Plans and Reveries
"Arthur, don't you say to me, 'Child, child,'… I am not a child in love with you, to be patted and sent away, or to be scolded and shaken. I am an almost reasonable human being, who has not spoken to anyone for a long time…. People fall in love with me, and annoy me and distress me and flatter me and excite me and-and all that sort of thing. But no one speaks to me. I sometimes think that no one can. Can you?"
-Edna St. Vincent Millay in letter to Arthur Hooley
As quoted in her biography Savage Beauty by Nancy Milford (p. 126)
When Annie tightened her hold on him and tried to deepen the kiss, Jeff pulled back. Her questioning eyes held his own and caused something to lurch within him. He cared way too much for this girl; yes she was just a girl. He liked her more than a 34 year old former lawyer should. So he did the only thing he could think of doing. He ran away, literally. Just like when Annie and Shirley had found the illicit miniature Spanish frog costumes in his backpack. However, unlike that time Annie did not give chase.
Jeff,
I'm sorry about the whole Tranny Dance fiasco. That was crazy of me to just lay all that crap on you in front of everybody. I might have been hasty in my confession. I do like you…a lot. But, that wasn't the time or place and it's obvious from your lack of sweeping me into your arms and kissing me passionately that you do not feel the same way. That's fine. I'll just go off and lick my wounds. I'm going to backpack with some friends in Asia so I guess I'll see you in the fall.
Britta
P.S. Will things be too awkward in Anthropology? Should I drop the class?
Jeff didn't hesitate before hitting the reply button.
Hey, don't worry about it. We all do crazy shit when vying for the title of Tranny Queen, which I heard you didn't win. Such a travesty. Don't drop the class, the rest of the group would kill me, because it would be my fault if the group was broken up. Things will only be awkward for a day or two and then before you know it we will be fighting like our usual selves. See you September 17th.
A pounding on his door pulled Jeff out of the haze he had been in for the last hour. He had been staring at his ceiling contemplating his life, but apparently he couldn't even do that in peace. He groaned as he got out of bed, reaching around blindly for a t-shirt to pull on with his boxers. The person knocking didn't seem to like the pace at which he was getting to the door because the knocking got progressively louder. Mumbling expletives he finally made it to the door.
Surprisingly, or not surprisingly, Jeff couldn't decide, Shirley was at his door. She was brightly dressed, probably heading out for vacation with her kids. He glanced past her to the parking lot to see her two boys sitting in the parked minivan. He turned his attention back to Shirley who had the most intense expression on her face.
"Jeffrey Clark Winger! I can't believe how you treated Britta the night of the dance."
"How the hell do you know my middle name?" Jeff exclaimed, because obviously that was the important part of this conversation.
Shirley ignored him. "After all the flirting you two have done all year, how could you not pick Britta? She has come so far this year in opening up to us and she hands you her heart in front of everybody and you just reject her. That is no way to treat a woman."
"I didn't ask for her to confess her love for me. We just slept together once. How was I supposed to know it would lead to this? I thought we were just having fun. Maybe we would go on a few dates, but commitment right at the beginning? No, I did not sign up for that."
"I don't like your tone," Shirley growled, getting in Jeff's space. "And you need to talk to Britta. And don't think I won't check up to make sure you haven't talk to her. I will call her everyday if I have to in order to make sure you two sort things out."
"She already emailed me."
Shirley deflated a little at that. "And what did she say?"
"That she was sorry for putting all that on me and that we would still just be friends. Things will go back to normal."
"But you two would be perfect together." Shirley didn't want to drop this.
"She's just not what I am looking for at this moment." Jeff thought briefly about telling her about Annie, but thought better of it. If Shirley had been mad before, she would be furious after hearing he went and made out with Annie and then ran away from her as well.
Shirley looked like she wanted to argue, but one of her sons honked the horn, obviously impatient to start their vacation. She looked back at the van and decided it was time to go. "Don't think we are done talking about this. When I get back in a couple weeks we are going to have a nice long discussion about the proper way to treat a woman and we are going to see if we can't sort out these feelings for Britta that you have, even if they aren't apparent to you at the moment."
It wasn't until later when Jeff went to get his mail did he see that somebody had keyed his car spelling out Team Britta on his drivers side door. He had a sneaking suspicion it had been Shirley, but he had no proof.
Took a job in Texas at an actual university. Don't bother trying to keep in touch.
-M
Jeff deleted the message and went back to refreshing his Facebook page, hoping for a status update on Annie.
It was after four days straight of not showering or leaving his apartment that Jeff realized that this was not the way he should spend his summer. He had never had a vacation like this before. When he had time off at the firm he always went to some fancy resort where he proceeded to drink himself into oblivion. During Christmas break he still had a little money saved up that he was able to travel home and visit family. Currently he was dead broke and his only source of comfort was the television. He thought about wanting to get out of this hell hole and back to living a normal life. It made sense that if he took a couple of classes this summer then he would put himself that much ahead of his graduation plans.
He checked online and sure enough there was plenty of open space in the handful of classes being offered during the summer. He signed up for English 101 and an Algebra class. They were basic classes that filled up quickly during the school year because they were required of all students. Now he could just get them out of the way. He made sure his financial aid was all set up before closing the lid of his laptop. He gave a deep sigh, noting yet once again how nothing turned out how he had planned.
It was while he was walking along the sidewalk through campus to his first class when Abed leaped out of one of the bushes lining the walkway.
"Holy shit!" Jeff yelped. "What is with people leaping out of shrubbery?"
Abed's face stayed its usual neutral self. "If enough of us use it as an entrance then eventually it will become a sitcom staple."
Jeff didn't even bother to remind Abed that they were not in a tv show. "So what are you doing around campus? I thought you were going to use the summer to finally watch everything in your Netflix queue."
"To stay in the dorms for the summer I have to take at least five credits this summer so I am taking a math class."
"Intermediate Algebra?" Jeff asked hopefully.
"Yes," Abed answered simply.
"Good, I'll know somebody here this summer."
"Annie is taking classes as well. I saw her this morning so I guessed she decided not to go with Vaughn after all. We can have lunch together and form our own subgroup that will have our own inside jokes that everybody will envy when they get back from their summer vacation."
Jeff couldn't get past the first sentence. "Annie is taking classes?" He hated the squeak that was in his voice.
"Why are you surprised? Out of the entire group her character is the most likely to take summer classes. You are acting downright out of character compared to Annie." Abed stopped abruptly. "Why are you so concerned about Annie taking classes?"
Jeff stopped with Abed, not really caring that they would both be late for their math class. It was the first day of class, it wasn't really that important. "I'm not concerned. I was just surprised that she was even here for the summer."
Abed stared at Jeff blankly for minute. "You're lying. You knew she was back."
"How the hell Abed?"
"But that still doesn't explain why you don't want to see Annie."
"I don't mind seeing Annie. She's our friend. Why would I care?"
There was another pause. "You kissed her!"
Jeff groaned and rolled his eyes. Jeff hadn't watched Abed's show for a couple weeks, so for all he knew Abed was guessing what had happened on his show. Which if that was the case, he was kind of curious how it all ended up.
"Yes, I kissed her."
Abed didn't say anything, waiting for Jeff to elaborate.
"Well, don't you have an opinion on this? Like for instance I am too old for her or maybe you are Team Britta."
"I am Team Switzerland."
"Where did that come from?"
"Well, it refers to shippers in the Twilight fandom who don't want to pick between Edward and Jacob."
"Oh Abed," Jeff said disapprovingly.
"If you want to understand a pop culture phenomenom then you need to experience it. But, that's off topic. Let's get back to you kissing Annie. So did you pick her over Britta?"
"No, is that what I should do?"
"I don't know."
"Well didn't Annie and I kiss on your show you are making?"
"Yes."
"So," Jeff spoke impatiently. "What did we do next?"
"I don't know. It was the season finale of the show. I don't start filming the next season until July or August."
Jeff groaned. "But, what would you have the characters do next."
"There isn't just one way that this could go. There are many different ways that your characters could be impacted by the kiss."
Jeff shook his head and continued walking to class, tired of this conversation. The one time he wants to use Abed's crazy ability to predict what happens, he is not helpful.
Abed sensed the hostility and tried to appease Jeff. "I will say this; there is a universe where you and Annie could have a successful and fully functioning relationship."
Jeff glanced at Abed out of the corner of his eye. "How is that?"
"You both have character flaws but somehow those are flaws are minimized when you are together."
Jeff was still contemplating what Abed had said as he approached his English classroom. Maybe Abed was right that he could be with Annie. Jeff hadn't really considered that option. He just figured that because of who he was and the social taboo's on the topic, him being was Annie was a moot point.
He turned into the classroom and froze instantly. Sitting in the front desk was Annie. Jeff gave himself a second to appreciate that she looked really good in a summer dress with her hair loose around her face. Once that second was up he went straight to panicking about being in the same class as her. Just because he came to the realization that he could possibly date Annie, didn't mean he was ready to confront the issue. Not to mention there is the whole running away from her after they kissed problem to overcome.
Annie glanced at him and then went back to staring straight in front of the class. Jeff held an internal debate about where to sit. He didn't want to sit too close to her in case she hated him. But he didn't want her to think he hated her so he didn't want to sit in the very back. Chastising himself for acting like an 8th grader he sat behind her diagonally. Luckily as soon as he took his seat in came the professor, a dotty old woman.
After introducing herself the lady took roll, calling Annie's name first. There were only 10 people in the class so it took less than a minute to go through. She then handed out the syllabus, talking in a dry tone about how they were going to explore as many different writing styles as possible in this class. She went over the major assignment deadlines, which Annie was furiously adding to her organizer.
"There's no use in really getting started without me knowing a little bit more about yourself. I want to see a sample of your writing before we start off so I know what I'm working with. Your assignment for tonight is to write me three paragraphs. One on who you were before college, one on who you are now, and finally what you want to be after college. Have it ready at the beginning of class tomorrow."
Jeff instantly hated the assignment, but was at least glad that they got out class early. He thought now might be a good time to talk to Annie, but she darted out of the class before he could even approach her. He would just have to be quicker tomorrow after class. Although he did think that he might want to come up with a plan about what he wanted to say.
He had been thinking about the English assignment for an hour now, which was more effort than he normally put into an assignment. He started to feel antsy because he couldn't put into words exactly what he wanted to say. He decided it was just the first assignment and if the teacher wanted to know about his writing style he would show it to her.
Before college I was a douche bag.
Right now I am kind of a douche bag.
After college I don't want to be a douche bag.
"So you two are in the same English class? That's a classic set up from numerous films and tv shows. Next, there are going to be revelations about your feelings through the writing you have to do for the class."
Jeff glanced at Abed as they walked out of their Math class the next day. "I highly doubt that. We aren't even reading each other's work. Professor Windbag just said we would be turning them in today for her to read. Nothing more."
"If you say so," Abed said doubtfully. "It's just if I were writing that scene I would have you two paired together to read each other's work and then your true feelings would be revealed. The closing shot would be the dramatic kiss solidifying your status as a couple."
"How are you not more disturbed by Annie and I being together?"
"Why would I be?" Abed looked at Jeff blankly.
"Are you serious? How about the rest of the group wants me with Britta or the fact that I would be dating a teenager…and I am 34."
"Are you really going to take dating advice from the rest of the group? Pierce has been divorced 7 times. Shirley has a jaded perspective of love and Troy treats dating women like a game."
"Ok, you have a point there. But what about the age difference? Annie's 18."
"Actually she is almost 20."
"What?"
"You all assumed she was 18 because of when she graduated. I asked her one time how old she was and she explained to me that she has an August birthday. Her parents had the choice of putting her in kindergarten or keeping her in preschool another year. They chose to keep her in preschool so she is a year older than everybody else in her grade. She will be 20 on August 23."
"I guess that makes it a little less creepy. But, she still is 14 years younger than me."
"My cut-off is 20 year," Abed stated simply. "I knew someone in high school who had parents that were 20 years a part. They probably had the most stable marriage I have ever seen outside of 50's sitcom."
"I still don't think the rest of society would be as understanding as you are."
Abed stopped and grabbed Jeff's arm so they were facing each other. "So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake!"
Jeff was surprised by Abed's sudden outburst of emotion. Even more surprising was that as quick as the onslaught had come on it vanished. Abed shrugged and headed off to the dorms, leaving Jeff confused.
"Before you hand in your paragraphs to me you are going to peer review each other's. I want you to get used to the idea of your fellow students reading your work. Receiving feedback and editing are essential parts of the writing process. If you want to get better then you will need to listen to others' criticism of your work. I am going to pair you by using the roll chart. The first person will be placed with the last person and so on. So, Annie Edison you are paired with Jeff Winger."
And that is when Jeff's heart actually skipped a beat. Abed's words came back to him all of a sudden. He half wondered if Abed paid off the professor to do this to him and Annie. He gave up on that idea. Abed just knew his subjects well.
After the professor was done calling out pairs she gave some directions on the activity. Jeff wasn't paying attention. He was just staring at the back of Annie's head. She probably was not happy about this as well. And he was correct. Annie moved to the desk in front of him, turning it around so they were facing each other. Annie's face was tense, but determined.
"So, here are my three paragraphs," she said as she handed him a typed paper. "Where are yours?"
In any other situation he would have enjoyed the shocked look as he handed her his scribbled on notebook paper with his three sentences. She pursed her lips, but taking the assignment seriously she bent forward and started to write notes on his paper. Jeff rolled his eyes, knowing nothing could deter her from the assignment. Curiosity rose in him as he turned to the paper she had handed him. He eagerly read, wondering how she saw herself.
Before my experience at Greendale Community College I was a mess. I had no friends. People assumed that I took school so seriously that I would not enjoy hanging out or going to parties. They thought I did not act like a teenager and so they stayed away from me. I only had my schoolwork to keep me company. I threw all my energy in getting the best possible grades. I would not settle for anything less than perfection. What I soon learned was that perfection was not achievable, not even by illicit methods.
I have the opposite problem at Greendale Community College. I thought I would finally meet people who understood me. Instead I am friends with people who see me as the most immature in the group, just a naïve little girl. Oh the irony. I was taken too seriously in high school, and now nobody will take me seriously. People assume that they know what is best for me, that I cannot choose my own life. If I want to kiss an older man, that is nobodies business but my own. But even then, he thinks that he knows what is best for me and won't be with me. Once again my life is out of my hands.
After school all I want is to completely belong. I want people to see who I am; no more or no less. I want to find that one person that will fight to be with me, not run away. I want to find that job that I am perfect at, without having to take pills. I want to be me without fear or trepidation.
Jeff felt the overwhelming urge to run away at that moment. He had never read anything more honest and he knew that put Annie in a vulnerable position. He guessed that Annie never meant for him to see this. He knew though that running away was the wrong move. Annie said it best herself that she wanted somebody who would fight for her. It was a simple request and he knew that she was talking about him.
He wrote some random comments at the bottom of the page as his feedback, but he wasn't even sure if they made any sense. Judging by the look that was on Annie's face when he handed the paper back, she didn't understand what he wrote. Jeff didn't bother looking at her comments on his paper. Knowing her, there was probably a page long lecture on taking assignments seriously and that a sentence does not comprise of a whole paragraph.
Finally the professor dismissed them asking for the class to hand in their papers as they left. Jeff grabbed his bag and blindly shoved his paper in the professor's hands before following Annie out of the classroom. She was speed walking down the hallway, trying to get away from him. She made it out into the courtyard before he caught up with her. He grabbed her arms and stopped her, forcing her to turn around to face him.
"Annie…" He started. He couldn't find the words as he was caught off guard by the pure emotion on Annie's face. She looked broken.
"Look Jeff, we really don't need to talk about it. I figured you chose Britta anyways."
That shook Jeff out of his trance. "I didn't choose Britta."
"Fine, then you chose Slater." Annie stomped impatiently. "I just want to go."
"I didn't choose Slater."
"Does it really matter? What do you want Jeff? To talk down to me more about how you know what is best for me? To run away again?"
Jeff scrunched his eyes closed quickly, took in a deep breath and then opened his eyes to look directly at Annie. "I want you."
Annie's whole body relaxed, but the pain didn't leave her face. "For one night and then you will move on to the next girl. Or maybe you want to keep me hidden away as your dirty little secret."
"I wouldn't do that to you. I care about you."
"You have a funny way of showing it," Annie snapped.
Jeff exhaled loudly. "Look Annie, you can't blame me about being hesitant about you. The fact of the matter is there is a huge age difference between us and not everybody is going to understand us."
"But, I don't care," Annie exclaimed.
"I know. And I am starting to realize that I don't care either. I want to be with you. But, you are going to have to be patient with me. This is new territory for me." Jeff took a step forward, closing the distance between them. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to try."
The lines on Annie's face smoothed as his words washed over her. "That means you have to talk to me then. If you are having doubts, then you have to tell me…so I can squash any doubts you may have." She reached up putting her hands around his neck, pulling him a little closer. "Got it?" Annie whispered.
He nodded before she brought his lips to hers. This time as the kiss deepened, neither pushed away. They just pulled each other closer.
In the distance, Abed watched from the bench he had been sitting on for the last 15 minutes. He ate another couple pieces of popcorn, mumbling, "fade to black."
A/N: For the M/M Fic Exchange. This was for Mrssnape13 and her prompt was "Someone has to jump out of a bush or some sort of shrubbery, kickbutt!Shirley, and PsychicDirector!Abed." I loved the prompts but I will admit Shirley was next to impossible to write. I hope I didn't botch her too badly.
Besides the prompt I was inspired by the quote at the beginning of the story. I'm reading this book and that quote just struck me as so Annie and I couldn't get it out of my head. I was also inspired by the song Plans and Reveries (hence the title) by Black Gold, pretty much my new favorite band. Check it out on youtube. This was a new style of writing for me, the shorter scenes. I hope y'all were not too distracted by the flow of the story. Also, the ending was a little difficult to write so I know it is abrupt but it was the best I could do. Other than that feedback is GREATLY appreciated. I love all reviews. Thanks for reading.
FYI, what Abed said is true about a friend of mine. Her parents were 20 years apart, but they had such a solid marriage, even through insane medical problems and financial problems. They died within a couple years of each other as well. That is my sole reason why age doesn't bother me in this fandom and others as well (Any Tin Man fans in the house?).