stopped him before he could say anything else. "That isn't the point of this memory!" He bellowed in frustration. "The point is that she was willing to run towards a burning bus for you! Matthew had to physically hold her back!" He emphasized. "She didn't want to live without you."
"Yeah, I know," Jackson acknowledged. "But that just makes me feel worse," he confessed softly. It had been as if April had been unable to control herself. As if her instincts had told her to run towards him and the bus, so that had been all that she had been able to do. He had never seen her react that way to anything. "I should have checked my pride that night," he told Charles sadly. "I should have just told her that I wanted her too…because I did. I should have just told her that I wanted her too and forgotten about everything else. It would have avoided the whole wedding mess."
"It would have," Charles conceded. "But even though she decided to marry him, and love him, you were still the most important person in her life. Don't forget that."
Without another word, the light flashed and they were transported to the hospital to a time that was much closer to the present. Jackson watched himself talk to April at a nurses' station. They were standing very close together and he immediately knew what they were heatedly discussing. Wedding invitations.
"Dude, she told you that she needed your blessing," Charles pointed out.
"Yeah, she did," Jackson sighed. When she had said that, he really hadn't known how he was supposed to react. He hadn't been sure what it had even meant. But he had replied that she did have his blessing because he had convinced himself that he had moved on and that he was happy for her.
Now, of course, he knew that that couldn't be further from the truth. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to move on from her…he hoped he would never have to…and he would definitely never be happy seeing her with another man.
"Well," Charles joked, "you definitely didn't give her your blessing at the wedding." Jackson turned to him in annoyance and he sheepishly looked down at his shoes. "Too soon to joke about that?"
"No," Jackson replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Charles smiled sympathetically as he placed both of his hands on his friend's shoulders. "Look man, I know it sucks now, but you did the right thing."
The light flashed again and they were back inside the barn. Jackson could now watch himself confess his love to April in front of every one of her wedding guests. He swallowed harshly at how absolutely scared shitless he looked as he poured his heart out, and how stunned April appeared. But damn she looked gorgeous.
"You may be an idiot," Charles began. "But you're less of an idiot around her. You're different around her, she makes you better, and she's better when she's with you too."
Jackson promptly shook his head. "No, she's not. Matthew's perfect for her, all I've done is made her life worse."
"Love isn't about perfection," Charles argued. "Life's messier than that, ya know. In fact, it's probably about imperfection. That's what makes it worth it, and April gets that. You challenge her and that's good for her, she needs that. She needs someone that's the opposite of her, not a carbon copy of herself."
That all sounded great but was it actually true. "How do you know all that?"
"I'm in touch with a higher power," Charles answered calmly. He could see that his friend's mood was still sour and he had gotten permission to do something in this situation. "Let's take a look into the future. I think you need it."
Their new location was a house that was eerily familiar. Jackson had definitely seen it before but it wasn't sure where.
Everything was silent until a girl of about sixteen or seventeen ran across the living room and into the kitchen. Jackson's eyes followed her intently. She had his skin tone and his nose but other than that she looked so much like April that he could hardly bear to look at her. She ran out the door but seconds later she was back in the house with a large envelope in her hands.
"Mom! Dad!" She cried excitedly. "It's here!"
Jackson heard a familiar squeal and his head turned to see April running to greet her daughter. She was clearly older but still so beautiful.
"Is it from Yale?" The red-head asked eagerly.
"It's Yale," the young girl replied with equal enthusiasm.
"Jackson! Get out here! It's Yale!"
Jackson couldn't help but smile at April's reaction. Her smile lit up her entire face and he could practically see the sparkle in her eyes.
His eyes widened in shock when he spotted the future version of himself. He hadn't aged quite as well as April but he liked to think that he still looked pretty good. He wasn't as muscular as he was now but still rather toned. At least there were no grey hairs to speak of, and he had laugh lines, which he supposed was a good thing.
The older Jackson walked towards his two girls and wrapped his arms around both of their shoulders. "So, it's Yale. Open it, there's nothing to be nervous about."
The teenage girl rolled her eyes. "There's everything to be nervous about, Dad! This is Yale!"
He soothingly rubbed his daughter's back. "Come on, Becks," he encouraged. "You can do it."
"Yeah, Rebecca," April jumped in supportively. "We're here."
After a sigh, Rebecca took a step away from her parents and slowly opened the envelope. Her eyes roved over the letter for a brief moment before she squealed and started to jump up and down.
"I'll take that as a good sign," April giggled.
"It's a very good sign!" Rebecca answered before she threw her arms around her mother. She then hugged her father before she took off down the hallway. "I have to go and call everyone I know!"
April laughed softly as she listened to her daughter's excited footsteps. She walked towards her husband and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Our daughter got into Yale," she stated in disbelief.
"Yeah, she did," he grinned brightly. "She's a very smart girl."
April quickly kissed him on the lips before she took a step backwards and playfully smacked his chest. "And don't be mad that we got a reply from Yale before we got one from Harvard."
Jackson could tell that his older self was trying to laugh that comment off. "I'm not mad," he denied.
His wife laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah sure." She walked to the other side of the kitchen and Jackson eagerly followed her. "But let's just be clear, our sons can play football at Harvard but our daughter is going to Yale."
"That's for her to decide," Jackson countered. "She will make that decision on her own."
"With no pressure from the Avery legacy," April rebutted.
Jackson grinned as he slung an arm around April's waist and pulled her against his chest. "I wouldn't dream of it. There will be no pressuring of any sort."
April giggled as Jackson nipped at her neck with his teeth. He slipped his hands underneath her shirt and she squirmed. "Jackson, not right now," she breathed. "After you drop the boys off at baseball practice and Rebecca goes over to Claire's."
Jackson groaned and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Right, good idea, I should do that now." He placed one last kiss on his wife's neck before he stepped away and energetically called out to his sons. "Paul! Chris! Time to get ready for practice."
"You have thirteen and eleven year old boys," Charles supplied to his friend that was totally entranced by the scene before him.
Two boys came barrelling into the kitchen with large bags slung over their shoulders. "We're ready, Dad!" They replied in unison.
Both boys kissed their mother before they walked towards the porch, eager to really start their day. Jackson stepped up to his wife and gave her a heated kiss full of promise. "When I get back," he growled, "you're mine."
Jackson left the house as April giggled at his statement.
Jackson smiled a little to himself as he stepped forward and watched April move around the kitchen. She was happy. They were happy. They had a nice house and awesome kids and…he turned his head to look out the window…a big yard. They had everything that they had talked about when they had thought she was pregnant.
"I just wanna watch her for a little bit," he told Charles quietly. "I know that sounds creepy but—"
"No, I get it," Charles interrupted. "I would love to see Reed at this age, with my kids. But you can have this, man. It's not far out of your reach. All you have to do is wake up."
Jackson furrowed his brow in confusion. "What? What are you talking about?"
Charles just grinned. "Wake up, Jackson."
Jackson sat up violently in his bed and was unsure what exactly pulled him out of his dream until he heard his phone ringing. He looked around in confusion before he realized that he had left his phone in the pocket of his jeans. He hopped out of the bed and stumbled to the corner of the room where he had tossed his pants. He fished out his cell phone and then jumped back onto his bed.
"Hello?" He mumbled.
"Jackson?"
He instantly sat up straighter. She was actually calling him. She wanted to talk to him. She wasn't back in Seattle yet but she wanted to talk to him. He could feel his heart rate start to accelerate. "April? H-hi." He stuttered unintelligibly.
"Did I wake you?" She asked in concern. "I just wanted to call and wish you a Happy New Year but if I woke you then—"
"No, no it's fine. I was just in the middle of this weird dream, but this…this is way better."
"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."
- Paul Valery
A/N: Did you enjoy it as much as the first one? Let me know! Please leave a review :)
