COMPLETELY AU: Red notices. She's stopped eating, she isn't sleeping, and she flinches when you touch her. Of course Red's noticed. TRIGGER WARNINGS. Oneshot.
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In this story: Nicky is fifteen and works at 'Red's Дворец', Queens' most successful bakery. Galina Reznikov cannot have children, but she thinks of Nicky as her own.
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Strange sight
You stand in the light
You're wrong, but you're right
And my heart's beating wildly.
Three days ago.
October 15th was when I first noticed.
My girl had tried to hide it with concealer and eyeliner, smart kid, but I new. I always new.
The day after that she had proceeded to reject her lunch. I always made her a PB&J sandwich with the crusts cut off, just how I knew she liked it. This time, however, she hadn't even picked at it.
Today was the final straw. She had flinched away from me when I'd tried to give her a hug, something that she usually always welcomes. Oh yes. I knew something was wrong, and this had directly cemented my suspicions.
Deciding to simply bite the bullet, I asked the question that had been plaguing my mind for what felt like an eternity inside my head. "What's up, Nicky?"
Her big brown eyes locked onto mine and I knew that she knew exactly what I was referring to. I have always been able to see straight through her - a gift I know that she despises, but I am so grateful for. Right now I could see her internal struggle. I watched as her eyes darted around the room, begging for an excuse to help her manoeuvre from this discussion. I wouldn't let her, however. I needed to know why she was hurting; how I could help. I raised my left eyebrow at her and watched her recoil. She'd never been able to withstand that look.
"Nothing, ma. Everything's fine." Her smile was obviously fake. I could tell. When her smile was real, her teeth would show. Sometimes it was just a little, and other times I could see her entire top row. I loved that about her. This smile, however, was tight and forced. It looked as if it were actually painful for her.
"Nicky," I chastised. I wondered if it was worth pointing out that she had never been able to lie to me, but thought it pointless.
Strange how I'm scared, but delighted
Afraid, but excited too.
Letting the world in has never been something that my girl has been good at. She tends to build sky-high walls to keep emotions, especially vulnerability, out. It always hurts my heart a bit to see her recline like that. This world has so many beautiful things to offer, if only she understood that. I briefly wondered if this had something to do with how this world has been treating her. Marka had started dating another new man a few months back - the fifth one this year. I could feel the anger bubbling as I thought of all of the hurt and upset that woman had caused my daughter. My beautiful daughter.
"Nicky?"
I heard her sigh and I knew that the metaphorical floodgates were about to brake. This would mean that I would either be on the receiving end of angry Nicky or emotional Nicky. Personally, I hoped for the latter. Although it always broke me to see my girl cry, it hurt a lot more to have her yell things at me that we both knew she didn't mean.
I watched as her body slouched; hair falling over her face. Her beautiful face. And then it happened. I was by her side in an instant, embracing her into my motherly hugs. I was secretly excited when she didn't flinch away, but I didn't say anything. I new better. This was Nicky asking for help, and as I felt her tears invade my sweater, I couldn't help but hold on tighter.
I could tell as her sobs turned to sniffles that she was ready to talk; as I combed my fingers through her wild hair, something that I know she loves no matter how hard she denies it, I heard her mumble something into my chest.
"What was that, sweetheart?"
"Marka's new boyfriend doesn't like me."
Oh, the anger I felt in that one moment would have been enough to rip that bastard's head off and not feel any slight pinch of remorse. How could someone not love this girl? My girl? She was God's greatest light.
"What do you mean, darling?" I had my sneaky suspicions, but I needed her to conform it. After all, I was known for constantly jumping to the wrong conclusions and acting on them before anyone could tell me otherwise. "What do you mean he doesn't like you?"
I felt her retract from my grip, my arms instantly missing her warmth, and I watched as she lifted the hem up of her winter sweater.
You have a cold heart
You're reckless and distant
But I'll be persistent
I will understand you.
I gasped, my hand coming up to my mouth. I couldn't do anything but gasp. Her ribs were protruding through her skin, the entirety of her stomach and sides had been covered in hand prints and purple bruises. I felt sick, the ache in my chest growing at an exponential rate. It felt as if someone had ripped my heart out from it's safe haven. A single tear slid from my eyes.
"Oh Nicky," I didn't know what to say. What were you supposed to say in situations like this? After the initial shock, I felt myself begin to shake with anger. I was seething. This man, this motherfucker had laid his hands on my girl and hurt her. How had I not noticed? No. I'm not blaming myself. I'm blaming the son of a bitch that forced my child to feel unsafe in her own home. Before I even realized what I was doing, I was charging towards my front door. Oh yes, my mother instincts had made a full appearance and I was not going to go easy on this bastard.
"Ma wait!"
I almost didn't register Nicky's voice, the ringing in my ears too prominent, but she had made it in front of me and effectively blocked my path.
"Nicky, move -"
"No."
I was taken aback for a second. I'd never heard her voice sound so strong, so forceful, and I found myself responding to her.
"Nicky that man -"
"Is my concern."
Under normal circumstances I would had reprimanded her for interrupting me, but these weren't exactly normal circumstances.
"He is not just your concern. He messed with my family; therefore he is also my concern."
I watched as her beautiful chocolate eyes began to shine once more and I hurried her back over to my couch where I held her as she proceeded to let forth more unshed tears. Oh, my girl. My sweet, lovable, beautiful girl. How could anyone have done this to you?
Strange how I'm drawn to the danger
I'll reach out my hands to you.
It took her a good twenty minutes, but she finally calmed down. Her heavy sobs turning to babyish hiccups. I sighed as I proceeded to stroke patterns over her back with my index finger, another calming technique I know she secretly loves. My mind was whirring a mile a minute and before I knew it, Nicky was asleep.
I loved moments like this. Moments where I could just hold her. Moments I knew she would only let happen during her slumber. I studied her sleeping face, her body limp against mine, before carrying her to my bed. The fact that I was easily able to manoeuvre her, even with my back the way it was, frightened me. She couldn't be weighing more than 90 lbs right now. Oh yes, we will change that.
Do you long to be left all alone?
Set apart with a heart made of stone?
Let me help, let's begin
Let me learn
Won't you let me in?
All the light, let it show.
I awoke next to my sleeping child. I could tell by the dark circles beneath her eyes that she had not been sleeping, so I was glad that she could have the chance at a solid twelve hours last... TWELVE HOURS? Shit.
"Nicky? Nicky it's time to wake up."
I heard her groan and bury her face deeper into the pillow that she was using, a chuckle escaping my lips.
"Wakey wakey, little girl. We need to get up."
Nothing. I let my hand ghost up her side and across her stomach, snickering when I felt her slumber-filled body try to squirm away from my fingers.
"Noooo."
I couldn't help but smile. My girl was so stubborn, even in the mornings. I let my hand tickle up her ribs with a little more force, in the spots where I knew she wasn't bruised, and let out a boyish laugh when she squealed and jumped away from me; my bedroom filled with her musical laughter.
"You getting up, sweetheart?" I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I watched her try, and fail, to catch my hands.
"YeheheAHs!"
I seized my attack and smiled down at her. There it is, the smile I do adore so much. A real one! With her beautiful pearly whites showing to prove it.
"I'm not going to open the store today. I'm going to spend the day with you. We are going to eat junk and watch movies. How does that sound?"
"No! No, you don't have to, I'm fine. I need to head home anyways."
Before I could fully bask in the glory of my daughter's smile, it faded away at the mention of her home.
"No. Absolutely not. You are not going home whilst that asshole is there. I will handcuff you to my couch if I have to."
"Ma -"
"I don't want to hear it, Nicky. It's not happening. Understand?"
My authoritative tone was in full swing and I'd never thought I could be so happy to see her agree to my terms without argument.
You are a strange sight
Some new kind of wonder
With good hidden under
I'm sure that it's true.
Three hours later and we were halfway through Mean Girls. I didn't care for this movie at all. Personally, I thought it was just another useless Hollywood garbage movie; Nicky liked it. I could suffer through this for her sake.
We had just watched some hipster boy sing about Shaggy and a bathroom floor when I noticed a grim look appear on my daughter's face. No doubt she was thinking the exact same as me. She WOULD have to return home at some point. I couldn't keep her here with me for the rest of our lives, no matter how much I wished that I could.
"You aren't alone, Nicky. You know that yes?"
I watched her lip tremble as she nodded to my words and I brought her into my embrace once more. My sweet, sweet girl.
"Do you want to tell me what happened? What he did?"
I didn't know whether I actually wanted to know the answer, but I did know that talking about things like this sometimes helped. Sometimes. An eternity passed before she spoke. I had never heard silence quite that loud, but I readied myself. Here it comes.
"I - I was cleaning and he...he was drunk. I accidently knocked over his beer bottle and he just went ape shit. Marka has dated aggressive guys in the past, yeah, but I'd never seen anyone get so angry before."
I found myself nodding along to her story. It was an assurance to her that I was listening to every word, but it was also helpful to me as it kept my mind from wandering to dangerous thoughts.
"He grabbed my hair and just started kicking; punching. I stopped feeling the pain after a while. It turned almost dull, you know?"
No, I didn't know. I smiled encouragingly at her regardless of that fact though. I knew better than to interrupt.
"I don't know how long it lasted exactly. My guess is only a minute or two, but it felt like hours. I couldn't breathe properly for a while afterwards. He stalked off towards the bedroom and I just lay there. It was as if I was paralyzed."
Strange how your dark doesn't faze me
No, I won't give up on you.
She did go home eventually. As much as I wished she didn't have to, I knew she did. They were her guardians after all. Her sick, arrogant, motherfucking guardians. Oh how I wish she was legally mine. It had never meant anything to us before - we knew where we stood. She was my daughter of love. She did not grow in my womb, but in my heart; that was good enough for the both of us.
I woke up to darkness outside. My clock told me it was only 3 AM, and I wondered why I had awoken. This usually never happens, but then I heard it. A crash, a whimper, somebody was in my house.
I grabbed the closest thing to me, a frying pan, and headed for the intruder. What a frying pan was doing in my bedroom at 3 AM, I had no clue of.
The first thing I saw was wild hair, then combat boots, and then a face. The face that never fails to make my heart skip, but this time, however, the beautiful face that I was so use to seeing was covered in blood and bruises; instead of making my heart swell with love, it ached with pain.
I hadn't even realized that I had dropped the frying pan until I heard it make contact with the floor, causing us both to cringe.
"Hey, ma."
She sounded so broken, so weak.
"Oh Nicky."
Do you long to be left all alone?
Set apart with a heart made of stone?
Let me help, let's begin
Let me learn
Won't you let me in?
All the light, let it show.
It turned out that the blood engulfing her face simply stemmed from a tiny cut on her forehead. Strange how something so small could create such a mess.
Her left eye was beaten, black, and bloodshot; her lip split from what I assumed could only be from a punch. That bastard.
"It was my fault, ma, I was to loud! He -"
"No!"
The harshness of my voice had shocked us both, and I let a cold stare land upon her face.
"No, Nicky. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. Do you understand? It is his job to protect you from people like himself, not to be the cause of your pain, yes?"
I could see that although she had nodded, she believed anything but. The anger inside of me was rising at a rapid rate, but I knew that I couldn't explode right here. Not right now. I shall have a good punch at my pillow later today.
"Look at me, Nicky."
When she didn't meet my demand I placed a finger under her chin to leverage those beautiful brown eyes to look at me.
"Nicky this man, this cruel, sadistic man, he will say things to make you believe this. He will fill your head with lies to make you think that you deserve such treatment, but that is all they are. Lies. It is what people like him do. None of this is your fault, yes? The only thing that you are at fault for is letting him pollute your mind with such atrocities."
"I'm sorry, I -"
"No, my sweet girl. Do not apologize. It will be alright, I promise"
If you're caught in the shadows
And turned all around
Lost in the darkness
You will be found.
It had taken a good few hours to get my girl settled. She's a restless one, I'll give her that much.
The next time I awoke was to sunlight, birds, and the smell of burning. Burning?
I grabbed a robe and made my way into the kitchen once more, the sight before me causing nothing but amusement.
Nicky was standing by the stove, completely covered from head to toe in flour. Her hair had been angrily thrown into a bun as she threw another burnt piece of food into the bin.
I watched her glare at me as I practically doubled over due to laughter.
"I was trying to make you breakfast, but I don't think you deserve it now."
I couldn't keep the smile from my face. I had known that her 'tough-neck appearance' was a façade, but I always thought it incredibly cute when she tried.
"Oh my Nicky, what a mess. You go get cleaned up and I shall finish breakfast."
"Ma, the whole point of me making you breakfast was yano, me making you breakfast."
"Another time, sweetheart. Go and clean yourself off, yes?"
I watched her trudge away, taking special care not to smush the flour into my carpet. Always so thoughtful, my girl.
By the time she had remerged, I had finished cooking. She took her plate with a simple, "thank you," and made her way to the kitchen's island.
If you hear my voice
Follow the sound
'Cause I'm here to guide you home
We ate breakfast in a calm atmosphere, both taking it as silent a competition as to who would speak first. I knew from past experiences that she did not handle the silence well. I had given her the silent treatment more than once for doing things that I heavily disagreed with, and it had only taken twenty minutes for her to plead with me to make a noise. To this day, it is the only useful punishment technique that I have found works.
I was rewarded in my thoughts when she finally grunted.
"Argh! Say something!"
I smirked at her. "What? You aren't enjoying the silence?"
I was met with the dirtiest of glares and couldn't help but chuckle. "Okay fine. What would you like to talk about?"
By the solemn look on her face, I could tell what was coming.
"What am I gonna do, ma?"
I pondered her question for a hot second. What could she do? She could go to the police, but that would be a case of his word over hers. The cops in this town are jackasses. She definitely couldn't go home. I wasn't going to let that happen again. Could she stay here? Would Marka allow her to leave her home and live with me?
"Stay here. With me."
I hadn't even realized that those words had come out but, sure enough, my mouth didn't agree with the logic of my argument.
"What?"
There was a flicker of hope in her eyes and I knew, in that moment, that this was going to happen. I was going to make this happen.
"You heard me. Stay with me."
"Ma I -"
"Nicky listen," I didn't even care that I had interrupted her. This was too important not to say. "I will not allow you to go back there. Not again. You are my daughter and we both know that that is true. I am your mother, no? Therefore it is my duty to protect you and, as long as my heart is beating, I will do just that. Please, stay with me. You already practically live her."
She couldn't disagree with me on that one. She has her own room here, half of the books belong to her, and I do her laundry more often than not.
"Okay."
Do you long to be left all alone?
Set apart with a heart made of stone?
Let me help, let's begin
Let me learn
Won't you let me in?
All the light, let it show.
Sure enough, Marka was delighted with the idea. She had the chance to get rid of her daughter and a chance to regain constant freedom all at once. Apparently that is all she wanted, and that made me so angry. She did not deserve this child.
We were sitting on my couch and watching old reruns of Friends when I heard her mumble something beside me.
"What was that, love?"
"I said thank you."
I couldn't help the genuine smile that spread across my face. "No need to thank me, my girl."
"But there is. I know that I spent a lot of time here, but I always knew that it had to end at some point. That I had to go back to him. I felt so scared, and so alone, but you saved me. More than once, you've saved me. So thank you. Really, mommy, thank you."
I felt the tears in my eyes and I didn't even try to wipe them away. My daughter, my love, my constant. My greatest gift, and my greatest achievement. I am so blessed to have you as mine.
"And you will never have to feel like that again. Do you know why?"
She looked at me confused, "Why?"
Do you long to be left all alone?
Set apart with a heart made of stone?
There's a light that you shine
There's a love, I see it in your eyes
All the dark, let it go
You're not alone.
"Because you are not alone, Nicky."