Title: The Politics of Emotions
Author: ScullyAsTrinity
Rating: PG
Category: Angst/Drama
Summary: Post-Gaza. Donna attempts to deal with the aftermath just as Josh attempts to deal with Donna.
A/N: Matthew will hate this because it doesn't live up to my current standards, but, alas, I shall post it anyway, in all of its craptastic glory. He administered this challenge: first and last line provided.
Damn him.
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"So, have you talked to the guy? About the thing?" Kate perched on the edge of Donna's desk, prompting her reply with eyes that refused to look away.
It would have been logical for Donna to have been fed up with her, Kate had been dogging her non-stop to talk to someone about what was coming to be known as 'the encounter' in Gaza. Nimble fingers danced over the foam atop crutches, deftly avoiding the question.
"Donna?"
Or perhaps not.
Heaving a great sigh, she tried to make some semblance of order with the mess that had become her desk. "Not... yet, no."
Nonchalance didn't work for Kate and the sad attempt at making her words a banality failed miserably. "Oh, okay. Are you... going to?" Twirling a pencil between unpolished fingers, she watched Donna from under her lashes.
Donna could imagine how this looked to the other woman. She has seen it in Josh, years before, after he was shot, and even then, it had scared her. She had been the one to notice he needed help, and she was the one who had to give it to him. And now Donna wasn't sure if she could allow someone else to take care of her, but perhaps she had to. Give up the ghost, give in... give something.
Donna met Kate's eyes, staring straight back at her. "Eventually." She didn't bother to promise because Kate wasn't the person she had to make the promise to. The other woman nodded, and without a word, disappeared back from whence she came.
And Donna, she felt like a brick was lifted off of the pile stacked on her chest. A tiny sigh escaped her and she felt lighter by a fraction. But hey, a fraction was part of a whole and if these mini revelations kept coming, she'd be free of herself in no time.
As if on cue, Josh's fuzzy head popped outside his door. "Donnnna..." He drew out. Some things never changed. For that, she would be eternally grateful. Elated that he decided he didn't have to treat her differently, she sent a rare grin his way.
"How may I help you?"
"Lunch time..." Thrusting his hand out the door, he waved the Caesar salad at her, tempting her. Suddenly, her stomach fell, as did her grin.
"Not hungry."
Josh's face fell, much as hers had done. He knew by now not to push her into anything, he had hated that more than anything when he was going through the same thing. "I'll leave it in here if you want it later." And with that he was gone, and the brick that had been removed before tumbled back on the growing heap.
She felt just about ready to crack, the fissures there already spreading out in much the same way ice crystals did, overcoming every aspect of her body. A sob threatened to bubble up within her but she swallowed it, pathetically calling it lunch.
Incessant taps on her shoulder shrugged her from her reverie. When she turned, she was met with Toby's blank stare and Will's concerned one. An eye roll tried to take over her face, but like the other myriad of emotions she was feeling, she suppressed the action with ease.
"I'll tell Josh you're here." Were her only words to the two men.
Toby regarded her coolly, feeling just as lost as how to deal with her as he'd been with Josh. Will looked on, his face twisting, a complete mask of concern, knowing that if he tried to reach out her, he'd be rebuffed by a frigid, "I'm fine." So, just like everyone else, he did nothing. She'd learn to handle it herself... in time.
Donna picked up the phone hastily and stamped Josh's extension in. Her finger hurt from the force which she had dealt to the plastic. "Josh, Toby and Will-" There was a pause as he inevitably interrupted her. "Yeah." And she slammed the phone down and waved them in.
Her thoughts were drawn to the roughage sitting in the clear plastic container on Josh's desk. It wasn't enough to will her back onto the damned crutches just to eat something.
"Josh!" Will piped up, enthusiasm forced, but always welcome. "The notes you made for the thing. Good job." Will's eyes wandered all over Josh's office, knowing that if he looked at the man, Josh would become worried about the woman sitting not ten feet away from him. Will had never been good about masking his emotions and his concern for Donna was written all over him.
"Far from done." Toby mentioned gruffly.
And Josh didn't need to be any more worried than he already was.
"Yeah." He said to the wall, his back to them. "Did Donna seem off... I mean when you..."
Neither man spoke, not quite sure how to voice the fact that Donna Moss, did indeed look like she was dying. On both the inside and the outside.
Hand scratching at the back of his skull, he continued commiserating. "Anyway, she refuses to see anyone about it. I don't know, maybe it's a 'I am woman, hear me roar' deal... again." Josh rolled his eyes, only because he thought it was necessary to do so. He didn't want either of the two men getting the wrong idea.
Though when they got the wrong idea, which they were undoubtedly going to get because they were smart people, it would inevitably be the right idea, because the wrong idea they would be getting would be-
Josh put a stop to the rambling in his head, rather abruptly, and swiveled around in his chair to face his fellow government employees.
"We're talking about Donna." Toby stated, rather than asked, knowing full well that Josh had become concerned with her behavior. Or lack thereof. "She's a strong girl. Stronger than you. She'll get through it."
"It's more complicated than that." Will offered, placating Josh just a bit. He was glad for it.
"Yeah." Was all that Toby offered.
"Anyway! About the thing!" Will interrupted, and some of the darkness lifted from the room. "We need to downsize the speech, it's too long. I know how you guys like it wordy but-"
It seemed as though Josh was snapped out of his reverie. "Wordy is good Will. These people are waiting for wordy. They want to know just how the President is gonna bring about the 'new age' for social security. They won't invest in this plan if they don't hear about in, in detail first."
Toby nodded, as enthusiastically as Toby could nod. "Josh's right."
Will blanched. "Guys, we're talking about forty five minutes outlining a plan that's shaky at best. In sub zero temperatures."
The three men fought, for what would be considered a lengthy period of time. By the time CJ entered the volatile office, they all wore color high in their cheeks. It had invigorated all three of them; they'd needed it. And as Josh gulped in air after his lengthy speech, he realized that he was still alive.
Blood still pumping in his veins, just as it pumped in hers. She was alive, sure, and that was all that mattered.
"Boys will be boys huh?" CJ posed, slinging her lanky frame against the door jamb, grinning at Toby, just for the hell of it.
"Can we help you?" Josh snarked, grinning and she shot him an adolescent grin back.
"Yeah, actually, burn boy. You can tell me how the hell we're supposed to get the voters in the Minnesota ninth to go for this newfangled social security debacle. Because that's what it is, it's forty five minutes, all amounting to a debacle."
"Say debacle again CJ and-"
"De-bac-le." She annunciated, eyes shining with mirth. Toby shifted on his feet.
"Okay, I'll admit, it was an empty threat...but..."
Josh perked his head up and asked them all, rather brusquely, to shut the hell up.
Toby was proud of Josh's sudden change, from the emotional to the political, though he would never admit to it. "And then we slam them with the last point about how welfare will be saved and Medicare will be subsidized and BAM!" Josh jumped out of his seat, planting his hands on is desk.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Donna appear at the doorway, steady on her crutches, slight smile in place. Josh looked down at the top of his desk and grinned. "Bam, " He said softer, meeting Donna's eyes. "We have them eating out of the palm of our collective hand."
It was as simple as that. Donna was smiling again and he, he was inspired. It was all perfect, right there in that solitary moment.
Toby looked from Josh, to Donna, back to CJ and Will. He would have smiled if it wasn't so completely out of character for him. "So, we're settled? The speech is... staying as it is?" Will asked, not quite happy with it but succumbing to the wishes of the two senior men.
"Speech stays as it is." Josh nodded. "We gotta move on. Donna! I need the house resolution on 208!" He called to her and she sighed, smiled and hobbled off to get him the papers he needed. "We gonna works guys or... what?" Josh addressed the people in front of him, sending them all a quirk of a smile.
The cacophony of noise that was customary to the White House invaded Josh's ears and he felt slightly balanced once more.
Just another day at the White House.
Toby gruffly crossed his arms over his chest, and moved to leave the office. "And that, children, is where babies come from."