Dark Love

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

all characters j k rowling blahblahblahblahblabhlahblahb

It had been an unusually slow week for Harry at Hogwarts. His new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Frindez, had proven to be even worse than Snape. He knew he had done horribly on his Potions test, and to top it all off, Hermione had still refused to have sex with him.

Hermione was disappointed with Harry's "abilities" ever since she had reached down his pants one evening, only to discover he was not that much of a man. Being the stubborn girl she is, she refuses to do anything with him until he fixes this inadequacy. Because of this, Harry had been going mad searching through both the school's library and the Hogsmeade library to find some sort of enlargement spell.

Today looked to be Harry's lucky day. With the slight amount of embarassment, Harry walked up to the checkout counter with a book entitled "Dark Love - Spells and Charms to Give You the Upper Hand." Without hesitation, Harry snatched the book and ran back to the Gryffindor dorms. Harry jumped on his bed, opened the book, and looked through the pages for anything that would help him.

"Having trouble, Harry?", said a voice, making Harry jump. It turned out to be Ron.

"Er.. Uh... Well..", Harry searched for something, anything, to say that would get Ron to go away.

"I understand, Harry. You can turn on the lights in here and we can study for the charms exam together."

"...What??", Harry said, without thinking. He quickly collected himself. "Oh, yes! The charms exam! Of course! Well you know it's kind of late... and I was thinking of going to sleep..."

"Okay, then. Good night."

Harry, after this close call, closed the privacy curtains around his bed and used a dim light from his wand.

He turned to a chapter entitled "How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure," which looked to be exactly what Harry was looking for. There was only one spell that seemed to be what Harry needed. Ignoring the large "WARNING" sign beside it, Harry muttered "Enlargus Penale" under his breath, pointing his wand towards his groin. There was a shaking, vibrating sensation all over his crotch area. After about three minutes, Harry noticed no growth at all. He wondered some time about whether he did it right or not, but soon gave up. He put the book between his mattresses, and went to sleep unfulfilled.

The next morning, Harry woke up feeling slightly groggy. He reached for his glasses, and put them on. Harry, being an avid masturbator, usually wakes up with an erection in the morning and gives it a few strokes. He looked down towards his feet to notice something rather odd. His penis was not only erect, but sticking out of his pajama pants, almost touching the ceiling. Reaching for the book between the mattresses, he finally read the "WARNING" note next to the spell - "MAY MAKE PENIS UP TO TEN FEET LONG." Harry only thought of one way to rid himself of this affliction - his penis must remain flaccid throughout the entire day.

Harry got his erection down and thought about his situation. Keeping it non-erect posed a problem for Harry. He often had an hard on for hours on end throughout an average day. He assumed he could wrap it around his legs when not erect, it is only three feet long during that time. He looked at his schedule for today - he had to make it through charms class and double potions. Charms was no problem, Professor Flitwick usually kept it down for Harry. However, several people that made Harry in that excited mood were in potions, and he had to keep it down for two and a half hours without Snape noticing him not paying all that much attention.

After getting through a rather easy charms exam, Harry braced himself for what was coming. The hall passing had cheered him up somewhat, after finding that Peeves had hung Draco by his ankles and swung him around for some reason. The amount of laughter died down after Peeves put Draco down, and everyone resumed their daily activity. Harry walked in to Snape's basement classroom, sat down, and thought of the most disgusting things he could think of.

"Okay, class", Snape began, as he always did, "today we are to study erotic potions, essential if you are ever to encounter the nude flower women of the north."

Harry began to sweat.

"These voluptuous creatures come up to wizards in an attempt to seduce them out of their belongings. They first begin by... Mr. Potter?" Harry put his hands on his ears, screamed, and tried to feign a headache. He fell over, writhed in false pain on the ground, and begged Professor Snape, between ear piercing shrieks, to send him to the doctor.

"Mr. Potter, I know a fake attempt at getting out of class when I see one. Ten points from Gryffindor, and you are to never leave your seat unless instructed to again, under penalty of one hundred points from your house," Snape hissed. Harry, reluctantly, sat back down in his seat.

"Now, class, this is a picture of a flower woman. Boys, please try to contain yourselves as much as possible."

Harry squinted his eyes and braced himself for the worst. When the picture turned to him, he could not contain himself. The erection shot up like a filibuster firework. It burst out of his robe, broke his desk in half, went through the picture, and ended up straight in Professor Snape's eye.

Snape turned red, then crimson, then a dark shade of purple, much like Uncle Vernon back home. "Mr. Potter... what is the meaning of this??", Snape growled amid uproarious laughter from the students.

Harry chuckled nervously and looked up at Snape, who was holding one hand over his left eye. Harry's erection went down. "Well, sir, you see, I thought it would be, you know, a good learning experience if I, well..." Harry said with his voice cracking.

"A thous-- no, one million points from Gryffindor! And I will try my best to have you expelled, Mr. Potter!! Class dismissed!!" The students in Gryffindor were not too sure whether to hate Harry for ensuring their loss of the house cup, or to thank him for getting them out of double potions.

Harry raced up to his dorm, ignoring the taunts from the students who heard about the events that just transpired. When he finally got to his room, he collapsed on his bed and pulled the covers over himself. He noticed something in his covers, which looked to be a note. "Common room at 3 AM", it said.

After countless pranks and taunts from other students during dinner, Harry went back to his room. Harry waited until 3, put on his robe, and snuck down to the common room. He looked around, and saw nobody. Suspecting it was another trick, he began walking back upstairs.

"Stop!", yelled a familiar voice. It was Hermione.

"I saw you in Potions today", she said.

"So did the entire student body, Hermione."

"Well, I thought we could put that eye poker to use. How about it?"

"I thought you'd never ask!!", Harry yelled, full of glee.

One may think having a ten foot penis is inconvenient, sometimes embarassing. Well, it is.

Unless you know how to use it.