Title: Brave

Author: Ashley (Who else really)

Rating: T, just because I'm paranoid, and this is sad, and I use a few swear words.

Summary: Angel was going to have to be Brave for him, this one time, she was going to have to be the brave one. Song ficish. Inspired by Idina Menzel's song, Brave.

Disclaimer: Do I look like Idina? No I think not. Do I look like Jonathan. NO! That's what I thought! She owns her Song, and he owns RENT. I did alter the words to the last chorus, just to fit Angel.

Fandom: Rent

Author's notes: It's four thirty, and I'm writing a one shot fanfic. This is about to be interesting. I have the Brave music video link in my profile for anyone who hasn't heard the song. A cookie to anyone who can tell me how many times I typed the word Brave into this fic. (That one counts to!)

If this is the moment I stand here on my own

If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home

I might be afraid

But it's my turn to be brave

If this is the last chance before we say goodbye

At least it's the first day of the rest of my life

I can't be afraid

Cause it's my turn to be brave

I knew for a very long, long time that he would have to die. He couldn't stay with me forever, but I always knew that. I just didn't expect it to be happening so soon. We've only shared a little over year together. I sat down beside him.

"Baby, we don't even have today anymore, how am I supposed to do this?" I place a hand on his shaking forehead. I didn't expect an answer, it's been a few hours since he has had the strength to talk.

"You're going to have to be brave for me Angel." As quiet as the words he spoke were, I wouldn't have believed he spoke if I hadn't seen his lips move slightly. His body was shaking violently with coughs by that simple sentence. I let a few tears fall from my eyes, and grabbed for his hand blindly. I leaned over him and lay my head on his chest, he was still brave, even though we both knew it was his time.

"I don't know if I can do that Love, I'm so scared." I wish it was me, not him. I know I'm selfish but, I can't live without him.

"Please, Ang, you don't have long, and," he paused to cough violently, I crawl into the bed at response to this and wrap my arms around his shaking frame. I seriously wet his shirt while I cried into his chest as he coughed. His body shuddered as he wrapped a loose and shaking arm around me. I grabbed his wrist and kissed the skin there, careful not to be too rough. "I don't want you to spend your last months mourning me," he paused to cough again, and it shook us both, "we'll be together soon enough, so please, be brave?" I lifted my head up enough to look into his eyes. They were the most beautiful brown, like rich chocolate ice cream, they were normally filled with compassion, love, and a healthy dose of lust. Not to mention glazed over half the time. But now, they were clear, and pale, I could see love, all the love he had for me, and fear, that was something I had only seen in his eyes twice before, once while I was sick and my doctor didn't think I would get over it, and the day he found out his T-cell count was low.

"I'll try," I sighed quietly and closed my eyes, playing with the button of his shirt, he was burning up. I flinched, laying on my side, and was pressed up against his side, with my head on his chest. We'd spent so many nights laying like this after making love, or cuddling, or hanging out with the gang at the Life. This was my favorite place in the, the safest place in the world. "Are you hot?" He nodded, and his arm softly caressed my elbow, that was laying across his stomach, even though his other arm was around my back and shoulders. I unbuttoned his shirt and left it laying open. His chest was blazing hot. I almost flinched away from him.;

"Angel, I'm scared." I looked up from my spot on his chest, a spot that after tonight I wouldn't be able to sleep on again. I scooted up so that his head was comfortably settled on my chest and I was holding him like he was just holding me. He cried, in our year an a half together I had always been the one to cry on his shoulder, he never cried.

"Sh baby, hush my love." I stroked his hair and his hand gripped mine softly, weakly. He was still shaking, I would be brave for him. It's my turn. I kissed his head gently. "Do you want to see everyone?" He nods, and smiles but it's shaky. I cover his ears and shout for the others, who are waiting in the next room. I put my arms back around him and rocked him softly.

Roger and Mimi walked in first, holding hands. I'm glad they've been able to work out their problems, I sure as hell hadn't helped. Maybe I helped Mimi. Mimi had tears in her eyes as she dropped Rogers hand and ran to the bed.

"Is there anything we can do?" She asked me, the tears falling off her face. I shook my head. He wouldn't go to the hospital, and even tyhat would probably on buy him and hour or two, hooked up to machines and not being conscious. He didn't want that and neither did I. Mimi kissed his forehead.

"Love you Collins. I'll miss you." She turned and buried her face in Rogers jacket. Roger looked bad, he had know Tom almost his whole life, they had met in the third grade. He put a hand around Mimi and let it rest on one of Tom's. Tom looked at him and flashed him one of his trademark, extraordinarily handsome smiles.

"Rog-"

"Don't talk man, save your words for your girl, you hear? She needs them more than I do." Roger let tears pour off his face. "I know you love me, you're sorry, you hope I'll finally be happy with Mimi and my last year on earth." I cried again, and Tom nodded. "I've known you a long ass time Thomas. I'll miss you a lot." Then Roger did something I never expected, he kissed Tom's forehead, just like Mimi had. "I love you man." Tom nodded I pressed myself to him as hard as I could, he was practically sitting on my lap, if he could sit that is

Tom nodded, Mark was at a loss to say, he had known Tom as Roger, but they weren't as close. "Bye, I'll miss you Collins', alot." Mark turned and walked out, followed by Mimi and Roger, who had said their last goodbyes. I cried a bit, but refused to let Tom see it. I was trying hard to be as brave as possible. Maureen and Joanne came in next, Maureen simply kissed his lips chastely, their old, typical greeting and farewell. I learned a long time ago not to think anything about it. Apparently it had started one night, a long long time ago, when they were teenagers and they got really drunk and Maureen helped a very confused Tom figure out his sexuality once and for all. Maureen let tears fall down her cheeks, and for the first time I had known her the diva said nothing just sniffled and turned away. Tom, just nodded softly, closing his eyes again. I touched his cheek, at the same time Joanne kissed it, and they opened again. I sighed in relief, I had feared that would be the last time.

"Goodbye my friend." Joanne managed a small smile before she and Maureen left the room. I knew this was my last chance to say goodbye. Tom was almost gone. His eyes were shut, and he almost looked peaceful.

"I love you Thomas Collins, with every single piece of me. You're my world and I am going to miss you so much, that it hurts to think about it." I felt him squeeze my hand back. I sniffled again, loudly, his eyes opened and he touched my cheek, wiping away some tears, our faces were very close, and I could see the tears in his eyes. I kissed each tear that fell from his eyes, before he guided me to his lips, and e shared out last kiss. I threw myself into it, knowing it would be our last. I savor every bit of it, storing it in my memory, so on the long nights I'll have something to hold on to, I memorize his taste, that I know so well.

"Ang, I love you too, and I'm going to miss you. He whispered his last words to me. And then I pulled him back against, my chest. I bit down the yell of despair that threatened to escape.

"Are you comfortable Lover?" His responding nod is weak, and the shaking has stopped. I let my tears drip into his slightly ragged hair. I tightened my arms round him, and then it all stopped. His heartbeat, and mine, his breathing, and mine. I could almost feel his soul leaving our room, and taking mine with it. I cried out loudly, then stopped myself. "Goodbye love."

I knew, in that very moment that it was the first day of the rest of life, alone. Without Thomas Bryan Collins there to hold me through the nights. I clutched his body closer to me and cried. I would get through it though, I would be brave, and then I would see him again. I heard someone come in the room. Mark put a shaking hand on my shoulder. I turned and cried, my face pressed into his stomach. I would be brave, if it as the last thing I ever did. This is the moment, my turn to be brave. I wipe my tears and slide out from under him.

This is the moment I stand here all alone

With everything I have inside, everything I own

I might be afraid

But it's my turn to be brave

If this is the last time that we say goodbye

It's just the first day of the rest of my life

I can't be afraid

Cause it's my turn to be brave