Disclaimer: Snape, Hogwarts, and the whole gang belong to J. K. Rowling, but Snape's bad day belongs to me!
Snape and the Anti-Coffee Morning
Snape was having a bad day, not that it was any different from the rest of his days. This day was just harder for him, that's all. Yeah right, today had been horrible for the beloved potions master. First he had woken up to the screeching of his owl at 3 in the morning, and, upon investigating, discovered it was simply because a house elf had gotten stuck in a cauldron. Grumpy due to his rude awakening, Snape began to pull on the elf, extremely on the not gentle side, and then was perturbed when the elf wouldn't come out. Getting aggravated, Snape immediately cast a downpour of spells and charms on the elf and cauldron alike, of none worked except the one that gave the poor little green house elf a bright red and white spotted behind. It took Snape many spells and, unfortunately, hexes later to think about shrinking the house elf so he could simply crawl out. Snape did it enthusiastically, in fact, with too much enthusiasm, because the poor little house elf was shrunk into nothing. Snape, too angry to go to bed, decided to go ahead and have his morning shower.
An hour later, Snape very loudly cursed himself for his decision. Apparently, Dumbledore had forgotten to tell Snape the night before, or else he just wasn't paying the old bat any attention, that the water heater had gone out. It was just so, because he would have mumbled at the stupidity of using muggle appliances at Hogwarts since they didn't have electricity, and, low and behold, they did have magic. But that would have been useless, because Dumbledore, with a twinkle in his eye, would have simply offered him a lemon drop. As one can guess, when Snape turned his shower on what he thought would be scalding hot at full blast, he was unhappily surprised at the outpour of freezing water. Jumping as the cold blast hit him, he came back down on a bar of soap, of which we all know soap is not stable at all, and so Snape went boom with freezing water still cascading upon his head. This did not lighten Snape's mood once so ever. He cast a heating spell at the water as he got himself up, but unfortunately he hit the pipes, not the water, causing a very loud explosion as the pipes broke apart. This led to no other than Professor McGonagall running into his bathroom and finding a very irritated and very naked potions master. McGonagall no sooner took it all in before she fainted. Now Snape was very cold, had a bruised bum, had scalding hot pieces of metal all over him despite being cold, and now he had a fainted Professor on his hands.
Snape summoned his robes and proceeded to carry a now very blue McGonagall to Headmaster Dumbledore. Snape dumped her in his arms and said, "She's yours, you explain." As Snape proceeded to leave, the Headmaster attempted to offer Snape a lemon drop but he said, "No thank you. I believe it is far too early for such things as sugar." By now it was almost time for breakfast, so Snape headed to the Great Hall, only thinking about getting a hot cup of coffee and retreating from his horrible experience earlier that morning. However, today was not Snape's day, because upon entering the Great Hall he was confronted by a great banner that read "Coffee is bad! Let's Celebrate Anti-Coffee Day Here At Hogwarts!" In small print it read, "All Thanks to the Hermione Granger, Resident Know-It-All!" I'm going to kill her! Snape thought to himself. He stormed back out of the Great Hall only to run into Sirius Black who asked of him, "Care for some coffee-free coffee?" Snape proceeded to thoroughly bash Black's head against the wall before he left, for the first time that morning feeling happy with himself.
Snape's first class that morning was, to his utmost agony, the Slytherin/Gryffindor group, including the notorious Neville Longbottom. Longbottom not only managed to melt one cauldron, but six of them in one class! Snape had been so angry that he ordered all the students out of his class twenty minutes early, except for the stupid know-it-all, who he ordered to stay and clean up Longbottom's mess because he was still angry about the coffee incident. By the end of the day, Snape was not having a much better time. In fact, one could say that it had gotten worse. His hair had gone through an array of colors due to his stepping in between the famous boy-who-lived and Draco Malfoy, and thanks to a new prank of Fred and George Weasley's he choked out "I love Harry Potter" every other sentence. Now back to his quarters, he believed that his day couldn't get any worse, that is, until his owl came screeching in his ear once more. He followed the owl, only to find that another house elf had gotten stuck in a filthy cauldron. Groaning, Snape proceeded to go through a great many spells to free the elf, his incident just earlier that morning already forgotten.
Author's Note: I was in an evil mood and, though I do love Snape, decided that I had to write this quickie. Please review. I just wanted to be able to laugh at Snape saying that he loved Harry Potter. RR. Thanks.