The New Hero of Time Chapter Four
As Tucker walked out of the castle he turned as he heard footsteps behind him, so he turned to see Zelda running after him.
Zelda: Tucker, wait!
Tucker: What is it, Zelda, I have to get to Death Mountain quickly.
Zelda: I know, I just wanted to ask you something.
Tucker: Really? What's up?
Zelda: Huh?
Tucker: I mean, what do you want to ask me?
Zelda: Oh, um, well, I…
Tucker: Zelda?
Zelda: How did you do that amazing fire attack in my father's throne room?
Tucker: Gameshark…
Zelda: What is that?
Tucker: Well, in my world it's a device that allows me to use cheat codes while playing video games, here I guess it lets me bend reality and get specific powers and abilities.
Zelda: That's amazing!
Tucker: But it comes with a downside… Every time I use it, something bad happens, and I've used it twice since I've been here, so I need to get out of here before something happens to anybody.
Zelda: What has happened so far?
Tucker: Well, besides running into two iron knuckles, and a giant robot that the kokiris made, and who knows what else…
Navi: Am I gonna have any lines this time?
Tucker: No, now back in the hat with you.
Navi: Damnit!
Zelda: Such language…
Tucker: Oh you should of heard the conversation we had on the way here, we were cursing like sailors left and right.
Zelda: You have such a strange way of talking…
Tucker: True dat…
Zelda: What?
Tucker: Never mind, I've got to get moving now, it's almost nightfall and I'd really rather avoid the stalchildren in Hyrule Field.
Zelda: Those pests won't be a problem.
Tucker: Why is that?
Zelda: I know you can handle them on your own, but if you'd like, I could send a few guards with you, to escort you to Death Mountain.
Tucker: Uh, sure, thanks… Zelda, why are you doing this for me?
Zelda: Because it is my destiny to fall in love with the hero of time, and that' you, so I want you to stay alive so we can get married.
Tucker: …And on that note, it's my cue to leave!
Zelda: Wait!
Tucker: BYE ZELDA!!!!
Zelda hung her head and groaned as Tucker high-tailed it out of the castle, nearly running over two soldiers that were walking by.
Navi: Why did you blow her off? She likes you…
Tucker: Uh, Navi, I'm 20, and she's like 12, I'd rather not go to jail thanks…
Navi: What? You wouldn't go to jail for that…
Tucker: You mean it's legal to do that?!
Navi: Yup.
Tucker: Gross…
Tucker walked out of Castle Town and as he crossed the moat two guards stopped him.
Guard: Are you Tucker?
Tucker: That depends on who's asking…
Guard2: Are you him or not?!
Tucker: Yes, I am…
Guard: We've been instructed by princess Zelda to accompany you to Death Mountain summit.
Tucker: Thrillsville, let's go then!
Tucker turned around and expected to see just a 100-yard walk to the steps of Kakariko village, but instead, there was a VERY large field between where he was standing and a giant steel wall that had mountains behind it.
Tucker: What the hell?!?!?!
Guard: What?
Tucker: It's, uh… A bit bigger than I thought it would be…
Guard2: How big did you think it would be?
Tucker: Never mind, so, how are we getting there?
Guard: He have horses, that should do fine.
Tucker: Wow, horses, okay, I can handle that…
Navi: What's wrong with horses?
Tucker: I don't do well with horseback riding…
Navi: Why?
Tucker: I always hurt my nuts when I ride a horse…
Navi: I didn't need to know that…
Tucker: Well, you did ask.
Navi: Fine, let's go.
Tucker and the guards got on horses and started to ride off toward Kakariko village. After about ten minutes of riding the sky started to get dark and the moon disappeared. The horses stopped, threw off their riders and ran off into the brush, where they could be heard running for about eight seconds before there were several thumping sounds followed by a large mob of Moblins coming out of the brush and surrounding Tucker and the guards. The guards spread out around Tucker and the moblins charged. The first three moblins ran toward Tucker, but the nearest guard pulled out his saiber and speared two of the moblins through their heads. The third moblin dodged and knocked the guard down, who was picked up by two more moblins and thrown into the middle of the mob where he was ripped apart. Tucker and the second guard moved back-to-back, and Tucker took up the biggoron's sword. The moblins surrounded them until there was only a five-foot gap between the moblins and Tucker and the other guard. Tucker readied himself, but the moblins stopped and separated to allow something in the rear to come to the front. Tucker and the remaining guard looked as the lead moblin, Skragg, moved up to face them.
Skragg: So, you're the hero of time…
Tucker: Uh, no?
Skragg: Don't lie, Lord Twinrova told us it was you!
Tucker: …No?
Skragg: Kill them!
The moblins charged and they began stabbing Tucker and the guard until they were on the ground bleeding badly. Tucker checked the guard, but he was dead. Skragg stood over Tucker and raised his sword.
Skragg: Any last words, ex-hero of time?
Tucker: Yeah, I do…
Tucker staggered to his feet and looked at Skragg.
Tucker: It's time I stopped playing nice with all of you…
Skragg: You dare to talk down to me?!
Tucker: Duke Nukem, HAVOC MULTILAUNCHER!!!!!!!
Skragg stepped back as Tucker raised his new weapon, a multi-projectile heat-seeking missile launcher. Tucker pointed the weapon straight up and pulled the trigger. The moblins looked up, then ran away as five bursts of three missiles flew up into the sky and flew down and started blowing up and killing all the moblins. When the smoke and dust cleared, only Tucker and Skragg were left.
Skragg: What the hell is that?!
Tucker: This? What is this? THIS IS THE FUTURE!!!!!! Turok 2, FIRESTORM CANNON!!!!!!
Tucker dropped the now empty missile launcher and pointed the minigun at Skragg and fired. Skragg was then ripped to shreds as three hundred bullets shot through his body in about fifteen seconds. Tucker dropped the firestorm cannon, turned and started walking off toward the wall that he was heading for. After another two hours, Tucker finally reached the wall and staggered over to a gate and collapsed. He woke up, his head pounding, his vision blurry, he sat up and tried to stand, but a large hand came out of his vision circle and pushed him down onto the bed.
Tucker: Oh, man, not like this… I didn't see this coming, fall into a video game, only to pass out and wake up and be some monster's bitch…
Navi: What are you talking about?
Tucker: Shut up Navi, get out of my nightmare…
Navi: You're not in any danger, now settle down and shut up so they can heal you.
Tucker: Huh?
Tucker rubbed his eyes and looked around. He saw that he was in a cave of sorts, surrounded by gorons.
Tucker: Oh, thank god, they're just gorons…
Navi: Why are you all cool now?
Tucker: Because as far as I know, gorons don't have peni-
Goron: Are you awake my young friend?
Tucker: Why yes I am! What's going on?
Goron: Well, my soldiers found you out by the gate and they brought you in here.
Tucker: Well, that's a great story, now, I've gotta go, I have a kingdom to save…
Goron: Whoa, whoa, hold on, you still have to rest… You got messed up pretty badly by those moblins.
Tucker: What?! You saw that?!?!?!
Goron: Yeah, why?
Tucker: AND DID THE IDEA OF HELPING MY ASS EVER OCCUR TO YOU?!?!?!
Goron: We gorons are not allowed outside the gate, or the monsters that the evil wizard beset upon us will surely devour us.
Tucker: That sucks, and don't call me Shirley…
Goron: My, you talk funny…
Tucker: And yer not the first person- Well, not the first, uh, thing to say that to me…
Goron: HAHA!! I like you little man, I'm gonna take you to see our leader!
Tucker: Dariuna?
The goron stopped and looked down at tucker with a stern look on his face. The goron turned and left the room without saying a word. Tucker and Navi looked at each other, then Tucker stood up and walked out after the goron.
Tucker: Wait up! What did I say?
The goron turned around and grabbed tucker and pulled him in close to the goron's face.
Tucker: What's wrong, did something happen to Dariuna?
Goron: STOP SAYING THAT NAME!!!
The goron threw Tucker against the wall and stood over him.
Goron: Your magic will not work on me, dark wizard, show yourself!
Tucker: What are you talking about?!
Goron: You use magic and you dare to speak the name of our greatest hero?! Leave this place, and never retur-
Voice: Silence Kar-goro…
The goron turned around quickly and saluted the figure in the shadows. Tucker stood up and the figure moved forward, and Tucker recognized him as being Dariuna's son.
Kar-goro: Lord, Link-goro, I didn't know you were there, sir!
Tucker: I know you, you're Dariuna's son! The one that gave link the fire tunic before he went into the fire temple!
Link-goro: What are you talking about?
Tucker: Wait a minute, I landed on Link when I got here, and he was a kid, so how can your name be Link, you can't be named after the kid, because you never met, so how is you named after a person who your father never met?
Link-goro: It's just a popular name in Hyrule, a lot of different races name their children that.
Tucker: Ohhh, I see…
Link-goro: Kar-goro, who is this, and why were you banishing him?
Kar-goro: He is a dark wizard, and as Dariuna declar-
Link-Goro: I am well aware of my father's decree, since I was there when he banished the evil witches from the mountain.
Tucker: Twinrova?
Link-Goro: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT NAME!?!?!?
Tucker: …Um, well, the moblins said it before they kicked my ass…
Kar-goro: Don't trust him, Lord, he's lying! He might be a spy, sent by the witches to learn our weaknesses…
Tucker: No I'm not, you better stop saying that, yer gonna hurt my feelings dude…
Kar-goro: We're gonna hurt more than that if you're lying to us!
Tucker: Look, I'm not lying to you, I was sent here by the king and princess of Hyrule to save it from Ganondorf.
Link-goro and Kar-goro looked down at Tucker, then they looked at each other and turned around to talk amongst themselves.
Kar-goro: Should we trust him, Lord?
Link-goro: If he can prove it, we'll have to release him, we can't afford any more problems with the Hyrule royal family, there's too few of us left after that whole business in you-know-where…
Tucker: Dodongo's Cavern?
Link-goro: I'd ask why you know about that, but you seem to know more than you let on, so why don't you tell us a little story?
Tucker: Okay, there once was a young man from Venus…
Navi: Ugh…
Kar-goro: So, are you from this, Venus?
Tucker: Oh, my god… That was a joke… Here, I'll tell you the real story…
Tucker proceeded to tell the story of how he came to be in their world and the whole matter with the gameshark changing the game.
Link-goro: Well, that does sound slightly plausible, and we'll let you be on your way-
Tucker: Sweet-
Link-goro: …If, you can prove your connection with the royal family?
Tucker: Oh, sure, here…
Tucker gave Link-goro the paper the king gave him, and he read it and gave it back.
Link-goro: Alright then, Talker, the emissary of the Hyrule Royal family, I grant you enterance to Dodongo's Cavern.
Tucker: Wait a second, he wrote my name as, Talker?! Damnit King!!!! Frakin' dumbass!!!
Tucker was shown the way out and went on his way with Navi in tow. Link-goro turned to Kar-goro.
Link-goro: He talks very strange doesn't he?