AN: Hey guys, it's another Twila Commentary! After reading several commentaries on not only this fic, but also My Immortal and Forbidden Fruit, I just couldn't resist anymore and decided to write one of my own. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or this pathetic excuse for fanfiction

hay guyz my nami is Twila Beautiful PSyco Topaz Cullem. This girls has got some SERIOUS mental problems i go 2 skewl in waschington wif da SEXIIEST VAMPYRE EVER, Sorry darling, I sincerely doubt that hiz name iz edward cullen Can someone PLEASE tell this girl Edward Cullen doesn't exist? n he iz sooo sexii n hot n gerad way mite play him in da movi TWILITE!1 Hey Gerard! Hadn't seen you in a while! omfg i wuld hav an organism An organism? lolol but neway dis iz mi stori its called XXX TWILA, THE GURL WHO WAS IN LUV WIF A VAMPIR XXX' Why the XXX? ok btw im gothic n so is edword so we wer ment to b ok! Edward might be a gloomy, possessive idiot but he most certainly is NOT gothic… so haterz bak off n if u lyk bella den FUK U! No thanks… ok thanx 2 my editar, Midnite Cullen She should get fired (dnt get ne ideaz shez not marred 2 ed, she iz maried 2 jasper) Yeah right… plz plz plz giv me reviews plz i wuld lyk dat, this is da 1st time i eva rote a stori, I can see that btw my infleuence is enoby darkness dementia ravn way! I can see that, too… i fink she iz da best OK ENJOY GUYZ I doubt it…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx There's the x again…

CHAPTER 1

Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Who the HELL calls their kid Psyco? (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. we feeston blood You FEAST on blood? Wow… n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS No you're not. There's two of you. With loners you're all alone.

i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott This has "Mary Sue" written all over it…, i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez Magenta eyes? Or she wears contacts or something is REALLY wrong with her. i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword has dem too and steraphie myers Who's steraphie myers? Oooh, you mean Stephanie Meyer! sed hes realli hot ok.) Meyer has been wrong before… i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (a/n loook it up) I did, I put it on the Oxford dictionary. It couldn't find it. You misspelled it… FAIL that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite. So Midnight isn't a person?

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS I thought his name was Cullen, not Cullens… he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) I can't decide what's the funniest in that sentence, the fact she doesn't seem to get the meaning of an atheist or the fact she says "god bless u satan" so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. Bella might be clumsy, but she's not THAT clumsy edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. That's what I was wondering… i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, Just from you smiling at him? i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine. Er… Okay?

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, So do you, but apparently everyone just thinks you're sexy. I don't get it i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF Hus tuff? What the Hell? Could anyone PLEASE tell me what that could mean? NOW LOL rite

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. Jacob doesn't go to the same school as Bella. Another FAIL… ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose Carlose? I thought it was Carlisle wnated 2 meet me. n his sisters alice, rosmarie, jasper n emet His sisters Jasper and Emmett. Laughing my ass off over here… all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2. Told you she was a Mary Sue!

so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar I thought Emmett was the muscular one? so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way. when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty "You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. Kill me now please ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline Alison? Rosaline? This just keeps getting worse… all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married. So are Jasper, Emmett, Alice and Rosalie.

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) "nice to met you i said. Let me make this clear to you. You. Are. In. Washington. Not in Japan! "So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it." Gross…

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends.

XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD HELL no…

AN: Dear god, and this was only the first chapter… Review, please? Gonna need it :).