Title: If At First You Don't Succeed
Rating: G
Author: Jen
Summary: Anthony wants Greg. Too bad Greg's a moron.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Wiggles, or Captain Feathersword (much as I
might like to). I'm just borrowing them, and then I promise I'll put them
back as I found them (more or less).
Warning: More Wiggles slash. That's m/m relationships between hyped-up
children's entertainers. If you feel that makes me sick and perverted, then
you'd better not read any further.
Author's notes: That damn traffic light song keeps finding its way into my
head, which is why it has a propensity to end up in my fics too.
*****
"I like walking! Do you like walking too, Greg?" Anthony turned his widest grin on the yellow Wiggle as they strolled down the street, enjoying the cheerful warmth of the sun on this loveliest of days.
"I do like walking, Anthony." Greg beamed back, his smile as sunny as his yellow shirt, and Anthony was sure that smile warmed him more than the real sun ever could. Under its blazing glory, he felt himself begin to blush, and had to turn away for a moment to hide his reaction.
"I like walking too, Anthony!" The announcement was punctuated by a helium- pitched giggle that sounded more like a horse's whinny than anything that should come out of a dinosaur's mouth, but since Dorothy was still only five and not even as tall as he Wiggle chums, maybe she had yet to grow into her dinosaur-voice.
Anthony had almost forgotten she was there, ambling along between them like a big green third wheel. He scowled at her, but she didn't see: her floppy white hat blocked her view of anything except the road ahead.
"We all like walking," Greg concluded, still grinning. Anthony managed one last gesture at the back of Dorothy's head before his anger began to melt. How could he possibly be mad when he was with Greg?
They walked on in peaceful silence, Anthony trying to ignore the presence of the dinosaur between them, until they found themselves at a crossroads.
"Uh-oh. We need to cross the road," Anthony said. "What do we do now, Greg? What do we do now?" He knew precisely what they had to do, but somehow it seemed rude not to let Greg remind him. He did it so well, after all.
"Well Anthony, we stop at the lights."
"Uh-huh."
"Look both ways."
"Uh-huh."
"And cross the road with a friend."
Right on cue, Anthony reached out and took hold of Greg's hand, ready to cross the road with his friend. After a moment's pause, he gave that hand a reassuring squeeze, as if to say 'thank you for walking with me'. But Greg did not squeeze back. Worried, he turned to look at the yellow Wiggle, to find out what was wrong.
"What are you doing, Anthony?" Greg looked both confused and annoyed, and suddenly Anthony felt like he was five years old again, being told off for running out into the road by himself. "If you're holding my hand and I'm holding your hand, whose hand is Dorothy going to hold?"
His heart sank as he looked down at Dorothy, standing between them and looking up at him imploringly. Well, he assumed she was imploring, but since her expression never seemed to change, she could have been angry, scared, or constipated for all he knew.
"I have to hold somebody's hand, Anthony! I can't cross the road all by myself!"
Anthony's shoulders sagged, and he relinquished Greg's hand.
"Don't worry Dorothy," Greg placated, "we'll each hold your hand and you can cross the road in between us." Dorothy responded with another whinnying giggle, before grasping a Wiggle hand in each of her large white-gloved dinosaur-paws. The three of them looked both ways, looked both ways again, and crossed the road, as Anthony tried to remember if any of his cookbooks had a recipe for brontosaurus burgers.
*****
With the good ship Feathersword currently residing in the harbour while its crew took shore leave, the Wiggles had invited themselves aboard to keep the captain company. He certainly seemed glad of it: Anthony was beginning to find that every time he turned around there the captain was, thanking him again for coming.
"It gets so lonely out on the open waters, me hearty," Captain Feathersword told him, for what must have been the fourth time that day. Anthony smiled and nodded, only half listening as he tried to locate Greg.
The rest of the Wiggles, along with Wags and Dorothy, were investigating the crew's most recent find, a large chest that had reportedly been abandoned on the beach of some tropical island. When Murray whooped with delight that he'd gotten the chest open, Anthony gratefully took it as an excuse to move away from the captain and stand by Greg as they all waited excitedly to find out what was inside.
There were assorted 'ooh's and 'ahh's as Murray and Jeff began to lift from the chest all sorts of clothes and hats, each one item like it had cost a small fortune on its own. Fine silk waistcoats, each one embroidered with sumptuous designs on the front: the purple Wiggle handed one each to Murray and took a second for himself. They pulled them on, complimenting each other on how wonderful they looked. Wags helped himself to a large black tailcoat which strained across the shoulders when he wore it, and they all commented on how fortunate it was that dogs didn't have to wear clothes normally. Then Greg spied something in the chest.
"This looks a lot like my magic hat," he cried, examining a smart grey top hat. He turned it around in his hands for a moment before placing it on his head and waiting for everyone's reaction.
"It's not a magic hat," Murray told him. "It looks like a groom's hat, for a wedding!" Anthony had to admit that Greg did look as if he was about to get married, in that expensive-looking top hat. Almost immediately an idea came to him, and he quickly pushed his way over to the chest, not caring that he stepped on Dorothy's oversized dinosaur-feet on his way.
Sure enough, there in the chest was a fancy white veil. He lifted it out delicately, being careful not to tear the fragile lace as he placed it on his own head. The others stared at him.
"Here's the bride's veil to go with it," he explained. "Hey Greg! We could have a wedding and get married!" Anthony smiled: the Wiggles and their friends loved to play dress-up, so they were sure to love the idea.
"Don't be silly, Anthony," Greg laughed. "If I'm a groom, then I'd have to marry a girl."
"That's right, Anthony," the captain chimed in. "I don't think you could marry Greg."
Anthony could only stand there, dumbfounded, as Greg took the veil from Anthony's head and placed it reverentially on Dorothy's head. She giggled and clasped her hands in delight. "Dorothy, will you marry me?"
And so Anthony found himself pushed to the side of the boat to play usher with a tearful Murray and Jeff, as Wags pretended to carry a pillow with a ring, so that Captain Feathersword could 'marry' Greg and Dorothy. He muttered curses against a certain friendly pirate under his breath, and vowed to look into the laws governing marriage rights in Wiggle World as soon as they got home to find out exactly where it was written that he couldn't marry Greg, before disappearing to his room to drown his sorrows with as many crunchy munchy honey cakes as they had in the house.
*****
"Ta-da!"
Anthony applauded with gusto as Greg displayed the bunch of plastic flowers he'd pulled from his sleeve as the opening to his new magic act. His enthusiasm was dampened a little when he realised he was the only one clapping, and he turned to nudge the red Wiggle sitting by his side.
Murray was deep in conversation with Jeff, talking about something Anthony couldn't hear, but he obediently turned and clapped when Anthony jabbed an elbow into his side. Jeff joined in a second later, and Anthony was able to renew his eagerness, clapping madly out of admiration for Greg's talent. Sitting on the lawn on his other side, Captain Feathersword and Dorothy applauded too, and Greg took a bow.
"And for my next trick, I shall require an assistant from the audience." Greg looked expectantly at his friends, waiting to see who would volunteer first.
Dorothy began to rise, but Anthony was quicker off the mark. He shoved her aside with a mutter of "not this time, you stupid fossil," and was at the table and by Greg's side in seconds.
"What would you like me to do, Greg?" He smiled broadly at the yellow Wiggle, pleased that he finally had Greg's attention.
"Well, Anthony," Greg explained, "I'm going to wave my magic wand over my magic hat and say the magic words, and what I want you to do is to watch for what appears inside the hat. When you see it, you need to lift it out to show everybody."
Ah. That trick. Greg had been trying that one for ages now, but with no luck. Anthony decided to wish extra hard for the rabbit to put in an appearance this time, knowing how happy it would make Greg.
The audience watched excitedly as Greg waved his magic wand and said the magic words. Well, Dorothy and the captain did, but Anthony was certain that Murray and Jeff's attention was elsewhere. This concerned him just a little, though he couldn't say why, but he quickly pushed the thought aside when he realised that he'd almost missed his cue to watch the hat.
"Do you see anything yet, Anthony?"
Greg sounded so sure that it would work this time, and Anthony hated having to tell him, "not yet, Greg." He hated to be the one to disappoint Greg, but that rabbit was nowhere to be seen.
Greg's face creased into confusion, and he gestured for Anthony to move aside so he could try again. Once more he waved the magic wand, and once more Anthony wished and wished that the rabbit would appear. But of course, when he looked into the hat, there was nothing there. Poor Greg. Anthony wondered if he should risk giving the yellow Wiggle a comforting hug.
"I was sure it was going to work this time." Greg seemed just a little embarrassed, and Anthony realised there was still an audience out there waiting to see the end of the trick.
"Don't worry," he said, thinking desperately of a way to console his friend. "I know! Why don't we go inside and make some fruit salad instead! That always cheers me up."
But Greg did not answer. Instead he reached down inside his magic hat, his arm disappearing all the way up to the shoulder, as he tried to find that rabbit. Anthony sighed and moved away from the table just as Greg called out for Dorothy to come help him. He wondered whether to go inside and make a bowl of fruit salad just for himself, since he was certain Greg had forgotten about him already. In fact, he found himself so saddened that he almost walked straight into Captain Feathersword. The friendly pirate had evidently left the audience when the show had ground to a halt, and was now standing anxiously by the door to the Wiggles house.
"What's the matter, me hearty? You look a mite upset."
"I think he likes that stupid rabbit more than me," Anthony whined without thinking. Suddenly realising what he'd said, he clapped a hand over his mouth, blushing furiously. But if the captain had noticed his little slip, he didn't react.
"Best leave him to it, then," the captain said, cryptically.
Not sure what that was supposed to mean, Anthony turned to look back at the rest of the Wiggles.
Greg was still peering into the magic hat, but now his arm rested on Dorothy's shoulder as she stood on tiptoe by his side, also trying to see something inside. Over on the grass, Murray and Jeff had apparently forgotten all about the magic show and were stretched out with arms behind their heads, gazing up at the sky. Anthony wondered if they realised Murray's foot was brushing so casually against Jeff's shin.
Something sparked inside his head.
"Say, Captain," Anthony announced, an idea quickly forming, "would you like to come inside and make some fruit salad with me?"
The captain broke into an enormous grin, like he'd been waiting for Anthony to say just that. He said nothing: just offered his arm. Anthony linked his own arm through it, and together they set off into the house, Anthony's mouth already watering at the thought of yummy yummy fruit salad.
*****
*****
"I like walking! Do you like walking too, Greg?" Anthony turned his widest grin on the yellow Wiggle as they strolled down the street, enjoying the cheerful warmth of the sun on this loveliest of days.
"I do like walking, Anthony." Greg beamed back, his smile as sunny as his yellow shirt, and Anthony was sure that smile warmed him more than the real sun ever could. Under its blazing glory, he felt himself begin to blush, and had to turn away for a moment to hide his reaction.
"I like walking too, Anthony!" The announcement was punctuated by a helium- pitched giggle that sounded more like a horse's whinny than anything that should come out of a dinosaur's mouth, but since Dorothy was still only five and not even as tall as he Wiggle chums, maybe she had yet to grow into her dinosaur-voice.
Anthony had almost forgotten she was there, ambling along between them like a big green third wheel. He scowled at her, but she didn't see: her floppy white hat blocked her view of anything except the road ahead.
"We all like walking," Greg concluded, still grinning. Anthony managed one last gesture at the back of Dorothy's head before his anger began to melt. How could he possibly be mad when he was with Greg?
They walked on in peaceful silence, Anthony trying to ignore the presence of the dinosaur between them, until they found themselves at a crossroads.
"Uh-oh. We need to cross the road," Anthony said. "What do we do now, Greg? What do we do now?" He knew precisely what they had to do, but somehow it seemed rude not to let Greg remind him. He did it so well, after all.
"Well Anthony, we stop at the lights."
"Uh-huh."
"Look both ways."
"Uh-huh."
"And cross the road with a friend."
Right on cue, Anthony reached out and took hold of Greg's hand, ready to cross the road with his friend. After a moment's pause, he gave that hand a reassuring squeeze, as if to say 'thank you for walking with me'. But Greg did not squeeze back. Worried, he turned to look at the yellow Wiggle, to find out what was wrong.
"What are you doing, Anthony?" Greg looked both confused and annoyed, and suddenly Anthony felt like he was five years old again, being told off for running out into the road by himself. "If you're holding my hand and I'm holding your hand, whose hand is Dorothy going to hold?"
His heart sank as he looked down at Dorothy, standing between them and looking up at him imploringly. Well, he assumed she was imploring, but since her expression never seemed to change, she could have been angry, scared, or constipated for all he knew.
"I have to hold somebody's hand, Anthony! I can't cross the road all by myself!"
Anthony's shoulders sagged, and he relinquished Greg's hand.
"Don't worry Dorothy," Greg placated, "we'll each hold your hand and you can cross the road in between us." Dorothy responded with another whinnying giggle, before grasping a Wiggle hand in each of her large white-gloved dinosaur-paws. The three of them looked both ways, looked both ways again, and crossed the road, as Anthony tried to remember if any of his cookbooks had a recipe for brontosaurus burgers.
*****
With the good ship Feathersword currently residing in the harbour while its crew took shore leave, the Wiggles had invited themselves aboard to keep the captain company. He certainly seemed glad of it: Anthony was beginning to find that every time he turned around there the captain was, thanking him again for coming.
"It gets so lonely out on the open waters, me hearty," Captain Feathersword told him, for what must have been the fourth time that day. Anthony smiled and nodded, only half listening as he tried to locate Greg.
The rest of the Wiggles, along with Wags and Dorothy, were investigating the crew's most recent find, a large chest that had reportedly been abandoned on the beach of some tropical island. When Murray whooped with delight that he'd gotten the chest open, Anthony gratefully took it as an excuse to move away from the captain and stand by Greg as they all waited excitedly to find out what was inside.
There were assorted 'ooh's and 'ahh's as Murray and Jeff began to lift from the chest all sorts of clothes and hats, each one item like it had cost a small fortune on its own. Fine silk waistcoats, each one embroidered with sumptuous designs on the front: the purple Wiggle handed one each to Murray and took a second for himself. They pulled them on, complimenting each other on how wonderful they looked. Wags helped himself to a large black tailcoat which strained across the shoulders when he wore it, and they all commented on how fortunate it was that dogs didn't have to wear clothes normally. Then Greg spied something in the chest.
"This looks a lot like my magic hat," he cried, examining a smart grey top hat. He turned it around in his hands for a moment before placing it on his head and waiting for everyone's reaction.
"It's not a magic hat," Murray told him. "It looks like a groom's hat, for a wedding!" Anthony had to admit that Greg did look as if he was about to get married, in that expensive-looking top hat. Almost immediately an idea came to him, and he quickly pushed his way over to the chest, not caring that he stepped on Dorothy's oversized dinosaur-feet on his way.
Sure enough, there in the chest was a fancy white veil. He lifted it out delicately, being careful not to tear the fragile lace as he placed it on his own head. The others stared at him.
"Here's the bride's veil to go with it," he explained. "Hey Greg! We could have a wedding and get married!" Anthony smiled: the Wiggles and their friends loved to play dress-up, so they were sure to love the idea.
"Don't be silly, Anthony," Greg laughed. "If I'm a groom, then I'd have to marry a girl."
"That's right, Anthony," the captain chimed in. "I don't think you could marry Greg."
Anthony could only stand there, dumbfounded, as Greg took the veil from Anthony's head and placed it reverentially on Dorothy's head. She giggled and clasped her hands in delight. "Dorothy, will you marry me?"
And so Anthony found himself pushed to the side of the boat to play usher with a tearful Murray and Jeff, as Wags pretended to carry a pillow with a ring, so that Captain Feathersword could 'marry' Greg and Dorothy. He muttered curses against a certain friendly pirate under his breath, and vowed to look into the laws governing marriage rights in Wiggle World as soon as they got home to find out exactly where it was written that he couldn't marry Greg, before disappearing to his room to drown his sorrows with as many crunchy munchy honey cakes as they had in the house.
*****
"Ta-da!"
Anthony applauded with gusto as Greg displayed the bunch of plastic flowers he'd pulled from his sleeve as the opening to his new magic act. His enthusiasm was dampened a little when he realised he was the only one clapping, and he turned to nudge the red Wiggle sitting by his side.
Murray was deep in conversation with Jeff, talking about something Anthony couldn't hear, but he obediently turned and clapped when Anthony jabbed an elbow into his side. Jeff joined in a second later, and Anthony was able to renew his eagerness, clapping madly out of admiration for Greg's talent. Sitting on the lawn on his other side, Captain Feathersword and Dorothy applauded too, and Greg took a bow.
"And for my next trick, I shall require an assistant from the audience." Greg looked expectantly at his friends, waiting to see who would volunteer first.
Dorothy began to rise, but Anthony was quicker off the mark. He shoved her aside with a mutter of "not this time, you stupid fossil," and was at the table and by Greg's side in seconds.
"What would you like me to do, Greg?" He smiled broadly at the yellow Wiggle, pleased that he finally had Greg's attention.
"Well, Anthony," Greg explained, "I'm going to wave my magic wand over my magic hat and say the magic words, and what I want you to do is to watch for what appears inside the hat. When you see it, you need to lift it out to show everybody."
Ah. That trick. Greg had been trying that one for ages now, but with no luck. Anthony decided to wish extra hard for the rabbit to put in an appearance this time, knowing how happy it would make Greg.
The audience watched excitedly as Greg waved his magic wand and said the magic words. Well, Dorothy and the captain did, but Anthony was certain that Murray and Jeff's attention was elsewhere. This concerned him just a little, though he couldn't say why, but he quickly pushed the thought aside when he realised that he'd almost missed his cue to watch the hat.
"Do you see anything yet, Anthony?"
Greg sounded so sure that it would work this time, and Anthony hated having to tell him, "not yet, Greg." He hated to be the one to disappoint Greg, but that rabbit was nowhere to be seen.
Greg's face creased into confusion, and he gestured for Anthony to move aside so he could try again. Once more he waved the magic wand, and once more Anthony wished and wished that the rabbit would appear. But of course, when he looked into the hat, there was nothing there. Poor Greg. Anthony wondered if he should risk giving the yellow Wiggle a comforting hug.
"I was sure it was going to work this time." Greg seemed just a little embarrassed, and Anthony realised there was still an audience out there waiting to see the end of the trick.
"Don't worry," he said, thinking desperately of a way to console his friend. "I know! Why don't we go inside and make some fruit salad instead! That always cheers me up."
But Greg did not answer. Instead he reached down inside his magic hat, his arm disappearing all the way up to the shoulder, as he tried to find that rabbit. Anthony sighed and moved away from the table just as Greg called out for Dorothy to come help him. He wondered whether to go inside and make a bowl of fruit salad just for himself, since he was certain Greg had forgotten about him already. In fact, he found himself so saddened that he almost walked straight into Captain Feathersword. The friendly pirate had evidently left the audience when the show had ground to a halt, and was now standing anxiously by the door to the Wiggles house.
"What's the matter, me hearty? You look a mite upset."
"I think he likes that stupid rabbit more than me," Anthony whined without thinking. Suddenly realising what he'd said, he clapped a hand over his mouth, blushing furiously. But if the captain had noticed his little slip, he didn't react.
"Best leave him to it, then," the captain said, cryptically.
Not sure what that was supposed to mean, Anthony turned to look back at the rest of the Wiggles.
Greg was still peering into the magic hat, but now his arm rested on Dorothy's shoulder as she stood on tiptoe by his side, also trying to see something inside. Over on the grass, Murray and Jeff had apparently forgotten all about the magic show and were stretched out with arms behind their heads, gazing up at the sky. Anthony wondered if they realised Murray's foot was brushing so casually against Jeff's shin.
Something sparked inside his head.
"Say, Captain," Anthony announced, an idea quickly forming, "would you like to come inside and make some fruit salad with me?"
The captain broke into an enormous grin, like he'd been waiting for Anthony to say just that. He said nothing: just offered his arm. Anthony linked his own arm through it, and together they set off into the house, Anthony's mouth already watering at the thought of yummy yummy fruit salad.
*****