Every Night

Every night, I fell asleep to the sound of dark, harsh breathing and sharp nails scratching my walls. It wasn't unpleasant. I had gotten used to it.

I was born into a fairly non-superstitious family. My three siblings and I never learned about stuff like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Rabbit. In their work as historians, my parents constantly focused on trying to teach us why those mythical figures existed and where they originated. Well, most of them. Some myths never had a true origin, just an estimated one.

On the other hand, we didn't learn about demons or ghosts or evil spirits either. My parents were raised in traditionally atheist households. They were never taught much about the paranormal world and so didn't believe in it. They thought it was all hogwash, that none of it was real and only humans' collective desire to understand death and the other many unknown aspects of our lives.

So when I was told by friends whom I confided in about this issue that there was some kind of monster-like creature in my room, I didn't believe it. I wasn't scared into denial. I just didn't think it was anything weird. I assumed the breathing was actually the wind's being louder at night because everyone is asleep and it's more audible. I assumed it was an animal living in the basement that was scratching at my floorboards or some kind of animal that got stuck in the walls and was scratching at them to get out. I didn't think for a minute it would be a demon or monster or anything like that. (I was also sixteen at the time, so obviously I wasn't as scared of the noises as my younger siblings would have been had they heard the scrape of nails and deep exhales in my room.)

It surprised me more when I learned it actually was a demon. I wasn't scared, just curious. Or confused.

I was slowly falling asleep on a Friday night when the scraping noises stopped. This caught my attention. The sounds in my room never ceased while I was trying to fall asleep. My eyes snapped open, scouring the room for anything that could have caused the change. As my eyes reached the left side of my room where my dresser stood against the wall, I spotted a humanoid figure waiting in the darkness of my ajar bathroom door.

Now, I was scared. I thought it was some kind of intruder that came into my house to steal or murder.

I lunged for the bedside lamp and hurried to turn it on. My eyes needed only minutes to adjust. The being moved forward slowly, as if it hurt them to go any faster. They stood in the light, and I felt a laugh bubble up in my throat. It looked like a person wearing a Halloween demon mask.

The person was fairly built, almost towering over me, and I'm about five-foot-six when standing. Clearly, based on the lack of discernible breasts, it was a guy. The mask wasn't horrifying. The face had a color akin to dried blood, with electric blue eyes and an illogically fanged, thin-lipped mouth full of yellowing teeth. It had a bunch of ridges and dots along the hard lines of the face. The eyebrows were only darker strokes that traced the eyes. An even forehead stretched up into a widow's peak of hair blacker than night itself. But everything felt so cartoonish, I burst out laughing and snorting at the sight of the person.

He scowled deeply and snarled at me. I ignored it at the time, too consumed by the hilarity of the situation to pay any heed to the fact that the mouth on the 'mask' actually moved with the angry snarl of the 'person'.

Eventually, the guy surged forward, grasping my neck with a clawed hand. I sneered, reaching for the taser I always kept on my bedside table in case of emergencies like this. (My family lived in a pretty rough area before moving to this community, so we were always prepared for intruders or other home threats.)

"Nice costume, jackass. Did you get it from Party City? Let me guess. You borrowed fifty dollars from your mom saying you wanted to buy a costume so you can go out to a party, but instead, you're out here robbing homes and killing people. Get off me, or I won't hesitate to tase you."

The guy just stared at me a moment, eyes narrowed, eyebrows drawn together, and lips curled into a disgusted scowl. His voice filled the room like the voice of God. He leered at me, "You think I'm human?! Tell me. Can a human do this?!" He touched my forehead with a claw, and I felt my breath leave my body as I saw my room morph into an immense space of rocky black earth, red clouds, and tortured screams. My eyes caught sight of what looked like millions of people begging at the gates of a building for mercy and repentance, all of them bleeding and clearly mutated. From the top of the building, balls of light floated up towards the sky and disappeared into the distance. Weird-looking guards in old Roman armor gathered around the begging crowd and began to tear them away, huddling them towards a large arena a little ways away.

Only after the 'person' snarled in my ear that he wasn't human did I realize the pain in my feet. I crumbled to my knees, only for the 'person' to yank me up by my shoulders and return me to my room.

I was dropped onto my bed, and immediately, I began to cry.

I like to think myself a strong person. I don't usually cry. But the trauma of seeing that place, of the smell of burnt flesh all around me, the searing pain in my feet, had me breaking down. I covered my face and shook in my bed, my fingernails digging into my flesh as I hugged myself to protect my mind from the experience.

The non-person laughed loudly, smirking darkly as he sat down on the wooden chair at my desk. The last straw had just been dealt. I already felt horribly scared and uncomfortable because of this bastard's gall to dare show me all that he did. I needed no further proof to know he wasn't human. But he could still feel pain.

So, because I am so mentally stable and smart, I jumped off the bed before picking up the heavy lamp on the bedside table to my left. I hefted it over my head and lobbed it at the creature, and I quickly relished the sounds of his screaming when it made contact with his head, neck, and chest.

I laughed uncontrollably when the lamp shattered against his body and smirked with great pride.

He sneered once more, tossing me into the wall with a simple wave of his hand. I felt some ribs and joints shatter because of the hit. My screams drowned out his obnoxious laughter. Tears started flooding down my cheeks like rivers. I don't know why, but instantaneously, the non-human walked over, helping me onto the bed again.

I struggled against his hands, only calming myself when he threatened to stab me in the throat.

He had me lie down, and I felt panic set in within seconds. He scowled, but his voice made it sound like he was trying to soothe me for some reason. I still cried. Once I started, I couldn't stop. The non-human knelt down at my bedside and began patting my stomach and chest. The pain alleviated with each gentle press.

I watched his face the entire time he did his work. I couldn't understand any aspect of this creature's mentality or thought-process. A complete anomaly. One minute, he's giving me nightmares and breaking my ribs, but the next minute, he's trying to comfort me and heal me.

His face softened into a more human appearance as he healed my ribs. It made things a little better. Humans are that crazy. We can hurt each other violently with no precedent, and then help a hundred people in the same breath. We're insane.

When he finished doing whatever it was that he was doing, he stood up, observing me over the tip of his nose. "My actions baffle you." Unable to think of a proper response, I simply nodded.

He sighed. I sat up cautiously, only to find I felt no pain at all in my abdomen. I thought I would feel some kind of lingering muscular ache from hitting the wall, but there was nothing. I felt normal. I scooted over and waited for him to sit. Maybe I was just as messed up as he was, considering I just offered a seat to a demon who showed me Hell and cracked my ribs.

A confused smile grew on his face. He sat beside me, crossing his legs after turning to face me completely. "I came to seek a soul. Human souls act as fuel for demonic entities like me. Yours was particularly easy to find. Weak. Not much motivation to live. Unbelievably lacking in self-esteem. You are the perfect candidate for a meal."

"That's literally the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me in four years."

He snickered to himself, scraping a clawed hand through raven hair. "And friendless. See? Great candidate. But you are stupidly kind. There are rules demons have to abide by based on our rank. I'm an Avenger."

I glowered at him, growling protectively in an attempt to secure the honor of my favorite superheroes. "No the fuck you're not. When you can compare equally with Iron Man or Thor, then you can call yourself an Avenger. But you're just a creepy undead asshole with a pretty face."

The demon guy balked at me, unable to comprehend my actions. "You think I'm pretty?"

My face flushed red. I did not mean to say that aloud. "Focus on what's more important in my statement, asshole. Don't hyper-analyze the miniscule details that are not relevance."

A shit-eating grin slithered onto his face, and I felt my blush intensify. "We'll come back to that later. First off, I am not undead. I am technically a fallen angel. Second off, I did not state Avenger with the pop culture definition in mind. An Avenger is a demon that is meant to punish the living humans that the angels cannot. I did not come to kill you on behalf of the angels. I only came to take your soul as food."

"Just shut up. I'm not talking about what I said. Anyways, get to the point."

He chuckled, leaning back against my headboard. "I do have to adhere to the rules of my rank. I cannot, under any circumstance, take the soul of a human of good heart. I can only consume those souls that court bitterness and rage and revenge. You do none of those things. I cannot take your soul."

I scowled. "So why are you still here?"

"You called me pretty. I'm not about to let go of that."

In comparison to the previous moments, I felt my face pale harshly out of fear that this demon intended to keep me as his slave or something. "Wait what-"

His eyes widened almost frantically, and he pressed a hand over my shoulder. "Relax. I will not harm you. I don't mean to. I promise. You can trust that. Despite our unbecoming reputation, demons do not break promises. We understand the value of a deal of good will."

That didn't help much.

"Then why are you staying?"

His eyes darkened marginally, and he set his hands in his lap. "Truly? I do not know. Perhaps the loneliness wears away at my essence. Perhaps my heart aches for some form of reassurance that my existence serves a purpose. Perhaps the cold embrace of an empty room makes me yearn for the presence of a warm body beside mine. I have known no camaraderie in Hell. Humans are such communal creatures. Would you think it inappropriate if I ask you for those things? Companionship, reassurance, bodily comfort?"

I shivered at his words. They sounded so pretty, almost Shakespearean or Victorian in style. But the connotation seemed quite malevolent. I tried my hardest to not show my fear. "What would that entail?"

He shrugged his massive shoulders, muscles rippling fluidly under textured, harsh skin. "Whatever is normal in most human friendships. Just because we hurt some of you does not mean we know nothing of human interaction or common behavior."

My teeth worried at my lower lip while my fingernails dug bleeding moons into my palms. "So it'll be just that? A friendship? You won't take my soul?"

The demon rolled his shoulders back and sat up straight, facing me more properly to burn holes through my eyes with his own. "Most demons would jump at the chance to take a soul to feed upon. If I were one of them, and you proved to me that there exists some form of unrepentant rage in your soul, I would take it from you instantly. But I do not believe in such immature practices. I am above taking a soul of a human that provides me with goodwill just because of a momentary show of spite in their soul."

I contemplated his words for some time. He didn't disturb me or distract me while I deliberated my decision. "If I were to die while we're friends. Would you take my soul then?"

"No. But unless we form a true friendship of good, I would not fight to prevent another demon from taking your soul. I only dictate my own decisions, no one else's. In other cases, let's say that you are accepted into Heaven. I would not fight the angels to keep you with me. That is not within my power. If you wish to do so, I believe you are allowed to let me visit you. But you would not be allowed to come to me. Either of those situations depends on whether we are still friends at the time of your death."

This all sounded good to me. A friend for now until I die. I mean, the going to Hell and having my soul eaten sounded bad, but I liked the idea of being able to visit a friend even after death. "Um. Quick question. What if we do end up being great friends, but I go to Hell? You'd protect me, but to what end? Would I be able to stay with you?"

That pulled a laugh out of my unexpected roommate. He snorted through his snickers, only stopping for air and an answer to my question. "Yes. I do not know how that works, but if I claim you as an eternal companion, then His Demonic Highness would allow me to keep you."

I had planned on thinking about it some more, but I got bored, and I was tired. "Sure. We can be friends. But just don't scratch up my floors, okay? Hardwood is expensive up here."

He stared at me in disbelief for a moment before nodding. "Understood. Am I to return to the space under your bed?"

My teeth bit down on my lip again, and my new friend scowled harshly, moving closer to pull my jaw down and free my teeth. "Stop that. I don't need more of your injuries on my conscience."

"You have a conscience?" I asked with a sarcastic smirk. "I couldn't tell from how hard you smashed me into my wall."

He rolled his eyes and rubbed my lip with a fond snort. "The least you can do is be kind to the demon who just tore open his heart and laid it out before you. But I suppose I've earned it. Now. Answer my question. Where am I to sleep? Unless you want me to return to hell."

I sighed and averted my eyes, glaring at my pillow. "You can sleep up here in my bed if you want to. I mean, it's a pretty big space, and you said you need a cuddle-buddy. Just don't stab me with your nails or whatever."

His eyes widened again, but this time, a pleased smile made its way onto his face. Despite the gross texture of his skin and the weirdness of his incisor-filled mouth, it made him look a million times more attractive. "If that would please you, then of course I will sleep here." At hearing my concern about his form, he nodded and changed his body a bit more, reducing his size and altering his skin and morphology to match the human form as closely as possible. Of course, the hues in his skin couldn't change, but he made himself as soft as possible.

I stepped off the bed before he did and pulled back the comforter. I climbed in, trying to get warm again when I realized how cold my bed had gotten without me in it. "I never got your name, dude."

His voice still vibrated in my bones even though he spoke softly. "Drakonsilus."

"That's fancy as hell."

His laugh purred in my sternum. "Thank you. And your name?"

"Victoria Rao. My mom is English, and my dad is Indian. They were the outcasts of their families and came together in a beautiful romance to create more outcast children." And there I went again, oversharing about my life like usual.

Drakonsilus smiled at me in the wan light of my lamp. "A beautiful name. Do not despair your existence. It's a good one. You offer kindness to a being who came to consume your soul. You may be an outcast, but at least you're a kind one."

I held up my covers and dropped my chin, motioning for my new buddy to join me under the comforter. He fidgeted at my offer.

"I thought you meant I would sleep at your feet."

"Bro, I don't know shit about demonic society, but that's bullshit. You cuddle with me in my sheets, not cower at my feet like a dog. Get in here."

He nervously stepped closer and climbed under the heavy woolen blanket. He stayed near the edge of the bed, but eventually moved closer after he realized I wasn't about to rescind my offer of cuddles. He scooted closer as I did, and we met in the middle of the bed, both of our heads pressed against the single pillow on the mattress.

"Can I call you Silus for short? Your name is pretty and all, but it's super long and I don't want to think that it sounds dumb or ugly or stupid coming out of my mouth."

The demon laughed like it was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. I felt a smile encroaching on my lips at the beautiful sound. "Was there any doubt that you couldn't? I am in need of your affection. I have nothing to offer you. Kind one, I am at your mercy. You may do as you please."

"Stop stop stop stop stop. Please stop. Don't make it sound like you're my slave or servant or whatever. Humans outlawed slavery centuries ago. Not cool. I won't do that to you."

"Yes, yes. I know. Hell knows quite a lot about human pop culture. Heaven is too busy pampering God and his angels to care about human activities. That's why many of the people that would be considered good by modern standards are sent to Hell. They do not fit the parameters of good people that the world's Holy Books define. Each individual's soul is measured by the holy book of their respective religion. Atheists like you are measured by the holy book of your family ancestors. Heaven is outdated in its treatment of humans and its ideas of morality. Hell likes to 'keep up with the times', as you humans call it. So yes. I do know that slavery is outlawed on Earth. But demons do not despise slavery. Servitude in a deal is a common fact of life for us. Many people ask us for favors or something like that, so we must heed their every word until the contract is complete. I am used to this way of life."

I harshly inhaled, burning my lungs with the cold air of my room. "Well I don't believe in that stuff. You're not my servant now. You're my friend. And I'm going to treat you that way. I'll teach you how to accept friendship, since clearly you were trained to think that goodwill only exists in service contracts."

My words produced a smile from him that lit up the entire room. I smiled back weakly and attempted to not melt into my sheets.

"Thank you, Victoria."

"Don't mention it, pretty boy. Now go to sleep." I only realized my mistake after his pure grin turned into something more mischievous (and hot). "No, wait-"

He smirked and propped his head up on his palm. "This is the second time you have referred to me as pretty in the past twenty minutes of our conversation. Are you usually attracted to devilishly handsome beings like me or am I a special case?"

My glare didn't affect him at all. Actually, it did. It made him smirk wider, which ended up making me more nervous. Of course I was dumb enough to start being attracted to a demon who hurt me mentally and physically since the first moment he made himself aware to me. Not just that, but his smugness was so attractive, I felt my skin burning up in the chill of my room.

"Are you going to tell me your answer, Victoria? I'm waiting~!"

I huffed and shook my head with a petulant pout on my lips. "No."

"Fine. I will make you tell me sooner or later."

"How? You're my friend, not my boss."

He hummed, lying back down again. "That is for me to know and for you to find out. Perhaps a hint will suffice. I will make you desperate to tell me how you feel. I can promise that."

That promise had me burning just like before. If this friendship didn't end up in me getting fucked by this guy, I was going to ditch him and summon Satan myself and ask for some fun. I mean, if Silus' words and smiles had me all bothered and horny (pun unintended), then his actual sexual actions probably would feel heavenly (pun intended). But for now, all I needed was a friend and some cuddles. It had been so long since I got a proper hug from anyone, and I didn't retain any friends for longer than a few months, at best. Whether that was because of my unnecessary need to tell every waking thought to my friends or my unknowing ability to push away people that are kind to me, I don't know. I may never know. But this was enough. This nice demon was enough.

"You're such a weirdo. And that pun was dumb."

He clutched at his chest with a fake wail of despair. "You claim me as your friend, and yet you are so cruel to me!"

"You're so melodramatic."

He winked at me with a grin. "I try."

I yawned and pulled the comforter up to cover our bodies. Silus watched me again, this time a bit uncomfortably. "Am I allowed to hold you?"

His nervous look had my heart aching. I moved close enough that our legs barely made contact, and I reached an arm over his shoulder to press his body against mine. My bicep rested on top of the outside of his upper arm. After a beat, he stretched a muscled forearm over my waist and pressed me to himself as well, the small of my back flush with his warm hand.

He shook in my arms, and I felt his breath quiver against my ear. I pressed us closer together, almost flush against one another. My nose pressed into the soft skin under his ear while his lips filled the curve of my neck and collarbone with wet warmth.

Yeah, this position was bit intimate for new friends to experience. But I knew that both of us were starved of physical affection. If we started out like this, then it was likely we had needed this kind of bodily comfort for a long time.

I only heard Silus speak after his breathing had equalized. "You know, you are the only being in millennia to hold me as you do. I was created in Heaven a few centuries after humans' civilizations had become slightly advanced. The Bronze Age, I believe. I had only ever experienced this kind of affection from my male lover in Heaven. God found our actions to be punishable. I was sent to Hell. My lover was sent to receive training and do penance for his actions. As the receiver of our carnal pleasures, I was banished from the Lord's Kingdom."

I only rubbed his back in response, not knowing what to say or how to say it. He continued his story.

"Never once in my time in Hell has anyone offered me a physical form of affection like this. My friends give me occasional embraces. My employer rewards me with praise and goodwill. But you, you embrace me. You let me touch you even after I break your bones and cause you pain. I am so grateful. I cannot tell you enough thanks for your mercy and grace. I can never repay my debts to you."

He pulled his head back to look me in the eyes. The sharp sapphires of his eyes grazed over my face lovingly, as if I had just given him the Sun. He used his other hand to gently cup my jaw and rub at my cheek. I leaned into the warmth, almost basked in it.

"You don't need to thank me for doing what I've wanted to do for so long. This is enough. This hug? This affection? This is enough thanks for me."

A chuckle from him brushed along my nerves like a beautiful internal massage. He leaned forward again and pressed his lips into the space under my ear like I did earlier. "Thank you, beautiful creature. Thank you. Now sleep. I will fix everything in the morning."

I didn't fall asleep to silence. Again, I fell asleep to the sound of breathing. But it was softer now, and the sound of nail scratches on wood didn't accompany it.

As my thoughts drifted off into dreams, I wished that, every night, I could sleep like this, in the arms of this man that I could never have, but could always keep.