A/N: This was my contribution to the Dior Rob Contest. After being beta:d by the gracious shelikesthesound (thank you!) it was submitted, but then pulled when the organizers realized that the story could be connected to more than three prompts. (Which was likely so, since I wrote this piece in a dizzy fog with the entire Dior Homme film in mind. Have you seen it? It's awesome!)
I was offered to edit it and re-submit, but because of the way it was written I couldn't extract any extra prompts without butchering the story. So here it is. I kind of love Dior Rob and wanted to try something new when writing this angry Edward. I hope you enjoy it! Leave some love for my heavily bruised ego, please!
Looking for a Sea Change.
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
The December wind whipped across my face forcing wisps of blonde hair to snake through the air and drag across my cheek briefly like slimy moth-wings. My lips felt chapped and tasted of salt. Sand gritted between my teeth and my jaws were aching; I had been grinding them since I woke up this morning. My girlfriend laughed too loudly in the backseat. I let out a brief huff. Sorry, I mean my ex-girlfriend.
I felt my eyes sting, and I wasn't sure if it was from tears or just the wind. Fucking Tanya. Why had I let myself be dragged into this humiliating double date? She sat behind me, and, in the rearview mirror, I caught glimpses of her tantalizing full lips, her perfect teeth, those slanted tawny eyes, and her hair - normally dirty-blonde but recently dyed brown. She'd fucking dyed her hair for this new guy. I couldn't believe it.
I gritted my teeth and ground the gas pedal down, deliberately letting the sports car slide further into the wet sand, spraying us with more salt water. The girls shrieked then giggled. The guy whose name I couldn't pronounce, my ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend, swore softly in Russian.
He looked soft and sleek like an expensive English dog with brown locks curling behind his ears. Somehow he made me think of something sweet and subtly rotten, the week old orange that you find at the bottom of a complimentary fruit basket. I despised him. I envied him. I loved his car. I hated his taste in clothes. I couldn't for the life of me understand what Tanya saw in him.
I glanced at the quiet, blonde girl by my side. When I first saw her, I'd thought Tanya had brought a paler copy of herself to please me or possibly taunt me: soft curves, blonde flyaway hair that seemed perfectly natural in color, high cheekbones, and dark brown eyes. Her smile had been slow and tentative, a joke waiting to be translated into a new language. I'd given her hand a brief shake as we met and then let my eyes slide away from her to Tanya. Lovely Tanya with a model's body and a diamond heart. Ten weeks after our breakup, I was still obsessed with her.
My hands gripped the steering wheel harder, pressing the texture of it into my palms and marking me as surely as Tanya's teeth once had. I felt as if the old bruises from our last fuck had barely faded. I didn't even know what I was doing here with her again, coming back for more? When the Russian suggested I drive the car he just bought, I thought he was quietly mocking me. Let him drive. Let him believe he's still a man. But then I caught a glimpse of his long, narrow hand sliding up Tanya's smooth thigh after he plunked down beside her in the back, and I realized my mistake.
The sand, salt and wind hurt my eyes. My anonymous date touched my arm in a placating gesture.
"Edward, are you all right?" she asked softly, leaning towards me. I caught a whiff of summer from her skin but instinctively pulled away from her touch. She wasn't Tanya, after all, just a substitute. Reluctantly, I forced myself to smile at her, a stiff smile; a closed door, swollen shut.
"I'm fine …" My mind drew a blank. Had she told me her name? Had I listened? For a moment, I got caught in her dark eyes. There was something familiar there - maybe a memory, or maybe it was just a mirror of my own hurt. Whatever it was, its sting was sharper and yet more sweet than the winter wind.
"Bella," her lips met on the soft percussion of the B. It was as if she kissed the air between us. "You can call me Bella."
Suddenly, I swerved towards the water, the car stalling as I applied the brake. My hands on the wheel and my foot on the pedal seemed to know before my brain caught up that I'd had enough. Enough of being reminded of the mess my life had been with Tanya - and still was. I jumped out of the car and, in a couple of quick strides, I leaned over the side, the cool metal pressing sharply into my hip as my lips brushed Bella's silky cheek.
"Come with me," I whispered, stopping only to see her faint nod before I leaned in and lifted her out of the car. Her body was solid but light in my arms - the only baggage I needed. Tanya and what's-his-name were making amused and angry noises in the back of the car. I ignored them, striding ahead though the winter sea. The ice cold water snaked its way around my ankles, causing me to tighten my grip on Bella. She pressed her head against my shoulder and relaxed in my arms, seemingly with perfect trust. Somehow, I needed her to trust me in that moment.
Having no plans after leaving the car, I set her down in the sand. I noticed her shivering so I took her hand and started running away from the car along the beach. An old building loomed ahead of us, and I decided it would be a perfect place to get out of the cold. She was breathless and laughing by the time we reached it and her cheeks were pink.
"Hey, Edward! Where are we going?"
I couldn't answer her. I didn't know myself. I didn't know the "me" who'd ended up dating Tanya in a maze of lust and increasing rage for those five wasted months. I didn't know the jealous fool who broke up with her for the final time after playing the fight-and-make-up-sex game for too damned long.
I didn't know the "me" who'd let her mark me and smack me or had enjoyed holding her down with physical force, biting her lips and pushing my cock deep inside her when all arguments had failed me. It was all a futile attempt to pierce her bubble of pride and spite, trying to pin her down and failing miserably even as I would explode inside her.
I wanted that image out of my head and away from myself. I wanted … something else. Dragging my hands through my hair, I looked down at Bella's lovely smile and innocent face, an unwritten page as pure as the grey December sky. Did I want to mar that innocence?
"Look, I don't know what I'm doing, but would you spend the day with me? Please?" I just knew I couldn't be alone, or I would go crawling back to Tanya on my knees, agreeing to any fucked-up thing she suggested just in hopes of ripping her panties off one last time.
Bella's smile faded, and she bit her full lower lip, frowning at me. Then something clicked behind her soft eyes, and her brow cleared. She nodded and held out her hand.
"Sure, Edward. Let's go exploring." Her small, cool hand clutched mine, almost disappearing inside. With a laugh that sounded as free and faraway as a bird's cry, she dragged me up the stairs to the rickety old bathhouse, her flared skirt flying.
Busting the locked door open was so easy I was surprised no one had done it before us. Inside was nothing but dust and debris. Grey light filtered through cracks in the shutters across the windows. It was cold but not unbearably so. Maybe a hint of summer still lingered inside the scuffed walls.
Bella walked ahead of me from room to room, her light steps making faint traces in the grey dust. I coughed then felt my pockets for cigarettes.
"Hey, I need a smoke. Want one?" Bella looked over her shoulder shaking her head without replying as she walked on. As she disappeared through a door, I sighed and looked around for somewhere to sit. I felt antsy and apprehensive, expecting Tanya to follow us at any moment, pissed-off and provocative. But maybe she truly didn't care. Maybe we were really over.
When I pushed a new door open, I saw that it was a bathroom. An old tub sat in the middle of the room, under a window. I climbed into it and lit up, leaning back against the cold ledge and closing my eyes. I felt like a body in the morgue. What was wrong with me? It was as if my life was over when it should be bursting with possibilities and excitement.
Hearing a sound I opened my eyes and raised my head. Bella was standing in the room, dressed in an ancient-looking bathing suit. Her smile was uncertain as her fingers curled the blonde strands behind her ear. She looked beautiful and very, very young.
"How old are you?" I blurted out, mumbling around the cigarette in my mouth. She looked around then sat down gingerly on the toilet seat shivering slightly.
"Twenty-two."
She leaned forward and took the cigarette from my mouth, taking a slow pull before inserting it between my parted lips. An unexpected spark of desire flickered through me when her cold fingers touched my skin, a match igniting and extinguished so quickly my breath hitched.
"I thought you didn't smoke," I said to cover my brief confusion. She just shook her head, sending a thin smoke signal up toward the ceiling, her exposed throat a curving white feather in the gloom.
"How old are you, Edward?" she asked me, arching an eyebrow. I smirked back at her.
"Twenty-six. Old enough to know better. How do you know Tanya?" I didn't want to look at her face when she answered, so I closed my eyes again, concentrating on the pleasant burn of the smoke in my lungs. I could almost hear the shrug in her voice.
"I've known her for six months. I met her while applying for a job at a modeling agency. She's so much more beautiful than me, but she's taught me a lot of things." She paused, then laughed, a low, embarrassed sound.
"I even dyed my hair blonde to look like her. Can you believe it? I guess I'm too insecure to be doing this modeling stuff much longer. I should stick to waiting tables."
I glanced at her. "What's your natural color?" I wanted to add that she was as beautiful as Tanya, but the words stuck in my throat. I didn't really want to talk about fucking Tanya.
Bella wrapped her arms around her knees, and I watched the slope of her pale shoulder and the way the loose-fitting black bathing suit stretched across her hip. She wasn't model thin but slight and naturally curvy in a way that made me want to touch her. I curled my free hand to control the impulse.
"My hair is brown like my eyes."
Just then I noticed how brown they were. They reminded me of chocolate or coffee beans, even the glossy pelt of a sleek mink. The sight of goose bumps rising on her fair skin pulled me out of my musings.
I swore and swung my body out of the tub, wrangling off my jacket and wrapping her in it.
"Fuck, Bella, you're freezing! Why the hell are you in a bathing suit, anyway? This isn't the time of year to go for a swim?" I couldn't believe how stupid and self-absorbed I was bringing her here, leaving our coats in the car in the middle of a winter day.
She smiled up at me, but her lips were trembling and pale. "I wanted to make you laugh. I saw it hanging in one of the changing rooms and thought, what the hell? When on the beach …" her voice trailed off, and she shivered more violently. I pulled her to her feet and rubbed her arms through the jacket, ineffectively. Her nipples were small, hard pebbles poking through the fabric of her suit and, again, desire abruptly licked my skin. I swallowed and looked away.
"You'll catch your death wearing that. Look, Bella, go put your clothes on, and I'll go call for someone to pick us up and take us back into town if I can't find Tanya. We need to go someplace warmer, okay?" She nodded and backed away from me, clutching the jacket under her chin. In the next moment, she slipped out of it and threw it at me before running out of the room. I caught it by reflex and wanted to follow and give it back to her. I thought twice about it, though, and reached into the inside pocket to take out my cell phone, moving outside.
I climbed up on the roof to get a better view of the beach to the horizon, but Tanya was gone, and so were the car and the lanky boyfriend. I swore while dialing Jasper's number. He picked up after a couple of rings, promising to call us a cab and then meet us at a halfway point with the car and some warmer clothes.
I found my Ray-Bans, forgotten in one of the jacket pockets and licked my lips, feeling the salt. The pale sun still warmed my face as the breeze chilled the nape of my neck with cold fingers. My socks were drying in my damp shoes. I closed my eyes behind the shades, enjoying the faint sunshine.
"Hey, Edward!" I looked down and saw Bella leaning against the rail, her shoulders hunched, staring up at me. Long strands of hair lifted by the wind gave her the look of a descending angel on a church window. I blinked at the image and then waved and stood up.
"Hey, I've called a friend. We'll get picked up in fifteen minutes. Wait, I'll come down to you. There's a ladder at the other end." I ran the length of the roof, impatient to get down to her. She was waiting for me as I jumped down on the deck, breathless and smiling, hugging herself. Without thinking I stepped forward and embraced her, tightly.
I could smell summer in her hair - freesia, grass and orange blossom. I closed my eyes standing in the faint sunshine and inhaled another season. Her arms snaked around my waist under the jacket, and I felt her temperature adjusting to mine. I tried hard not to think about the soft mounds of her breasts pressed into my chest. Something twitched in my pants and nipped at my heart strings. Trouble.
"How did you know Tanya?" she mumbled against my shirt, her hot breath almost moist, trapped in the fabric. I felt my blood cooling and my joints going stiff. My eyes sought the horizon again; this time looking for the car.
"I met her almost a year ago at a party, but it was later that we … started dating. We broke up two months ago." I could hear myself and flinched when the cold, rich asshole seeped into my voice. Tanya's boyfriend's voice.
Bella's reply was a breathless "Oh" to my chest. Hesitation, then she asked, "Do you miss her?"
I gritted my teeth. What could I say to that? Fuck yes or no, not one bit or only when I jerk off. All of them would have been true, but what I said was:
"Look, I don't want to talk about Tanya. Are you still cold?" I hugged her closer, wanting to smother her words and my own thoughts. She shook her head and burrowed her face closer into my chest. I liked the feeling.
When I finally let go with a brief kiss to her smooth forehead, she gave a reluctant sigh and followed me down the beach. We reached the road just as a cab pulled up.
"Cullen?" the driver asked through the rolled-down window. I nodded as I opened the door for Bella, watching her slide to the other side of the backseat to leave room for me to follow. I loved her long, somehow coltish legs in her short skirt. She moved like a schoolgirl, and yet it made me think of sex. Was I perverted? I frowned as I got into the car, slamming the door behind me. Well, maybe I was.
"Who's picking us up?" Bella asked, much too far away from me on that worn vinyl seat. I looked out through the window to avoid ogling her bare knees as I replied.
"Jasper. He's a friend, but he also works for me. He's writing a book and needs the extra money."
"What's it about?" I shrugged.
"You should ask him that. He's an architect. I don't know very much about that shit."
I looked over and saw her blushing and biting her lip, looking out through the window. I felt a twinge of regret for my short answer, so I leaned over to touch her knee, which felt surprisingly warm under my fingers.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude. Where did you go to school?" I regretted my question almost immediately. What if she was some girl who never went to college, just waited tables, trying to get ahead by modeling? But there was something about her that screamed "college girl".
She looked at me, eyes uncertain. "I majored in Drama and English on the West Coast. I came to New York to take acting classes and find work." Looking down at her lap, her hand clutched mine, and I became aware of the fact I was still squeezing her knee. I recoiled to my corner again, taking my straying hand with me.
We rode in silence until I saw a flash of silver on the horizon. Jasper with the Volvo.
"Pull over up ahead. That's our ride," I told the driver, who complied in silence, turning down the volume on the radio as he stopped the car and turned to take my bill. "Keep the change."
I helped Bella out of the car, careful not to put my hands on her inappropriately. Suddenly, every part of bare skin on her looked delectable.
I looked up to see Jasper getting out of the car, smiling. He was holding a mink coat folded across his arm as he walked toward us and held his hand out to Bella, introducing himself. I was suddenly irritated with his blond, handsome impeccability. Even in a pair of faded Levis and a button-down shirt, he looked like a movie star. Fucking Jasper. I snatched the coat from him and placed it around Bella's shoulders. She looked up at me, startled.
"What's this?" she exclaimed, fingering the soft fur, her eyes troubled. I shrugged.
"I saw you were cold. I asked Jasper to bring some clothes."
Meanwhile, Jasper had taken my camel coat out of the back seat and gave it to me without comment, but I could tell by the twitch at the corner of his mouth that he was amused.
"Here you are, Edward. Do you want to drive, or should I take you somewhere?" He sounded polite and friendly without being servile. I could see Bella looking between us, trying to figure us out.
"You can drive," I said tersely, taking the coat from him without putting it on. "You're better at it, anyway." I held the back door open to let Bella get in, following quickly behind instead of riding shotgun with Jasper.
"I'm a safer driver; that's for damned sure," Jasper chuckled as he fastened his seat belt. He adjusted the rear view mirror so he could make eye contact with Bella.
"So, Bella, what are your plans for this afternoon?" His voice was teasing, and I could see that he already liked her. Of course he did. She looked over at me, a question in her eyes, as he pulled out and started driving toward town.
"You can drop us off at the Plaza. I've got some errands to run and my place is nearby. We're on a date, Jasper, can't you tell?" His raised eyebrows, and a quick, blue flash of his gaze was the only reply. Jasper had never liked Tanya. He was probably thrilled to see me together with someone else for a change.
"That's Edward's mother's fur coat, by the way, Bella. It's good to finally see it put to some use." I cringed but made no comment. It was true enough, what he said.
Jasper knew too much about my life. Sometimes I felt relieved, and sometimes it was just fucking annoying. I didn't know that he would have seen it hanging in the hallway closet, and I had no idea he was going to bring it. I glanced over at Bella. She looked good in mink, her fingers thoughtfully sliding along the elegant, glossy surface. I wanted to see her wear that coat and nothing else underneath, her creamy white skin would be a contrast against the dark fur … Fuck, I was getting an erection just looking at her.
I swallowed and turned away. Time for that later. Or maybe another time. Hell, this was our first date. Pervert or not, I didn't know what kind of girl she was yet.
"So, what do you do, Edward?" Bella's tone was innocent enough, but I could see a shadow of suspicion on her face. Who has a writer as his driver and his mother's mink coat in the closet? A seriously fucked-up person, that's who. I gave her my best smile, and I could see her eyes glazing over for a moment before she frowned and focused on me again.
"I went to Harvard Business School, and now I'm helping out with my family's company. I may start my own later on."
Bella nodded, curling up inside the coat. I could see her body relaxing like a cat in the sun.
"And where are you taking me?" There was a hint of boldness in her voice now. I liked it.
I ran a hand through my hair, feeling the salt from the sea sticking to it like a film.
"I'd like to take you out for dinner and drinks in town, but first I have to talk to a man about a job. I thought I'd give you the chance to shop for some warmer clothes since I seem to have lost your coat for you."
"He does that a lot," Jasper cut in. "Loses things. Watch out so you don't get lost yourself. New York is a big place."
Bella smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I know. There's a lot of it I haven't seen. Have you been here long?" Her question was directed at Jasper, but she glanced at me as she spoke. Jasper's eyes sought mine in the mirror.
"Yes. Just like Edward here. We're both city boys, but I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks."
I made an impatient gesture. "Shut up, Jasper. Don't give me that chip on your shoulder shit again." I sighed. "He likes to make me feel guilty just because my family had more money than his family did. But he's doing just fine now." I scowled at the back of Jasper's head.
"Don't tell me that you don't have everything you need, Jazz." He shrugged, his eyes on the road and a smile in his voice.
"I've got everything I need, master."
"Fine. So just get us back and shut up, will you?"
I was surprised to see that Bella was leaning her head against the window, her eyes closed and her dark lashes fanning against her pale cheek. I didn't think she was sleeping, but I spent the rest of the drive watching her. When we approached the park, I allowed myself to touch her.
"Bella, we're almost there. Are you hungry?"
She shook herself slightly, opening her beautiful eyes slowly as if momentarily confused to see the city rolling by.
"Hungry? No, not yet. Where are we again?" When Jasper stopped outside the Plaza, I got out and then stooped down to help Bella out of the car. She looked up at the looming grey façade.
"Cullen Plaza?" There was disbelief in her voice. "You're that Cullen?" I pulled my lips into a smile that felt more like a grimace.
"Yeah, this is me." I leaned down to tell Jasper goodbye. "So, thank you for coming to our rescue. See you tomorrow, if all is well."
"All is well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well," Jasper quoted at me with an insouciant smile as he released the brake and pulled away from the curb. I shook myself like a dog and turned to Bella. She'd left the coat in the car and was hugging herself as the wind whipped through the deep canyons of the Manhattan streets.
Taking her arm, I pulled her quickly down the street a block and deposited her inside the hot air barrier of a department store. I pulled out my wallet and gave her one of my credit cards.
"Now, I'll be gone an hour at most. When I come back, I hope you've found some warmer clothes. Buy a coat, buy whatever you're comfortable wearing today, and something for dinner tonight, okay? It's on me."
I saw her brow puckering as she took a step away from me, but I wasn't having any of that. I leaned in, captured her head in my hand and pressed my lips against her cheek, her earlobe, and then her neck. Her hair snaked between my fingers, and I wanted to wrap the silky threads around my hand and pull her to me. I didn't. I could feel the tension and doubt in her body as she swayed against me.
"Please, Bella, don't fight me on this. Please, just let me have my way this time," I whispered.
When I released her, she stared up at me, dazed but serious-looking.
"This time," she said. "Okay, just this time."
I resisted the impulse to grab her and kiss her full on the mouth, and instead just grinned and walked out.
After talking to Banner about the upcoming audit of the hotel and hiring a new manager, something I could have done another day but wanted out of the way, I had time to go up on the roof for a quick smoke to quiet my nerves, like I often did, before going back to find Bella. I didn't know what I was going to do with her or where this day was heading. I didn't know what she thought of me. But, already, she pulled me in like a moth to the flame. I could feel my gray wings sizzling.
She was standing just where I'd left her, dressed in dark wool leggings, a cashmere sweater, and heels. She looked lovely and very womanly, the schoolgirl gone. Her face lit up when she saw me. The first thing she did was push the credit card back at me as if it had burned her hand. I took it, smirking at her and gesturing to the bags at her feet.
"Chanel? I like it. Did you get a proper coat?" She bent down, and I admired the sudden sweep of her hair, a shock of blond grass bending in the wind. Pulling out a cream wool pea coat, she shouldered it and twirled sarcastically before me to show it off.
"Will this do, sir?" she asked me, her eyebrows raised in a challenge. I nodded and took the bags from her before she could protest, ushering her toward the exit.
"You look wonderful. And now we have someplace we need to be."
It was all done on an impulse. I don't know if I wanted to show her off or to show off to her - maybe scare her away even. It was the Henderson wedding at the Plaza; I'd seen it as I swept through the lobby on the way up to see Banner. The ballroom was filled with just the kind of people my family loved and loathed - competed with and reviled. These were my people, my kind, what others thought of when they saw my picture in the paper or read my name. These people were what made me hate my own face and turn my back to the mirror as I rode down in the elevator in the mornings.
I could see the shock on some people's faces as we hurried into the room, and the smug recognition on others. They were going to talk about this, and word would get back to my uncle. Too bad for him. I snatched up a couple of champagne glasses from a table and handed one to Bella. I took hold of her hand and moved her in a wide circle through the room, mumbling to her under my breath while her eyes lingered on the jewels, the stiff finery, and the tables laid under the gorgeous chandeliers.
"That's the bride's family, mainly Stewarts and Harts. Lawyers most of them. Pretentious sons of bitches who'd never tell you they made their money dealing with foreign investors who had probably been funded by arms dealers." I nodded at a group of mannequins staring haughtily at us from across the room.
"The old people over there belong to the groom. The Hendersons would have been in one of Henry James's novels, if they hadn't been too damned boring already back then. They never did anything wrong, just sat on their pile of money like dragons, waiting for it to grow. They probably shit money, come to think of it. That's why they always look so uptight. Wreaks havoc on your digestion. Not to mention piles."
Bella giggled, and I felt a sharp pang of pleasure as surely if someone had slid a thin knife under my ribs, straight into the heart. I sucked in a breath, feeling my stomach drop for a second. Pleasure and pain always seemed to hit me together. I turned to the source.
"May I have this dance?" I asked her, taking the glass from her hand and depositing it with my own in front of a surprised woman wearing a too tight hunter green dress. I caught a hint of fear on Bella's face before I clutched her to me tightly and swung into the open center of the room where a dozen couples were moving to the jazz music created by the musicians on the bandstand.
I just had to touch her and feel the hint of warmth through her new clothes as I pressed her against me and swung on my heels. In my mind, I was back in the cool and dusty darkness of the old bathhouse then, peeling her clothes from her. My hot lips tasted her chilled skin before I hid her in a cloud of white bedclothes. A roaring storm of gull wings separated us from the world.
I could feel desire beginning to choke me, and to hide my emotion, I smiled and said, "Time to change partners!" twirling her away in the direction of an elderly man who was staring at her, as mesmerized as I was. Looking around, I saw Mrs. George Henderson the third standing not ten feet away from me. Some perverse instinct made me flash her my hundred watt smile, grab her gnarly hand, heavy with jewelry and take the Dragon Lady herself as my partner.
"Mrs. Henderson! Which husband is it you're marrying today? I forget. Number three or number four? You really shouldn't, you know. The men of New York are a weak lot – you leave a trail of us wilted and stunned in your wake wherever you go. Hasn't Homeland security contacted you about becoming a secret weapon fighting for the nation yet? Just think of the religious upheaval you would cause among the Muslim sheiks funding terrorism if you wiled your way into their harems."
I could see it happening. Her stiff surprise and dislike melted away when I turned on the charm. Soon she was smiling and shaking her head like a young girl at my nonsense, her eyes gay and glittering like diamonds. Why was it I could do this with women I didn't care about, yet fail utterly with the only ones who mattered? It seemed like a curse.
I left her with a flourish, close to where her family stood radiating silent disapproval - a wall of white, black and gold. Mrs. Henderson was blushing and lit-up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, and I felt certain that she would write my wedding-crashing off as a charming tribute to her own social charisma.
I turned my head to see Bella deep in conversation with a white-haired gentleman who barely moved but kept his hands courteous and light upon her as they swayed back and forth. A flash of jealousy made me cut in.
"I'm sorry, but I think I have this dance." The man's face was a comic mix of surprise, disdain and plain grumpiness as I snatched Bella from his clutches. She barely had time to smile an apology in his direction before I whisked her away toward the other side of the room, weaving between tables.
"Now, are you hungry?"
She looked over her shoulder as the ornate ballroom doors closed behind us.
"I'm glad we're not eating in there. I think my stomach would shrivel up if I even tried to open my mouth with those people watching me." Her gaze was wide and brown, humorous but resigned. I frowned.
"You were the most beautiful woman in that room, Bella. They should have been honored to have you at their table. But I agree that their company isn't good for the digestion." I held her elbow tightly as I landed her at the cloakroom where her bags waited.
"Please show me what else you bought today. I want to take you out to an early dinner. Anything except jeans will do. You can change in the ladies room."
I waited patiently in the lobby, my eyes darting away and then back to the entrance again and again. My skin felt tight, like a suit that came back from the laundry a size too small. I wanted a stiff drink. I wanted to fuck. I wanted to hold Bella in my hands carefully, like the last glass of water in a desert, too precious to drink but impossible to let go.
When she finally emerged she took my breath away. Wearing a midnight blue pencil skirt and jacket that hugged her curves, with matching high heels that showed off her long pale legs, she was a walking contradiction. Sexy and stern, sleek and womanly, she could have been an attorney at law, a movie star, or the most expensive escort in New York City.
Her dark eyes moved around the lobby until she saw me. A slow, angelic smile softened her face, and I felt as if someone just lit up a cloud of tiny Christmas lights inside my rib cage, throbbing white pinpricks that hurt the back of my eyes and made them tear up. I walked up to her, blinded and mute.
"Bella." It was all I could do to say her name.
Her smile widened, and I could see those white lights twinkling in the depths of her eyes now, an invitation and a confirmation.
"Edward. I'm ready."
So was I.
I don't know how we got through dinner. I thought I had it all planned. The understated but excellent food. The quiet room at the back of the restaurant. Personal service from people who knew me and respected my patronage. Wine to make the palate bloom. It didn't matter.
As we talked, she told me about her life. About her divorced parents and her poor, scattered upbringing filled with good intentions and the repeated failures to give a smart, talented girl what she wanted most: security, love and confirmation. I could read between the lines.
She talked of discovering the theater as a means of escape, to become someone else. Happiness, working hard for a scholarship and trying to graduate. Coming to New York and doing everything to keep afloat for a chance at doing something she loved. Her face was even more beautiful when she forgot herself, me, and her surroundings.
The wine went to my head, but all I could smell was her summer scent, as if she was the richest bouquet in the room. I loved her passion and her sense of humor. I loved her shyness and the way she blushed without reason. I wanted to kiss the inside of her wrist where her veins thrummed, as blue as her suit, under the delicate skin. I wanted to bite her full bottom lip gently until she sobbed into my mouth. I felt electric, impatient and serene. It was as if I was a predator waiting to pounce or a lover listening for her naked footsteps to pad across my bedroom floor.
When the check came, I caught her hand across the table and held it for a breath before raising it to my lips. Softly, I touched her knuckles with feather-light kisses.
"Bella, I don't want this night to end. Can I show you where I live? I have a beautiful view of the park."
She became very still, and I wondered if I'd overstepped some invisible line. I let go of her hand and straightened up in my chair, waiting for her verdict. Her eyes held my gaze for a moment. I felt as if she looked into my dark soul, and then she exhaled, softly.
"Yes. Is it far?"
Not far. Too far. Not near enough.
When the elevator doors in the lobby closed behind us, it was as if a trap had sprang shut. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and could see her watching me. I forgot to breathe. Then, sucking in a sharp breath, I turned to her. Exploding with pent-up tension, I pressed her up against the brass-colored wall.
There was so much violence in me, the feelings of rage, desire, possessiveness and hurt churned within me like a choppy December sea. I almost didn't notice she wasn't fighting me off until I realized my hand was holding her delicate throat. The pressure of my hand threatened to cut off her breathing as my lips hungrily explored her soft mouth.
She was pressed against me, warm, fragrant, and innocent as new bread. Her lips molded themselves to me. Her silken tongue slipped like the tide over mine and choked me with emotion. I was drowning in the feel of her, clutching one hand hard in mine and then pinning it against the cool metal, while my other palm traced the beautiful curve of breast and hip over the silky fabric of her clothes.
"Bella," I stuttered, "I want you so much." I pulled away long enough to stare into her deep, dark eyes.
"Will you stay with me tonight? Please?"
Her full lips curled up in a smile filled with desire. Just as the elevator doors slid open behind us with a ping, she whispered "Yes".
I almost took her then and there against the elevator wall, but some remaining instinct of chivalry made me drag her to my apartment door, which I somehow opened with trembling fingers, crashing the massive oak door into the wall as we stumbled inside. I didn't stop to turn on the lights, simply kicked the door shut and walked her backwards through the apartment, kissing her as I fumbled with the buttons on her jacket. She had my shirt open to the waist before I even got around to slipping the jacket off her bare shoulders, and her nimble fingers were going for my belt next.
"Wait." I stopped her, clutching both her straying hands within my right one, holding her head still so I could focus on her eyes in the faint cold light from the city that streamed in through the high windows of the big room.
"Bella, I don't want to scare you, but I'm … not in a good place right now. I don't want to hurt you, but if I do I want you to let me know. Just, please don't try to fight me off. I can't take that. If you want me to stop just tell me, okay?"
Maybe it was a flicker of fear I saw on her serene face - I couldn't tell - but she didn't try to pull away or run from me. If she had, I don't know what I would have done. She simply turned her head a little to the side, away from me, baring her throat to me like one predator surrendering to another, playing prey. Nothing could have tempted me more.
I devoured her sensitive skin with sloppy, open-mouthed kisses and nipping teeth, tasting the faint traces of the sea still on her. I pushed her backward the last distance toward the bed, holding her close to prevent her from slipping on the parquet floor in her ridiculous heels.
When the high mattress hit the back of her calves, she yelped and fell, landing with a surprised squeal on her back. Shaking her head back and forth she laughed at the way her fair hair slipped against the silk sheets. I quickly tore off my jacket and shirt, kicking off my shoes and opening my belt. I pulled it free and let it drop to the edge of the bed with a clank.
She stilled, looking up at me with laughter still crinkling the corners of her beautiful eyes, and held up her arms to me, inviting me into her embrace. Her nipples were dark and erect, pointing at me through the flimsy, see-through fabric of her camisole. I couldn't wait to see her panties.
I leaned down to kiss my way from her throat across her chest, stopping to envelop her nipple through the silk with my lips. She gasped and arched, entwining her hand in my hair and pulling gently. It was nothing like Tanya's rough hair-pulling, yet I groaned and felt the beast lifting its head within me.
"Don't, Bella," I growled and slid my hand underneath her behind to pull down the zipper of her skirt. I raised myself up on my knees, quickly easing her skirt off with her help, crumpling it on the floor. She hissed when I tore off her pantyhose with my teeth and a few violent tugs with my hands, leaving them in shreds around her ankles. Her panties were white, innocent and very sexy, just like the rest of her.
I stared down at her, and she unconsciously tried to shield herself from my gaze, squirming a little under my scrutiny and covering her breasts with her arm. I immediately pounced on her and pressed her down into the soft firmness of the mattress with my body, enjoying the feeling of my naked skin touching so much of her as I pinned her arms above her head.
"You're the most beautiful being I've ever seen, Bella. Please don't try to hide yourself from me." It was all the words I had left to give her before I silenced us both with deep kisses.
Making love with Bella was nothing like my wild nights of fucking with Tanya, waging war on each other's bodies. Trying to attack Bella was like a boat attacking the ocean. She gave before me, soft as water. Her pliant body was never passive but overwhelmed me with the force of a giant wave and drowned me in passion. I was as much at her mercy as she was at mine.
The first time I entered her, I still had my pants tangled around my legs. So impatient to be inside her, I had pushed her panties aside to let myself inside her soft heat. I moaned her name into her mouth as I pulled out and pushed in again, clutching her hands in mine hard when the pleasure shot through me like liquid fire.
Her heels thumped against my naked ass after I shifted positions so I could go deeper and faster. The sight of my cock disappearing inside her had me panting and swearing softly. She held onto my arms and pushed up to change the angle. I ended up holding her legs across my shoulder, kissing her ankle blindly and drunk on the feeling of just how tight and perfect her heat was around me.
I slid out of her and lowered her legs to the mattress, just to get rid of the last irritating scraps of fabric covering her and me. Once she was naked on her back before me, except for the shoes, I smiled and spread her legs, admiring her beautiful pussy before kissing it. In spite of the indirect light from the windows, I could tell before I tasted her that her blush spread all the way from her face to her nipples, which were as eager for my attention as she seemed shy of it.
Going down on Bella was like diving into the sea. I could smell another kind of saltiness there and a tart sweetness as tantalizing as the perfume from her hair. Small curls captured her scent and made it bloom in new ways as the smell of our sex mingled with my licks and kisses. When I sucked on her clit and filled her with my fingers, she cried out and came apart beneath me, and I trembled just as hard at the mere sound of her pleasure.
I rolled around, taking her with me. I held her up by her arms to position her on top of me. She wilted, boneless and shivering.
"Ride me, Bella. Please," my whisper hoarse as I raised her up. I slid into the delicious wetness between her thighs once more. She braced herself with her palms on my chest and then started rocking slowly, little moans of pleasure slipping between her kiss-swollen lips as she ground her sensitive clit down on my pubic bone. I could see a faint sheen of sweat coating her skin like moonlight on the winter sea before I closed my eyes, clutching her hips and giving myself over to the waves of sensation pulsing through me from where we were joined.
After a while, I wasn't sure which one of us was directing our movements. As Bella rode me harder, I lifted her higher only to slam her back down on my cock. Straining to go as deep as I could, I was still impatient to feel her slide away from me so that I could enjoy every inch of her repeatedly. I could hear my own heartbeat thundering in my head.
Making love was like hammering on a bruise, or opening a wound just to feel the blood flow fresh and hot again. It was intimacy and separation rolled into one and in the midst of pleasure it hurt like hell. But I needed it. I needed to be inside her like I needed the pain I felt in my heart when I looked at her pale body above me in the gloom knowing I could never possess her completely, inside and out. My cock was only a poor reflection of the depth of my desire to pierce her, capture her and bind her. When she came again, with a weak wail directed at the dark ceiling, I almost gave in to my own orgasm but then pulled out abruptly instead, fumbling along the floor for my belt.
Bella lay on her side, panting and confused, and pushed the hair out of her eyes when I stood above her on the bed with the belt in my hands, hardly conscious of what I was doing before I did it.
"Edward?" Her eyes on the belt were wary, but she didn't recoil.
"Bella, please." I choked on the words I couldn't say. She stared at me and then said slowly, carefully, as if weaving a spell.
"You won't hurt me." I shook my head in acquiescence, holding out the belt.
She put her hands together, and I wrapped the leather strap around them, tightening it but not unbearably hard, before pushing her down gently and turning her on her stomach. I pulled the pillows from the bed and pushed them under her so her ass was raised in the air for me. She held very still, turning her head to the side so her cheek was pressed against the mattress and her tied hands were caught underneath her. I stroked the tantalizing curve of her buttocks, feeling a calm desire fill me when I saw her relent, trusting me.
I plunged into her again, causing her to cry out in surprise. Wanting to calm her, I ran my fingers across her cheek. Her quick lips caught my fingers, pulling them into her mouth. I moaned as she sucked on my fingers, creating the dual sensation of being taken inside her body in two different ways.
I started going slow at first then increased my speed, moving her around and changing the angle to reach deeper. Intoxicated with the feeling of finally having her completely in my power, I enveloped her body with my own. Everything was building, rising, cresting like a machine humming at the limit of its endurance. All I could feel was her soft body under me, receiving me, accepting me and submitting to me. Mine. Mine, mine, mine.
When she cried out and started clenching around me again, I briefly put my hand across her lips to muffle the sound as I, too, came with a shout, trembling from head to toe and feeling every hair on my body standing on end.
For a moment, I was slumped heavily across her back, waiting to come back to myself. The electricity that had consumed us seemed to have run its course and found purchase in the ground beneath us.
As I pulled out of her carefully, I felt a trickle of cum running down her leg and wiped it up with my fingers, smelling the combination of our scents. I felt strangely detached, peaceful, and still completely present in the moment for the first time in months.
Bella rolled over onto her back and held her hands up to me to be released. I felt my face suddenly heat at the sight as I fumbled with the belt. What the fuck had I been doing with a beautiful young girl I hardly knew? Still, she felt as familiar as a fresh wound in an old place. I knew nothing had ever hurt so much, nor had anything ever given me as much pleasure as Bella.
"Are you okay, Bella? Did I hurt you?" I had to ask, though I feared the answer.
Her head moved, and I saw a tear glint as it slid down her temple into her tangled hair.
"Fuck!" I groaned as I gathered her in my arms and cradled her, pulling the sheet up to cover us and make me feel less vulnerable. When her hand cupped my cheek, I realized that my face was wet. Had I been crying, too?
"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't want to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted." I felt my heart wrung by another sort of pain, a sponge squeezed empty and dry in a fist of iron. She rubbed her forehead against my collarbone and sniffed, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand.
"No, it's fine. I'm not hurt. Shaken, maybe, but not hurt. I've never done anything like that before."
I could breathe again, but I still felt cold inside out with apprehension and guilt.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't ask you to do things you're not comfortable with when you have no reason to trust me …" I shut up as her fingers pressed against my lips, shushing me much like I had muffled the sound of her orgasm.
"I trust you, Edward. I just don't know you. And you don't know me."
I pulled us both down so the light from the window closest to the bed fell across our faces. I looked into her eyes as I traced the beautiful planes of her face with my fingers.
"Then let me know you, Bella. Stay."
She looked at me for a moment, her expression inscrutable and the tears drying on her face, then leaned in and softly kissed me on the lips, whispering "Yes."
Later, I woke feeling hot because I'd been curled around Bella protectively in my sleep, smothering her. I carefully untangled myself, made a trip to the bathroom, walked into the next room to smoke where it wouldn't bother her, and ended up sitting down at the piano picking out a strange melancholy tune I'd never played before.
I hadn't touched the piano since I'd met Tanya. My feelings for her had been too strong and too complicated to translate into anything but physical movement: running, dancing, fucking or fighting. Drinking and snorting cocaine had been mad ways to try to tamper the wildness of the emotions back then, doomed to fail.
With Bella here in my apartment, everything felt different, lighter. The air waited for a response. I touched the keys like I had touched Bella, firmly yet reverently, drawing out a reply that was voluntary but mine to claim. If I played the piano, I suspected she had played me, the groaning and growling sounds I made my uncouth response to the touch of her delicate fingers. Would it drive her away?
I didn't hear her, but suddenly she was there. Her arms snaked around me, cheek pressing against my naked back as the sheet slid down from my shoulders.
"What are you playing?" she whispered sleepily. I smiled into the keys.
"You." I answered, repeating the melancholy pattern that now seemed to recall her girlish run across the beach, the way her fingers slid across the mink fur coat, the twirl of her hair beneath huge chandeliers, and how her naked body rose and fell beneath me on the bed. All the different patterns of this day, coming together in the shape of music tinkling and swelling through the dark rooms of my bare bachelor's apartment.
I kissed her fingers after the piece came to a close and then led her over to the window. The city was just beginning to wake up, dawn on the horizon. She leaned on me and looked over my shoulder as I crouched by the window sill.
"You weren't lying. You do have an amazing view of the park." There was a smile in her voice, and I felt a deep sense of peace rise through me like a slow swell. She was still here. She hadn't run away screaming yet.
She took a deep breath, sniffing the skin behind my ears and working her way across my neck and shoulders.
"You smell incredible, like lemon sherbet and woodsmoke and spice. Is that your cologne?"
I smiled and pulled her around in front of me so that her semi-nude body was pressed against me, and I could bury my nose in her fragrant hair.
"Whatever you smell on me, baby, it's all me. And, after tonight, you."
She giggled, and I loved the sound more than coffee in the morning, more than the memory of my mother's hand in my hair and maybe more than my freedom.
"So, do you believe in fairies?" My head jerked up at her unexpected question. I followed the line of her pointing finger to the park below, where small lights glinted on the ground, moving back and forth in the grey morning. I couldn't help laughing, and my hold around her tightened, making her relax and lean against me more heavily.
"Oh, that's just people walking their dogs in the park, Bella." She tilted her head back to look at me, pouting.
"So, you don't believe in fairy tales, do you?"
I turned her around in my arms then, so I could cradle her face in my hands as I kissed her, slowly, sweetly, and with all the tenderness I could find deep within myself.
As I opened my eyes and found her looking at me with the strangest expression, her shining eyes happy but her soft mouth quivering, all I could do was tell her the truth.
"I didn't, Bella, but I think that maybe now I do."
A/N: Thank you for reading! I've been busy working on contributions for a couple of contests to test out my writing, and when I'm done, I'm going to start expanding one of my ideas to a multi-chapter story. Right now, reader response seems to lean towards The Nanny, so I think I'll start there.