[A/N] So I was on a very long car journey and I had a bit of writer's block with Bubble Wrap, so I started writing this in hope that it would clear up the block a bit and ended up creating an epilogue of sorts to a new story... I'm not sure whether to continue, but if I do I might be a bit slow for a couple of weeks. Tell me what you think.
Blaine Anderson imagined he'd do things properly. He'd get the highest grades possible, move to New York and go to college, graduate with degrees in music and teaching, get a job in an elementary school as a music teacher, save up and buy a nice apartment, meet someone special who he'd eventually marry and start a family with. He'd had this planned out in his head since he started high school.
However, things didn't always go to plan.
Blaine came out to his parents when he was 14; they were the first people he'd actually told. They'd always been the best parents ever and he was sure him being gay wouldn't affect their relationship at all. In fact, he thought that level of honesty would strengthen their relationship. Unfortunately, when he told them, they didn't react how he thought they would. They weren't angry, they didn't hate him, but he could see the disappointment on their faces. They told him they accepted him for who he was, they told him they didn't mind him being gay, but he could sense a change. They didn't try as hard with him or invite him to spend time with them anymore. They treated him as more of a house guest than a son, making sure he went to school and was fed, but not bothering to make effort with him. They avoided talking about him being gay as much as possible, and Blaine's dad even tried his attempt at 'straightening him out' by getting having him help rebuild a car on the front drive over summer.
Blaine couldn't stand the distance with his parents. He couldn't stand the thought of disappointing his parents. So he tried to change.
He came up with a few theories of how to make himself straight. He tried doing more manly things, joining the football team, watching shows with cars, putting his Vogue magazines and musicals in a box in the back of his closet. He tried to act like a normal teenage boy. However, none of these things seemed to work and he had to try another theory.
His second theory was that he was just attracted to boys because he'd never been with a girl and so he assumed he must like boys. So he decided his best option was to be with a girl. It wasn't difficult once he tried. No one at school knew he was gay and joining the football team was the best way to get girls. He went to parties and tried to flirt with girls, but once they started leaning in to kiss him or put their hand on his leg, he began getting uncomfortable and ended up chickening out at the last minute, coming up with an excuse to leave. He was annoyed with himself, to say the least. He needed to do this, to prove to himself and to his parents that he could be a good son to them.
So one night when he was asked to a party, he came up with a new idea. He began drinking as soon as he got there, slowly becoming buzzed and then getting drunker and drunker. At first it was for courage, but once he was really drunk, he found it easier to flirt and slowly he managed to kiss girls when they leaned in. He didn't get a girlfriend, but he got a bit of a reputation as a 'ladies man' which meant that more and more girls approached him at parties.
Laura Johansson was not different from the other girls. A cheerleader, popular, pretty. She approached him at a party when he was drunk and flirted. She kissed him and put her hand on his thigh. She slid closer and whispered in his ear, but then did something none of the girls had yet done. She grabbed him by the wrists and dragged him into one of the bedrooms.
Blaine didn't remember much of that night, partly due to his drunken state, but he believed mainly due to not wanting to remember. He remembered heat and sweat, placing his hands on her waist and avoiding breasts and curves, imagining the low moans he'd heard in 'those movies' he'd watched late at night when he knew his parents were deep asleep. He did however; remember waking up the next morning, naked, his head pounding and his stomach churning at the sight of the naked girl lying beside him.
He also clearly remembered the phone call he received just two weeks later from a sobbing Laura Johansson, explaining she'd missed her period and had taken some tests which confirmed she was pregnant, and it was definitely his. He swore at that moment, his whole world crashed down on him. He was just 15 years old. He was only just in his sophomore year of high school and he was learning that he was going to be a dad?
He hoped it would go away. He told Laura to wait a few weeks, maybe a month, as it could be a false alarm, but when a small bump began appearing, he couldn't deny it any longer. He was going to be a dad. He'd be 16 years old when the baby was born. How could he cope?
Soon, he had to tell his parents, which he knew would just worsen their disappointment. He did it after Laura's first ultrasound scan, 12 weeks into the pregnancy. He came home, a copy of the scan photo feeling like fire, burning his thigh through his jeans pocket. He went into the living room, as he would normally when he came home from hanging out with friends, and sat on the couch opposite his parents, trying his best to not look at them.
He finally broke when his mother asked what he'd done with his friends. He just burst into tears, bringing his legs up to cry into his knees and his mother, worried, hurried to his side to wrap her arms around him.
"Blaine, what's wrong?" she asked. "Did you have an argument with your friends?"
Blaine shook his head furiously, sniffing heavily to clear his airways so he could explain.
"No, mom. I did something really stupid," he explained between gulps of breath. "I didn't want to tell you, you're going to be so disappointed, you'll hate me, but I don't know what to do."
"Tell me what it is, Blaine," she whispered. "I could never hate you."
"I tried to be a better son," he murmured into the fabric of his mother's cardigan. "I tried to kiss girls and be straight."
"You didn't have to do that to be a better son, Blaine," his father input.
"I did. I saw the change since I came out. I'm not the son you expected, I'm not what you wanted. So, I tried to be different, but it wasn't working and I couldn't do it. I went to parties and I got drunk and I found it made it easier to be straight. It took away the discomfort and made me confident, but then this girl started flirting with me and kissing me and I went along with it because I was drunk and I... I..." Blaine gulped down a mouthful of air. "I slept with her."
"Oh honey, is that what's wrong? I can't be mad at you for that," she said. "I'm not too happy about you getting drunk, but mistakes happen, don't they?"
"That's not all," Blaine continued. "She's pregnant."
No one spoke for a whole minute. Blaine was sure that silence had never been so loud as he waited for them to say something, anything. He heard his dad exhale loudly before asking, "And it's yours?"
He couldn't respond verbally. He just nodded, his eyes squeezing tightly shut and a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. His mother's arms were tight around him, and he looked up to see her facial expression. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, her expression was blank.
"Do you know what you're going to do?" asked his mother.
Blaine shook his head again. "She doesn't want to keep it. She wants to put it up for adoption, but I don't think I could give a child away. It's my fault that she's pregnant; I can't force a child into care. It's my responsibility to look after them."
"But Blaine, sweetie, you had so many plans. You wanted to go to college, be a teacher, didn't you?" his mother asked.
"Plans don't always work out. It's my fault that this happened so I'm going to have to take care of the baby," Blaine insisted.
"This is all my fault," his mother whimpered, her blank expression cracking. "If I'd have just tried a bit harder to be accepting of you then you wouldn't be in this mess."
"No, mom, it's not your fault. I didn't handle it well either. I didn't do things right," Blaine sobbed back. "But I'm going to try and do things right now. I'm going to try my best."
So Blaine tried his best. He got a job at a restaurant, working after school and every weekend. It was decent money, and he got some pretty good tips, but all of his money went into a savings account for baby things, for doctor's appointments and vitamins for Laura. His parents offered to help, but he insisted he did as much as he could on his own. The guest room was transformed into a nursery, using neutral colours as they weren't sure what the baby was going to be yet. He quit all of his extra curricular activities in order to have time to study and keep up his good grades. He began creating arrangements for as soon as the baby was born. Blaine's mother only worked Thursdays and Fridays so she offered to take care of the baby when she wasn't working and when Blaine was. For the other two days, he found a nursery. He began classes so that he would know how to take care of the child, how to bathe them, feed them, how to treat them when they were sick or change them, how to be a good dad.
When he wasn't working or making arrangements for when the baby arrived, he was with Laura, making sure she was okay. He wasn't sure whether it was because he felt guilty about getting her pregnant or whether it was because he wanted to make sure that the baby was okay or whether it was because they got along so well, but whenever he was with her she was treated like a princess. They became friends, if you could call the mother to your child your friend, and they were pretty close. He held her hand when they went for baby scans, he was there when she told her parents and held her when her hormones caused her to burst into tears.
"You'd be a great boyfriend," she told him one day. "I know things are complicated between us because of the baby and I don't think I could see us as ever being together, but one day, you'll make someone very happy."
Blaine sighed deeply before whispering, "Can I tell you something?"
"Anything," Laura replied.
"I'm gay," he admitted.
"You're... I don't understand, how can you be gay? You were always getting with girls, I mean we slept together," she said, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"I was trying my best not to be gay. I wanted to be the perfect son for my parents," he told her. "I was always drunk when I got with girls; it was the only way I could feel comfortable kissing them. No offence, you're absolutely gorgeous, but when we, erm, slept together, I was really drunk and had to do a lot of imagining."
"I understand," Laura sighed. "I mean, I understand why you did what you did. I'm sorry you felt like you had to."
"Are you going to tell everyone about me?" Blaine asked.
"Not if you don't want me to," Laura said.
"You can if you want to. I'm going to have to come out publicly sometime. I'll probably move school once the baby is born anyway. I don't want the hate passed on to him or her," he confessed.
"You're going to be a really good dad, Blaine. I'm sorry I can't be a good mom. I know we're the same age, but you're so much better than me. You take responsibility, you deal with things maturely, whereas I'm still a child. I don't think I could do what you're doing. You've prepared for everything; you've refused to give our child away. If there was anyone to get me pregnant accidentally, I'm glad it was you," she responded, managing a chuckle.
"Thank you," Blaine replied. "And I'm glad it was you and not some stuck up poop head who does nothing but whine."
"Poop head?" she questioned.
"I don't want to swear around the baby," he explained, placing a hand on Laura's swollen stomach. Laura grinned at him.
"Yeah, you're definitely going to be a great dad," Laura giggled.
The nine months passed quickly, and before he knew it, Blaine was receiving a phone call in the middle of the night explaining that Laura had gone into labour. He woke up his parents who came with him to the hospital. Laura squeezed his hand as she pushed and he muttered encouraging words to her. At 6.45 AM on 16th July 2011, Harmony Edan Anderson was born. Laura had agreed that Blaine should name the baby as he would be the one looking after it. He'd toyed with a lot of names for both genders, and had settled on this particular name for a girl. Harmony expressed his love and passion for music, a fate that he'd be giving up for his child. The middle name he'd decided after Harmony had been born.
The first time he had held her, the first time he had laid eyes on his daughter, Blaine could only think of one word to describe her. He therefore chose her middle name to be Edan, a Hebrew name that fitted his daughter exactly. It meant perfect.
Laura asked Blaine not to let her near the baby for a while. She knew she couldn't be a proper mother to the baby and didn't want to get too attached. Blaine agreed with her and kissed her forehead, requesting she keep in touch so he could make sure she was feeling okay.
Blaine was glad that Harmony had been born in the summer. It meant he could spend as much time with her as possible before having to return to school for his junior year. It also gave him time to get used to the midnight feedings and early morning that came with having a newborn. He tried to do as much as he could on his own, keeping Harmony's crib in his own room when Harmony first came home. That way he disturbed his parents as little as possible when she woke up during the night. He was the one to feed her, change her, and hold her when she cried. He once fell asleep, exhausted on the couch and freaked out when he woke up to find his mother giving Harmony her bottle.
"No, no, no!" he protested. "What are you doing?"
"She was grizzling," his mother explained. "She needed feeding and I didn't want to wake you. You've been exhausted. Anyway, you're going back to work next week and she needs to get used to me looking after her. You can't be here for her all of the time, Blaine."
Blaine's eyes began to well with tears and he wiped at them furiously. "I hate that," he said. "I can't stand the thought of her not being with me. What if she forgets who I am? What if she doesn't love me?"
"Blaine, that's never going to happen," she argued. "You're so good to her, it would be impossible for her not to love you. I mean, look at her now."
They both looked down to see Harmony, her eyes fixed on Blaine, wide and staring at him lovingly. Blaine swooped forwards and scooped the baby girl out of his mother's arms, holding her tightly as he rubbed her back to burp her.
"You're a brilliant father, Blaine. I was worried when you first told us; I worried that you wouldn't be able to handle it and you'd end up breaking down and leaving us with the baby. Now I think it's the opposite way round. You're not letting us help at all and you need it. You're exhausted. When you go back to school and you have work then you're going to have to get used to not being around Harmony as much as you'd like to. You'll have to learn to give others responsibility for your daughter. If you can't even let me and your father help, then how do you expect to leave her in a nursery?"
The thought hadn't occurred to Blaine that he'd have to give his daughter over to a bunch of strangers eventually.
After that he tried to give Harmony more time with others so she wouldn't become too reliant on him. His father was reluctant at first, he'd not been happy about Blaine keeping the baby, but one look into those big blue eyes, so much like Laura's, and he was in love with the baby. Blaine's mother adored Harmony and was happy to look after her. Blaine's brother, Cooper, even came to visit from where he was living in LA to meet Harmony. Blaine never imagined Cooper would care much for children, but the sight of 'Uncle Coop' cradling Harmony, holding her little hands and tickling her tummy was a sight he'd never forget.
Blaine knew that he needed to get used to this. He was going back to school after summer, a new school, and he'd be working extremely soon. As much as he adored and loved his daughter, he couldn't get too clingy.
Indeed, when he got back to work, he struggled. His colleagues and boss were sympathetic, some even admired him for his dedication and commitment to his child. Harmony was just a month old when he had to return to school and that was even harder than he thought. His only time with his daughter were Saturday mornings, Sundays and the midnight feedings when she woke up crying. Blaine didn't mind his new school. No one knew he was a dad, and he tended to keep his head down and get on with his studies. He didn't join any clubs, didn't try to make any friends, although he did stare enviously whenever the school glee club would do a performance or when the football team would come in on Monday, still celebrating a win the past Saturday. He always felt the pang of envy when he saw friends laughing together or a girl reach for her boyfriend's hand and kiss his knuckles. He wasn't going to have that; high school memories of friends and first loves.
Laura called every so often throughout the year, checking on Blaine and Harmony. She still wasn't ready to see Harmony yet, but she told Blaine that she would soon.
Soon, junior year was over and Harmony's birthday was on the horizon. His baby's first birthday was nearly here. He decided he'd have a small party for her, just him and his family; not that he had any friends to invite. On the day of Harmony's birthday he decorated the dining room with pink banners and shiny balloons that he knew she would love. He woke his daughter with a big kiss to each cheek, her eyes fluttering open to see her daddy, hovering over her.
"Good morning, beautiful," Blaine grinned. "Guess what day it is today?" He paused, as if letting her answer, but the only noise that came from his daughter were a few mumbly sounds. "That's right, baby, it's your first birthday!"
He picked her up and carried her downstairs. He placed her in her high chair and talked to her as he fed her breakfast. His parents came downstairs and gave their granddaughter their own birthday cuddles. Cooper and their grandparents came, clutching presents and birthday cards. Blaine's mother took pictures as Blaine sat Harmony on his lap and helped her to rip open the presents. She squealed in delight at the new colourful toys she received and stroked at the new clothes too.
They'd just finished opening presents when the doorbell rang. Blaine hauled Harmony onto his hip and spoke to her as they walked to answer the door. The person Blaine was least expecting to be standing on the doorstep, holding a parcel wrapped in lilac wrapping paper, was Laura.
"Laura!" Blaine exclaimed, surprised, "I wasn't expecting you."
"I, erm, thought I should at least come and visit for her birthday," Laura replied, her eyes flickering from Blaine to the child in his arms. "If it's inconvenient, I can go?"
"No, it's fine. Come in," Blaine said, stepping back to allow her room to come in. She stepped inside, a shy smile shot in Blaine's direction. "You should probably meet this little one again," he continued. "Meet Harmony Edan Anderson. Harmony, this is... erm..."
"Aunt Laura?" Laura supplied.
Blaine grinned. "This is your Aunt Laura. No relation to Uncle Coop, though!"
Blaine led Laura into the living room and introduced her to those who didn't know her. He once again helped Harmony open Laura's present; a collection of children's books.
"I wasn't sure what to get her," Laura admitted. "I know you loved reading to her before she was born and so I thought you might like these."
"They're perfect," he assured her, his eyes flickering to Harmony who had her chubby fingers spread over the top of the books, fascinated by the colours.
When the family began preparing for lunch, Blaine offered for Laura to hold Harmony whilst he helped. She seemed hesitant at first, unsure she'd be able to do it properly, but Blaine convinced her she'd be okay and she took the child into her arms. When Blaine came back, he found Laura sat grinning at Harmony, who was in her lap holding up some new toys to show her.
"Shall we get the birthday princess her lunch?" Blaine asked as he approached the girls.
"Of course," Laura replied, changing Harmony's position so that she could stand up. "She's so much like you," she commented as they walked to the kitchen.
"You think so?" Blaine asked.
"Yeah. The dark, curly hair, the smile, you can tell she's yours. I think the only feature she didn't inherit from you was the eyes," Laura explained.
"I feel sorry for her," Blaine joked. "Hopefully she'll grow up to look more like you." Laura gave him a sad smile as he placed Harmony in her chair. He allowed other family members to coo over her whilst he sat with Laura.
"How are you, Blaine?" she asked. "How's your job? And your new school? What are your friends like?"
"Work's work, school's school," he replied. "I don't have any friends really; I'm too busy for a social life. Every minute I'm not studying or working, I'm looking after Harmony. During lunch times and free periods I'm normally doing things like sorting finances so that I don't have to do them when I get home."
"Wow, Blaine. How do you cope?" said Laura.
"It's hard," he admitted. "It's hard, but I'm getting through it. I have to. Anyway, how are you? Is school okay?"
"This year hasn't exactly been fantastic," she admitted. "Coach wouldn't let me back on the cheerleading squad after I got pregnant; apparently I'm not trustworthy anymore. My friends stopped speaking to me, I got bullied quite a bit, but it's getting better. I joined glee actually. Everyone's so kind there and they're always there for me. It makes me feel less alone."
"I'm really sorry that happened to you, Laura. You know I'm always here when you need me, right?"
"I couldn't ask to dump my problems on you, Blaine. You have enough on your plate already," Laura insisted.
"I honestly don't mind," Blaine assured her.
The subject was dropped when Harmony started yelling for her father's attention and he concentrated on lunch. He helped Harmony blow out her candle and took pictures as she smeared cake over her face and the high chair table.
After that point, Laura became a regular visitor in the Anderson household, visiting at least once a fortnight. She even heard Harmony say her first word - 'Daddy' - and hugged Blaine as he cried with happiness. Although she gave birth to Harmony, she wasn't treated like her mother. She couldn't be Harmony's mother in the way that Blaine was her father. However, she grew extremely close to Harmony.
Senior year was a stressful one for Blaine. He was getting top grades, despite his family situation, but that didn't meant he could still follow the dreams he'd had before Harmony had come along. He envied those he overheard discussing college applications or what city they were moving to between lessons, but he didn't once wish his situation was different. He'd never change how his life turned out even if he could; if he did, he wouldn't have his beautiful daughter.
So when graduation came around, he found himself a full time job working in a coffee shop. The hours were long, the work boring, but the pay was good and he was saving all he could. From there, he worked his way up as much as he could.
Almost a month after Harmony's fourth birthday, Blaine announced that he was looking at moving out. At 20 years old with a 4 year old daughter, he was seeking independence. He knew he'd have to move out one day, and he couldn't keep relying on his parents. Harmony would be starting school the following year.
His parents helped him search for a home over the next year. It was difficult to find something on a small budget and not too far from work and close to schools, but soon he found a 2 bedroom apartment. It was practically a shoe box, but he didn't need much. It was, after all, just him and his daughter.
"Daddy, why are we going?" Harmony asked on the day they moved out.
"Because, sweetheart, you start school soon and we can't live with grandma and grandpa forever," Blaine tried to explain.
"But I like living with grandma and grandpa," Harmony argued.
"Sorry, but we have to move out soon. We'll still see grandma and grandpa all of the time! I promise!" Blaine assured her.
They moved in over the first week of summer. Blaine had a couple of weeks off so that they could settle in and decorate. Blaine's parents insisted on paying on paint and furniture for their new apartment. They had a lot of fun decorating Harmony's room, making handprints over one wall and painting rainbows. Harmony painted a picture of her and Blaine too, surrounded by hearts. The other walls were painted purple: Harmony's favourite colour.
Then it was Harmony's fifth birthday and Blaine had to hold back his tears when he realised how quickly his little girl was growing up. They ate breakfast in bed as they watched cartoons, they went to the zoo, visited Blaine's parents and Laura and ate pizza for dinner.
Blaine knew that he hadn't done things the right way, the way he'd planned. But he couldn't help but be happy he didn't.