Ranma 1/2:
"Trivial Pursuits"
by Jim Robert Bader
(Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi,
and loosely based on "The Bet" series by Gregg Sharp and Others)
Factor One:
"A Girl From the Mountains..."
Shampoo was in her element as she pedaled her bike along the top railing overlooking one of the numerous flood canals that lined the streets of Nerima, heedless that a single fall might carry her over into the currents below, which would trap her in cat form if her balance slipped even so slightly. She was busy making her usual delivery runs, and Ramen tended to cool quickly if not served with the greatest of haste. Great-grandmother considered it a very good form of training, much better than riding on her father's motorcycle back in China (unpleasant memories that, switch to another subject...)
Ranma was due to get out of the hospital today, not that they needed to hold him there for three whole days, but these silly Japanese doctors seemed to think that there was something strange about a man healing broken bones and numerous contusions in only a few hours. In the meantime Ranma was trapped in a full-
body cast, helpless and unable to move in any way, even though his body was by now quite fully healed. In a way Shampoo did not mind the inconvenience of her Airen as it gave her a chance to spend some time with him during visiting hours, and he could hardly avoid her when she would read to him from a book on poetry that she had borrowed from Doctor Tofu.
Of course Spatula Girl and the Violent Tomboy often dropped by for periodic visits, and that stupid Rose Girl had tried to get Ranma transferred to a private clinic, but other than that it had been a very enjoyable three days by Shampoo's understanding of the matter. And besides, reading to him was her way of making a sort-of apology for having gotten him into this situation (not that Shampoo had anything to be sorry about, of course, since the actual beating had been done by a combination of Kuno, Ryoga and Akane-not necessarily in that order). After all, it was that cursed broach her great-grandmother had given her which started the whole crazy mess in the first place, not that Shampoo could truly be held responsible for her conduct, having acted-for a time-
under the broach's influence.
But still, for all that it pained her to think that she had given her Airen the wrong impression for even a moment (let alone a whole week), she was enormously happy about the whole affair for what it had demonstrated in a roundabout manner. Before the affair had began, Shampoo had started to have nagging doubts that she would ever make a favorable impression upon her promised husband, for never did he seem happy to see her, nor had he responded to her frequent glomps and demonstrations of affection. At times he even seemed cold and distant to her, while other times he was shy and nervous. Shampoo was starting to feel a little bit like Mousse in that her efforts were being constantly rebuffed (though Ranma steadfastly refused to use force against her, his rude male chauvinist attitudes precluding the act of striking against a woman-an attitude that Shampoo had shamelessly exploited in the past in order to gain some solace in his nearness in lieu of his actual affections).
To say that she would have done anything to please him would have been a gross understatement. At times even Shampoo felt a bit silly for prostrating herself so thoroughly at the feet of any man, even a man who clearly was worthy of being her husband. She would never have believed the depths to which she had sunk at times in order to have the slightest hope of winning him completely, but the annoying male just did not seem to even recognize that she was a woman, let alone a desirable creature, and more than worthy of being his warrior companion.
The Reverse Jewel Broach had changed at that, if only for a time, turning her pure love to darkest loathing so that the very sight of her Airen was enough to set her off into a violent frenzy. For the first time ever Shampoo had some idea of what it felt like to be Akane, despising a man who was superior to her in the art of fighting, having to put up with his annoying presence when he would not leave her alone, even suffering the indignity of being humiliated before others. It was a very humbling experience that she tried now not to think about, yet at the time her actions had seemed perfectly normal, so normal-
-in fact-that it had taken her a while to understand just what she had been doing to Ranma all the time that she wore the broach. Treating him with ten times the disdain and violence that she had ever turned upon Mousse had been-
in a way-a kind of pay-back for his year-long mistreatment and neglect of her, but Shampoo took no pleasure in the thoughts of vengeance. The Jewel had simply been making her act that way, and under its influence she had done and said things to Ranma that she never would have imagined on her own.
The surprising thing was the effect it had had upon Ranma. Being told to leave her alone had actually sparked his pride and given him acute feelings of rejection. For someone with as much pride as Ranma to be told that he was not wanted, and by a girl with Shampoo's reputation, was simply too much for his ego to bear, and so he had actually set out to try and win her back to him, to woo and court her using means that he never would have used under different circumstances.
Perhaps the Reverse Jewel had been a work on him as well as Shampoo, or perhaps her seeming rejection of him had caused Ranma to deep-down question his own attitudes, if only on a subconscious level. Whatever the case, Ranma's behavior had been atypical, a complete reverse of what had been their longstanding policy towards one another. True Great-grandmother had been manipulating the both of them in an attempt to get Ranma to pledge his love for Shampoo before others, and true the plan had gone horribly awry when Mousse had attached the reverse jewel to Akane instead, turning her angry hatred into pure love for Ranma. The minute the jewel was removed, though, Akane reverted back to normal, but not before Shampoo had angrily blown the deal herself by publicly professing that she was back to normal and very much in love with Ranma.
Shampoo heaved a sigh as she vaulted a ridge on her bike, performing an aerial flight that would have stunned Evil Keneaval, then came down with a perfect landing, exactly as if she were using her bike to pin down Ranma to the tarmac. She then raced down a hill at breakneck speeds, easily weaving in and out of the light Nerima traffic before rounding a bend at an astonishing one-hundred-
fifteen kilometers per hour. In the process of merging once again with traffic she caused a policewoman to jerk suddenly and spill tea all over her uniform. Her partner turned a concerned look her way and asked, "Are you all right?"
"Who the hell is that?" demanded Natsume, sputtering at the hot tea in her lap.
"I don't know," Miyuki said as she put on her police sirens, pulling off from the curb as she sought to pursue the purple-haired blur rapidly disappearing before them, "But she's definitely exceeding the speed limit in a residential zone. I wonder what she's riding, though...I didn't see a motor on that bike..."
"This crazy suburb is the pits!" Natsume complained as they began to chase their quarry, "Random monster encounters, insanely powerful martial artists who change into something else when wet...I tell you, Miyuki, we really must have done something to get on the bad side of the chief that he assigns us to this stupid patrol route!"
"And you thought Shinjuku was a tough assignment," Miyuki smiled, knowing that her comment would needle her best friend and partner, who was still smarting over their recent encounters with the privately funded Hyper Police force...
Shampoo, of course, was aware of none of these things, having already evaded her unknowing tail by pedaling her bike right up the side of a building. Once airborne she found the window that matched the apartment address that she had been searching for and aimed her bike for a one-point rail landing. The occupant of the apartment-who had been sunning herself on her back porch-was startled to find a girl sitting upon a bicycle perched the narrow metal railing and saw the delivery box for the Ramen that she had ordered. After several confused moments of making sure that she was not imagining things, she paid the girl the agreed-upon price then watched as the purple haired Amazon vaulted from the rails to a nearby building, carrying her bicycle slung across one shoulder.
Oh yes, Shampoo mused as she reached the streets again and started heading back for the Nekohaten, she had blown yet another chance at landing her husband but was compensated for her loss with the knowledge that he must actually care about her after all...or why else go to so much trouble to win her back? Perhaps it was just ego, but Shampoo felt the stirrings of hope begin to touch her as she thought on how to blow the faintly glowing embers of his love into a raging inferno. Spending time with him was definitely in order, but perhaps she should lighten up a bit on her usual enthusiasm, give just a hint of the frostiness and cold shoulder that the Jewel had caused her to give him before. That tactic seemed to work a lot better than publicly humiliating herself with endless professions of her love for him...and maybe she really was starting to come across a little bit like Mousse. Maybe if he did not get her love for free but had to work at it a little he might actually come to know some of the frustration he had been giving her. It was a pleasant enough fantasy to think that she might actually eclipse Akane for a change by using the helpless damsel route and letting him rescue her from some imagined future crisis...
At another time this thought would have made her frown at the un-Amazon like sense of desperation that this implied. Be helpless for a man? Unthinkable...but she still found herself smiling at the concept. It was in this mood that she rounded a bend heading through a shortcut she knew in the more residential area (coincidentally it would also bring her that much closer to the Tendo place, even if her husband was currently residing elsewhere). It was within a few blocks of this place that she came upon a scene which caused her to bring her bike up short. She stared in amazement, not quite understanding why a group of badly dressed men were suddenly picking upon that helpless old lady.
"Come on, Old Woman," one of these street toughs was saying within her earshot, "Give us the goods and you won't get hurt..."
"Never," the old woman replied curtly, "Neither you nor the rival agency you work for shall be allowed to handle its power. It is not for the likes of you..."
"Be careful when you say that," another tough grinned nastily, "We have our orders and we're not afraid of you. Try anything and you'll see that we're more than ready to deal with your tricks."
"Young Man," Shampoo wondered why the old woman put such a peculiar emphasis on the words, "It's you who don't have any idea what you will be incurring if you attempt this. My 'tricks,' as you call them, have an effectiveness beyond your understanding..."
"That's enough talk," a third tough growled, "If you don't cooperate, we'll have to...persuade you."
Ordinarily Shampoo would have thought this matter was none of her concern, but the very idea of four brawny warriors menacing one old lady was simply more than she could stomach. Had the woman been an Elder of the Joketsuzoku the men would be taking their lives into their own hands, for no one-by definition-who lived long enough to become an Elder would have any trouble humbling these fools for their brazen effrontery against a member of the Noble Sex. At most it would be amusing to watch the manner in which the Elder would dispatch appropriate justice...
...But this being Japan, where elders were not necessarily as agile, it was plain enough to see that the old woman could not withstand the level of violence which these men were intending.
She starting pedaling her bike again before that thought had even been half-
formed in her thoughts, and with a resounding cry of, "NIHAO!" took to the air and aimed the front wheel of her bicycle at the one whom she judged was the leader of these bandits. Said leader barely had time to turn and see her approaching before she landed squarely in his face and staggered him backwards by several meters. Shampoo vaulted off her bike and at once drew her bonbori from the pocket dimension in which she normally stored them, her ramen delivery box going into storage as a matter of exchange while she prepared to deal with these outlaws.
To her surprise the leader shrugged off the bike rather than be flattened by it (as she had intended). The clear indentation of her tire tracks on his face belying his angry scowl as his ruined sunglasses fell away to reveal a pair of crimson eyes that were harsh and bloodthirsty.
"Who the hell are you?" he bellowed.
"Xian-Pu of the Joketsuzoku," she announced, flashing her bonbori and half-
hoping they would take the hint and flee like the dogs they were, though the other half of her just as fervently hoped that they would not, "No let you do this! Pick on warrior own size, Dog-eaters!"
It was the lowest form of insult among the Joketsuzoku, a reference to the practice of some Outlanders to treat pets as a form of culinary resource, but it seemed the true significance of her comments were lost upon these most-unworthy fellows. There were several rude hints of disparaging comments and lustful intentions directed towards her, and Shampoo found herself clutching the handles of her weapons with enough force to leave finger indentations in the wood.
The old woman whom she was nominally rescuing, however, was surprisingly calm in the face of this looming crisis. She smiled at Shampoo as though she had been expecting her arrival, a puzzling thing for which she could spare no attention or energy at the moment as the leader just nodded to his fellows and growled, "Get her!"
Shampoo moved before she could even sense the first attack, her maces lashing out to both sides while a foot shot forward to strike the man facing her squarely in the solar plexus. That man grunted and rocked back for several steps while the other two flanking her each had a mace shoved rudely in their faces, halting forward progress. Shampoo next spun and kicked backwards, catching the leader once again with a square heel-kick to the jaw that would have dropped a charging bull elephant. Shampoo completed her attack with a well-timed razor kick that caught the first man squarely in the nose and caused his head to rock backwards, spurting blood in the process.
Despite the power of her blows her kicks and mace-thrusts had been intended to be non-lethal, but to her amazement these men seemed to recover almost instantly, a fact that strongly suggested that they were not the common street toughs of her first impression.
"Hah...you feel something there, Guys?" the leader said brashly.
"Yeah...felt a little sting there," the man whose nose she had just broken snorted as he set the cartilage of his bridge back into proper alignment.
"She must think she's tough," a third man leered.
"She don't have to be too tough for what I wanna do with her," a forth agreed, "What say we have a little fun with her before we beat it out of the old woman?"
"Love to, but we have our orders," the leader clearly showed his own disappointment while managing to leer at Shampoo in a way that would have done justice to Happosai, "Take the frail and we'll deal with the old woman, then once we get what we want we can do some celebrating with the little cutie."
Shampoo glanced around herself with growing confusion. Did these men feel no pain? Or were they like Ryoga, toughened by battle to a point where they were nearly indestructible, and what they seemed to be implying about her...it caused her Amazon pride to surge. No way was she holding back any more with these evil men...now she would show them the true depths of Amazon fury!
This time when the first man came at her she went into a blur of motion and struck him a dozen times in various vital centers, finishing up with a shot to the groin that would have caused the eyes of any man merely watching this to water up in sympathetic reaction. She spun about and blocked the thrust of a brawny arm while shooting in to deliver a furious series of blows to another man's rib cage, then she rocked his head backward with a backhand smash that could have shattered a large boulder. The third man she dispatched had attempted to grab her around her waist, but she vaulted clearly over his head and delivered a double-mace blow to the back of his skull that should have shattered the bones and left him in a coma. At last she touched ground again, watching the three men she had just hammered getting up again, shaking their heads and flexing their muscles. Their bodies were repaired instantly, and if anything they merely appeared to be annoyed with her performance.
"Think you're something, little Girl?" the leader smirked, "You're quick all right, but you're much too weak to be a bother."
Shampoo stared with dismay and asked, "How...?"
"These are not men," the old woman replied, "They are Oni...Mercenaries who work for the Rival Relief Agency. You cannot take them down using ordinary means, they heal like trolls and have the strength of full grown ogres."
"Enough," the leader growled, "Give us the goods, Old Woman, or we'll leave your little friend here a broken China doll and make a wish with her frog legs."
"I will not give you what you demand," the old woman sounded surprisingly calm under the circumstances, turning to Shampoo and saying, "Young lady, it is very nice of you to come to my defense, but there will be no shame if you leave now. You are clearly overmatched for this encounter..."
"Leave?" Shampoo considered the word and then suddenly wondered why Ranma was not with her to defend her against these Demons. He was best at handling this kind of stuff, or great-grandmother, who seemed to know everything, while she was only a warrior, trained for normal fighting. How much she desperately wished her Airen was on hand to protect her...
With a sudden wrenching effort she choked down on that line of thinking. Ask a man to defend HER? The tribal champion of her people? Ranma was still wrapped up like a Mummy because of a beating he took on her behalf. What kind of warrior was she to let her Airen do her fighting, or to be unable to defend him? For that matter, to defend herself, to say nothing of the old woman...
Shampoo squared her shoulders and dismissed her bonbori, anger giving way to cold resolution as she was determined to punish these creatures for their leering remarks about her, and to even momentarily make her feel like a weak and helpless woman.
"Shampoo no afraid," she said as she summoned her Chi from deep within.
"Then you must not be very smart," the leader leered.
"Many people think that about Shampoo," she remarked as she settled down into a fighting crouch, "But they make same mistake you do, underestimate Womans from Amazon tribe."
"An Amazon, huh?" the leader gruffly smirked, "Well, maybe in another minute..."
"Uh...Rock?" one of the other burly men frowned slightly, "Is she...supposed to be glowing like that?"
The old woman smiled as she watched Shampoo manifest her battle aura, her Chi rising from within the young girl as though it were molten lava issuing forth from an active volcano. There was no longer any doubt what the outcome of the fight would be, and she watched as the purple haired girl sprang to life and began to lash out at these Oni with the fury of a tiger. The blue of her aura made her attacks far more powerful than before, and this time when she struck a creature her fist sank into Demon flesh and REALLY made an impression on their internal organs! Within a full two minutes it was done and the Oni lay battered, bruised and horribly beaten on the ground, the clear victims of the cat-like speed and strength of the enraged Amazon, who was clearly the victor.
But Shampoo was not content to merely humble these creatures, not to wait this time until they could recover. She thrust a finger down and caused the very street underneath them to erupt into a massive explosion, sending the bloodied remains of the Oni scattering in all directions and leaving only a smoking crater in their passage.
Shampoo was just beginning to release the rage that had fueled her attacks when she heard a gentle applause coming from her sole remaining witness. The old woman was smiling and clapping her hands in approval as she said, "Nicely done...you were able to handle them quite well. I am sorry if I had seemed to doubt you back there, you are truly a most exceptional fighter."
Shampoo found a nagging sense of familiarity tickle her thoughts until she managed to say, "Shampoo know you...you old woman who splash Airen with ladle every morning when he go to school."
"That is one of my many guises," the old woman smiled in a crafty manner that was all too reminiscent of her great grandmother, "But I guess today you could just call me lucky. Kishijoten is the name, now...how may I reward you for your gallantry and kindness?"
"Is no necessary," Shampoo smiled, "Shampoo no like see womans be attacked by bullies. No even weak girl who sell pictures of Airen deserve that."
"Ah, but surely there is something which I could do for you?" the old woman seemed to curl the question around like a friendly arm around her shoulders, "Perhaps there is something you lack, something which you desire which has been denied you...perhaps some boy whose attention you wish were centered more upon you...?"
Shampoo's eyes got very wide as she reacted, "How you know that?"
"I have eyes, Child," the old woman smiled, "I've seen you around this area, seeking to spend time with a certain boy who changes into a girl for no particular reason. It's him you want most in all the world, right?"
Shampoo wordlessly nodded.
"Then consider this casual observation," the old woman continued, "You desire him but he is promised to another. There are other girls involved as well, and yet somehow he favors the one who is least likely to bring him happiness, am I right?"
Shampoo blinked. That was downright uncanny!
"But what have you actually done to endear yourself to your prospective beau?" the old woman wondered, "Has he any particular cause to either like or trust you?"
Shampoo glanced away, and suddenly her memories filled with the images of the past, of her first encounter with the female half of Ranma, of the challenge issued and accepted, their too-brief fight on the Challenge Log, and of the Kiss-Of-Death that she thereafter offered to the victor...
"Ah..." she hesitated slightly, going on to recall the long chase that she had given her quarry, often catching up with her and challenging her to a rematch, always seeing her opponent turn tail and run away like a coward, the frustration of never quite being able to deal death to the annoying redhead, not even when she had tracked her all the way to Japan and the house of the Tendos. Then the accidental loss to male-Ranma, her giving him the Kiss of Marriage, then the fun time she had professing her love for him as was required by custom, the cute way he tried to avoid her, the certain sense that she was getting through to him on some level, and yet the constant interruption of the redhead, who kept popping up as if to torment her...
"...Aiyaa..." Shampoo concluded, not even bothering to relive the events which led up to her return to China, where she was subsequently punished by her Elder for failing to uphold the laws of the Joketsuzoku. Then the discovery that the man she had promised to make her husband was in fact the redheaded girl who had defeated her...double-joy! She no longer had to kill the redhead but instead could have her as a friend as well as a husband! Then discovering that her cat-
curse put a major distance between them in their relationship...the fact that he seemed to favor the violent Akane over herself, even when her great-grandmother intervened in a misguided attempt at seeking to force the issue. It all flowed back to her, the past year or so of her fruitless quest to make Ranma accept her for his wife, the constant clashes with the other girls, the sense of futility and frustration that came to replace her former certainty, though she tried mightily to deny the reality of his preference for Akane...
"Perhaps now you can see why he might be reluctant to accept you in your offer," the old woman nodded kindly, "And yet...perhaps matters are not quite as hopeless as you might imagine. The boy does obviously care if you live or not, and though he may resent the many things you've done to try and convince him of your love, he doesn't entirely resent you. In fact I sense much potential in recent events to effect a minor-yet-significant transition."
"How you mean?" Shampoo blinked, suddenly all too aware of the many failures in her past, the attempts to use magic that had gone awry almost as badly as the cursed jewel caper, the times when she had resorted to blackmail, bribery and threats to achieve her aims, even teaming up with Ukyo in another disastrous failure involving that tunnel of Lost Love. What was there left for her to salvage in her potential to win Ranma?
There was a subtle rippling in the fabric of the universe as something **changed** in their immediate environment, though Shampoo could not tell what that **something** could be. The old woman was still smiling at her, nothing else seemed different, even the smoldering crater was exactly as Shampoo left it. Shampoo shrugged her shoulders, deciding that the matter had been largely inconsequential.
"Well then," the old woman...Kishijoten was it? She murmured with an encouraging nod of her head, "You had best run along about your business, child...you've spent more than enough time with an old relic like me...which reminds me...I think this belongs to you."
From seeming nowhere the woman pulled out an ancient looking sword from seeming nowhere and handed it to Shampoo, who accepted it without immediate question, partially opening it to determine that it was indeed of very ancient Chinese manufacture. The blade seemed almost greenish tinged along its length, and as she drew it all the way (hearing a lovely bell-like sound which it created) she found that the balance was excellent, far better-in point of fact-than the sword that was carried by her mother.
"It is called Green Dragon Blade, and you may find it somewhat useful," Kishijoten remarked, "It once belonged to a great hero but was left in my trust quite recently. Only use it for a worthy cause, the sword was meant to serve the cause of Justice...which is certainly not the purpose those fools you defeated had intended."
Shampoo sheathed the blade then said, "I could not accept so great a gift, Elder, you do me too much kindness..."
"Nonsense," Kishijoten made a shooing motion with one hand, "Now run along, I have work to do here."
And with that she produced her trademark bucket and ladle, dipping the latter into the former before tossing out water onto the sidewalk.
"Um..." Shampoo hesitated, "For what purpose do you do this, Elder?"
"It keeps down the dust when the winds blow," was her enigmatic reply, "Can't have untidy things blowing into my yard...sinuses you know..."
"Oh," Shampoo replied, not truly understanding, "Well...bye-bye!"
With that she hopped back onto her bike and decided to head down the street to visit with the Tendos before returning to the restaurant. After all, she wanted to see her best friend, Akane, and to see how she was handling those new techniques Shampoo had taught her the other day. The oaths of Amazon sisterhood, which they had sworn together, required that the senior Warrior would insure the progress of her junior sister, and of a certainty her "Little Sister" was making better progress in her martial arts than with those cooking instructions which Shampoo had been giving her lately...
Meanwhile, in another part of Nerima, four people were sitting down at a caf diner enjoying a lunchtime meal. A dark haired, pig-tailed man wearing a stylish leather jacket sat beside a short-haired, auburn-haired woman, across from another leather-clad man with a tiger-striped bandana, who himself was sitting next to a perky redhead (who strangely resembled the dark haired man, though she was clearly a teenager while he was clearly in his late-thirties).
They were enjoying a pleasant meal of hamburgers and French-fries when the trembling began, passing through them like a wave, leaving nothing visibly changed in their surroundings though all four of them sensed the subtle changes that had been made all around them. A curious pendant worn by the redheaded/pigtailed girl began to glow softly, startling her, while the dark-
haired man glanced at his newlywed wife with matching expressions of concern and comprehension.
"All right," the dark haired man growled, "Which God's been playing dice with the Universe THIS time...?"
Meanwhile, in a hospital located elsewhere in the Furinkan Financial district...
"Oh man," Ranma groaned to himself, "When are they gonna get done with those X-
rays and let me out of here already? This stuff itches pretty bad! Sure with Shampoo or one of the others were here to scratch my nose or something...and it sure is lonely...I must be going nuts...I'm talking to myself..."
"You wouldn't be the first young man to suffer from that condition," a voice responded.
"Who?" Ranma glanced around and saw that a nurse had entered the room (strange that he didn't hear anyone approaching), "Oh...are they done yet?"
"Not quite," the nurse-who sure seemed awfully pale for some reason, her dark hair offsetting a pallor so light that she might as well have been an albino, "But I'm sure you'll be let out of here before too long. A champion as robust and as healthy as you can hardly be laid low by something as trivial as being beaten up by a pair of your rivals."
"You know about that stuff?" Ranma asked somewhat nervously.
"Somewhat," the nurse replied, "I know as much as I have to."
"Oh...well...it's kinda my fault, really," Ranma said, "I got careless, let down my guard, and then Ryoga and Kuno started hitting me for no reason. I could have fought back if I'd been paying more attention..."
"Indeed, you could have," the nurse remarked, "But at the time you were protecting someone from harm, am I right?"
"Huh?" Ranma blinked. That wasn't the way it had happened...right? No...Akane had hit him, like she always did, without waiting for an explanation, and then Kuno and Ryoga started whacking on him, and he'd been too upset to get his defenses up, and besides, they couldn't see that he was protecting Shampoo at the time and...
And...huh? He blinked his eyes. Shampoo? But she was back in the restaurant...no wait! She threw herself in harms way and took a hit for him, got splashed with cold water and reverted to her Neko form. He'd caught her up and was protecting her from a crude landing when the both of them got dumped into that alley. Obviously Ryoga and Kuno had jumped to the wrong conclusion about the whole matter and took it as an excuse to beat him up when he was in no condition to fight back...dishonorable behavior, really, but they didn't know the full story, those clueless idiots and...
And...why was he sheltering Shampoo? Why wasn't he scared out of his wits just holding her? She was in cat-form, yet he wasn't even trembling over the memory, and just who had done the hitting anyway? Was it Akane? No...it was someone else...Pantsaru Taro! He was looking for Happosai but took a minute to plant his face where it didn't belong...on a date that he was sharing with both Shampoo and Akane, being treated out at the expense of the Old Woman, Cologne, he...
A memory flash...something that had happened a few months ago, back during that Phoenix mess, when Shampoo had saved Akane from a nasty spill, only to wind up busting a couple of ribs in the process. Akane had been so contrite about that until Cologne had arrived to tend to her great-granddaughter, and even Ukyo had refrained from saying anything too nasty about the condition of her rival. Shampoo had healed back just fine after this, but Akane had been in shock over the fact that she had been rescued by someone whom she had long regarded as a dangerous rival...after all, hadn't Shampoo been the one who had given her the Kiss of Death, then erased her memories with the Xi Fang Gao?
Of course, events being what they were in Nerima, within a few days things were pretty much back to normal and everything was moving along just smoothly until Shampoo had made one of her surprise "visits," glomping onto Ranma while he and Akane were rushing onto classes. One thing had led to another and before too long Shampoo was verbally taunting Akane as a "Weak, Violent girl who Unworthy of Ranma." The taunt had backfired as Akane hauled off and caught Shampoo with a solid left hook that seemed to flash right up out of no where, almost as though she had produced a giant wooden mallet out of thin air or something, and this time used it against the source of her torment instead of her usual target, Ranma.
Caught off guard, the blow had sent Shampoo tumbling into the aqueduct, which was-at the time-overflowing with rainwater. Shampoo's Neko form was caught in strong currents that started to carry her downstream as though on rapids, and it looked as though her fur was weighing her down for she was having trouble keeping her head above the water. Her yowls of panic reached Ranma, who acted (as usual) without thinking!
Sparing an angry, hurt look towards Akane, he vaulted over the rail and dove into the canal in a half-formed attempt at rescuing Shampoo. Only after he found him-er-herself trapped up in the strong pull of the water did Ranma realize her folly, but by that point Akane was running alongside the rapids as fast as she could, trying to keep up with him as he swam blindly to where he thought he could still hear Shampoo crying out in desperation.
Her Nekophobia was only temporarily held in abeyance as Ranma finally caught up with the struggling Amazon, who wasted no time climbing onto Ranma's head as that was the only place where she could keep herself free from the current. Realizing that she had a cat on her head was enough to give Ranma a much-needed spurt of adrenaline that helped propel her to the edge of the canal, desperately trying to climb the concrete barrier in order to escape both cat and water. She was blind and half-mad when something was thrown to her, and Ranma had caught the rope without conscious effort, finding it anchored against further drag as Ranma desperately climbed her way to freedom, managing to pull herself over the railing even as Akane's arms grabbed hold of her and yanked her the rest of the way over.
Then she, Akane and Shampoo-Neko had spent the next few minutes panting and gasping for breath, the fight against the water having even taxed Ranma's phenomenal reserves of strength. Shampoo was too weak to more than droop her head and had to be carried back to the Nekohaten, whereupon Cologne had applied hot water to restore her and Ranma back to normal.
Then the self-recriminations, Akane almost hysterically sobbing out an apology for her actions, Shampoo just blankly looking at the girl while Cologne stood to the side smoking her pipe with an interested and speculative expression. Ranma was heartily sickened by his latest near-brush with death and said some choice, thoughtless things about Akane and her stupid tendency to fly off the handle and resort to mindless violence. Rather than defend herself against the charge, Akane had bent her head and sobbed out that she was sorry that she overreacted, that she didn't mean to hurt people like that, and that she wished she could take it all back. Here it was only a few days since Shampoo had rescued her from possible death and Akane had nearly killed her for her kindness...
At this point Cologne had straightened out and said, "Is this true, Great-
granddaughter?"
Shampoo only nodded, and Ranma confirmed that Shampoo had taken injury on Akane's behalf. This set a curious twinkling in the ancient eyes of the old woman, then she smiled and said something in Mandarin to Shampoo, who looked startled at whatever her Matriarch was suggesting, though Cologne said it again with more insistence, causing Shampoo to lower her head in resignation and acceptance.
Then she straightened out again, smiled at Akane, got up from the table and walked over to her. Ranma tensed, but Cologne motioned him to stay where he was and to not interfere. Akane looked nervously up at Shampoo as the Amazon bent down before her and...
Took Akane's face in both hands, brought their mouths together and gave her the Kiss of Marriage...
Looking back to the days following the revelation of yet another interesting bit of Amazon lore, Ranma mused on how different things had become around Akane once Shampoo had accepted her as an "Oath Sister," an Amazon by adoption! This meant that Shampoo started treating her former rival with a very different level of approach, no longer simply taunting her or trying to rub her nose in the dirt over some perceived inadequacy but outright challenging Akane to fight with her on a daily basis. Shampoo insisted that Akane's weak skills were an embarrassment to the tribe, that she would not accept a Sister who was less than fully competent in battle, and that it was Shampoo's avowed duty to insure that Akane improved in her training. Week followed week as the two girls sparred constantly, Shampoo never going all the way out but pressing Akane hard while sharply criticizing any weakness in her performance. It reminded Ranma a lot of the way in which he had learned martial arts from his dad, but where these two had begun as deadly rivals, before too long they became close friends together, bonding in an amazingly short span of time until it almost seemed as though their rivalry had never existed in the first place.
Of course there were several advantages in having two of his brigade of fianc es suddenly acting no nice to one another...the arguments between him and Akane now had a third partner to mediate disputes, Shampoo not hesitant in expressing her opinion when she sided with one of them or the other, and never ambiguous in her response to direct questions. Another noticeable improvement was that Shampoo's Japanese had definitely become less hesitant or sing-song, and she could even refer to herself with personal pronouns sometimes instead of always using the third person. Another advantage was that Shampoo had quickly exposed Ryoga's secret as P-chan and then acted to diffuse a potentially lethal situation between both him and Akane. Ryoga had agreed to leave the premises, feeling hurt and rejected (and typically vowing vengeance against Ranma), which explained why he had recently started teaming up with Kuno, another to fall prey to Shampoo's growing protectiveness towards Akane. Shampoo had even spoken up on Ranma's behalf when Akane accused him of deceiving her over the P-chan issue, and like that they had resolved the issue (although Ranma had been in the doghouse for several days thereafter around both women, and they didn't even own a doghouse!).
Ukyo was another issue that still remained a problem...but with two of her chief rivals suddenly getting along so well, the Chef had found it hard to get angry and defensive over their closeness to Ranma. Ukyo had become a "sort-of" friend to both girls by this time and was allowed to visit the dojo on a regular basis. All three girls (quite naturally) teamed up together whenever Kodachi came around for one of her visits, and Shampoo's apothecary skills came in quite handy when defusing some of the toxins Kodachi tried to use to "persuade" her "darling Ranma-sama." Ukyo remained a cherished friend to Ranma, but he was gradually doing what he could to discourage her from continuing to think of her as "Her Fianc ." He did not know if he would succeed in "letting her down gently," or if they might have to make room for one more constant presence at the dinner table, but either way it was looking as if things might quiet down a bit since Akane and Shampoo tended to almost everything together these days...
The Old Woman's doing, of course, but for once Ranma found it hard to resent the Matriarch's machinations.
"Seems to me that you're quite the noble hero," the nurse was commenting, "A bit rough around the edges, but that's pretty typical for most of the heroes I'm known over the years. At least you have three beautiful fianc es who spend most of their time visiting you and keeping you company. I'll bet you can't wait to get out of here and show them how much you appreciate their consideration."
Ranma had to grin about that, all other things considered. He didn't like to admit it, of course, but Shampoo's reading to him had been a nice way of spending a few hours while his body knit itself together. She had a very nice quality to her voice...he wondered why he had never appreciated that about her before? In fact, she was a lot nicer girl than when she first came to Nerima...almost like she had become a different person...or maybe he just saw the real Shampoo now that he wasn't running constantly for his life around her...
"Well then," the Nurse remarked as she started to turn around, "Since you seem to be doing all right, you won't be needing any of my services...hopefully not for a VERY long while..."
"Ah..." Ranma paused, "I didn't get your name..."
"I didn't give it," the Nurse said enigmatically, "But don't worry, we'll meet again some day. This was only a social visit, after all...I have business elsewhere in this hospital."
And then the curious looking woman was gone...as if she had never been there to begin with. For some reason Ranma felt like suppressing a shudder, as though a cat had just walked over his grave, or something. Come to think of it, since the incident in the storm drain, he hadn't been as bothered about Shampoo's Neko form as usual...like he could remember now that she was a woman, not really a cat. Odd how that was...any other kind of cat tended to send him scurrying in terror...
He sure hoped Akane and Shampoo would drop by soon to convince the doctors to let him go. He didn't need no hospitalization once his arms and legs had stopped aching. That Ryoga and Kuno had better watch out that he didn't catch up with them any too soon...he'd give them both double what he'd given Mousse the last time the blind bastard had tried to kidnap Shampoo and wound up taking Akane! (Well, Shampoo and Akane had done most of the beating that time, but Ranma made sure he got his licks in before sending the boy packing...) Sure was nice having both girls treating him better than before, and if he could only figure out what to do about Ucchan...no way did she deserve to be hurt! Maybe something in those Amazon laws of Cologne's might let her become another adopted Amazon sister?
Well, whatever the case might be, he just had to get out of here...the food was almost as bad as what the Tomboy might cook up, even with Shampoo and Kasumi giving her those extra lessons! He smiled as he thought of that, wondering why life seemed so good all of a sudden, then deciding he liked seeing those girls smile at him together...Shampoo could light up the room when she was smiling, and Akane? Well...seeing her smile sure as heck beats seeing her angry! Now if only Ukyo could smile like that, without her lips twitching and looking like she was about to cry or something...he hated it when girls would cry over him...it wasn't fair, not to Ucchan...
He drifted off to sleep thinking this, even as a tall and willowy form moved out from the shadows to exchange nods with the "nurse."
"I see what you mean about this fellow, Sister," the tall man replied, "But now the hopelessness appears to be receding from him..."
"Such stuff are dreams made, dear Brother," the "nurse" smiled back at him, "And all of life is but a little sleep."
"Poetry?" as usual her brother lacked the subtlety to follow her humor.
"A quote from one of your favorite minions," lady Death replied, "It seemed appropriate to the moment."
"Ah," he nodded, not really understanding, but then again, few people ever truly understood the motivations of his sister. The death of one world usually heralded the birth of another, and with the Multiverse in constant reshuffling (ever since the Gods started playing around with alternate timelines), someone like her was needed to clean up the dross and weave gold from the straw of raw creation...or some such metaphor like that.
And Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams, had been called into returning a favor to Kishijoten, the Goddess of Luck and Good Fortune, with a little help from his older Big Sister. From such stuff was reality made indeed, and from wishes granted what Dreams might come indeed...he rather fancied this one, after all...it was already showing such promise...and who (besides Brother Destiny) knew what things might come of this new timeline indeed? It was certainly worth checking up on the place from time to time, when other matters were not otherwise diverting his attention.
What dreams might come indeed...from this and other possible changes...
Continued?
Comments/Criticisms/Chapter Elevens: shadowmane
Well...where to go from here, or should this Universe go on as it is? In truth I just wanted to write something that gave more of a POV motivation to Shampoo and her pursuit of Ranma. The idea of doing this as an "Altered Timeline" just came naturally out of the search for a plotline. I really don't have plans of continuing this at the present, thought the idea of a "Three-Way" marriage between Akane, Ranma and Shampoo certainly has its attractions. (Who knows, maybe Ukyo could well get added to the mix, yes?) It's always been one of my cherished ideals that Ranma would be better off with a combination of two or more of his fianc es instead of having to settle for just one, which (defacto) makes the other two automatic losers. (In truth, I think any marriage between Ranma and Akane could only by made stable by the inclusion of a third party, but that's just how I feel about their relationship together...inherently unstable and abusive) I generally frown on stories that try to "alleviate" the fianc e mess by pairing the other girls up with other characters (either established or invented) JUST to "get them out of the way" for an Akane/Ranma union.
Other possibilities for "Altered Timelines" occur to me all of the time, but not all of them are good enough to turn into full-fledged series. I hope you like the idea behind this one...I think it's cute to have Shampoo and Akane settle their differences constructively, and in many another fanfic I've seen good stories turned out where these two are paired together romantically. It's much nicer than seeing them constantly sniping and picking fights with one another. If you have other ideas/opinions about this matter, or if the whole idea of "Multiple Partnerings" just isn't your bag, drop me a line and let me know your opinion. A three-way marriage doesn't NECESSARILY mean that two of the girls will, in fact, be sleeping together...but you have to admit that with Ranma's curse, the issue of Bisexuality and Lesbianism definitely can crop up somewhere in ANY type of union.
As I have stated before, Feudal Japan actually made allowances for a man to take more than one woman into his household. It wasn't just nobility but the merchants who could have Concubines who shared the same residence as wives, and who suffered NO social stigmata from being an "extra" or "kept" woman...it was completely above-board and accepted by most parties. Even more to the point, the ancient Japanese NEVER had any conception of Western Homophobia, there were NO taboos about same-sex relationships (heck a man could sleep with a boy or a goat if he wanted to and not be called a "pervert"), but since the introduction of Western values, the Japanese had tended to adopt our modern phobias in regards to Homo-Eroticism.
Akane's attitude regarding sex in general has always been deeply puzzling to me. On the one hand she seems to get into a panic whenever her own sexuality is at issue, and she overcompensates for this by labeling Ranma a "Pervert." (I suspect that Takahashi herself was rather uncertain on the question, and that her blatant favoritism for the "Uncute Violent Tomboy" was due to having made Akane a reflection of her own attitudes, values and self-opinion of modern Japanese girls versus "Traditional Gender Roles and Values.") It has been suggested (both by me and others) that Akane has strong leanings towards closet Lesbianism, but I think Bisexuality is more accurate, given her unrequited love for Doctor Tofu. She treats women very differently than she treats men, and perhaps she's more confused on this issue than anyone else besides Ranma. That's been the fodder for many of my stories, and you can make what you will of it. To me the question is intriguing and worthy of future study.
As for the Amazons and their adoption of "Marriage Vows," we fanfic writers have all expressed strong opinions on the many issues that this covers. I've long held that an Amazon could adopt another woman as her "Sister" and take her for a "Wife," of sorts, and that same-sex relations between warrior women is perfectly natural and accepted by their society...JUST as long as these warriors agree to at some time in their lives have children (by foster fathers or "shared" husbands). Takahashi was totally silent on this subject, so you can argue endlessly whether it is allowed or is a direct violation of Canon. I've laid my stakes on the table with this one, and you can decide for yourself it it's a suitable relationship or not.
Next time...who knows? Anything is possible with Altered Destinies...but if I come up with another neat idea I'll be sure to share it! Write me if you have any "interesting" ideas of your own that you think might make a good story! Until then-Sayonara!
-Jim Robert Bader (April 28, 2001)
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