'Thinking'
"talking"
"Kami/Shinigami/demon speech"
"Memories/Dreams not in a flash back"
They don't love him. They never have. His father and mother have never seen him as their son. His sisters and brother stay away from him, acting as if he is a threat.
Nothing but a stranger in his own home.
They used to play, when they were very young, but not anymore. His brother treats him as if he has a dagger hidden, just waiting to strike. His sisters seem uninterested, preferring to train than to bother with him.
Training. Another thing he has never had. His siblings, however, have had training all through their six years.
They have left him at home while they do 'family activities,' as if he had never existed. When they do remember him, he is ignored. He always walks five feet behind them.
Why did they leave him? When did this happen?
They never care when he comes home bruised and limping; they could care less if he ate or if he came home at all. They don't care about the cuts on his wrists; they don't notice the large bags under his tired eyes. They never mention his timid speech, or that he flinches away when people speak or move too suddenly. They don't care that he hadn't been home in a week- they wouldn't care if he suddenly died.
If he did die, they would find him in his room, rotten. The shame of it is that they would only check because of the smell.
So, he learned to take care of himself. He cooks for himself, he teaches himself what is necessary to live. After all, for him, you either learn quickly- or die. So that's what he did, and does to this day. He taught himself to read and how to cook- the basic skills they teach in the starting grades, he forced himself to learn through the boring school lessons.
Yes, the one thing they had not forgotten: his education. For some reason, even after they had almost never thought about him, he had always been enrolled in school.
He is grateful to them; the Hokage and red death. His… parents. No, they are not his parents. No. He had stopped calling them that long ago. Now, they are 'hokaga-sama,' and 'mother.' The word 'mother' holds no emotion for him, but he could not get rid of the title. It belonged to her- she had gone through the trouble of giving birth to him; she deserves it. His father, on the other hand, has done nothing to earn it.
The little boy, only six years of age, is Uzumaki Naruto.
He has no friends. No social life. No possessions. He has nothing, except his intellect. He is far smarter than children of his age. Yes, far, far smarter, but has many problems.
Naruto sits quietly in his room, alone. He can hear them, his 'family', outside. A sharp pain hits his heart. He ignores it and touches his pencil down on the paper. The blond child may have one talent: drawing. It's how he copes. Naruto found this small, black, bound book in a dingy alley, it was trash. He tried to sketch in it, but it had only been scribbles back then. Now, it's almost magic.
He can take a simple graphite pencil and paper and turn it into a masterpiece- by his own standards. The things he draws… aren't for the faint of heart. Naruto enjoys recreating the monsters in his nightmares, ugly, disgusting things- but the little boy has become numb to them. Naruto almost… looks forward to seeing them.
He looks at his sketch; a man, no an animal, stares at him. It has dark, piercing eyes, Naruto remembers them being yellow. It is standing, showing off its ripped abs and insane muscles. His skin has dark spots all along his body, and from his eyes are two dark lines that lead to the corners of his thin lips. He has two cat-like ears atop his head and a tail. His hair is short, messy, and the only clothes are his torn shorts.
Naruto nods once, feeling confident in his sketch, before he continues onto the color.
It takes a while; he can no longer hear the happy cheers of his family outside. 'Probably in for dinner,' he thinks idly before continuing his work. The man comes together, he looks like a predator. Like you should run even if you have the slightest thought it might be him.
"It must be lonely," Naruto smiles at the thought that the monsters are all alone, just like him. Maybe, if they were real, they could have been friends. He giggles, 'Na, he would have torn my face off.' He sets down the gray and picks up the brown. It's nice to think that he could have had friends though, even if he never truly will.
His smile fades. Friends… That's such an odd word, one so foreign to him, yet so familiar. He knows what a friend is but, does not know… what it is. Does that make sense? No… perhaps not.
A friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard, a person who gives assistance, a patron, a supporter, a person who is on good terms with another, a person who is not hostile, and a member of the same nation, party, etc. Naruto frowns, perhaps a friend is more than that.
He will never know. Not now at least, maybe in the next life but, not this one.
Naruto sets down his colored pencil. It's finished. A dark forest surrounds the man; he is now standing on a tree, almost looking as if the viewer is a ninja he had to climb to stop. 'His skin is a darker than mine but, not brown- Wow, that sounds racist. His eyes glow in the dark, making him appear more dangerous, making a person want to run.'
Naruto feels a little pride build up in his chest as he looks down at the drawing. "Hunter." Naruto names the drawing, before closing the book. He has almost never finished a piece this quickly!
The blond boy scoops up his limited colored pencils and dumps them into a zip-lock bag. He tucks them, along with the journal, under his pillow. It's not the safest place but his parents never come into his room- let alone search it.
Sighing, he lies down, 'I don't feel like eating today.' Naruto pulls the worn sheet above his head as he yawns. Today was uneventful, the weekends always are. Tomorrow is Monday however; he wonders how it will go. The blond frowns, his brother will make fun of him. His sisters will avoid him and spread gossip. The bullies will hurt him. The girls will yell at him.
He can stay home; he has already forced himself to learn everything up until the graduation exam to become a genin. He only learned the stuff to impress his fa- the hokage and his mother. Neither of them has noticed. Naruto's report cards always end up in the trash, while his siblings are hung on the wall. You know, it's opposite in his family- it seems like instead of the middle child being forgotten, it is the youngest but, he is not forgotten by the bullies, that's for sure.
Really the only reason he goes to school is to catch a glimpse of his long time crush… No, not that annoying Sakura bitch, he got over her really quickly. Uchiha Itachi. Itachi comes most days to pick up his little brother, Sasuke, from school.
Naruto remembers exactly how his feelings had started too. It was simple, petty really, but Itachi noticed him, without a glare. Itachi simply waved and smiled. That's all.
It meant the world to Naruto. 'I really hope he comes tomorrow.'
If it weren't for Itachi, Naruto may not- no, no, he would not be living. The only reason he is still alive is to see Itachi for a few moments a day. Is it silly? No. It may be to you, but not to him. After all, any reason to live is a good reason. Once, he hadn't killed himself because it would have been a shame to see the cookies his siblings didn't want go to waste. He was alive for a week, eating two a day, then he had another reason to live, because it would be sad to die and not finish the school year; he learned ahead.
These reasons may be stupid to you, but not to him, and not to others who feel that death is their only way out, but his options are running out.
Naruto becomes drowsy and black spots cloud his vision. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
When he awakes, it is still dark outside. Naruto uncovers himself and slips out of bed, it's no use trying to back to sleep. He quietly walks through the halls to the restroom. The blond quickly uses the restroom and brushes his teeth. 'The tooth paste is almost gone… Damn, I'm going to have to pick some up- that sucks.'
After he finishes, he takes a quick cold shower. His family all take hot showers, but cool showers help people to wake up. Naruto redresses in his clothes, these are actually his cleanest pair. He needs to wash his others soon.
He quickly grabs his sketch pad and pencils before jogging down the stairs, looking around the living room, making sure no one has woken up yet. Walking to the door, he suddenly stops. Maybe he should eat this morning? He thins his lips, 'Just today.' Taking one last look around, he anxiously enters the kitchen. Naruto bites his lip, 'Maybe just a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl.' He cautiously picks up an apple, almost expecting a trap. Seeing nothing happen, he relaxes, and checks the fruit for bruises. After his careful inspection he smiles and jogs out the front door, but not before grabbing his bag.
Maybe he had thought right. Maybe today will be better.
Naruto edges around the village on his way to school. He prefers to look at the forest than large buildings. The creatures of the forest have already become well aquatinted with him; they no longer run when he walks past them.
He checks his bag. It's a messenger bag- but be brings it almost everywhere. He flips open the top, his drawing pad is safely tucked inside. Next to it are his limited set of colored pencils and an eraser. Naruto closes it when he sees the school.
'Another day of torment.' He steps out of the tree line and into the small clearing in the back of the building. Causally, Naruto strolls to the front door. The blond had taken a nice, long walk this morning, so it was about time for his siblings to arrive.
"Hey Idiot!" Speak of the devil. His older brother, Katsu, calls him, but Naruto just ignores it. Katsu runs to his friend, Kiba. Those two strong-headed morons get along fantastically. After rough-housing for a few minutes they try to get Sasuke's attention- well, they try to annoy him.
Naruto's two sisters, Narami and Masami, don't speak to him. They run over to their 'friends,' Sakura and Ino. Masami doesn't really like them, but she sticks with Narami to keep her out of trouble.
Masami is very beautiful in Naruto's opinion. Not in a weird way, he just thinks she is pretty. She has beautiful red hair, his favorite color, and shimmering violet eyes. She is smaller than the others, but also taller than he. Masami is also the strongest out of his siblings based on what he has seen.
Narami has blond hair, like himself, but her hair is long and kept in two pony tails. Her eyes are blue, like his, but not as deep… They are a lighter shade. She is almost as tall as Katsu, but not quite. She seems like the weakest.
His brother… well, he has a mix of the hair colors, some red and some yellow. His eyes are more blue than purple. Katsu's hair is kept slightly longer than Naruto's (cannon Naruto hair); he can't stand having longer hair though.
He shakes his head and turns his attention to the screaming horde of girls. Naruto can just make out Uchiha Sasuke, the heartthrob of the school. 'He is cute.' Blushing, Naruto storms into the building, class will start any minute.
Today will be different.
The sensei glares as he enters the room. Naruto ignores him and takes a seat in the back of the class, as usual. "Naruto." He looks at his sensei.
"Sit in the front." He glare hardens.
Naruto blinks in surprise; they had never made him sit anywhere before. He picks up his bag and takes it to a seat in the front near a window. The teacher continues what he was doing. Not soon after his classmates file in.
Katsu sits in the back, where he normally sits, and his sisters sit on the other side of the room. Naruto ignores Sasuke as he sits down next to him. This is just great. His bully next him. 'Fan-fucking-tastic. Why couldn't Sasuke sit by Shikamaru? It's because he is a good girl repellent, hu? Yea… that's probably it. Bastard.'
Class starts and, as usual, the kids yell out remarks about his grades and how dumb he is. Naruto isn't dumb; he just let his grades go because no one cares. Why even try? Each class is the same; kids make fun of him, the teachers call on him for stuff they know he isn't going to answer, the class laughs, and repeat.
It is wearing him down; he had really wanted today to be different.
"Class dismissed!" Naruto sighs and collects his things- the other kids just run out of the room like monkeys. He doesn't blame them though, recess is fun. The other kids play games like soccer and tag; he, however, sits in the shade and draws.
Naruto does not even look at the other children as he strolls to his usual drawing spot. He sits in the small dirt spot where the earth had been packed, allowing him to be there and not get his butt dirty. Pulling out his drawing pad, he thinks of his dream last night; drawing the creature should be fun. He quickly sketches out its basic shape, before refining it. Then he goes to the details, the eyes, the mouth, etc.
As he erases an error, a ball lands close to him. Looking up from his sketch, he sees Katsu and Kiba running after it, while the kids playing soccer watch.
The ball is kicked into his side, presumably by his brother- Naruto ignores him, and goes back to his drawing. "What are you doin' loser?" He ignores Kiba's question. Katsu doesn't like that response.
"HEY! Don't ignore us!" he yells. Everyone looks over, including Sasuke and the teachers. Naruto flinches but just shakes his head and tries to finish his sketch in peace. Why do his brother and his friend have to make everything a big deal?
Suddenly, his book it taken from him, "Give me that!"
Naruto looks up panicked, that's the one thing that's his own- Katsu will destroy it! "Wait-!" He tries to speak.
"Aww, does the baby want his book?" The kids laugh in the background.
Naruto frowns, "Please- just, give it back," he tries to reason with them timidly.
"You talked!" Katsu takes a few steps back and examines the book. Naruto silently thanks the gods for letting it shut. "This piece of garbage must be im- important!" Naruto feels a sharp pain as Katsu calls his book garbage- It's not garbage... it's precious to him. Katsu grins, "Maybe I should keep it."
Hearing that, Naruto's eyes grow wide, no- he wouldn't! "Just- give it back!" he tries again weakly. Katsu laughs at him and refuses. "Give. It. Back."
"Don't act all tough, you loser!" Katsu waves the book in front of Naruto. "Maybe I should throw it in the river or how about the trash- it's where you both belong." Kiba laughs. The kids playing soccer laugh. The girls laugh. Sasuke chuckles. The teachers do nothing.
Naruto growls, "Give. It. BACK!"
Katsu drops the book; everyone is silent. Naruto pulls his fist back to his side. They all look at him at shock. Katsu lays on the ground, looking up at him in confusion. Naruto says nothing; he just picks up his book and walks inside. He had ever made an act of violence before- he had never even looked like he was going to fight back. Even while being beat up by bullies- never. Not even the teachers know how to react.
Naruto walks calmly to the library- no one goes in there, except the librarian. He can continue there. Naruto sits at a lonely table and opens up his book. It has a little dirt on the cover, but nothing a slightly damp rag won't fix. He lets out a sigh of relief.
After finishing some basic shading, he stands and stretches. 'Time for class…' The blond tucks his things away and heads to class when a small book suddenly catches his eye. Naruto strolls over and stops in front of the little book. It is worn and very old- it doesn't seem as if someone has taken it out in forever. He grabs the book delicately, as though it will fall apart in his hands. Looking over his shoulder and seeing no one, he slips the book in his bag.
He has never stolen before, nor had he punched anyone before- today is very different indeed.
This time, he jogs out of the room and to his class. When he enters, everyone stares at him. 'Great.' Naruto takes the first open seat that just so happens to be in the middle of the room and next to Sasuke, again.
The teachers say nothing to him- and the students continue with their insults. Everything is normal, surprisingly. That is, until his brother stands. "GET DOWN," he shouts as everyone in his class retreats under their desks- but, before Naruto could move, it happened, a giant explosion of color. Neon and rainbow paint mixed with glitter covers the room, ceiling to floor. The blond wipes paint from his eyes and looks down at himself in horror.
"SENSEI! NARUTO DID IT!" Naruto doesn't care about his class mates; he checks his bag to make sure nothing had gotten ruined. His pencils are fine- but his book… the paint had started to seep in, the cover will be beyond repair- but the sketches and drawings should be fine. Luckily, the book he had stol- borrowed was not damaged in the slightest.
Their sensei glares down at Naruto. The kids had convinced him that Naruto did it- that it was further revenge for his book. Their sensei didn't think twice about it.
The whiskered blond trudges through the streets with the sensei leading.
The villagers glare and whisper things under their breath. "Demon, what did it do this time?" A pang hits his heart. "I bet the monster killed someone." "No, if it did, he would be dead already!" Naruto flinches. "It should just die." Naruto blocks them out; he recedes into his own mind- trying to stop the hateful words. 'Why does everyone hate me?'
It feels like an eternity, but they finally reach their destination: the Hokage tower.
Naruto tries his best to stand straight as his sensei enters to speak with his father first.
Soon- too soon- his teacher walks out and watches him enter the room. Naruto is stiff; he had never really gotten in trouble before- mostly because his 'parents' didn't care enough to punish him… 'But now,' he thinks, 'it's going to be very different from the other times.'
His father glares at him as he enters. Naruto tries to make himself appear smaller- maybe the Hokage won't notice him- maybe he could just disappear. "Naruto." No such luck.
"Yes, Hokage-sama?" The younger blond's voice is weak and afraid- his father takes no notice.
"I am very disappointed in you." Minato's voice is like steel.
A small crack.
He leans back in his chair. "I thought you were better than this, Naruto, I truly did." Naruto looks away in shame. His heart hurts.
The crack spreads.
"Give it to me." Minato holds out his hand, "The journal, give it to me." Naruto slowly reaches into his bag and pulls out his sketch book- a feeling of dread overcomes him as he sets the book in his father's hand. The older blond does not skip a beat; he puts the book next to his desk-right over the shredder. Naruto's eyes widen- no. His throat tightens.
A chip falls.
Minato lowers his hand- the book touches the top of the shredder. "No- H-Hokaga-sama- please," but the Hokage is not listening.
More pieces fall.
The sound of ripping paper reaches his ears- his eyes burn- his body wracks with pain. The older male does not care, he pushes the book through- forcing it to shred faster. Hot tears run down Naruto's cheeks- they fall mercilessly, but he makes no sound.
His heart shatters.
Once the last of the book falls into the bin Minato turns back to him. "You are not allowed to leave your room for three months and no dinner during that time." Minato observes his son for a moment, "Understood?" Naruto does not respond. "Understood?" The words come out much harsher this time. Wordlessly, Naruto nods. He silently leaves the Hokage office and travels back to his home- ignoring the glares and words of the villagers.
Naruto enters the house and mechanically walks up the stairs to his room. He closes the door silently. The blond pulls off his paint-stained bag and stares at it for a moment, before throwing it against the wall. He runs to his dresser to get it- he needs to relieve himself, but he stops.
Something catches his eye: his reflection. In the window, he can see himself covered in paint and glitter, but that's not what he is looking at. His eyes- His eyes are dead- empty. Just like his existence.
He has no reason to live. He will not see Itachi for months- and the elder Uchiha has a girlfriend. Naruto had tried to deny it, but it's true. Itachi would never love him. He is useless- nothing. No one could love him, not even his own mother.
The blond walks out of the room; he needs to clean up. Entering the bathroom, Naruto undresses and steps into the bathtub. He turns on the hot water- not caring about its affects. Once all the paint is gone, he dries off using the same towel from this morning and travels back to his room.
He dresses minimally, wearing only a t-shirt, underwear, and shorts. Now, standing next to his bedside table, he pulls out something, a kunai. Naruto handles it as if it were a delicate flower that could fall apart with the slightest touch.
The floor boards creak as he pushes himself onto the bed. Naruto traces his scars; he runs his fingers along his new- and old- wounds, the ghost pain makes him shiver. He sets the kunai on his soft skin. Naruto applies a small amount of pressure, but then remembers something: the book. He turns towards his messenger bag; the book lay a foot away.
Biting his lip, he removes the kunai. He will have another chance to do this- but he may never have another chance to read his book. 'I can do it after I read the book.' Setting the kunai down on the bedside table, Naruto slides out of bed and picks up the book.
Laying back down he reads what the book is about, 'Gods?' Naruto opens up to a random page, he isn't really interested in gods, but maybe he should at least read about one god. 'The God of the Forgotten?' Naruto smiles a little, 'Sounds like the God of the Forgotten was forgotten.' He keeps reading; it says that he had been prayed to a long time ago, but as of three hundred years ago, no one has prayed to him- not once. The book also claims that the god tries to make it up to the forgotten- through a second life.
Naruto closes his book. He had spent thirty minutes on that section- it's time to do it; the book takes the place of the kunai on the table. Naruto sees his reflection, it's time to go.
He places the kunai on his skin once again. Tenderly, he makes the first cut. He winces from the pain, but it soon fades when he sees the blood. It bubbles from his skin and runs down his wrist to the floor- and with it, goes his emotions. 'So pretty….' His blood shimmers beautifully in this limited light. It captivates him as the liquid ruby runs down his arm much quicker with another cut.
Without hesitation, the other wrist receives two quick slashes and more of his beautiful life essence flows out. Naruto can feel himself numb- it's amazing. Emotional pain evaporates with each slice and he knows the more he makes the quicker the pain of living will be over, too. Black spots cloud his vision as the kunai falls to the ground, but Naruto neither realizes it has slipped from his hand nor that it has made a clatter on the floor. His mind becomes blank so he does not recognize that his body has tumbled from the bed. The whiskered child's mind is elsewhere.
'I will be free,' is his final thought; he knows no more.
Where is he? Naruto's mind strains- hadn't he died? Maybe this is limbo… Black spots fade out of his vision, allowing him to look at his surroundings.
Black.
Everything is black- he's suspended in the nothingness, completely alone.
A rough old voice calls from the darkness "Uzumaki…. Naruto…" The whiskered boy turns to the voice, expecting to be taken by the Shinigami. However, a frail man in a mask floats forward instead. 'The god of death looks… dead?' The man chuckles painfully, "I…," he rasps, "am the god of…," cough, "the….. forgotten'"
Naruto's eyes widen, someone had remembered him- even if it was the god of the forgotten, it was someone. "Life…," the god pauses to breath, "has tried to be… fair…" Anger builds up in him- how dare he say something like that- Naruto opens his mouth to shout at the god- but is interrupted. "The gods… have dammed you…."
That came as a surprise. "The god of death… took…," he pauses to breath, "took the love anyone…. could feel for you…." The blonde's heart constricts painfully, "in exchange…. for your father's life."
"Why…?" The word comes out barely a whisper. Pain thunders through his body, 'Why did this happen to me?'
The god takes a moment to reply, "Because… he sealed the Kyuubi… inside of you…" Naurto's eyes burn. "The seal… would have killed him." It explains everything…. everything. O-god, how could he be so stupid!
"Monster"
"It should just die"
"Demon fo-" "Don't speak of it!"
All the harsh words…the name calling- all the glares, the beatings- everything!
The old god makes a noise, "You… are not the kyuubi…," he pauses, "just it's container." Naruto nods, this is a lot to take in.
"I'm… going to break a lot of… rules." The whiskered child blinks in surprise. "I'm… going to… b-bring you back to life… I… don't have a lot of power…" Naruto is confused, 'what's happening?' "You will have powers when… you awaken…"
'P-powers? What's going on?' "The gods have turned a blind eye to you… they will not notice." The man is getting weaker with every word. His skin is barely hanging on his bones and his kimono is old, dirty, and torn. "Make a village… they will love you…support you…" His voice is strained, barely comprehensible.
"But-" He has so many questions. What is his power? How does he use it? Why isn't he dead? What is he supposed to do now? Make a village? He's six! How is he supposed to do that? Will his family ever get back the ability to love him? Naruto's mind fogs. What…?
The oldman fades back into the darkness.
"I'm sorry."
Jolting forward, Naruto breaths heavily- what? He quickly forces himself up and looks at his cuts- they are all healed over. There are, however, still large scars where the cuts once where. He slumps- even the blood had been cleaned up. Does that mean it was real and not some before death hallucination? Cautiously, he looks around his room- his bag is beside him- and no longer doused in paint. His room looks cleaned as well- and the Kunai is nowhere to be seen.
Naruto pulls his bag into his lap and flips it open with care. He looks inside, and tries desperately not to cry. His drawing pad is in there- not a drop of paint on it. Quickly he pulls it out and flips through the pages- everything is there. Every drawing every sticky note he took from the teacher- everything. The blond wipes his eyes and sets the book down next to him.
Next, he pulls out a flat metal tin. Furrowing his eyebrows, he flips open the container, inside is an array of colored pencils- more than he had ever owned in his life. His lip trembles but he continues looking through the bag.
The only thing left is the little book he stole- but it looks new. Reading the first page he gasps; the god had changed the book into a guide for his powers. Not bothering to get on the bed, he flips to the first page.
He closes the book. He can't read past the first page. It says… It says he can create things- life and materials. "Make a village" Is this what the man meant? He wants Naruto to just make a village. The suspense is agonizing; he quickly continues reading.
By the time he gets to the end of the written pages, the sun had lowered significantly in the sky. He leans back against his bed. This… this is amazing- he can create whatever he wants just by thinking about it- the only thing he has to worry about it chakra.
This could work… Naruto feels a smile tug at his lips- this- he could- he could get out of the village make his own where people would care about him! Naruto can feel a little happy laughter bubble up- For the first time in what seemed like forever, Naruto laughs- truly happy.
He could be free! He could do whatever he wants! He- he can be the Kage- his dream- he could become a Kage! Naruto's dream could be realized! 'I can!' His small smile turns into a face splitting smile. One of the worst days in his life- turned to the happiest.
But… his 'family'… what about them? The book had said they might be able to get their love back if he waited long enough… His smile falters. Biting his lip he makes a decision, Naruto will stay in this village and travel to and from it at random intervals. He can run his village- and still be in Konoha!
A smile blooms across his face once again.
Today was truly different.