Intelligence report – overheard on a balcony in Halamshiral.

PRESENT: Lady Adaar, Inquisitor; "Sera", Inquisition agent (no further information available)

[music from ballroom - loud]

"Ow! You stepped on my feet again!"

"That's because you keep moving them out of time with the rhythm."

"No, it's because you keep squashing them with your big feet!"

"Well, you know what they say about people with big feet..."

"Yeah – they keep squishing my bloody toes!"

"Maybe something simpler, then, less footwork..."

"I can do footwork, I'm good at footwork, right? You just watch me!"

[scuffling of feet]

"Ow! Where did you learn to dance like this anyway? I thought you just spent all your time looking moody and punching people in the face for money?"

"One nobleman employed us for protection and had the idea that we could blend in with his party guests. By the time he realised how obvious a qunari is in a ballroom we'd learnt quite a few of the more popular dances..."

"You certainly were obvious! Towering over everyone, looming everywhere, making them feel small, yeah? Hah! Bet they didn't like that!"

"Hard to tell under the masks. But the atmosphere did turn a little chilly."

[scuffling of feet]

"Piss! This is harder than it looks!"

"Let's try something else then... A different tune...?"

"As long as it's not that song. The one about me. Don't you think that's well creepy?"

"I'm not sure I'm the one to say. There are probably hundreds of total strangers writing songs about me all over Thedas right now, and not all of them complimentary. At least Maryden has actually met you".

"Still thinks she wants in my knickers."

"Well, she is out of luck."

"Oooh, look at you all frowny! You going to fight her for me, yeah?" [pause] "Love that."

[indistinct sounds]

"How can you like that stupid song?"

"It's... catchy. And... it does kind of describe you really well."

"You just want me to tempt your fate, that's what it is!"

"Is that another one to add to the list, then?"

"Hah! That's on your list already, I can see it in your face! Totally on the list, that one, yeah?"

"Totally."

"Along with the Qun one, and Grey your Warden, and Capture your Keep, and Crumble your Cookie, and Something Something Rift Something, and Arl your Edmund or whatever it was. Who's Edmund?"

"Not sure. Someone Varric knew, I think."

"You talked to Varric about this?!"

"Varric talks just fine without anyone's help. It's hard to stop him sometimes. I think it was some story or other from Kirkwall."

"Think I've got the hang of this now. Balls! Maybe not."

"At least it was my foot this time."

"Maybe we should just give up on stupid proper dancing and just dance like people instead of nobs, yeah?"

[the music from the ballroom changes]

"Better."

"Easier for the clumsy idiot you mean!"

"And you're neither."

"Aaarrgh!" [pause] "Wasn't... expecting... whoosh!"

"A little lift to lift your spirits."

"Warn me next time!"

[scuffling of feet]

"I think you're getting the hang of this."

"I can see why they do so much dancing..."

"I don't think the nobility of Orlais hold onto their dance partners quite like that, though."

"Makes it more fun though, yeah?"

[indistinct sounds]

"I don't think that will become the fashion, either."

"Not while they wear those stupid masks it won't."

"Their loss."

"My gain. That's the kind of thing they say, isn't it? Sounds pretentious enough."

"When they aren't saying Blah, blah, blah! Obey me!"

[both at once] "ARROW IN THE FACE!"

[giggling]

"You still got your" [pause] "other kitten?"

"Maybe you'll find out later."

"No maybe about that!"

"Do you fancy-"

"YES!"

"-a spin around the ballroom now?"

"Oh." [pause] "That another in-your-endy thingy?"

"You know, I think it could be."

[subjects return to ballroom]

CONCLUSION: INTELLIGENCE VALUE: zero.