This is my first fanfiction on this account and I plan on it being the first of many. But whether or not more fanfictions brew in the horizon, I have made a pact with myself to finish this one at all costs.
To see a drawing of my OC, Eggs, go on imgur with the end of the link being /jLCrLZT
Without further a due! Kick back, switch off, switch on, and enjoy.
x
Down the halls of Peach Creek Jr. High, a short, pinkish twelve-year-old boy raced with hands stretched out before his face and a long green tongue flying close behind him. He panted, approaching his friends excitedly by the lockers. He kicked off the ground, landing on his friend's chest triumphantly.
"DOUBLE D, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE BUZZ I'VE HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE," he bellowed, eyes shaking in his head with excitement.
"Eddy, please! Mind the shirt!" Edd hollered back, "Mother had it pressed just this morning!"
"Well, you wanna hear the buzz! Don't ya, Ed," Eddy jabbed a finger in Ed's face confidently, watching his face sink into itself like a half filled balloon.
His face popped back out. "Buzz me, Eddy! Buzz me!"
"Listen up," Eddy scooted back, his arms stretched out in showmanship. "There's a new kid movin' into Peach Creek and he's filthy, stinkin', RICH!" Eddy jumped up at the final word, landing firmly on both feet in anticipation of his friends' reactions.
They blinked at him before exchanging looks with one another.
"He found out, Double D!" Ed's eyes grew wide and glossy.
"Now, now, Ed, we'll make due," Edd comforted his friend with a pat.
"WHAT!?" Eddy roared, "you mean to tell me you numbskulls knew and you never told me!?"
"I'm sorry, Eddy, but I've watched you exploit the current residents of Peach Creek for long enough!" Edd declared valiantly, "I'd hate to see another be subjected to the same treatment before you've had a chance to befriend the fellow!"
"Hey, hey, hey! Who said anything about exploiting!" Eddy folded his arms.
Edd shot him a look of doubt, "Ed, kindly perform the impersonation of Eddy you enacted for me this morning?"
Ed obeyed immediately, pulling on his upper lip until it snapped into the shape of Eddy's long, pointy mouth. "Another sucker, another dollar, boys! Get to work so we can take'im for all he's got!" Ed mimicked.
"Yeah? Well, that's where you're both wrong! I wanna befriend the sucker—I mean, guy!" Eddy grinned wide.
Edd blinked before recoiling in doubt, "I am skeptical of your sincerity, Eddy… When was the last time you consciously chose to befriend someone without wanting to exploit them for your own monetary gain?"
"What, are ya kidding!?" Eddy appeared between his two friends, arms over both their shoulders to pull them in tight. "This is just what the group's been missing! A little glitz to bump us up the social ladder!"
"Can Sheldon jr. be a part of the group, too, guys?" Ed pulled a green colored block of cheese out of the inside of his jacket. His two friends plugged their noses.
"Ed, get that thing out of here!"
"Eddy," Edd's voice was nasaly, "as Ed here has so poignantly brought to light, we are not exactly the kind of glamorous group a well-to-do kid may want to befriend."
"Speak for yourself, Sockhead!" Eddy slid down the halls, "well? Hop to it! Find the kid!"
Edd blinked. "Me!? I know just as much as you do about the man if not less!"
"Well, what did you want me to do!? Ask the guys yakking in the bathroom while I was in the john!?"
"You mean to tell me you know nothing of his address, or his schedule, or even his name!? And you expect me to find him!?"
"Oh! I know his name, guys! I know his name!" Ed jumped up and down, his hand raised high, waiting to be called on like a kid in class.
"Yeah? What is it, Ed?" Eddy said, folding his arms cynically.
Ed smiled, "Thanksgiving Ham."
Crickets sounded in the hallway to Ed's answer.
"Ed, you idiot!" Eddy roared, "fine! Watch and learn, Double D." He cracks his fingers before pulling his wallet out by the chain leading to his pocket. He pulls out a crisp, green dollar bill. "Smell this Ed?" He places it under Ed's nose, allowing him to snort a lung-full, "find me the kid that smells like that! Atta boy!" Eddy cheers, jumping onto Ed's back as Ed gets on all fours, sniffing aimlessly down the hall.
Edd sighed, "how primitive." He turned towards a boy walking unsuspectingly down the hall. "Um, excuse me, Jonny, may I ask for your assistance?"
"Huh?" Jonny 2x4 looked up and grinned, "sure thing, Double D! But it better be a quick one! I've got a hankering for the men's room!"
"Oh, of course! Would you happen to know anything of the new kid that's been rumored to attend Peach Creek Jr. High?"
"ED, YOU IDIOT, THIS IS A VENDING MACHINE!" Eddy roared, pointing angrily at the candy machine Ed was sniffing. Eddy's ears jumped at Double D's question. Eddy suddenly appeared by Edd's side, "yeah, Melonhead! Dish it!"
"Oh! You guys mean the Cunningham kid!" Jonny smiled.
"Well," Edd turned to Eddy, "Ed was kind of on track with his name."
"Yeah, and!? Where is he!? How do we find him!?" Eddy inched closer menacingly.
Jonny 2x4 began to sweat. "Sorry, fellas! But I gotta go to the men's room pronto! Here, Plank will answer the rest of your questions! He knows the kid personally!" He handed Eddy his wooden friend before sprinting down the halls and screeching to turn for the bathroom door.
Edd and Eddy stared at Plank's expressionless face.
Plank stared back.
Ed appeared between them, joining the staring contest. "Who's winning, you guys?" He whispers.
"This is useless!" Eddy hurled Plank behind his head, marching forward. "From now on, we're doing it my way!"
Edd sighed, remembering that the failed dollar bill sniffing method had in fact been his way.
"All we know about the Cunningham kid is that he's rich, right? So… We gotta lure in the rich…" Eddy rubbed his hands together menacingly.
According to Edd's predictions, "Eddy's way" had led them to nothing but more dead-ends. The free limousine washing service set up by the three boys at the empty school parking lot, the toilet colored sloppily with cheap golden paint, the homemade metal detector Eddy hovered over kids' heads at the cafeteria—all proved themselves to be profitless efforts at tracking down the Cunningham kid.
Eddy searched on in vain, the metal detector flying haphazardly in the cafeteria. Eddy walked on heads, soliciting a "Hey!" "Ow!" "Watch it!" in his walk. He stepped again, this time on Kevin, whose face plunged into his cafeteria tray.
He rose from his seat angrily, face doused in gravy and carrots. "That does it! Get over here, Dork, before I make ya!"
"Hey, I did you a favor, Shovel-chin! Now your face ain't half as ugly! HA!" Eddy pointed, laughing at his own insult obnoxiously.
Edd pulled on his hat, bracing himself for the fight.
Kevin dragged a hand down his gravy-covered face. He pulled his green sleeves up to his elbows, "yeah? We'll see how you find my fist when it's in your head!"
"Hey, guys!" Jonny 2x4's face appeared by Kevin's side, "the toilets are painted gold!"
Kevin growled, knocking Jonny 2x4 unconscious with a punch. "Now, where was I?" He walked forward.
"Don't hurt Eddy, Kevin! We were just trying to find the cunning ham!" Ed begged in a show of tears, holding Eddy close to him.
"The Cunningham kid?" Kevin cocked an eyebrow. His expression dropped before breaking out into laughter, "you DORKS totally would try and peg the Cunningham kid; oh man are you desperate, Eddy!"
The crowd behind him began to join Kevin in his laughter.
"And they were using a metal detector? That's like, so totally sad…" Nazz raised an eyebrow.
"Keep dreaming, Fathead!" Sarah yelled out in hysterics.
"Oh, Sarah! My sides!" Jimmy mewled.
Eddy's eyes bounced between laughing faces. He growled, tossing the metal detector to the side angrily. "Why I oughtta!" He charged, jumping onto Kevin's shoulders and pulling on both ears in opposite directions.
"Eddy! I will rescue you!" Ed swan dived into the fight.
"Eddy! Ed! Please! Compose yourselves, gentlemen!" Edd scurried to the crowd.
While the fight span into the middle of the cafeteria, a pair of sneakers stopped in its walk to examine the tossed metal detector. A hand reached to examine it further.
"GIVE IT UP, TOUGH GUY!"
"NOT IN YOUR DREAMS, DORK!"
"Whose face am I sitting on, Double D?"
"ED, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SANITARY, GET OFF OF ME!"
Suddenly, a fifth voice cleared its throat. The fight screeched to a halt, with Edd hanging by his hat and Kevin raising Ed to hit Eddy with. The four stared at the stranger.
"Whose metal detector is this?" The kid spoke.
"Hey! Lay off the merchandise, ya bum!" Eddy jumped out of the fight to grab the device from his hands.
"Um… Eddy?" Edd said, still hanging on by his ski hat. "I may be wrong but… I would wager that this is the Cunningham kid."
Eddy looked up.
The Cunningham kid was seemingly undisturbed by the fight, standing casually at a height similar to that of Nazz's. He wore a pair of dark pants, a plain white pullover with red trimmings, and a pair of green flying goggles on his head of shoulder length brown hair, which had bangs that covered half of his face.
"Is it yours then, little man?" The Cunningham kid grinned.
"Little what?!" Eddy inhaled, "WE'RE PRACTICALLY THE SAME HEIGHT, YOU—" Eddy paused, remembering the crowd behind him that teased and jeered but a few moments ago. "—Youuuu bet your wallet this is my gadget! The name's Eddy. Made this thing with my brain and brawns right over there!" He pointed behind him.
Kevin rolled his eyes before throwing Ed and Edd onto the ground, "this is bogus, dude."
The Cunningham kid took a glance at the two Ed's before looking back at Eddy. He took a piece of paper from underneath his goggles followed by a pen. He scribbled on it, his purple tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth.
"That's my address. If you three have got some time after school, I have a proposition I'd like to share with you."
"Sure thing, bud, whatever you say!" Eddy leered excitedly, taking the piece of paper with an almost inaudible squeal.
"Catch you later," he waved, walking out the cafeteria in a stroll.
"Catch you later!" Eddy sang back with a wave. He span on his heels to confront the crowd, "SEE THAT!? HA! I FOUND THE CUNNINGHAM KID; THAT'S RIGHT. ME, BABY!"
The group rolled their eyes and groaned, a mumble of "whatever, man" coming from Kevin's direction. They turned their attentions back to their respective lunches and conversations.
Ed and Edd appeared by Eddy's sides.
"I can't believe he gave us his home address…" Edd said.
"What did I tell ya boys!" Eddy pocketed the address triumphantly, "Eddy's way is the only way!"
"Whoa."
The three stood in the towering shadow of a four story high mansion just a few blocks from the cul-de-sac. From what the Ed's could see, the mansion was a marvel complete with a television satellite the size of Peach Creek Jr. High and a soaring gate that eclipsed the three even further.
"Whoa, indeed, Eddy," Edd gawked, "I could have sworn that but a week ago, this was nothing but an empty lot."
Suddenly, the intercom the three had failed to notice by the side of the gate spoke. "Hey, if it isn't the Edisons! Come on in!"
Ed blinked at the intercom. "The house is alive, you guys!" Ed cried out in horror just as the gates started to screech open.
"Quit your daydreaming, Ed!" Eddy growled before biting his lower lip, his hands balled excitedly by his face. "I'm just dying to see what's in there!" The gates slowly parted, allowing Eddy a growing view of the golden kingdom. "It's like the Gates of Heaven… And they're letting me in! COME ON, BOYS!" He jumped up, his feet spinning underneath him before whizzing through the gates. The two followed close behind.
"Oh, my!" Edd grabbed at his orange shirt and spoke with a tiny voice, "I suddenly feel underdressed…"
"YOU GUYS! A POOL WITH A SLIDE," Eddy listed, standing before the glamorous Cunningham pool, "A JACUZZI," he gawked at the bubbling whirlpool bathtub, "AN OUTDOOR BAR," he raised his arms towards the row of juices and fresh coconuts.
"I've never seen Eddy this happy, Double D," Ed said nervously, "it sends shivers up my eyebrow…"
"What's with the holdup!? The entrance is over here," the Cunningham kid waved, disappearing behind a door twice his size. The three ran to follow, the door closing behind them.
"THIS. IS. AMAZING," Eddy's voice echoed through the mansion interior. "This is the swankiest nest I've ever laid eyes on!"
"Cool trick, Eddy! ECHO!" Ed smiled wide, stretching out his ear to receive the "ECHO!" that returned. "MY NAME IS ED," he declared. "MY NAME IS ED," the echo repeated. Ed's mouth configured to a pout. "BUT THAT'S MY NAME," he bellowed. "BUT THAT'S MY NAME," the echo gave back. "NAME THIEF!"
Eddy snickered into his hand at his antics.
"Ed!" Edd scolded, "where are your manners? You are in somebody's home!" Edd turned to the Cunningham kid. "It is quite overwhelming, I must say," Edd smiled bashfully.
"Sorry about that, I'll bring you to my room, where it's a lot less crazy," the Cunningham kid guided the three up the stairs; Eddy's eyes darting every which way in excitement. "We only finished furnishing the west wing of the house a few days ago. Dad paid extra to speed up the builders."
"HEY! You should throw a party here! It'd be a total hit! I could host it! They don't call me Eddy-the-life-of-the-party for nothin'!" Eddy pointed at himself proudly with both thumbs.
"Sorry, little man, no can do. The only reason why you guys are even allowed here is 'cause Dad's away. He'll be back tomorrow and then it's no guests till the end of the century," the Cunningham kid swung open the door to his bedroom.
"A strict father," Edd remarked.
"Cheapskate," Eddy growled beneath his breath.
"Well, make yourselves at—" the Cunningham kid made it through most of his sentence before Ed and Eddy sprinted into his chambers. The Cunningham kid blinked. The two charged for his bed excitedly, laughing while alternating between each other to jump.
"E-excuse me," Edd smiled nervously, entering one step at a time and seating himself warily on the couch. "Pardon my curiosity, but what is it like being this wealthy?"
"I'LL TELL YA," Eddy froze midair, landing on the ground firmly on both feet, "IT'S AWESOME! IT'S EVERYTHING A KID COULD WANT!"
"Sorry to disappoint you," the Cunningham kid said, jumping backwards on his couch beside Edd casually with his hands behind his head. "But it's a total bore. The same boring towns with the same boring people who buy the same boring junk. There're no breakthroughs! No innovations!" He sat up. The Eds exchanged looks of confusion.
"Yeah, right!" Eddy leered, "ya got a loose screw or something!? All that money go to your head, Gogglebrains?" He grinned, reaching to point at the goggles that sat on the Cunningham kid's head.
"HANDS OFF THE GOGGLES, LITTLE MAN," the Cunningham kid jumped on the couch, towering above Eddy, "these belonged to Orville Wright!"
"Orville what-o?" Eddy raised a brow.
Edd cleared his throat, "the Wright brothers, Eddy. American inventors of the first successful airplane."
"Pioneers of human flight…" The Cunningham kid spread out his hands in showmanship. "Visionaries of the world's first controlled, powered and sustained, heavier-than-air aviation take off..."
"I think all that money has gone to his head, don't ya think, Ed?" Eddy turned to his giggling friend, turning his finger around in circles by his temple in jest.
"I look to spend my money on creative genius! Otherwise, I don't spend a cent," the Cunningham kid said proudly.
"But then where did ya get your stuff?!"
The Cunningham kid grinned, "junkyard variety, my friend."
"I like him, Double D," Ed pointed.
Eddy jumped to his side, forcefully throwing his arm around his neck and pulling his face against his. He leered, "Well, that's ME! Hot on the market; everyone's been beggin' for a bite of my mastermind of a brain!"
"I don't know," the Cunningham kid said with a grin, untangling himself from Eddy's arm to poke him between the eyes. "That metal detector was quite the gadget but what kind of mastermind paints toilets gold before looking up 'Cunningham' on the school registrar?"
Eddy's eyebrows dropped down, he shot a look at Edd. "Why didn't you think of that, Sockhead!?"
"I'm afraid this is all on you, Eddy," Edd turned away, eyes closed and arms folded.
"So come on, Ed-man, hit me with a genius idea," the Cunningham kid leaned in with a grin.
"He can do it, Ham Guy, Eddy does it all the time when coming up with scams!" Ed bit on his lower lip in anticipation.
"Fine!" Eddy says, kicking himself off into isolation.
Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!
Eddy squashed his eyes closed, biting on his tongue with two fingers massaging his temples.
Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!
The two Ed's watched intently, sweat coursing down their faces. Edd pulls his shirt collar loose with a finger.
Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock! Cha-Ching!
"HA! I GOT IT!" Eddy jumped up, hitting his palm with a fist. "Try this on for size… A WEATHER MACHINE! To make summer winters and winter summers; scam kids in every which way no matter the season!"
"Eddy!" Edd stood up, "Of all the unethical… Mother nature intended for us to keep the sanctity of her temperature terms! Not to tamper with them impetuously for profit!"
The Cunningham kid tapped a finger against his lower lip in thought. "We could get the cul-de-sac scorching and sell ice cream by the sidewalk."
Edd and Eddy blinked.
"HA! I think I'm starting to like this guy!"
"ICE CREAM! I SCREAM! I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!" Ed cheered.
"Good lord, there are three of them," Edd sighed.
"Let's continue this talk tomorrow. I've got some calls I need to make if this scam's going to pull through," the Cunningham kid stands up, arms akimbo with enthusiasm.
"Pardon our bad manners, but I don't believe we've asked your name," said Edd.
"Eggs," he grinned.
"Yum, scrambled," said Ed.
"Happy to meet ya, Eggs, my man," Eddy buffed his nails against his shirt before extending it for a shake, "I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship." A tiresome hour of prying Eddy's fingers off the Cunningham gates later, the Eds returned to their respective homes for dinner. Eddy chewed on his chicken leg slowly, engrossed in the musings of the adventure to come.