But life always seemed to get in the way.
But life always seemed to get in the way.
But life always seemed to get in the way.
He couldn't get the phrase out of his head. It kept replaying over and over like one of Peyton's old records she loved so much. Peyton. His Peyton. The girl of his dreams, the unattainable desire who became the love of his life.
He could hear the clock ticking in his head. It was winding down, reminding him of all he had wasted. Why didn't he truly hear what she said all those years ago in the hotel room in L.A.? He just heard what he wanted to hear. He heard no when she said someday.
Now with his head clear and his heart open the memory had changed. He saw Peyton for what she really was. A young woman in love but also a young woman with a clear head, thinking of both of them, of their future when he was only thinking of the present.
Now Lucas Scott was faced with a future without Peyton Scott. My god, it still sounded strange saying that even though she had taken his name almost three years ago in that small ceremony in the church around the corner from the house he grew up in – the house they now called home. The house they were supposed to raise their family in.
Family. They were supposed to have a family together. They were supposed to raise their children in that house, fight about the little things, live their lives and grow old there. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
They were supposed to get their reward for everything they had been through. Lucas suffered through his teenager years watching the man who gave him life spurn him, Peyton lived most of her formidable years without a mother, spending most of her time alone in that big brick house while her father was off on some boat. Through all that, somehow they found each other, lost each other, found each other again, drifted apart yet again, only to find themselves at the crossroads one last time and it was then they decided to continue the journey together.
"You are supposed to be here with me," Lucas whispered as he shifted in the uncomfortable chair. "This was our journey to take together."
"Lucas," he heard a female voice say in front of him. Looking up he saw his mother, Karen, standing before him. Throughout his whole life she never failed him, and she proved yet again, that when he truly needed her she was there.
"Mom," he jumped from his chair and pulled her into his arms. It was then he began to weep. Openly cry for what he was losing for what could never be.
"Shh," she soothed him rubbing the back of his head with her hand. "It's going to be okay."
"No, it's not," Lucas said pulling from her. "It will never be okay again."
"You don't know that," he stepped back. "You don't know that." He pointed his finger at her.
"Lucas Eugene Scott," she scolded using his full name. "You have got to get it together. You have someone else to think about."
"I don't care, Mom," Lucas said rubbing his eyes. "I'm tired of caring. Tired of worrying about everyone else. Tired of being selfless."
"Lucas," Karen began.
"No," Lucas yelled. "I have done it my whole life. With you, with Dan, with Keith, with Haley, with Nathan, with Brooke, everyone but who I should have."
"You're just upset, Lucas," Karen said as she approached him. "You need to calm down."
"No," he screamed at the top of his lungs. Lucas crumpled to the floor. The tile cool beneath his touch as he splayed his finger across it. "No, I am tired of all of it."
Karen knelt beside him. "This is not helping."
Lucas looked up at her. Tears streaming down his face, his eyes red and weary.
"I told her it was time to get rid of that damn car," Lucas began. "But she smiled at me, like she always does in that teasing way, and said she could never sell The Comet. It had history."
"I know," Karen said stroking his cheek. "You would give her the world. She knows that."
"I am her husband,' Lucas said. "I am supposed to take care of her. Nobody took care of Peyton. It was my job. It was what I was meant to do."
"And you have Lucas," Karen told him. She took Lucas' hand and guided him from the floor. "I never saw that girl so happy as the day she married you. All the years I knew Peyton she rarely smiled, but on that day she couldn't stop smiling. You made her happy, Lucas."
Lucas simply shook his head. "She makes me happy."
"And when she called to tell me the news, I couldn't see her, but I could hear her smiling. You made all her dreams come true."
"Until life got in the way," Lucas said solemnly. "It always does."
"You have got to be strong, Lucas," Karen told him. "Now more then ever."
"I don't want to," Lucas admitted. "I don't think I can."
"Come with me," Karen took Lucas' hand and drug him from the room.
They down the hallway and stopped at the glass window. She positioned him in front of it and pointed her finger.
"See that right there," Karen said. "That is your daughter. Yours and Peyton's daughter." Karen said in a fuming tone.
"You better straighten up because she needs you," Karen continued. "And Peyton needs you."
"Peyton is gone, Mom," Lucas told her. "The doctor's said.."
"Doctor's can be wrong," Karen said. "They told me that about you, but you came back."
"The accident was so severe, what it did to her," Lucas said.
"Do you see that little baby girl?" Karen pointed again to the tiny baby in the pink blanket wearing the bracelet that proclaimed her a Scott.
Lucas simply shook his head.
"That is your first miracle," Karen told him. "Peyton waking up. That will be your second."
Lucas leaned his head against the glass and looked at his daughter, really looked at her, for the first time. She looked so much like Peyton it hurt his soul. But his mother was right.
Peyton had been reluctant when she first discovered she was pregnant. Believing she could never be a good mother and lamenting what she had gotten her self into. But the first time she and Lucas felt the baby move inside her it was over. She loved the child inside her to distraction and every day would have a new plan for their child.
Lucas and Peyton were happy, they were having a baby and all seemed right with the world. Lucas should have known then something was going to happen because life always seemed to get in the way.
The weeks passed and with each turning of the calendar, Lucas' belief that Peyton would wake up slipped just a little bit more. He fell into a routine with his daughter, who he decided to name Penelope Sawyer Scott. Brooke told him she and Peyton had discussed it once, joking that the world need another P. Sawyer. Lucas, thinking of the close bond between Brooke and Peyton, felt he could continue that closeness by naming his daughter after his wife's best friend.
Sawyer was a sweet baby. She rarely cried and slept through the night. It was as if she knew her father couldn't take the added strain.
Lucas spent most days taking care of Sawyer and most nights at Peyton's bedside. They had moved her to a hospice and he had decorated her room with pictures, flowers and each night played some of her favorite music to her.
Lucas Scott was a ghost, living a half-life, without Peyton. It was his penance for all the time he wasted without her by his side.
Christmas was drawing close. His mother told him it was a time for miracles but Lucas was all out of miracles. He was a realist now. Realizing he would spend the rest of his life mourning his wife who was still alive and trying to raise their daughter the best he could. Yet another Sawyer growing up without her mother.
On yet another night sitting beside Peyton's bedside, Lucas had put on a song that held meaning to them. He was playing "Lovesong" by the Cure. The song whose lyrics Peyton had written on the rivercourt that faithful night when Lucas awoke from his stupor and realized his true heart's desire.
The strains of I will always love you wafted through the room as Lucas read to Peyton. He was reading Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol."
With Christmas so close, it just seemed appropriate. Peyton always said she felt bad for Ebenezer Scrooge because he didn't get his chance with the love of his life. Lucas, understanding what Ebenezer squandered, always argued he got what he deserved because he didn't see what was in front of him. Peyton would tease him and tell him she was glad Lucas didn't turn in to a Scrooge.
"I'm not Scrooge because of you," he whispered allowed to her. "You made me who I am."
"And who is Lucas Scott," he heard someone whisper.
Lucas looked down to see Peyton staring up at him. She blinked twice as if trying to clear her vision.
"I am the guy that loves you," Lucas said. He dropped the book and leaned over Peyton. "A guy that believes in miracles and says screw life getting in the way as long as I have you."