It had been 9 months since the attack on the Ozunu Clan stronghold and the devastating showdown between Raizo and his barbaric sensei.

Mika sat in her apartment as she did night after night with bright lamps lit in every corner. PTSD they said. She shrugged it off, but the diagnosis was solid. She spent most of her hospital stay in and out of drug-induced fog be it an empty dreamless sleep at night or a dazed daytime haze.

Even though she watched those fires burn and gazed up into Raizo's kind brown eyes as she lay bleeding on the ground after all the fighting had ceased, she just couldn't find peace. She didn't feel safe and she never felt alone. In the hospital surrounded by people, Mika felt a creeping sense of dread as if she were being tricked into letting her guard down. Of course, she should be safe in a hospital surrounded by hundreds of staff, patients and even a security detail on her door but that's what they want she told herself. Something in her gut was telling her that she was a sitting duck, there were too many exits and entrances, too much distraction. They'd find her body long dead and cold and then she could curse down at everyone and yell I told you so!

So she took everything her doctor offered to numb not only her pain but her mind. Before her tragic ordeal, Mika didn't think it could really be possible to be scared to death. Now, sitting curled up in her armchair in the corner of the room furthest away from the windows she knew it to be true.

They call her a survivor of the tragedy. A survivor. Her life was no longer her own. She survived with her life that night but her freedom died. She lived on a cocktail of uppers and downers. She tried to sleep as little as possible because when she slept she saw them creeping from the walls. She Saw Raizo covered in blood and lacerations, his face a mask to hide the pain and she saw everything around her burn. The sword missed her heart and they told her she was lucky but she healed slowly, painfully. She'd become dependent on Oxy and Demerol not just to dull the daily pain from her near fatal injury but to be able to train through it. She'd joined a local self-defense class almost immediately after getting discharged. She felt it was a progressive action but her physio wasn't super happy about it. She'd bought several guns and stashed them around the apartment.

Days rolled into weeks and weeks rolled into months sealing in a routine of subtle self-destruction.

The doorbell rang startling Mika from her thoughts. She was on edge as always sat in shorts and a vest. She scanned the room before moving and pulled out the handgun tucked into the inner arm of the chair she was sat in. A monitor flashed on a small table in the corner of the room. It showed a live feed of the front door and all the apartment windows. She rolled her eyes when she saw the face looking up at the camera from her doorstep. She went to let him in.

Ryan heard several bolts unlocking before Mika's front door opened.

"You got more locks?" He queried stepping inside while she checked outside and closed the door behind him.

"New door." She replied absently as she followed her former colleague into the living room.

"Jesus Mika, you gotta license for that thing?" Ryan gestured to the handgun she'd tucked into the back of her shorts as she made her way to the open plan kitchen.

Mika pulled two glasses from a sideboard and a bottle of whiskey from a cupboard by the sink. The bottle was half empty. She poured two large shots and headed over to the couch holding a glass out to Ryan,

"Don't worry about it, Ryan."

He took the glass and sat down across the room from her with a look of pity on his face.

"Don't." she stared down into her glass.

"Don't what Mika? Don't give a shit?" His anger was always bubbling under the surface lately.

Mika looked up at him pulling the gun from her back and laying it down beside her.

"Don't look at me like that, like I'm some broken thing you feel sorry for."

Ryan sighed shaking his head a took a sip of whiskey, "What do you expect? I hate watching you waste away like this."

Mika plastered a fake and cold smile on her face as she too took a long sip. "Stronger than I've ever been Ryan."

He glanced over at the array of medication spread across the kitchen counter. He tried to calm down. "This isn't you Mika. You're a mess. When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

Mika got up, agitated. Ryan noticed the faint purple tinge of healing bruises on the brown skin of her arms and thighs. "I'm doing fine, you don't need to keep checking up on me." Her tone was flat and tight. She was pacing and hadn't realized.

"Mika, I'm your friend. You're not fine. The bruises…"

"From self-defense class." she interrupted him, "wasn't it your idea for me to get my confidence back?"

"Well yeah," he put his glass down, "but I was thinking more Tae bo and not so much Krav maga."

That almost bought a smile to Mika's lips. Her pacing slowed.

"I just need to deal with this my way ok?" she went to light some incense by the tv set.

Ryan rubbed the heel of his palm across a furrowed brow. The sun was setting. "Have you heard from him?"

Ryan didn't have to say the name for Mika to feel an ache of pain in her chest. She unconsciously rubbed a hand over the healed chest wound. Her head hurt. She went over to the kitchen top and poured two pills from one of the bottles. She dry swallowed them.

"Hey is it wise to mix those?" Ryan queried.

"No." She said flatly.

"No to which one?"

She took a deep breath, "No it's not wise and no I haven't heard from him. Raizo has no business left here. He's no need to come back." She poured herself another drink.

"Mika…"

She shook her head to silence him. "It's getting dark, you should go." She'd started pacing again.

Ryan looked at her. She was the ghost of a person he once knew. What she'd lost in weight she seemed to have gained in muscle on her slight and slender frame. He thought they all got out of the compound whole but it seemed Mika had left something behind. Was it a coincidence that Raizo had also not returned? Maybe, maybe not. Ryan didn't want to argue with her.

"I'll come by in a few days. Head office needs your signature on the last of the reports."

Mika nodded in silence walking Ryan to the door. He turned to face her again placing a hand on her shoulder which caused her to flinch again. "You're not alone Mika."

She backed away from his touch. "Be safe Ryan." And she closed the door behind him. He heard her securing all the locks as he put his hands in his pockets and walked away.

Mika padded back into the apartment. The sun was well and truly set now. If Ryan was concerned about her day time routine, he'd definitely have something to say about her nighttime habits.

Mika flicked on more light. She wasn't sure how long she'd be able to pay the electric bill but she'd cross that when she came to it. She checked her go-bag making sure it was still equipped with all she might need should she want to leave in a hurry. She could hear the world outside going by but it was no more comfort than the ominous white noise of the hospital ward. She missed those drugs most of all.

She took a deep breath and went to wash her face. Her medicine cabinet looked like a pharmacy. She selected two small bottles and spilled the remainder of their contents into her palm. She closed the cabinet's mirror door and her eyes at the same time. As usual, she half expected to see someone standing there behind her but there was no one.

"You look tired Mika, how are you sleeping?" Dr. Taylor sat with her hands gently clasped.

Mika was at the window as usual. "The same."

"And the nightmares?" Dr. Taylor prodded.

"Same," Mika was barely present.

"Mika, are you able to come and sit with me?" Dr. Taylor could see her retreating and needed to guide her back to the present.

Mika reluctantly settled for a chair facing the Dr but still by the window. It was the best compromise the Dr was going to get. At least she was still in the room. She wouldn't be for long.

Mika…

It startled her. Her name on the wind like that. It happened several times a day and it still startled her.

"Mika?" Dr. Taylor looked concerned.

"I…" Mika's eyes were darting all over the room.

"Mika?..."

She reached her hands up to cover her ears and shut her eyes tight. "I hear it…I always hear it…" She was shaking her head.

Dr. Taylor sat up. "Mika. Tell me three things you can hear."

Mika shook her head, her heart racing.

"Three things you can hear Mika."

"I don't know. You?"

"Good, two more."

Mika was trying to slow her breathing. "The voices calling my name."

"Ok, one more?"

Mika had to concentrate to get through the white noise that was engulfing her.

"I don't know…." Then another sound broke through. "clock…your desk clock." Mika began to open her eyes to see Dr. Taylor smiling warmly at her.

"That's good. Now you know the rest. Give me three things you can see and three things you can touch." Dr. Taylor could see Mika slowly returning to herself as she reeled off her list of things, the chair, the vase, Dr. Taylor's glasses, her jeans, her silver bracelet, her boot laces.

When Mika returned home it was still daylight and she felt wrung out. That three things stuff seemed to work in the Dr's office just fine but when she was alone without someone coaching her, it wasn't always enough to bring her out of the haze of panic and fear. That's when she needed extra help. She flung her leather jacket down on the couch and reached for three different pill bottles. She washed them down with a glass of water followed by 3 long shots of whiskey straight from the bottle. It burned a path down to her stomach but that was fine. Pain she understood.

Mika ran a bath. Something about the day's events had her feeling dirty, the kind of dirty a shower didn't fix. It also didn't hurt that the bathtub gave her a better view of the door. She sprinkled a couple of handfuls of sea salt across the water to help ease her aching muscles. She'd stopped using bubble bath after the events of the previous year. She stepped into the hot water and lay back. Her eyes rested on the handgun secured inside a clear, air-tight plastic bag hanging from the faucet in front of her. It gave her some comfort. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the water trying to silence the racing thoughts in her head. The cocktail of prescription drugs and alcohol dulled the voices but didn't quiet them. Mika tried to focus on the stray drips leaking from the tap at her feet. She started counting. Dr. Taylor said things like that kept her present, apparently, that was supposed to be good for anxiety. Mika was growing a migraine.

All the lights, all the head noise, all the flashbacks, everything was just too much. She wanted it all to go away. She strained to concentrate on counting the drips as her eyelids grew heavy. You can only fight for so long and Mika was in a word, depleted. Her head lay back on the cool hard surface of the tub, the water so welcoming.

She slid further and further inching down until the water covered her chin, her ears, her cheeks. She closed her eyes and slipped those final few inches to be fully submerged and it was there she found the voices seemed pushed back ever so slightly. The relief was alluring. Stay here, something inside her said. Stay here and it will all go away. Mika's breathing had slowed right down. She was running out of air but she didn't feel that tightness in her chest people usually do when oxygen starts to run out. She felt calm. Soon, something inside her said. Mika…soon. Mika. Now hearing her name didn't fill her with dread.

"Mika…" She saw only flames dancing in the darkness.

"Mika…." The water caressed her arms, her legs as she surrendered.

"Mika…" Something brushed her arm. She heard her name in the distance again and something brushed her leg more forcefully. She pulled away. This wasn't comforting anymore. She heard a garbled version of her name again and a hand went to her neck. She tried to scream but she was under water. She choked and scrambled for purchase both trying to get to her gun and get away from whatever was touching her.

She tried to call 'no' and get up but it was as if she couldn't quite figure out where 'up' was.

"Mika!" That time the voice was louder, clearer, angry.

Thrashing in the tub her head breached the water and the gulp of air burned her throat. She wanted to cry out NO but her body failed her.

"MIKA STOP!"

She saw a face, a hint of a face she barely recognised. She managed to frantically scramble to the gun and wrench it from the tap bashing her hand painfully in the process. She choked and spluttered barely able to breathe but muscle memory helped her turn the gun, still fully bagged, in the direction of whatever apparition had come to torment her. She scrambled over the side of the bathtub, naked, soaking wet, kicking and punching and found a wall to put her back against. She held the weapon heaving and wheezing. She still felt like she was drowning.

"Mika it's me." The voice lowered.

Mika fiddled for the safety button on the gun through the bag. Her eyes were wild. Her legs were pulled up tight, making herself as small as she could.

"Mika, listen to my voice."

She shook her head. And then a strange request.

"Mika, pull the trigger."

Confusion. What?

"Pull the trigger, Mika."

She tried to find herself, to blink away enough water to focus as she began to squeeze the trigger slowly. And then like a veil being lifted she saw his face. Really saw his face. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity. It was him, he was here. She couldn't speak. It had to be a dream. She had these dreams before.

She pulled the trigger.

In an instant, arms were around her tightly. She gun was snatched from her hands and tossed aside and soothing words were being whispered into her hair.

"It's me, Mika. Don't be afraid."

She wasn't strong enough to fight back. He was much stronger and he wasn't letting her ago. As her body succumbed to the humid air of the bathroom she began to allow herself to explore if this might be real. She tried to pull away slightly and the arms allowed her that space but didn't fully let go.

She had enough space to look up into the face of a ghost.

"Raizo?" She was almost too afraid to say his name out loud.

"I'm here Mika. You're safe." Raizo pulled down a robe from the bathroom door to wrap around her just in time to see her drift into unconsciousness.