Disclaimer; I own nothing…
A/N; This the last of the angst-y Ianto series that started with tooth paste hiccoughing and polar bears. So ENJOY!!

The Bitter Sweet Beginnings

Toshiko and Jack walked across the Plass together as they searched for a place to sit. Toshiko was still shaken up over Mary and Jack was trying his best to comfort the crying woman.

"Jack there's something else I should probably tell you," Toshiko said as they sat down. "About something I heard. I told you about Gwen and Owen, but I didn't tell you about Ianto."

"What about him?" Jack thought that he knew where this was going, but he was praying that he was wrong.

"I probably shouldn't tell you this, it was such a terrible invasion." She put her head in her hands and pulled on her hair slightly. "But he saved my life not too long ago, I think it's time I repay the favour."

"He's not doing well is he?" Jack asked with a sigh.

"No." Her sigh held the same defeat that Jack's did, she lifted her head from her hands. "I am really scared for him Jack. He has fallen so far and so hard and if he isn't picked up soon, he probably won't ever be able to again. You know he is such a good actor, we all thought he as fine. We all thought that he was back to his old self again, but then I heard what's actually going one, now I know that's not true. He needs help Jack, and soon."

--

After Jack's conversation with Toshiko, he walked back to the Hub to get the keys for the SUV. He had planned to go to the Welshman's flat and try to convince Ianto to talk… again. The truth was, Jack had spent every night with him, trying to convince Ianto to open up but the younger man was completely withdrawn. When he stepped off the invisible lift, he saw that a trip to Ianto's flat would be completely useless. The man in question was cleaning off the clutter that covered the desks.

"Shouldn't you be heading home? You work harder than anyone else around here, you know that don't you?" Jack propped himself up against Toshiko's workstation.

"I'll go home soon, just as soon as I've finished up here."

"How about you don't?"

"Don't what sir?"

"Don't go home tonight."

"Are you planning on kidnapping me Jack?"

"Not tonight, but I could be persuaded if you would like to do it later. Actually I was thinking that we could just sit and talk tonight."

Ianto froze in the middle of picking up a Styrofoam cup from Owen's desk. His eyes went wide and his face fell. "Talk? What… what did you want to talk about?"

"Life, Torchwood, the mating rituals of the Australian flat billed platypus, or anything else you can think of really."

"I… um… think I'll just head home, if it's all the same to you sir."

Jack pushed himself away from the desk, he walked over to Ianto and took his hand. "Come sit with me Ianto." He led them the over to the slightly worn sofa. "Talk to me Ianto… please."

"What would you honestly like me to talk about Jack?"

"Well… before when I was talking to Toshiko, she may have told me what she heard, what she heard when she was wearing the necklace around you." Jack took Ianto's hand again and laced their fingers. "I used my excellent powers of deduction to decipher what she was telling me. And it seems like you feel you don't have a purpose anymore."

A single tear rolled down Ianto's left cheek.

"Is that really how feel Ianto?"

"It's true." Ianto made to drop Jack's hand but the older man just held on tighter than before.

"But being in Torchwood, it isn't always a bad thing. It has the ability of giving you a greater purpose than you ever imagined."

Ianto closed his eyes and another tear followed the tracks of the first. "Torchwood stole my life Jack." Silence engulfed them and more tears fell from Ianto. Jack pulled the younger man on to his chest. "I couldn't understand how you could all do it," Ianto's voice was muffled by Jack's shirt. "How you could all go around risking your lives and actually wanting to go out and do it again. Then when I helped Toshiko get away, I realised why you all do it, Tosh was right, it is worth the risk. But that scares me more than anything Jack."

"Why does that scare you?"

"Because, I never wanted this, I wanted to have a normal life, a normal job, and a normal family. But then I joined Torchwood London and it all changed to wanting a relatively normal life, job and family. But now, I won't have a family at all and I've accepted the fact that I will never see my thirty-sixth birthday, maybe not even my thirtieth. The fact that I've accepted this as a reality hurts, it hurts so much." Ianto gripped onto Jack's shirt with all his might.

"Come on." Jack pulled Ianto up and helped him down to his 'bedroom'.

"So this is where you sleep, I always did wonder." Ianto said weakly.

"I sleep here when I actually sleep yes, and tonight so will you."

"Jack…"

"Humour me Ianto, I want to make sure that you actually sleep and I need to know that you're safe."

Ianto sighed in defeat and accepted the pyjamas that Jack was holding out for him.

"There's a bathroom through there." Jack pointed to a side door beside his bed. As Ianto went to get changed, Jack sat on the edge of his bed and tried to think of the best way to get Ianto to believe in himself again.

The Welshman walked back into the room and sat on the opposite side of the bed.

Jack walked over to him, kissed the top of Ianto's head and said; "Just relax OK. I'm just going to be in my off doing those reports that you have been bitching at me for. Call out if you need anything."

Ianto just nodded, and when Jack left he reluctantly curled up and let sleep transport him.

An hour later Jack climbed down to check on the younger man, he was shocked to see that Ianto's whole body was shaking with his face stained with tears. It was painfully obvious that Ianto had cried himself to sleep and the thoughts had been carried through into his dreams.

Jack quickly changed and climbed onto the bed. He pulled Ianto in so that the smaller man's back was pressed against his chest, spooning the body while whispering comforting nonsense. Slowly Ianto stopped shaking and began breathing deep.

The next morning, Jack still had Ianto wrapped in his arms, when the latter began to stir.

"You awake?" Jack asked softly.

"No." Ianto yawned.

"Do you want me to leave?" Jack asked.

"No." Ianto turned over carefully, so that he was facing Jack but still in the other mans embrace. "Thank you for last night?"

"What did I do?" Jack actually thought that they had made no progress the night before.

"You let me speak, you actually made me speak. I haven't in a very long time and I… I think it may have helped."

"How do you know?"

Ianto blushed and looked at everything but Jack. Jack moved his hand from Ianto's waist and brought it to Ianto's chin, making the latter look into the piercing blue eyes. "How do you know Ianto?"

"I didn't wake up wanting to go back to sleep again. I didn't wake up hurting."

Jack smiled slightly. "Why do you think that is?"

"No idea." Ianto said softly, he was lost in the blue orbs before him.

Jack moved has hand back to Ianto's waist and then lent forward and kissed the corner of Ianto's lips. The younger mans eyes went wide and a small smile graced his features.

The morning didn't get any further than a few slow kisses, a murder with the word 'Torchwood' written in blood took priority. But two nights later Jack realised, with a naked Welshman sleeping next to him and a broken stopwatch in the corner, that he had done his job well. Things would be tough for the two, but together things could be at least relatively normal… well as normal as you can be while chasing the scum of the universe with a walking talking fixed point in space and time at your side.

And that was all she said.

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