Title: The Man Bag.
Author: Linstock
Code: Spock/Uhura
Rating: G
Type: Humour
Warning: none.
Summary: Nyota and Spock discuss his … accessory.
Au: Written for Philotic-net to go with her pic. Extra credits to Spocklikescats my beta reader. This is more co-written that betaed...the good bits are hers.
The Man Bag.
Mid-morning, Uhura's favourite instructor walked with perfect posture in his near-glide beside her. But he was accoutered … differently from usual. No stack of flimsies under his arm, no small pile of Padds crooked in one elbow. No … instead these were held by a … Her eyes crinkled so tightly with her grin her vision temporarily dimmed.
"May I enquire what you find so amusing, Cadet?"
Uhura pursed her lips hard and tried not to smile. Spock stopped walking, folded his hands behind his back and raised a questioning eyebrow at her, tilting his head just so. That did it – she dissolved into a fit of giggles. Bewildered, he looked at her indulgently.
"It's your – your Manbag," she gasped after a long moment.
"I am unfamiliar with the term." He was still puzzled.
Gesturing at the item in question, she explained. "Your Manbag – the word's a play upon 'handbag.' It's a 'Manbag' – the fashion accessory of choice for the 21st Century 'metro-sexual' male." Nyota was trying hard not to laugh but Spock's confused expression was too much for her.
"I fail to see how a utilitarian item for carrying goods can impart information concerning the carrier's sexuality or social status. And I am also at a loss to understand the word … 'metrosexual.' "
"'Manbag' was a somewhat disparaging term used by females, who generally carried 'handbags' and thought them the exclusive province of women." Thinking and speaking this explanation was helping Nyota to stop grinning. "'Metro-sexual' was a word coined at that time and used by these women and by heterosexual males, who tended in those days to be very sloppy or 'casual' in their attire and bodily appearance, to describe a man so well-groomed, so well-dressed and so (they believed) lacking in manliness that he would bother to follow fashion and would carry such an accessory. In their contemporary phraseology, he … 'might as well be gay.'" She met Spock's eyes.
His face had that look that meant, "I am being patient but you have failed to explicate sufficiently."
"'Gay.' Homosexual. In those days the best-dressed, most nicely groomed men appealed greatly to females, but after conversation with and flirtation from women, were generally kind enough to disabuse them of the idea that they were receptive to feminine advances.
"In cities, where certain males were fairly sophisticated and often expected to dress in accordance with metropolitan formality, there were many exceptions to this 'rule.' These gentlemen had sometimes been coached by 'gay' men in grooming themselves and following current clothing fashions … thus the term 'metrosexual,' A play upon 'heterosexual' using the prefix for 'city' – "
"I see." In that tone which meant, he understood the explanation but not the illogical human behaviours therein described. He put one hand around the strap of his bag and began to … lecture, actually. Perhaps turnabout was fair play. She had lectured him, after all.
"This style of bag, with a practical shoulder strap passing diagonally over the chest and back, allowing use of both hands while securing its position on the body, is common on Vulcan. On Earth it was traditionally used to transport mail and other packages by persons such as Pony Express Riders, postal mail carriers and later, bicycle and motorcycle couriers. Many humans, however,attribute the origin of the modern 'messenger bag' to the utility linesman bag of the 1950s manufactured by the De Martini Globe Canvas Company. Other canvas utility bags were soon implemented; one type was used by members of Israel's Defence Forces."
She was now laughing so hard tears ran down her face. Perhaps it was because of the words and homophones "mail," "packages," and "bag" in conjuction with "use of hands," "position on the body" and "transport," which latter three terms might apply quite well to what Spock had done for her this morning, transported her using both [his] hands, his lips, his tongue, and … in a certain bodily position. After which they had performed an action that involved his male 'package.' With some pleasurable forces involved.
"I do not understand why this is amusing." He almost sighed. He was being so patient.
"Spock," Nyota said,audibly exhaling in an effort to regain her control, "I apologise for m-my reaction to your … accessory. I have behaved illogically." She marshalled control over her facial muscles but she knew her eyes were still laughing.
He turned then and they continued walking; his face wore that mask of impassive Vulcan dignity. Surely he could not help but notice her grin, which recurred every time she flicked her eyes toward him.
"I infer that you are recalling our time together this morning," he murmured eventually,
She couldn't help it; her next exhalation-to-control-herself turned into another explosion of giggles. Which she mastered … after a minute or two.