I got the idea of this when I started thinking about Adam Gontier's (the singer of Three Days Grace, love that band) struggle with OxyContin addiction and Steve-O's drug problems too. There will be some connections but not 100%. This is my very first actual angsty fic so it might not be great right away. I Don't Care belongs to Apocalyptica with Adam Gontier on lyrics Read and review please
Karakura Town
7:23 A.M.
Kurosaki Residence
I woke up in my bed today. Monday morning and it's the going to be anniversary of my Mom's death in a couple days. I've pretty much blamed it on myself ever since it happened. The pain I had to watch everyone go through was unbearable and completely my fault, I just want everything to be the way it used to be. There's no way it could happen and I can only wish I can make my mother proud of me when I make it in the music business. My dream is to be a famous musician. I have my own band with some of my few friends from school. We're trying to write a song for the talent show coming up. After that we plan on getting some new material and then start performing in the local clubs and such. It'll take time but we're 15 so we got time. I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. My orange hair seemed duller than usual and my eyes were a little droopy, I sighed. I turned the water on for the shower and stepped in. While I was in there I couldn't help but think that today will change my life forever. I stepped out and went back into my room to find some clean clothes for school. My friends always asked why I liked wearing tight pants I just shrugged it off, as I don't know the answer myself. I went down stairs and surprisingly no one was down stairs maybe they decided to sleep in? I don't know. Anyway, I brewed some coffee and made myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Recently I've had a few guitar riffs and drum beats for a song with the bass for rhythm but I've been dry when it comes to the lyrics department. Also I feel there's something the music needs that's missing. Just a little something extra I think this piece deserves but I can't put my finger on what it is to give it the big push. Whatever. I checked my schoolbag for the disk of the mixed music I put together. I have a makeshift studio in a spare room I got from a special sale at a shop I think it was called Urahara's or something. Anyway the guy gave me a real good deal on everything so I go there for some other stuff a little often as thanks for everything. The guys, Renji in particular, have been trying to write material, but just like me, they couldn't come up with anything good that we all really can agree upon. I hope this gets passed with the guys. See, my Mom got me into music in the first place; it's the reason I really want to make it in the business. To make her proud as she's watching over me. I put it back poured some coffee in a carton, got my stuff ready and headed out the door for school.
Karakura Town
7:56 A.M.
Karakura High School
I changed into my school shoes and walked into the building sipping some coffee. I got to my classroom where the guys were waiting for me. "Hey I got something I want you guys to check out." I told them pulling the disk from my bag.
"What is it?" Renji asked taking it from my hand and looking at it.
"I think it can be our song. I have everything except lyrics on it and I also think there's something missing but yeah." He put it in a CD player and listened to some of it.
"Sounds good." He commented and Toshiro took the earphones from Renji's head and begun to listen
"I'm down with it. Your right it does need something but it sounds like something to commit to." He said handing the earphones to Ikkaku.
"Great, finally we have something to go on. Good going Ichigo."
YES! Everyone liked it!
"SHIRO-CHAN!" Toshiro's girlfriend Momo Hinamori ran into the class and glomped him.
"Momo, I told you not to call me that in front of my friends." He muttered started to turn red, oh this was going to be good. She so had him whipped.
"Thanks guys. Here," I ruffled in my bag for the folder. "I have the music sheets for you to practice. No band practice until I can seem to work with this."
"Alright got it." They all agreed looking at their respected part.
"Guys we have some time before class starts you wanna take a walk around the school?" Renji asked
"I don't know, you know I'm hanging with Momo right now…" Toshiro started
"Aw, Shiro-chan go with your friends I'll hang with the girls til class starts." She said giving him a peck goodbye. We started snickering
"Shiro-chan?" Renji whispered
"Don't…ask…" Toshiro whispered trying to hold back his grumpiness. I put my bag on the seat and started to turn around when I saw a new girl standing behind me. I had to admit she was cute, she was short and thin and her hair short and black, that flipped out at the ends with a bang out of place in the middle of her face. She had the most incredible eyes I've ever seen. They were large with the most unique shade of violet.
"Hi." She said when she noticed I was staring.
"Hi." I said shifting to let her through. She seemed to sense something as she looked back at me but I got out of the class before she said guys started teasing Toshiro for his little pet name, I kept quiet.
"Hey Ichigo what's wrong?" Renji asked, I snapped out of it quickly
"Nothing just thinking…" I said going back to my thoughts. I was wondering just what it was that I needed for this song besides the lyrics, was it some kind of cowbell, not trying to sound like SNL, or some samples? We walked past a room and I stopped dead in my tracks. "That's it…" everyone stopped and stared at me as I was staring at nothing
"What?" Ikkaku asked
"That's it!" I shouted going into the room it was the orchestra room and the cellos were playing some kind of riff that fit perfectly!
"Ichigo!" the shouted going in after me
"Excuse me! I'm sorry but can you play that again?" asking the kid in glasses
"What?" he asked dumbly
"That riff! That melody! Play it again please!"
"Excuse me Kurosaki but we're in the middle of something!" the teacher shouted and I scoffed him
"It'll only take two seconds." I turned back "Can you please play at least a little? I'm begging man." He looked at me fine and looked at the teacher who I guess nodded because he played a little of the beginning. That fit perfectly with my piece. "Is it finished?" I asked when he was stopped playing.
"Well I just played out of shear boredom last night and decided to write the music down because I liked the sound. So there really isn't an end."
"Can I see the sheet?" he sighed
"I doubt you'll understand it-"
"I know how to read music." I interrupted taking the sheet from his hand. I looked it over and based on my memory of the cellos scale sound it fit with the song great! The fact he was just was messing around last night is just a sign! "What's your name?"
"Me? Uryu Ishida." He introduced pushing up his glasses.
"Ichigo Kurosaki." I replied holding out my hand. He took it and we shook. "We need you to play with us at the talent show Friday night."
"What!? I can't! Even if I could I would need two other cellists to play as it's a three part piece."
"Well if you can't than make copies and give us all the music pieces needed and we'll find our own players."
He sighed "I'll see what I can do." He mumbled
"Thank you so much!" I reached into my pocket and handed him a card "My cell number. Keep in touch." I said leaving the room
"What the hell was that for Ichigo?" Ikkaku asked, obviously pissed
"Did any of you hear that? It's what our song needs!" I said throwing my hands up for emphasis.
"I agree it was a nice melody but are you sure it's what the song needs?" Toshiro asked
I nodded "I'm sure."
"Then I trust you." He said walking back to class
"What?"
"Who better to trust about the song than the song writer? The guy who knows this song best?"
"Aw Shiro-chan is so sweet." Renji said in a girly voice. Renji fell over in pain
"Renji's gut. Meet Toshiro's knee." I said while holding a laugh.
"Damn man, take it easy." Renji huffed getting back up.
"Whatever we're here." Toshiro said walking into class.
We sat down in our respected seats. Normally I'd pay attention, but today I felt tired so I just kept my book open and doodle a little. That new girl sat next to me, great. Sure she was cute but I enjoyed having the seat next to me open. I liked using it to put my bag and books there. Whatever I'll just suck it up. A folded piece of paper hit my books in front of me and I wondered if it was Renji or Ikkaku. I opened it and it said
'Meet me at the roof at lunch I want to ask you something. –Rukia'
Rukia? Was that the new girls name? I usually don't remember people's names so it could've been one of the girls I just didn't really associate with. I sighed. I didn't have anything else to do. Renji and Ikkaku would go chase skirts and Toshiro would be hanging with Hinamori. I just daydreamed the rest of morning class.
Karakura Town
12:05 P.M.
Karakura High School
I went up to the roof seeing if this Rukia was up yet. I saw the new girl, whom I guessed was Rukia, sipping on a juice box. "Are you Rukia?"
She turned her head around and nodded. She got up quickly and swallowed the drink before taking her hand out to properly introduce herself "Rukia Kuchiki."
"Ichigo Kurosaki." We shook. "Why did you want to talk?"
"When you said hi this morning."
"So?" I asked not getting why this was a big deal.
"You're hurting."
"Huh?" What did she mean?
"You're hurting inside. Did someone close to you die?" I nodded my head, I wasn't going to just tell her right away that my mother died, but I was being truthful at the same time. "You blame yourself. I can tell."
"Che, whatever." I said, to be honest I was astonished. Was she psychic or something? Or did someone tell her?
"Don't."
"What?"
"Don't blame yourself. It wouldn't be your fault unless you physically killed that person, so don't blame yourself."
"I don't blame myself for my mom's death." I snapped at her, which I immediately mentally smacked myself. Didn't mean to tell her that.
"So it was your mother? I'm sorry, reminds me when my sister died."
"Why do you think I'm blaming myself for the death of my mother?" I asked pretending I didn't
"I can feel it in your voice. You hide behind the same mask I did."
"I don't hide behind a mask!" I yelled. She was really starting to annoy me.
"Stop trying to persuade me. I know that you know that you're blaming myself."
"Even if I did, what makes you say that I shouldn't!?" I was really starting to get angry.
"Because it'll eat your soul away. You'll become hollow inside only filled with self-hate and detest. Just like I did."
"I don't care! If you're dead or alive you don't have the right to tell me that I shouldn't do something! I'm trying to show you my side but you keep forcing this on me. Just leave this all behind us ok?" I shouted turning away.
"Why can't you admit that you feel guilty you coward?!" she yelled which made me stop in my tracks. I turned around and just shouted at the top of my lungs
"FINE THEN, IT'S MY FAULT MY MOTHER IS DEAD! YOU FUCKING HAPPY?!"
"…No." I charged up and got up in her face, towering her.
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WANT ME TO ADMIT IT TO YOU THEN!?"
"Because I want to help you. I don't want anyone to end up like I did."
"Fuck off!" I shouted charging away. God damn it why did she have to ruin my day?!
Karakura Town
12:56 P.M.
Karakura High School
Goddamn I was still pissed. Class started and I hoped that drawing would calm me down. She did have a point though. Why should I blame myself? Why should I care? She's dead that's it. I know that I should care but why should I care that she's dead to the point where I do everything for her and not myself. I ran my hands through my hair a couple times. I then started thinking of what I had said to Rukia. 'If you're dead or alive you don't have the right to tell me that I shouldn't do something! I'm trying to show you my side but you keep forcing this on me. Just leave this all behind us ok?' Suddenly, for some unknown reason, I imagined how that sounded with the music I wrote with it's own melodies and pitches. My eyes widened and I whipped out my other notebook and suddenly was writing down everything that was going through my head that fit with what I wanted to portray. I looked it over and I had a whole verse done and some of the first chorus. I got stuck…FUCK! I tried several different ideas but none worked. Then I tried thinking back more of what I said to her as that's what set this all off. Thank whoever had us get that meeting because now I'm happy that that happened. That's what got this song started! I remembered the thing that started that whole screamfest and it fit. IT FIT! Yes! I continued and I finished the song. I'll work at singing it today when my family was gone and doing something. I forgot what it was but I was going to stay behind that's all I remember. Knowing my dad it's probably something childish. Before I knew it school was over and I rushed out, leaving my friends in confusion. If they needed me they'll show up at my house.
Karakura Town
7:34 P.M.
Kurosaki Residence
I was lying down on the couch. The guys came over wondering what was wrong. I told them I had to practice the lyrics I wrote and they were confused when I pulled them in and told them to go up to the 'studio'. Needless to say we just clicked. We knew we would win that talent show. I heard my cell ring and answered, "Yo."
"Is this Ichigo?"
"Yes who is it?"
"It's Uryu. I have my decision about playing in the talent show with you."
"Oh really? What is it?"
"I'll do it. I have the other cellists too. Do you know Orihime Inoue?"
"Yeah, she's in my class."
"Yeah, well she'll do it and so will Yumichika Ayasegawa."
"He's also in my class, he hangs with Ikkaku all the time."
"Ok good. We'll need to practice. Tomorrow at lunch?"
"Sounds good. Thanks for doing this
"No problem. Bye."
"Peace." I hung up the phone and jumped in excitement, which I'm glad no one saw as that would severely ruin my reputation. I heard the doorbell ring and went to the door. "Rukia?"
"I came to apologize for upsetting you. I'm sorry I tried to force you stop blaming yourself. I-er…well I know how hard it is to not blame yourself for the death of someone close to you. It's just that after what I did because of that guilt…well I just don't want the same to happen to anyone else."
"It's fine. I'm kind of happy that happened because I've had trouble with this song I've been writing and it completed so I should thank you. Seriously." She kind of smiled and muttered something that surprised me
"I guess it's true everything happens for a reason."
"Yeah I guess. May I ask how you knew where I lived?"
She laughed a little before saying "I asked Renji. He used to be a childhood friend of mine. He didn't recognize me at first but when I came up to him he remembered and told me."
"Oh, that's nice. Can I also ask what it is that you did?"
"Well…"
"You don't have to answer, it's fine."
"No you don't understand. I forced you into saying something you didn't want to say and it's only fair I tell you why I did that. It's not that I don't want to tell you but…I don't want anyone to hear…" I understood what she meant. I made room for her to enter and she did.
"Take a seat. You want anything?" I asked going to the kitchen.
"Some water would be nice. If it's not a problem…" said sitting on the couch. I got a glass of water for the both of us and came back to her. I sat on the coffee table in front of the couch to sit in front of her. "Ok…well…" she tried to start. I noticed her hands start to shake in anxiousness.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to I understand." I assured her but she shook her head.
"No I want to. I just need to collect myself." She said in a choked voice. This must be pretty bad. She started to breath deeply trying to keep her from falling apart. I was about to tell her she didn't have to again but she beat me to it. "Well, you see…" I felt a weird feeling as she gathered the courage to say it. "I-I grew into a state of depression…and…I started to cut my wrists…" she held out her wrists showing me the track of scars. I couldn't believe I missed them. At least they weren't that noticeable. "I also started drinking and…I started doing LSD, Marijuana, and Nitrous…I also did amphetamines from time to time…" I could see her hands shaking a lot now and tears start to slowly run down her cheeks. "A year ago I was so ashamed of myself that I wanted to end everything…" her voice was cracking as she tried to finish it. "I cut my wrists up to my elbows, downed a whole bottle of vodka and amaretto and a bunch of acid and went to sleep. Woke up in the hospital two days later." She sniffed "Came out of rehab and counseling just before the end of last year and moved here…" she started to cry and I leaned over and hugged her
"I would never have guessed," she cried in my shoulder, almost like she tried to keep herself together. "I'm so sorry." I said in a loss for words. I had no clue what to do.
"Don't worry," she said sniffing and looking up at me "I always get like that when I really think about it. It's still really fresh in my mind." She smiled trying to make me ease. She drank the water down. "I should get home, my brother would be mad that I stayed out this late. I glanced at the clock. It was 9 o'clock!
"Oh jeez! It's 9! Oh, well I'll see you tomorrow?"
She smiled again "Yeah, I'll see you."
"You want me to walk you home?"
"No I'll be fine don't worry." She said leaving the house.
Today was so eventful that I just went upstairs and went to bed. The one thing I regret is that I still blame myself…
Friday
8:22 A.M.
I woke up in my bed. Today's the day. I got up and took a shower. I went downstairs and was expecting to be met with my dad's foot. I almost stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him sitting down looking at the paper sipping his coffee. Yuzu was making breakfast and Karin was just sitting, minding her own business. "You didn't try to kick me…"
He looked up from his paper and grinned, "Well today's no day to teach you my son! We need to go up to the cemetery remember?"
"Yeah I do it's just different."
"Breakfast is ready!"
Yuzu handed us all a plate and we dug in. "Today's the talent show right Ichigo?" Karin asked
"Yeah. I'm already getting butterflies." I said chuckling a little.
"Well do you have a song ready?"
"Of course! I finished it Monday actually. You'll be surprised trust me."
"I'm sure I will."
The rest of breakfast was eaten in relative silence.
I've been hanging out with Rukia a lot lately. She was really funny, especially when you tease her about bunnies. I don't know how many times I said "Oh my god a bunny!" pointed at a random spot and she whipped her head around going "Where, where!?" Anyway I find it ironic that they scheduled the talent show on the day Mom died. Whatever I'm just probably just being skeptical like usual. The band finally settled on a name yesterday, 'Shinigami'. I thought it was funny as we're not a Death Metal band but an Alternative Metal band. I got my stuff together and we all headed out for the cemetery. The whole way we were trying to ignore my dad running up the hill on his hands or doing it backwards or something stupid. When we got there I decided to take a walk. I went through the woods. Then I ran into him of all people, Reiichi Oshima. He's a bully at the school and I think he's a dealer too. He and his gang caught me and held me down momentarily
"Well, well Ichigo. Looks like you haven't changed your hair."
"It's my natural hair color why would I change it?" I was met with a fist in the stomach
"My, my Ichigo, I don't want to fight you today, I want to make a deal with you."
"What kind of deal?"
He pulled a bottle of pills from his jacket "This here is called OxyContin, doctors give it to their patients to make them feel good. I'll give you a bottle for 10 bucks."
"Sorry, not into that stuff." I got hit in the stomach again.
"How about I give you a couple, think of it as a free sample."
This time I didn't say no. "Give me a couple, I'll take them later alright?"
"I'm glad you see it my way." He said smirking. He put about five in a separate bottle and gave them to me. I'll just flush them when I get home, I seriously don't want to deal with him anymore. His buddy let me go and he gave me the bottle. I stuck it in my jacket and he let me go. I made it back to everyone after a few minutes
"Ichigo, have a nice walk?" Yuzu asked
"I guess." I didn't want to say it was great when it wasn't yet I didn't want them asking questions. I mean it's a walk. I kneeled down and said a prayer for my mom
I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I got in the way and caused your death. I hope when I die you can forgive me. I hope you watch over me tonight. After the show I'll stop by again and give you something. I love you Mom. I'm sorry for everything.
"It's starting to get late, I need to get ready. Did everyone say a prayer?"
"Yeah, we all did while you were on your walk."
"Alright we should go home then."
Karakura Town
7:45 P.M.
Kuchiki Residence
Rukia's POV
Today was Ichigo's big day! I was so excited to hear that they were playing and Renji's there too. Tatsuki and I started to become friends and Orihime too I guess. I was finished getting ready and ran down the stairs. Byakuya was reading the paper, like he always did. It was either that or play the piano or something sophisticated-like. He may seem like a cold heart but if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be alive. He wound up going to my room that day and found me lying on the floor with my blood staining the rug and my shirt. "I'm going out." I said just about out of the door
"Where are you going."
"The talent show is tonight." He gave me a weary look. "I'm meeting up with a new friend of mine. Also Renji is there."
"Renji's there? Tell him I know what he did last summer."
"Why you don't know what he did that summer," it clicked "Oh, because he's scared of you…" I said slyly while laughing my butt off. Byakuya smirked
"I want you home by 10, 10:30 the latest."
"Alright. I have my phone if something comes up."
"Have fun."
"I will bye." I headed out the door. This would be fun indeed!
Karakura Town
8:01 P.M.
Karakura High School
Ichigo's POV
Oh my god I still feel sick. Before we got on stage I threw up quickly and ran up. It's our turn now.
"Next up, with the help of Uryu Ishida, Orihime Inoue and Yumichika Ayasegawa on cello, comes the band 'Shinigami' with their original song 'I Don't Care'! Give them a round of applause!"
This was it. Uryu started it and Ikkaku followed with the bass. I just went for it and sang my heart out.
I try to make it through my life, in my way, theres you
I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do
Just don't deny it,
Don't try to fight this ,and deal with it
and that's just part of it,
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause i swear (i swear), i don't care
I try to make you see my side
I always trying to stay in line
But your eyes see right through
That's all they do
I'm getting buried in this place
I got no room your in my face
don't say anything just go away
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause i swear (I swear) i don't care
[ instrumental ]
love changing everything
You won't be left for me
[ instrumental ]
love changing everything
you won't be left for me
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause i swear(i swear)i don't care
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care(i don't care), I don't care(i don't care)
Just go ahead and leave this all behind
I don't care(i swear), I don't care
At all...
There was a pause of silence. I was worried no one liked. Suddenly everyone roared out in applause and whistles and screams. I felt like I was on Cloud 9! I kissed a fist and threw my finger in the air for my mom. Sort of like sports players do when they score. We walked off the stage high fiving. I got to Uryu and the others "Thanks SO much for coming out for us tonight." I thanked him shaking his hand.
"No problem, if you guys make just credit me please?"
"Don't worry I'm crediting you with your part now!" I hugged him to show my thanks. We separated and after a few acts the time came.
"Now for the time you've been waiting for the winner…of this years talent show…is…SHINIGAMI!"
My heart leapt out of my stomach as we went on stage and accepted the award. We said a few words and got off stage. "Guys I need you to help me with something."
"What is it?" Ikkaku asked. I pulled out a picture of the four of us and got out a black permanent marker. I wrote something and gave it to him and he read it, he laughed a little and took the pen and wrote, Renji and Toshiro did the same. We got out and my dad put me in a headlock.
"GOOD GOING ICHIGO!"
"Thanks" I said managing out
"We're going out to celebrate! C'mon!"
"No thanks I'm beat I just want to sleep, you guys go and have fun." Everyone gave me a hug and we went our separate ways.
Karakura Town
10:37 P.M.
Karakura Cemetary
I walked up the hill in the heavy rain. I finally made it to Mom's grave and I knelt down. I opened the box we had installed to place letters in for her so they wouldn't get wet in the rain. I pulled out the thing we all wrote on. It was a picture of the four of us: Renji, Toshiro, Ikkaku and I playing our instruments in the garage on day. It said
To Masaki Kurosaki, Our biggest fan
-Ichigo Kurosaki
-Ikkaku Madarame
-Renji Abarai
-Toshiro Hitsugaya
I started crying as I put the autograph in the box and locked it.
I'm sorry Mom, I just wish you could've seen me today but it won't happen…ever. All because of me.
I walked down in a huge state of depression. When I got home I was angry beyond beliefe that whoever was controlling the universe took my mother from us. I ran into my room and started beating the hell out of my matress and my pillows. I broke some wood before I was out of energy and collapsed against the wall. I gazed at my nightstand and saw those pills Oshima gave me. He said OxyContin was made to make people feel good, and doctors used it. Maybe it'll help…I stared at it and it looked so inviting. Escape all this pain…I picked up the bottle took out a couple in stared at them in my hand. "Fuck it." I took them.
Please tell me how you thought it was.
As Always Enjoi
-Kori