I wake up in a bed staring at a paneled wall colored baby blue. Attached to my right wrist was a paper bracelet, and by that very same wrist stood an IV. To my left there was a bedside table which had an elegant lamp with a warmly-colored light bulb inside. I look down at both of my arms. They're covered in self-inflicted cuts. Above and across and all around the room were paintings. I can't bring myself to pay attention to them, but something is more important. There are no clocks in the room. I found that strange. A hospital with no clocks? Unheard of to me, useless Keith Kogane. There were also no flowers. I guess only doctors care about me, judging by how I'm somehow still alive. They should've let me die. They should've left me in that bed laying lonely as usual. They should've left me there for Allura to find my corpse in bed lying lifeless and limp. For Shiro to see why I could never be the true leader of Voltron. For Pidge to see I was exactly as Lance had make me to be. Nothing but a source for competition. Nothing but hated, useless, always angry little Keith lying dead in his bed at 8:32 AM. But instead Pidge had a different idea. I was sent straight back to Earth to lie here in a hospital, being treated like an unstable monster. Maybe I am just another unstable monster. I could be compared to schizophrenics and serial killers. Only...I would be a personal killer. Not so much a serial killer because this is only the first time I've tried to kill myself. 100% new experience.

Suddenly a man walks into the room wearing a nurse outfit. He looked familiar. Dark skin and black hair. Blue eyes like crystals, glimmering as the light hits them. Slender body with hips that honestly don't lie. Damn those hips sassily swaying back and forth as the young male nurse walked in the room.

"Keith Kogane. Attempted suicide via OD on painkillers. I'm Lance, here to give you your medicine." These were the soft words the nurse spoke. His smooth buttery voice soothed my mind, swept and mopped and did the dishes. His very presence cleared my brain of all sinister thoughts. Death? That can wait. This man is everything. This man is my world. I don't know what it is about him that rocks my world, but it feels ethereal. Lance, as he said his name was, gave off a euphoric vibe. It felt like heaven on earth with ice cream.

"Y-yes that's my name. Keith," I replied a little embarrassed that I look like a mess in front of a beautiful man such as he.

The nurse looked into my eyes wearing a blissful smile in his face. I smiled back. "So, what made you want to do it?" he questioned.

"I don't-," I began to stutter and blush, "I don't know. Lonely I guess?"

Lance smiled at my blushing face. "I can help with that," he began to whisper as he inched closer to me. I felt my entire body heat up. The god of all nurses leaned in, making the distance between our lips smaller and smaller.

BANG!

Lance was dead, lying lifeless on the floor. The killer of my final hope had come into the room. The killer was me. A different me. There were suddenly two Keith Koganes in the room. An obviously superior Keith Kogane, and me, useless dumb angry Keith Kogane. Superior Keith looked into my eyes with a menacing grin, pointing the cheap pistol at me. I sat there and welcomed it in the hopes of awakening to be next to a god. He shot, and my eyes opened.

[8:32 AM]

Sweat dripped from every part of my body that could. Suicide? Lance? I sat in that bed and wondered why on earth I had this dream. What did it mean? Is Lance okay? I checked my wrists. All clean. But those cuts in the dream...I could feel them. They felt and looked as permanent as can be. Deep breaths Keith, deep breaths. I take a few deep breaths pacing them slowly and attempting to keep them steady.

After finally clearing my mind, I decided to put my clothes on and go grab some food goo from the kitchen. Lance happened to be in the kitchen when I arrived. I let out a grateful sigh.

. . . .

"Is everything alright, Keith," Lance asked looking at me with genuine concern. I'd been staring at him with awe for the past 20 seconds, amazed at how that dream made me question if someone I knew was even alive. I guess he is.

"Uhh, y-yeah. Just... glad to be able to live another day," I forced, ending my words with awkward laughter. He stared at me blankly for a moment, then went genuinely confused.

He got up and walked out of the kitchen. On his way out he whispered to me, "Are you sure? We really can't afford for anyone to be like...in a depression or something." I nodded, letting him know it was okay, and he left. I watched him leave wondering why on earth he made me feel so alive in the dream but in real life he makes me feel so worthless.

I began to fix myself a plate of food goo. "What the hell even was that nightmare?" I asked myself after the plate was fixed.

"I don't know maybe you should talk about it," interjected someone obviously listening in. I turned around quickly to find that the voice belonged to Pidge. A sigh of relief escapes my lips. At least it's someone with a little more knowledge toward the logic side but do they know anything in the whole psychology thing? Oh well, I guess I'll have to find out.

I finally answered. "Well... I guess if you're willing to hear about it."

Pidge smiled sweetly. "Of course I'm willing to hear it, otherwise I don't think I would've suggested you speak about it."

"True." I sat down and ate for a few quick seconds while waiting for Pidge to enter the room. Once they sat down across from me, I started telling them. I told them about how I had woken up in a hospital, how I had self-inflicted cuts on my arms. I told them about the thoughts that went through my head while I was in that dream, and all those things about how I had tried to kill myself and why I was better off dead. How everyone that surrounded me seemed like they didn't care about me in this dream because there were no flowers or get well soon balloons or anyone waiting for me there. I told them of how Lance was suddenly a nurse, and how he almost kissed me but was murdered. I told Pidge that there was a different version of me in the room with a gun and how he shot me and then I woke up.

"So, what could all of this possibly mean?" I asked my friend.

"I don't know but that part about Lance is definitely important since you blushed," they said with a smug look on their face.

"H-huh?"

Did I really blush? I couldn't have. Lance and Keith, neck and neck, right? Always competing for something. There is nothing embarrassing about talking about Lance trying to kiss me, right? It was only a dream after all, it's not like it actually happened. But what if it did actually happen in real life? How would I feel? I don't know. I'd only be losing a friend, right? It's not like I'm losing a lover. Right?

"There is no way in hell that I would possibly have feelings for that freak," I declared to Pidge.

"Sure." They rolled their eyes at me. "Just like there's no way in hell I love robots."

"What are you getting at?"

"What do you think I'm getting at?" Pidge had a smug look on their face by now, probably laughing at me in their head. What for? It's not like I have those kinds of feelings for that child.

I responded with silence.

"You really don't know?" They seemed genuinely concerned. What was I so oblivious to? As far as I'm aware, I had never shown any signs of being into Lance in any kind of way.

Finally, Pidge began to explain. "You remember last week when you were reading in the lounge and fell asleep? The day we drew a moustache on you while you were sleeping."

"How could I forget," I groaned.

"Well before we had decided to draw on you we heard you mumbling. You were saying stuff like 'Lance, don't go.' and just Lance's name in general." I felt blood rush all throughout my body.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

But why? Was I dreaming of him? Was I dreaming of the way his body moves when he walks or how he's always got that dumb smile on his face? Impossible! I wouldn't call out for him not to be leaving me unless I did something wrong somehow.

Suddenly I saw someone in the corner of my eye standing in the doorway. It was Allura. Why was she here? Did she need something from us?

"Sorry to intrude," she said softly while walking in.

I was going to respond but Pidge did instead. "It's alright."

She seemed to a have a guilty look on her face. Like she was apologizing with just her eyes and those alone. Coran followed behind her. "We may have overheard your discussion," she added to the apology.

"Yes, terribly sorry for eavesdropping in on that important conversation," Coran said. It seemed like he was also adding onto the apology.

All they ever really did was make things more awkward when they listened in on things like these. This isn't the first time they "accidentally" listen in on important conversations regarding the relationships between this whole group of humans we have here. They'd overheard a lot of things from how Hunk and Pidge like to make robots together as a pastime all the way to, well, this. I don't feel anything for Lance, but I guess when I'm sleeping my brain disagrees with me. Strongly.

So, what was the big deal?

[3:00 PM]

What a lovely day out here in space. Alone. Perfect for jumping out the airlock. It's not worth it though. Jumping out the airlock isn't worth it. I have to keep everyone intact, right? Honestly why do these thoughts go through my head? I'll be fine. I can pull through.

"Everything alright, Keith?" A voice called out to me from seemingly far far away. I didn't budge, but I wanted to. They waved a hand in my face, saying, "Hey Keith, you okay?" Still, I didn't move. I couldn't. I was stuck. Stuck and alone with my thoughts. That nightmare was too much not to pay attention to. It was keeping me distracted. Why were there no clocks? Why were there no flowers? Why was Lance the nurse? Why did Lance almost kiss me? Why was I attracted to Lance? Why was I the killer? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?! "KEITH?"

"Huh?" Suddenly my mind snapped back to reality. I was sitting in front of Allura and Coran. "What's going on?"

"You were just about to start teaching us more about Earth," replied Allura excitedly. Her eyes seemed to twinkle with excitement and fascination.

Teach? What was there to teach about Earth? Criminality? Peace? Clinical depression and other disorders? Serial killers? Yearly birth rituals? Death celebrations with free food? I'm sure they knew about all of this, right? How horribly some humans treat other humans. That was easy to tell based on how Lance and I interact with each other? "Well, what is there to teach?" I felt like an older brother teaching his younger siblings. They just kinda looked at me liked the answer was obvious. Yeah, whatever they didn't know about. "Well actually I have something in mind."

[I'm about to have Keith tell Allura and Coran a story about a sadomasochistic serial killer, rapist, and cannibal. Albert Fish's story is absolutely not for sensitive people, so scroll until you see ". . . ." and save yourselves I guess]

"Like what?" The two looked very interested in the story I was getting ready to tell. One of death. Lot's of death.

"There was a man named Albert Fish born in Washington D.C. Of course he grew up but that's not what I'm trying to teach you about. This man was a sadomasochist. He enjoyed hurting people just as much as he enjoyed hurting himself. He was also a rapist, most of his victims being male and definitely younger than him. What else? A cannibal. ONe of his victims was a girl named Grace Budd who was invited to a birthday party. He went to get her and ask the parents if she could come with him to which they agreed and allowed their child to be taken away by this man." At this point Allura's kind face became somewhat afraid. I think she knew what was coming. "His letter to the parents really isn't...It's not. Ugh. Okay." I sat there and tried to remember exactly what that letter said. Why can't I remember it right now? Why did I memorise it in the first place? Finally the last paragraph to the letter came to me.

" ' When all was ready, I went to the window and called her. Then I hid in the closet until she was in the room. When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run down the stairs. I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mamma.

First, I stripped her naked. How she did kick, bite, and scratch. I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could take the meat to my rooms, cook, and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her, though I could have if I wished. She died a virgin.' "

I left those two in a hole, scared and afraid.

. . . .

"Is he still alive?" Allura asked.

"Oh of course not. After that letter the police found him and had him executed via the electric chair," I reassured her. The mood seemed to lift slightly but the feeling of being watched by some creepy cannibal lingered. Why did I decide to share that story? I don't know. It was very real though. A phase I went through drove me to take interest in stories like these. "I'm sorry guys I really didn't know what else to talk about."

"No it's fine. That was interesting," Coran said standing up. Allura followed him up and so did I. I noticed Lance standing in the background. He was eavesdropping.

"What the heck, Keith?!" Lance's voice reached out to me from where he was.

I forced an innocent smile, "I don't know what they do and don't know about Earth. I was just teaching them a fun little fact I learned about while doing some research."

"Dude, you don't just share creepy stories like that!"

I began to walk past him. "You can't tell me what to do." ." After my remark I felt my heart rate jump. Suddenly the entire nightmare came to my mind all in one flash, stopping me in my tracks completely.

"Got something else to say," Lance snickered at me.

"No, do you?" I guess there was something about the aggitation in my voice that made him quiet so suddenly. I was mad, but I didn't know why. Why was I mad? Was I mad at Lance? Was I mad at myself?

After that he kept quiet, and I continued walking. No point in spending time on stress if it only gets more stressful. I made my way to the practice room and begun practicing, working as hard as I could to perfect my speed and damage, breathing out sweat and breathing in stress as I worked towards perfection. Too much stress made me choke on all the air I was holding in my lungs. After I had finished my practice for the day, I took a few minutes to relax.

Wait. Something's off. The room feels emptier than I remembered it. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something's missing. I reach down into every pocket I have. No phone. WHERES MY PHONE?! I sprint out of the training room and search everywhere I've been. My room, the kitchen, the bridge, and I checked every nook and cranny of the training room. No where. I checked with Hunk and Shiro. They haven't seen it anywhere. I didn't want to bother Pidge because they were busy.

"Hey Lance, have you seen Keith's phone?" Hunk asked.

"Absolutely not, why would I keep track-"

I cut him off, "Yeah Hunk why would Lance keep track of any of my stuff? It's not like he should care." Lance just kept quiet. Good. Good for him. But...I didn't like seeing him so quiet. It was like telling a wolf not to howl because it's annoying. Like telling a baby not to cry at birth. I don't know what it was about him, but every time I see him he just makes my blood boil. He just pisses me off.

"Oh. Well, sorry I asked," Hunk replied awkwardly. "I was just hoping maybe he would know."

Shiro put a hand on my shoulder, as though he wanted to talk to me about something. I let him pull me aside to somewhere no one could hear us. "What is it, Shiro?"

"Keith, what the hell is going on?" He looked concerned. "You seem bothered."

"I'm fine, Shiro."

"I don't believe you. Spill it young man, or will I have to get my belt," He threatened.

"I SAID I'M FINE," I finally snapped at him. Everyone heard me, but at the time it didn't matter. "There's no reason to worry about me, I'm just boring useless angry old Keith." I hit Shiro's shoulder trying to seem playful, but he didn't see it as playful, "So leave me be. I don't need my phone anyway." I just walked back to my room quietly and quickly so as to get out of that situation. Damn, why does everyone have to be so pushy? I'm okay. I've always been okay. Why has everyone been in my business since I woke up?