Summary: Gap filler for Atonement.

Spoilers: The beginning of Atonement.

Rating: T for naughty language and even more naughty themes, nothing terribly explicit.

Characters: Lennier, Zack, 4OFC, 1OMC.

Author's Note: I know, I haven't updated for a while. I failed my driving test *sob* and am now depressed. Wish me like on my retest!

Plus a certain member of my family, whom I want to bring up on charges of Museicide, keeps coming over! I'm trying, I promise! This is just a bit of ridiculousness I thought up watching one of Foamy the Squirrel's cartoons. It got me thinking two things, 1) what happens when Minbari leave their jobs? And 2) why did the Minbari in 'Atonement' seem so willing to stick Zack? Hilarious scene!

***

"Felec, why? I thought you enjoyed your work here. Why leave?"

"Misea, every time someone comes into this shop it becomes an ordeal! I cannot handle it anymore!"

"Felec, it is not our way to stop serving others just because we don't like their behaviour! It is the calling of our hearts to make and sell clothing, not be pandered by every customer-"

"Hedra, I'm not talking about not being pandered! I'm talking about being spoken down to, sneered at and downright insulted! And that human, Brett, he is the worst!"

"Felec, I believe his behaviour may be an indication that he is attracted to you."

Pause.

"Amath, my respects, but that is a very disturbing thought."

Suddenly the door opened. The four Minbari seamstresses looked around- only to see the object of their discussion walks into the room.

"Hey ladies. Hello Felec." He said in a low voice, apparently under the impression that it was endearing. "I was just wondering- there's this new restaurant opening in Green Sector. I was going to go but it's one of those establishments that require a female escort. So, I was thinking..."

"No Brett. You see, emotional and cultural differences aside, you and I attempting a relationship would never work purely for sexual reasons." Her companion seamstresses stared, wide eyed, while the humans jaw dropped open. "You see, as I have learned from my work here as a body measurer, Human males' penises are substantially smaller than Minbari males' penises. Also, Human males have no control over when their arousal causes them to become erect, whereas Minbari males can do so at will. I have also learned that Human males cannot last longer than about 20 minutes during sexual intercourse. Minbari males do not last less than several hours. And their techniques are better. For these reasons, I have decided that a sexual relationship with you would not be in any way interesting. Plus you're ugly and your breath reeks of engine fumes."

At that, Amath and Misea dragged Felec to the side and shook her slightly. "What were you thinking?" Hissed Amath as Brett spluttered and gasped in the corner of the shop.

"My respects, Amath, but... I have finalised my decision to return to the Homeworld! I will leave in two weeks, as that should be enough time to find a replacement for me. But I am leaving! And that is final! I have HAD it with this place!"

Suddenly the door opened again, and this time the new Security Chief Zack Allan and the Ambassador's aide Lennier both entered. Amath turned to Felec. "Please! Do not say anything inappropriate!" Felec bowed to her and walked over to the men.

Several minutes later and Allan was on the pedestal, complaining about the clothes. Amath and Misea were working on some fabric for a custom dress and Hedra was fixing the hem of a dress that had been sent in for repairs. Brett was browsing the clothes on show and shooting Felec pained glances as she measured the Chief in the uniform.

Allan suddenly yelped as Felec attempted to adjust the crutch area of the pants. "Ouch! I'm telling you I can't take much more of this!"

"Just a little longer. It is necessary." Placated Lennier.

"Yeah, says who?"

"Mr Allan. You are now the Head of Security. The rest of the Command Staff accepted Delenn's gift of these new uniforms. Do you not wish to fit in?"

"Well I never have before, why should I start now? Besides, this stuff itches. What is it?"

As Lennier explained the fabric and its significance, Felec internally sighed. Stupid Human. He doesn't know what he is talking about. He is driving me crazy, as the Humans say!

"Yeah right! Like I should listen to a Minbari about fashion. I mean, robes and hoods? No offence but I've seen Vorlons with better fashion sense!"

That's enough of that, she thought- and jabbed her needle into his rump.

"OUCH!" He looked around and Felec ducked her head to hide her sniggers. She heard her friend and her superior stifle laughter behind her and smiled wider. The man turned to Lennier and said, in a strangled voice, "She did that on purpose!"

"Yes, I... believe she did. I will handle it." He turned to Felec and, with a stern look on his face, said in Adronato, "Good work. Give me a moment with the Human. And next time... Use a bigger needle." Felec stifled more laughter as the Human turned around and admonished her to remember the lesson before the two men went into a corner to continue their argument.

Felec turned and gave her measurements to Amath before turning around and seeing Lennier and Allan finish their argument and turn back. She suddenly had an idea, as Brett lounged closer and closer to the pedestal. As Lennier finalized the arrangements with Amath and turned to go, she put her plan in motion.

"Lennier, if I may have a word?" He turned to her and they moved to a corner of the room. He turned to her and and nodded his head slightly, gesturing her to continue. In a much louder voice than was strictly necessary she said, "I wish to have sex with you tonight."

Several pins dropped out of Amath's hand as they flew to her face, hiding her face in mortification. Misea stared at Felec with a horrified look on her face not dissimilar from the expression on Hedra's face. Allan started coughing loudly and turned his back to them. Brett dropped the shirt he'd been pretending to look at. Lennier looked like he was going to pass out.

"Felec, I... do not believe... that...."

"Ah, of course. It must be dinner first. I have been told that there is a new dining establishment in Green Sector." Brett made a strange sound like air decompressing from a very small space. "I would be honoured to be your female companion. And then, after dinner... my quarters."

"Ah, well... I..." Lennier looked at the expression of determination on her face. "I... would be honoured."

"Very good. I will contact you when I have made the arrangements." Lennier left with a bright red Security Chief and Brett headed for the door, looking like he wanted to cry. "Oh, Brett?" The Human turned. "Where exactly is the establishment in question?" Brett fled, practically sobbing.

Felec turned around, grinning. That had been fun!

Amath had buried her face in the fabric in mortification. Misea stared at her close friend and only Hedra could seem to actually say anything. "What were you thinking?!"

"What?" Felec shrugged. "I'm leaving in two weeks, I might as well have some fun!"