Disclaimer: Supernatural, its plotlines, and its characters are all property of the CW and the show's writers. I probably wouldn't be worth only $7 and a bottle of pop if I was actually involved with the show, so it's really not worth the effort to sue me, even if I would love to actually meet Misha Collins.
Summary: Dean and Cas have a conversation after Dean nearly killed Cas because of the Mark and Cas nearly killed Dean because of the attack dog spell Rowena put on him. Hurt/comfort, angst, fluff. Rated T for mentions of violence and some language. One-Shot.
….
We're Family
….
Cas raised his hand to knock on Dean's bedroom door, hesitating slightly. He knew Dean wasn't mad at him for what he did under the influence of Rowena's spell, but he still wasn't sure what to say to the man.
Finally deciding he should just leave Dean alone after a few minutes of standing outside his door in silence, Cas started to lower his hand. Before he could walk away, Dean opened his door and nearly walked right into him.
"Cas?" Dean questioned. Cas was horrified by the bruises and swelling that decorated the man's face.
"Sorry, I…I was just leaving." Cas muttered.
"No, I was just coming out to look for you. Come in." Dean replied, grabbing Cas's arm as he attempted to walk away.
"Well, I'm sure you're busy…" Cas tried to argue.
"Didn't I just say I was specifically coming out here to find you. I want to talk to you without Sam hovering around us. Come in here." Dean retorted. He gently pulled on the sleeve of Cas's trench coat, which he was still hanging onto from when he had grabbed him earlier, pulling him into the bedroom and closing the door behind them.
"Sit." Dean commanded. Cas lowered himself into Dean's desk chair, skepticism writing all over his face. Dean slowly sat down on his bed, ever aware of the pain wracking his body from the beatdown he had received two days previously.
Noticing Dean's winces of pain, Cas reached out a hand to heal him, which the injured man swatted away.
"Dean, let me heal you." Cas almost pleaded.
"No, I deserved this for almost killing you…"
"No, you didn't, Dean…I feel so bad –"
"Stop, Cas. You weren't in control of yourself when this happened. I don't blame you." Dean cut the angel off mid-sentence.
"You weren't in control of yourself the other day when you attacked me either!" Cas argued.
"That's different." Dean retorted.
"How?"
"You…you were under a spell when you attacked me. You literally had no control over your actions. Me…I was under the influence of the Mark, yes, but I was still acting on my own impulses. I wanted to attack you, to kill you…"
"But you didn't. Even under the influence of the Mark, you didn't kill me, Dean."
"But I wanted to…"
"But you didn't. Some part of you still knew that I was important to the work you guys do, that Sam would probably occasionally need my help on cases if you were gone –"
"Wait, is that really all you think of yourself, Cas?" Dean interjected.
Cas was taken aback. "What do you mean?" he questioned.
"Do you really think we only keep you around because you're useful on cases sometimes?" Dean asked.
Cas squinted at Dean, trying to understand the question.
"We care about you, Cas." Dean explained.
"Well, I know…"
"No, I don't think you do. You're a brother to us, Cas. We would care about you even if you lost your powers and became human again. You're family. You and Sam are the only family I have left, besides maybe Jody. I don't just care about you because you're a powerful angel." Dean hated that he had to explain these things to Cas, that the entity before him didn't realize these things by himself. "I know we don't show it very often, but if I lost you again…" Dean paused.
Cas simply stared at Dean, feeling a burning sensation behind his eyes.
"How did you not know that?" Dean felt horrible for not making his best friend, his brother, feel loved and accepted.
Cas paused before answering, standing from the chair to gather his thoughts. "I guess I did, in a way, but I just never thought, personally, that I was as important as you and your brother. I never felt worthy of your affection."
"Cas…"
"I've screwed up so many times, Dean. I've hurt you and Sam so many times, and for what? I've been selfish and self-centered, I've tried and fail to be God, and I just keep coming back every time you guys finally get rid of me…"
"We don't want rid of you, Cas!"
"You should! For how much I care about the two of you, you would think I would stop fucking you over every few months. I always go back to the angels and to heaven over and over even though you two are the only people who have ever actually came through for me…"
"Cas! Enough!" Dean stood from his bed so he would be eye level with Cas. "We don't want rid of you because we love you! We're always there because we love you. And you keep doing all those stupid things because you care about us. You may have fucked us over a few times, but that won't stop us from caring about you, man." Dean cut Cas off when he went to argue. "And you keep going back to heaven and the angels because they were your family for your entire life. You have been with them since you were created. You've only been shown the true meaning of family since you met us, and that was less than a decade ago. So just stop blaming yourself for things that are in the past, because there's nothing you could do that could stop Sam and I from caring about you." Dean finished his rant and ran his hand through his hair, trying not to look Cas in the face.
Cas just stood there in silence, trying to wrap his head around the words that Dean had said. Then, he spoke.
"Thank you, Dean."
Dean gave up on his efforts to avoid hugging Cas and leaned in, wrapping one arm around the angel's shoulders and one around his lower back. Cas instantly hugged him back, one tear leaking from his eye.
"I love you too, Dean. I hope you know that." Cas muttered into the taller man's shoulder.
"I do."
Dean pulled back from the hug eventually, glad to see that Cas had a little more light in his eyes than he had previously.
"I'm glad you're okay, Cas." Dean muttered.
"I am too. Will you please let me heal you now?"
Dean thought about it, then nodded, tired of the throbbing coming from the whole left side his face. Cas tapped two fingers on Dean's forehead and healed him, making Dean feel instantly better.
"Thank you, Cas."
Cas simply nodded.
