Author's Note: I supposed I lied in my profile but i figured if i went through the trouble of creating an account, I might as well use it. This is my first ever fanfiction. I'm not sure what provoked me to write this, but I've had this idea for a while. While I'm an avid 1X2 fan, I heard this song and the idea just popped into my head. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. The songs are by 98 degrees and Evanescence.
As Duo lay in bed, he found that sleep would not come any time soon. Instead he was left contemplating his "relationship" with Heero. During the war they'd often found comfort in one another. Many a night had been spent in each other's arms, but there was always Relena. Even now, though Duo spent much time with Heero, he could never be sure of Heero's feelings.
Relena was always there as a constant reminder of his insecurities. He knew Heero at least felt obligated to protect her, if there wasn't more. Relena's feelings were quite obvious and never once did Duo doubt that she would always love Heero, but he loved him as well. Unfortunately he could tell they'd been growing apart as of late.
He knew what was coming, but he wanted to postpone it for as long as possible. The say if you love someone you have to let them go... easier said than done. He truly wanted Heero to be happy, but he honestly wasn't sure if he survive the devastation to his heart.
Eventually Duo fell into a restless and dreamless sleep.
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The next morning when Duo awoke, he turned on the radio and headed for the shower. He wasn't really paying attention to it until, as he was dressing, he heard the d.j. say, "This song is dedicated to Duo Maxwel by an anonymous caller. He says he hopes you understand."
Duo slowly sat on the edge of the bed and prepared for the worst. His mind barely registered the lyrics of the song once he recognized it...
We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And, baby, it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us tryin' to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
And someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
'Cause my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know
'Cause there can be no happy ending
Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
The message intended for him was very clear, and Duo understood. He knew that this was inevitable, and it was something that Heero had to do... but that didn't stop the tears from flowing freely down his cheeks. That dildn't stop him from collapsing onto the floor in a sobbing mess. That didn't stop the horrible pain coursing through his body at the realization that he was now alone. The only comfort he had was now gone, and he felt so lost.
Attempting to be optimistic seemed laughable. He was uncertain how he was supposed to live like this. His cowardice prevented him from taking his own life, but his future seemed very bleak. The next song on the radio did nothing to improve his mood. In fact Duo identified more with this song than he cared to admit. He let the words wash over him as he cried the rest of his tears.
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
Duo threw the radio at the wall and left the apartment. He would just have to manage somehow. It would be a horrible existence of forced smiles and a cheerful mask... It would be like he'd never met Heero at all, and none of this had ever happened. Maybe there was hope for him yet...