Characters belongs to the one who owns Hetalia, not mine.
Dear journal.
I've been doing some research for a couple of weeks now. Since what happened on Valentines, my big mistake, nothing has changed. Italy has been after me as usual, sleeping in my bed and so on. I haven't changed either, or not on the outside but I feel embarrassed of the huge misunderstanding. But in the same way I have been wondering, why did I response to his love in the first place? I've seen people reject someone's love before; France does it all the time. Why didn't I do it? That's why I needed to do some research on what I felt. I started to write down the negative sides and the positive sides of Italy. His negative sides grew but I couldn't think of anything positive with him so I let it go so I could do some social experiment. The first thing I did was to have distance from him, ignoring him and not allowing him to sleep in my bed. He was … worried. But I could feel that I was sad too with not having him around. Italy has the habit to make everyone around either irritated or happy and when he wasn't around me, everything was a bit sadder. It was very hard to ignore so I went on a trip for the week actually. When I came home Italy had made me pasta on cooked me wurst. He greeted me with a huge hug and he cried into my shirt but then told me he had cooked. That led to the other part of my experiment, to be extra much with him. I thought that I should start with asking him while we ate if he wanted to live in my house for a while, to make up for him for the week. He was surprised even though he didn't show it, he just smiled as big as only he can, saying that "Germany's so nice!". The week passed quickly I must tell, much quicker than without him. He lived at my place for the whole week and I saw him every day so I saw things I never have seen before. When he thought he was alone he went to the kitchen, sat down and looked sad. I don't know what passed his mind but I've never seen him sad before. So just to test I started to make sounds which told I was on the way into the kitchen. Italy looked happy as usual when I entered which told me something more: Italy doesn't have a smile on him all the time. In the last days of the week I thought that I would be extra nice to see how he would react to that. During the days before I've been as usual, a bit angry at him and forcing him to train, just like normal. What I started with was that I told him that I would cook for him, a surprise. He was super excited and actually stayed away so it would stay a surprise. I cooked him a special wurst with pasta which tasted like his favorite pasta and my favorite wurst. I could see in his face that it was tasty and he gave me a kiss on the cheek as a thank you. I didn't need to do more research after that and here's the result but first the bad sides of Italy, the good ones will come in the end of the report,
Bad sides of Italy (not all though)
1. Annoying
2. Doesn't follow orders
3. Really bad in training
4. Always wants pasta
5. Sleeps in my bed without permission
6. Does many things without permission
7. Never asks for permission
8. Overreacts all the time
From what I've seen and felt during this week have made me think. I've never had a relationship in my whole life and the only way I've seen that I like girls is that I watch porn. But I haven't watched those for a really long time and I did for a while ago but it didn't… Anyways I have no experience with anything of this at all and Italy doesn't really love me does he? He acts the same way as he does to me to everyone else. It makes me jealous even though I don't want it and his smile makes me smile. I tried to smile to him, an honest smile, to him a while ago. That was the first smile I ever smiled without feeling pushed and the smile I got in return… My heart jumped when he broke into the biggest and happiest smile I ever seen. I need to tell him that, I need to tell him that he owns the smile that even makes my cold heart melt. Another thing I need to tell him, and myself, is that I think I love him. For all his clumsiness, his never ending smile but most of all, him being him and that he will never pretend to be someone else. I wish I could be that honest as he is, I wish I could deserve him because he truly deserves someone who can love him back and show him the smile he shows everyone else. To cure the sadness in his heart like he always cures mine. I don't think I can be that person for him, the person who can make him smile like that because after all I have made him cry far more times than anyone else. What's wrong with me?
That's everything for today... Lets see what the future brings now when I'll continue like usual. I will not talk to Italy about why I did those things for these two weeks and I will never tell him. I don't want to ruin our friendship becasue of my stupidness...
Hi I just want to say that this actually is a fanfiction idea but I don't know if I should continue it.. So please if you want it to continue into a story I'll happily write it for you guys :3 Just send me that you want to read more and stuff xD
Anyways thanks for reading!