My eyes snapped open. The ceiling fan whirred above me, scattering strange shadows on the wall and ceiling. I was breathing deeply, sweating coldly. I turned my head to view the digital clock on her nightstand. It was 3:30 in the morning.

I knew I wasn't going back to sleep.

I carefully pulled away the sheets, doing my best not to disturb them. Loren was a light sleeper, like me, and I did not want to wake her. Tomorrow was a very important day for which she deserved maximum preparation.

I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. They were shaking, up to my shoulders and pectoral muscles. I got up and headed to the bathroom.

I used the small human toilet and washed my hands. They were still shaking. I felt the continuous emergence of cold sweat from my forehead. I let the water fill up the cup of my hands and splashed it over my face.

Water dripped down my cheeks and off my nose. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Mirrors were the closest human replacement for stalk eyes, but they were not enough. You could only use them to look in one additional location, not two, and when you did, you had to employ your main eyes. Humans were always vulnerable.

She appeared in the doorway. It seemed I had failed at keeping her asleep.

"Are you getting cold feet?" She asked.

"No. Nuh. My feet are quite warm," I said, gesturing to the socks that I was wearing.

"Alan Fangor, you know what I meant."

I shuddered at the use of my human name. Elfangor. My name is Elfangor. I did not correct her. I had accepted the new name along with my new identity, yet this new name caused me discomfort. Al. Humans called me Al. I was beginning to answer to it readily.

I turned the faucet on again and dipped my face in the warm water. Loren came from behind me, slowly wrapping her arms around my naked torso. I jolted in surprise. I had acclimated to many human customs, including hand shakes and traffic lights and the practice of lighting open flames attached to hot wax to add "ambiance" to an atmosphere. It had been months, but I could not acclimate myself to the proximity necessitated by human intimacy.

Loren registered my discomfort and loosened her grip, moving her hands to my back, pressing her lips against it. This proved much less invasive. I allowed her to continue.

"I've told you, again and again, that if you're not ready, we can wait."

"I am ready," I responded. "I want to marry you, Loren."

"I know that. But we can still wait."

I shook my head. "Waiting will not relieve my anxiety."

"What are you anxious about?"

"Why can't I see you in your dress, Loren?"

"It's just a stupid superstition."

"Human weddings seem fraught with superstitions," I sighed. "Does it not strike you as odd that you are required 'something blue'?"

Loren snorted. "I thought that was kind of funny." I did not laugh in response.

I inhaled deeply. The air smelled like plastic mixed with perfume. It was the air freshener that Loren kept in here. Smell was such a curious human sense. No other sense could remind me of a past experience more immediately than smell.

(He is too young, Noorlin,) my mother said. I was not paying attention to their petty argument. A small Dreshik beetle was hovering around a garden of nectar-flowers that released potent perfume. His iridescent wings scattered sparkling pollen all over the flowerbed.

(He trains for three years, Forlay, under the protection of the Andalite military. He will not even see combat videos until he is sixteen.)

(And then, six months later, he is assigned to a Dome Ship. My answer is no.)

I glanced at my mother, realizing for the first time that her veto may be powerful enough to put an end to my dreams.

(He is old enough to make his own decisions,) my father said, glancing at me with a stalk eye, indicating that only my own defense would save me.

I stared at her for a long time. I was angry at first, sure that the only reason she wanted to keep me here was her own selfish maternal affection, a complete disregard for my own feelings. But the more I watched her, the more I understood. It was selfish and maternal, but it was not meaningless or petty. I felt my eyebrows unknot. Hers did as well. I suppose she had a similar revelation about me.

(Why is it so important for boys to begin their military careers so early?) She asked, pressing her distant hand against my cheek. I closed my eyes and touched it. (Before this war, men were content to finish graduate study before choosing a career.)

(But there is a war,) I said to her. She bowed her head and waved her stalk eyes in agreement.

(Wars kill people,) she reminded me. (Without prejudice or pity for worried, loving mothers.)

I reached up to her face and pressed my own hand against her cheek. (I must do my part,) I said. (I love you, mother. Father,) I said turning a stalk eye to him. He appeared hard, but smiled in exchange.

I'd left for training two weeks after that. That had been the last time I'd seen them.

Loren turned me to face her and looked into my eyes for a very long time. She was very perceptive, and I was afraid she could pinpoint what was wrong without even asking. I looked away.

"What's the matter, Elfangor?"

I'd wanted to be called Elfangor, but the fact that she knew that made me frown.

"I don't know," I responded.

"Was it the bachelor party? Wait, on second thought, I don't want to know."

"Steve and Bill brought me to a place called 'Silicone Valley.' Human females dressed up in strange costumes only to remove those costumes in exchange for small denominations of currency. I did not understand the purpose."

"I guess that's good. Did you have fun?"

"Fun?" I asked. "Was that the purpose?"

She laughed a little and hugged me. This intimacy was better face-to-face than from behind. "My friends may think you're weird, but that's why I love you."

I pulled away from her. "Don't your friends' opinions matter to you?" I asked.

"Well, yeah. Of course."

"They don't think highly of me. It is simple to extrapolate that they think lowly of you as a result."

"It doesn't really work like that, Elfangor. They think you're weird, but they see that you're good."

"What about your mother?"

"She's just more afraid to let go of her little girl than anything. Don't worry about her."

I ran my fingers down small portions of her golden hair. Human mothers were not so different from Andalite ones.

"On my homeworld, the opinions of the parents matter highly in an impending marriage. If even one disapproves of the match, the ceremony is canceled."

Loren pulled away from me so she could see my face. She bit her bottom lip in consideration.

"Would your parents disapprove of me?"

I spent a little too long trying to formulate a diplomatic response. Loren nodded in acceptance and looked away.

"You are a worthy mate, Loren. But you are not an Andalite."

"And neither are you, Alan."

She released me and turned around, chewing on her thumbnail. "Maybe we should wait."

"Don't humans judge canceled weddings rather harshly?"

"Why do you suddenly care so much about what other people think?"

I sighed. "I am afraid, Loren."

"Of what?"

I shook my head, feeling my hands shake again. "I do not know. I am on Earth because I failed being an Andalite. It was too difficult. Arbron and Alloran both face nightmare destinies because of me. I came to Earth because I thought this was the only place I could do no harm."

She grasped my hand, indicating I should continue.

"I could harm you, Loren," I said, sliding my arm around her back. "Earth is not in the war, but that does not mean it is free from danger. Harm could still come to you. I could still fail at protecting you."

Loren's eyes lit up and she began to laugh. "Do you really believe I can't take care of myself?"

I felt a flare of rage at her lighthearted dismissal of my feelings, but I let it go. "If something happened to you, I would blame myself. This is unprecedented. Untested. Dangerous. We are at a higher risk than everyone else. Your friends and family already see that I am different. What if they found out the truth?"

"They'd have to learn to deal with it."

I shook my head. "It can never happen."

"Nothing bad is going to happen, Elfangor. I love you, okay? And I think we're both reasonably intelligent people. This is a fun challenge, not a scary one."

"But still a challenge," I pointed out.

"You can't run away from life, Elfangor. You can run away from the Andalites, but there will be challenges wherever you go."

I looked down at our interlaced hands. I raised hers to my mouth and kissed it. It tasted like salt and the lavender lotion she used.

"I want to marry you tomorrow," I said with a note of finality.

"Me, too. I'm sorry your parents can't be there. I'm also sorry that I said you weren't an Andalite anymore."

"But it is true," I said.

"No, it's not. You changed into a human, but your heart is still Andalite. And that's okay. That's what I fell in love with."

I felt a shiver of fear as she said this. Some sense of impending dread came over me. I wrapped her in my arms and ignored the slight claustrophobia it caused, burying my face in her silky hair.

"How do Andalites get married, Elfangor?" She whispered in my ear.

I pulled away from her, put my hands on her waist, and lifted her so she sat on the sink. I positioned her hands, palms facing upward. I placed my hands over hers.

"Elder and younger sun revolve for eternity," I began. She watched me curiously. "You repeat that," I said.

"Elder and younger sun revolve for eternity."

"Their combined light feeds our hearts and hooves."

She repeated after me.

"Like the suns, we revolve for eternity, we feed the hearts and hooves of our progeny."

She repeated after me, smiling as she did.

"And the cycle continues, undaunted, forever glowing."

"And the cycle continues, undaunted, forever glowing."

I pulled my hands from hers and placed them against her cheeks.

"Now you do the same to me."

She raised her hands to my cheeks, leaned forward, and kissed me. The kiss was slow and long. Though I was not comfortable with all forms of human intimacy, this was one I liked very much.

"We are married," I whispered when our lips separated

"Hmm," she said with a smile. "I guess it's not so bad after all."