Forgive and Forgotten
Rated K+
Bella and Edward POV
During New Moon
Summary: Edward returns 2 months after he left in New Moon. He wanted to win Bella's heart back, but part of him still wished she had forgotten him and moved on. Be careful what you wish for… B/E
EPOV
It had been just over two months since I last saw the love of my existence. My Bella. Two months since I committed the worst act I've ever done. I lied, I left. I convinced her that I didn't love her. I never thought it was possible, but I did it. I was hoping she'd forget me and move on. To someone safer, someone human. The truth was though; I never wanted that to happen. I wanted her forever, with me, no one else. I knew I could not resist her any longer. I needed her. That need just grew worse with every passing second. I was praying she'd be somewhat happy when I found her. I hated how I hurt her when I left, but I thought that was what was best for her. But I couldn't do it. I can't stay away. So now I know, I have to go back and beg for forgiveness. She must hate me now, but if there is any way she could forgive me, I would gladly do what ever she asks of me. I know now I could never leave her again.
I was packing my bag, slowly, at a human pace; trying to think of how I would approach her, apologize. How could I? She would surely hate me. Slam the door – or window – in my face. But I had to try. I would spend eternity trying to correct the biggest mistake of my non-life if that's what it took.
"I'm coming with you." I heard a little pixie behind me state.
"No, I have to do this alone, first, before she sees anyone else." I replied icily. I had to fix my mistake before my family got to her. "Can you see how…?" I tried to ask, not able to really finish the question, but Alice knew what I was asking.
"Sorry. You haven't really decided what you're doing yet, and for some reason Bella is just a big blur. That's odd; I was getting so attuned to her. I wonder why…" she trailed off, looking into the future, full of fuzz. I couldn't worry about that right now. I just had to get to my Bella.
"Fine you can come, but I'm seeing her first."
"I've already packed the car," she said grabbing my bag, "Carlisle and Esme will stay here until we call them and tell the others when they get back from hunting. Let's go the plane leaves to Port Angeles in an hour." Of course Alice already had everything set up.
The entire long plane ride from New Hampshire to Washington was filled with Alice singing 'I told you so, I told you so' in her head and looking for visions of the future. She was worried though, we both were. I had decided how I would approach Bella, yet the future was still a complete blur for her. It's like Bella was there, but Alice couldn't really see her anymore. I only became more worried as the minutes ticked by.
We landed in Port Angeles at noon on a Saturday and rented the fastest car the company had available. I floored it to Bella's, knowing her father would not be home and praying she was.
We sat outside her house for a good five minutes while I built up the nerves to do what I had to do. I could tell she was in there, alone. Able to hear her steady heart beat and smell her delicious scent from here. Alice was worried, still unable to see her even though we were so close.
Just do it Edward. Go. I may not be able to see her but I know she'll forgive you. She loves you. If only I could believe that. "Loved, Alice. Past tense." I corrected.
She's going to notice us out here eventually. Go, now. She commanded. I slowly got out of the car, walked up to her door, and knocked, three short knocks.
I heard the patter of her soft steps come closer, stumbling slightly, and her heat beat growing as she was about to open the door. I swallowed back the venom in my throat, that was never going to be a problem again, I was sure of it. The door knob slowly turned, and the door swung open, and I looked into the beautiful brown eyes of my true love.
BPOV
I had been spending the morning cleaning and doing homework. It was just another pleasant, cloudy, day in the small town of Forks. My life had been tough recently, but fairly happy. Ever since the accident, things had been getting back to normal. I heard a knock on the door, and curious as to who would be visiting me today, I wasn't expecting any visitors. I made my way out of the kitchen and to the front door.
I was definitely not expecting this. I pulled the door open to meet two of the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were a bright gold, and burned with some sort of deep passion.
"Can I help you?" I asked, trying to be polite to this gorgeous got like boy –no, man – standing on my door step. I felt my heart speed up and a blush come across my cheeks.
"Bella, it's me. I came to apologize." He said, looking deep into my eyes, confusion written across his face.
"Um, I'm sorry, I don't know you. I…" I trailed off, just as confused as him. Did I know him from before the accident? What would he be doing talking to me, he was gorgeous. And what would he have to apologize for?
"Bella, it's me, Edward. Bella why are you saying this?" he pushed. I was getting a little freaked out now.
"Um, I'm sorry, I have to go." I quickly closed the door to this beautiful stranger. My heart was racing. I went to the phone and dialed Charlie's number.
"Bells, is everything okay?" He answered, clearly worried.
"Yea Dad, I'm fine. Some guy just came to the house though, I was wondering if you knew him. He seemed to know me, and was trying to apologize for something." I could hear him take a breath on the other end of the line. Was he getting angry?
"Did he say what his name was, Bella?" yes, definitely angry.
"He said he was Edward…" I replied. What was with this boy that made Charlie so worried?
"Bella, its fine, just stay in the house. I'll be there in five minutes." Hanging up the phone with a quick goodbye, I wondered what was with this strange reaction. I thought it over, and thought over this beautiful boy, as I went back to my cleaning.
EPOV
She shut the door in my face. Granted, I deserved much worse than that, but she acted as if she didn't know who I was. The worst part is, I know Bella. She is not that good of an actress. She was not pretending. She actually forgot me. I guess it's true: be careful what you wish for.
I stood there, jaw dropped, in complete shock and pain, staring at the closed door. I heard Bella go to the phone and have a quick conversation with Charlie. She really had no clue who I was. What had happened while I was gone?
Edward! Alice screamed in my head. I turned back to the car and heard and saw Charlie's cruiser approach the house, hi thoughts a jumbled mix of anger and worry. I could barley make sense of them.
Charlie sped into the driveway, skidding to a stop. He got out of the car, slamming the door. I walked back towards my car and him, wanting to know what was going on with Bella.
"Go far, far away boy, this instant." I deserved much worse than being banished, but I had to know what was wrong with Bella.
"Sir," I said, trying to be polite through my worry, "I'm sorry but I can't do that. What is wrong with Bella? Why does she not seem to have a clue who I am?" I asked, more anxious than ever.
I saw flashes of memories in his head. Bella, being carried into the house by whispering 'he's gone.' Bella, screaming in her sleep as Charlie tried to comfort her from her nightmares. Bella, throwing a tantrum as Charlie and Renee tried to get her to move back to Florida with her mother. And lastly, the worst of all, an accident. Bella and Charlie driving home from somewhere, being hit in the side by a drunk driver, slamming into a tree. Bella, lying in a hospital bed, waking up, not remembering anything at all.
Through his anger he managed to answer me. "There was a car accident. We were driving home after dropping her mother off at the airport. We were hit by a drunk driver and Bella's side of the car went in to a tree." This was clearly hard for him to say, as I watched the memories flash through his head. "She was in the hospital, unconscious for almost a week. When she woke up, she couldn't remember hardly anything. Only the basics. She was able to go back to school, make friends again. And it seems that she's happy. But I know that's only because she doesn't remember you." The anger was back now. And my pain has never been greater.
"She doesn't remember you ever existed. She doesn't remember you ever left her. Which is good, because I've never seen her in so much pain." More flashes of Bella after I left went through his head. I never thought I'd hurt her that much. Making my pain and guilt even greater. "I will not let you do that to her again. I don't know why you're her, or how long you're staying, but I'm warning you now, stay away from her. Memories come back to her every once and a while, and if I have to watch her relive that again, I will kill you." He looked me dead in the eye, and I had no doubt her was serious.
"Words can not express how sorry I am for what I did and what has happened, Sir. But I love her, and I've been in just as much pain, I assure you. I can't stay away from her." I had never said anything more true. His thoughts wavered, seeing how serious I was.
"Stay away." Was his only reply, as he turned and waked into the house.
I got into the car, Alice was completely speechless, even in her head. We sped back to our Forks home, unsure of what to do. I'm sorry Edward. I didn't see it. I'm sorry. I simply nodded. I knew I asked her not to look, not that we could have stopped it in time even if she had. I could not blame Alice for my mistake.
Alice called Carlisle and the rest of the family, telling the story of my rejection and Bella's accident. I couldn't bear to relive the story, so I went hunting to clear my head. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep my mind from Bella's accident, Charlie's memories, and my guilt. I returned to the house, at a complete loss on how to make this right, to Alice waiting for me on the porch.
"Okay, clearly you have severely messed this up. And you can't seem to make up your mind on what to do. I've already talked to Carlisle, and we have decided we can not let you make this any worse." Alice was blocking her thoughts from me, clearly, she had a plan.
"Carlisle and the family are coming back here. We are going back to Forks High. And you, you are going to win Bella back. Carlisle said that perhaps familiar things will trigger memories, and maybe you could be the one to bring them back. But even if you can't bring them back, Bella is still Bella, and you can get her to fall in love with you all over again, a do it right! She never has to know you ever left, Edward."
I though over Alice's plan. I really had no better ideas, or any other options at this point. But as much I wanted a fresh start with Bella, ad perfect as that sounded, I wanted her to remember me. "And what happens when her memories come back and all of a sudden she remembers I left? How do you think she'll react? She has to remember me, Alice!
She will, Edward, I know I can't see it right now, but she will. I could only hope.
BPOV
After that strange visit from that strange boy, Charlie took the weekend off, staying home with me. It made for one awkward weekend. I think he was watching out for someone to come, but never did. I was unsure what the problem was. I continued to be confused and curious by this Edward who came to my door. I asked Charlie if I had known him, but his only reply was that I should just forget about it, it was a mistake. But I couldn't get it off my mind.
That night I had a strange dream, and woke up in a cold sweat. The dream was familiar, yet I couldn't remember ever having it. Not remembering was nothing new. In this dream, I was in the forest, near the beach. I could smell the brine of the ocean. Edward was there, smiling at me. "Bella, come, Bella" he said, smiling at me. His teeth flashed, bright, and menacing. His skin shimmered slightly in the faint glow of the sun through the trees. "Come with me Bella…" he nearly whispered again. So I started running toward him, yet never getting any closer, and then he was gone. I woke up panting.
The dream repeated on Sunday night before school. I could feel my exhaustion; I had lost much sleep with these dreams. I just couldn't get this Edward out of my head, even on the drive to school Monday morning. I found myself wondering if he would be there.
EPOV
I waited through the longest weekend of my life, not seeing, or hearing from Bella again, even though I was so close, I was still so far. I had been forbidden from going to watch her sleep by Alice and Carlisle, and told to wait. The rest of the family was back by Sunday morning. Their thoughts were bombarding me a million miles a minute. I just shut them out and concentrated on what Monday would bring. I was able to get into all of Bella's classes, in the hope of wooing her back into her memories and my arms. The downside is this plan could easily backfire, and her memories could come back and she would hate forever.
Monday morning finally came and I waited in the parking lot for Bella's thunderous truck to pull in. When she finally did, she looked as if she hadn't slept, and was smiling to her friends, but there was something in her eyes that were not as happy as she appeared.
She didn't notice me standing there, but it seemed as if she was looking around for someone. Perhaps me? Move it, Edward. You'll see her in class. Alice thought to me and pulled me along. I walked into English class and took a seat in the back, the only empty seat in the class. I gathered from the other kids' thoughts that they were wondering why I was back, and if I knew about Bella's accident. I saw in their minds Bell walking around like a half dead zombie, completely devoid of any emotion after I left, and before the accident. I can't believe the damage I've done.
Bella walked into class with Angela Weber, they seemed to be best of friends now. Angel looked over at me. Should I ask her about him? She doesn't seem to remember him. They were so good together. Totally in love, then he left. I wonder if she'll remember.
If only Angela knew. The other students didn't seem to like me – not that that was really new – and some resented me for hurting Bella so. Mike Newton was especially displeased with me. He had been trying to win Bella's heart with me out of the picture. But once again, she didn't return the sentiment. That's my Bella.
The teacher walked into the classroom then, spotting me, simply announcing "Well, welcome back, Mr. Cullen."
"Thanks" I stated, locking my eyes with Bella's as she and the rest of the class turned to look at me. They looked between me and Bella, confusion evident on her face. Her heart sped up and stuttered as I stared back into her eyes, and she turned away. I must have "dazzled her" as she used to put it.
The rest of the hours passed much the same. I never got a chance to speak with her, as her friends pulled her away, keeping her occupied. They clearly were protective of her. Protective from me. Only Angela even gave me a kind thought, wondering if she should help bring us back together, explain. But she never did.
Lunch was torture. Alice and I sat alone, at our old table. She never had to ask how it went, she already knew. I told her about the others' thoughts, and Angela's. Maybe Angela could help. She has always been a nice person. Alice thought. But I wanted Bella to remember me on her own. I wanted her to love me again.
BPOV
This Monday was just as strange as the weekend. Everyone seemed to already know this Edward Cullen, but were reluctant to talk about him. I never got a chance to talk with him, though I wanted to. He was oddly enough in every one of my classes. I was unsure of what to make of him, his perfect godlike good looks, his beautiful golden eyes. I tried not to think of it to much, but I couldn't help it.
In the senior biology class, he sat just one seat away. Ben Cheney the only one between us. It was especially odd, like there was a magnetic pull making me want to push Ben out of the way and get closer to him. Something tugged at my memory, a familiarity I just couldn't place. I brushed it off, trying unsuccessfully not to get too obsessed with it. The rest of the week was much the same. I was continuously confused by Edward. I was going to ask Charlie about it, but decided against it. Something in me told me not to. I continued to have the same strange dream of him each night, and each night never reaching him in it and waking up. I had no clue what to make of it. I also continued to be pulled back y my memory every tine he came near. A sense of familiarity, happiness and sadness all at once. I had never been more confused in my life, not even after I woke up from my accident.
That Friday he spoke to me for the first time since he showed up at my house. He not only spoke to me, he saved me form my own klutziness. School had just ended and I was walking to my truck, parked just a few spaces from what was his shiny Volvo was parked. I started to slip on a small patch of ice, when I felt two cold, strong as stone arms catch me from behind. I felt another memory tug at me. This was stronger though. An image of him, holding on the ground, his arms around my waist, the screech of a large blue van next to me, appeared in my head. The vision left as quickly as it had come.
"Bella," my name sounded so soft in his velvet voice, "you have to be more careful" he said. My heart was racing, and something in me told me he could hear it.
"Uhh, thanks, thank you" I stammered. He released me, although I didn't really want him to, and turned me so I was looking into his eyes. I was sort of dazzled for a moment, my mind blank. Making sure I was steady, I quick said "I have to go" and got into my truck and drove off, sure he was still back there staring at me.
EPOV
The entire week I had absolutely zero chance to talk to her. Her friends seemed to keep me away from her at all costs. Carlisle told me to take things slow, in hopes her memory would return, so I was not allowed to sneak into her room at night. That Friday after school, I followed Bella into the parking lot, heading in the same direction towards our cars. I saw the ice before she did, and saw her slip. Quickly catching her, never allowing her to be hurt again, she seemed to freeze in my arms for a moment. And I never wanted her to leave them. "Bella, you have to be more careful." My voice wrapped around her name like a caress, and I only wanted to hug and embrace her.
"Uhh, thanks, thank you." She nearly whispered. I turned her around and momentarily got lost in her eyes. "I have to go" she stated quickly, and dashed into her truck and away from the school. As I watched her pull away, Alice caught up with me.
"She has doctors appointment, to check on her head. She's headed there now." Go if you want to spy, Dr. Gerandy is out, Carlisle is taking care of her today. "Thanks, Alice" and I quickly and subtly went off into the woods and began to run to the hospital.
I got there well before Bella, and quickly made my way to Carlisle's office. I walked right, rudely not knocking, but again not really caring. I knew Carlisle wasn't busy by his thoughts.
Alice called. He thought. Of course she did. Edward, you can stay in here, but do not make your presence known to her. He was very fatherly and doctorly all at the same time. He knew head injuries like this, and didn't want Bella overwhelmed. He made his way out of his office to meet Bella; leaving me here to spy on his thoughts of her and her appointment.
As she walked into the hospital, the nurse greeted her. She had annual appointments because of the severity of the head injury. They've become less frequent as time went on, but her state hadn't changed much. Her memories were very blurry, but she was healthy.
The nurse explained the switch in doctors for the day, and Carlisle came out to greet her. She was momentarily stunned, probably by his vampiric beauty, then something flashed across her face so fast it was hard to tell what emotion it was. Shock? Or recognition? How I wished I could read her mind right now!
"Well Bella, I'm Dr. Cullen. I've been filled in on your records and if you follow me we'll get you into a room for your tests." Carlisle placed a hand on her shoulder, guiding her into an examining room. He was noticeably friendlier with her than other patients, yet still professional. She never flinched from his cold touch, odd, because most others would.
Carlisle took some tests on her head, seeing that all was still well, proceeded to the questions that were asked each visit.
"So Bella, are you adjusting to school well?"
"Everything's great. My friends don't seem too bothered I can't really remember them. All the basic stuff is still there, I just need a refresher every once in a while." She explained.
"Good. Are any memories coming back, particularly strong ones perhaps?" I knew he was asking this for my benefit, seeing if she was remembering me at all.
She quickly looked away. "No." she said, she was lying. I knew it and so did Carlisle. But being the responsible person that she was she corrected her statement slightly. "Well, I think so, maybe, but I'm not really sure…" she trailed off.
"Anything in particular you want to tell me?" I was so grateful to Carlisle right now. I knew from his thoughts he was hoping it was me.
She looked up to him, looked him right in the eye, and then looked away again. "No. No, it's fine." She said.
"Okay well, if you have any head pains take some Tylenol. You seem to be recovering very well." He was disappointed she hadn't said anything, but he could read her almost as well as I could. I'm sorry Edward.
"Thanks, Dr. Cullen." She replied and turned to walk out the door. Suddenly she stopped and turned around. "Umm, you wouldn't happen to be related to Edward Cullen would you?" She asked. I was sure if my heart still beat it would be going a million miles a minute right now.
"Yes, actually he is my son. Have you met him? He's about your age." Carlisle was hopeful again, as was I.
"Sort of. I've got to go. Bye." She turned and proceeded out of the door and the hospital in a rush.
Carlisle came back to his office, thinking over her reactions again. We locked eyes as he came in, thinking the same thing. I've got to find out what she remembers about me.
BPOV
I made my way home from the doctors office as fast as was safe for me. The doctor and he were related. The cold touches from both of them. The memory/vision that I was not sure what it was of. Is this Edward Cullen bringing my memory back? How did I know him?
As I thought over these clues and questions while making dinner for Charlie and me, I found myself singing. Humming really, a small tune that popped into my head from who knows where. It was a beautiful song really, but I of course, couldn't place where it was from. It was stuck in my head all through dinner, and my homework. So after I was done with my work and chores I went up to my room and pulled out my small, but good, CD collection. I went through one CD after another, flipping through songs, hoping something matched the tune in my head. Nothing.
It was past eleven thirty and I was exhausted so I quickly changed and went to bed with a mess of CD's on my floor and this song in my head, wondering if I would have the same dream over again. Oddly enough, that didn't seem like such a bad idea.
The weekend was a sunny one, a rarity in Forks, I've been told. I was able to get all of my homework finished on Saturday and the rest of the weekend was fairly relaxing. I lay outside in the sun, reading my favorite collection of Jane Austen novels. For some strange reason, I felt as if something was watching me. I looked around, not being able to see very far in the forest. Deciding to brush it off as paranoia, I went back to my book and the tune continuing in my head.
Monday morning came quickly as I got ready for school. I had to rush into English so I wouldn't be late. I made my way clumsily to my seat and tried to pay attention to the lesson.
The days passed slowly, just another school week. Except there was that same strange energy in the air whenever Edward Cullen was nearby. I thought over the brief meeting when he came to my house last week, trying to connect some dots. But my memory was a blank, only a slight gut feeling that there was more there.
"So Bella," Angela approached me after school on Thursday, "how's your week been?"
"Fine Angela, just another school week, you know? How about you?"
"Oh, the same." There seemed to be more to this conversation than that. "So have you talked to Edward Cullen much?" I was right. Was she finally going to explain this boy to me?
"No, not really. Should I have?" I asked.
"Well, I've just seen you notice him and wondering if something was going on." She asked innocently.
"Well, he's kind of hard not to notice." I joked. Except it was true. "Is there something I should know about him? That I don't remember, Angela?" I was so curious as to what was going on. I have never wished for my memory back as I did now.
"Nothing that I can tell you." She shrugged. "He's nice though. Maybe you should give him a shot." A shot at what? Since when was Angela so cryptic? Before I could respond, she shot out a quick "Gotta go, see you later, Bella!" and ran off to meet her boyfriend, Ben Cheney.
I made my way home, to a quite dinner with Charlie, lost in my thoughts once again. Why were all of my thoughts about him lately, I wondered. I sat on my bed, playing my now favorite yet mysterious tune in my head. This tune seemed to calm me greatly for some reason. I felt myself stroking the oddly cold, crescent shaped scar on my right had; a nervous habit I never knew I had.
I looked down at my hand, another vision of a memory shooting through my mind so quickly it was hard to catch. A ballet studio in Phoenix, me lying on the floor, and an angel's velvet voice saying "I'm gonna make it go away, Bella, I'm gonna make the pain go away…" and the memory was over.
EPOV
I had to stay hidden all weekend due to the sun. I knew she would still love the sun, and would most likely be out in it. I found myself hunting excessively, just to get away from my family's voices.
On Sunday I couldn't last and went running to stand in the woods just outside of her house, to listen to her calming heart beat. She was outside, I saw as I quietly approached. Reading her a fairly large book, my angel's hair shining in the sun. That damn sun! Not that I could approach her anyway right now, she would think I was a stalker. Which I kind of was. My train of thought stopped immediately when I heard her soft, light voice.
She was singing to herself. She was humming an all too familiar song that I had not played in almost three months now. Her lullaby. If I could cry, I would. She must remember, unconsciously at least, her lullaby. The most precious sound coming from the most precious woman in the world. I instinctively stepped forward, to go to my love, and then stopped, because I knew I couldn't. She looked up then, into the woods surrounding her. For an instant I swear she was looking directly into my eyes. But then she sighed, shook her head slightly, and went back to her book. "I love you, my Bella." I whispered into the wind.
She eventually went inside, to cook Charlie dinner, and I went home. I knew I had to "man up" as Emmett had put it, and talk to her. But I had to do it right. All week I planned, I was going to get her memory back. And if it didn't come back then I would win her heart back from scratch. As I played it out in my head I knew I would need help. The moment I had the thought, Alice was in my room, smugly thinking to her self I told you so, again. Well, at least she would help.
The week went by almost too quickly as I made my plans. I knew Alice and I couldn't do everything though, so I was going to take up Angela Weber's mental offering to help.
I came up to her after calculus on Thursday, when she was alone. I was unsure how to do this, but put on my kindest human façade and spoke.
"Hi, Angela."
She looked up startled. Then as her heart settled down, she spoke, "Hi, Edward. Can I help you?" she was far too nice.
"Actually, I was hoping you could…" I began to explain to her how sorry I was about how I left things with Bella, and I desperately wanted to make it right. I had never made myself so open to any human other than Bella before, but I knew Angela was the one I could. I asked I she could speak to her, put in a good word, maybe try t see if she remembers without giving anything away. Angela, by her thoughts, could tell I was sincere, and said she would do what she could. Thanking her greatly, I walked away hoping I could pull this off.
I managed to catch Bella and Angela's conversation after school that day. Bella was suspicious, but that was to be expected. She is still the ever curious, ever observant Bella. I was glad she was noticing and paying some attention to me, which made me hopeful for tomorrow. I would finally get my chance.
The next day I went well, Bella seemed happy, most likely because it was a Friday, and her doctor's appointment had been canceled. She was doing well and didn't really need it. I let her get ahead, and then caught up with her at her truck at the end of the day.
"Bella," I said, her heart stammering as she turned to see me.
"Hi." She replied simply, and I wondered if I was accidentally dazzling her. But I couldn't help it. I had to look into her eyes. I had to convey somehow, if not by words how much I loved her.
"I wanted to apologize, about a couple of weeks ago when I came to your home, but I was unaware of …" I let that thought drop, she nodded her head in understanding. "But anyway I realize this apology is really late and wanted to make it up to you. Maybe explain, if I could." She looked confused, yet her eyes were very determined. I waited only moments, though it felt like hours, for her to respond.
"Okay. You really don't have to though…" she looked down, hiding her eyes from me as she blushed.
I couldn't resist any longer. I gently swept my fingers across her cheek, reveling in her warmth, if only for a second. "I want to." I said, as I looked into her eyes, which were now filled with sadness. "What's wrong?" I asked, wanting to take all her pain away.
"I just, I just wish I could remember. I feel like I should." She answered, the sadness clear in her voice as well.
"Let me take you out tomorrow, I want to show you something. I'll pick you up at ten?" every part of me was on fire, I was a nervous wreck just hoping she would say yes.
She nodded simply, and got into her truck, driving off, leaving me wondering what was going through her beautiful mind.
BPOV
The next day was Friday. I had no doctor's appointment so I was gratefully happy for that. The day passed fast, the only thing on my mind my conversation with Angela, my recently recovered memories, and Edward. Everything was about Edward now. There was some odd magnetic force, pulling me to him. This was ridiculous of course. Why would anyone as perfect and gorgeous as him want anything to do with me? And if we had known each other some how, why hadn't he said anything?
I figured these questions would never really be answered when I was proven completely and totally wrong.
I was walking to my truck after school, ready to go home and relax, when I heard his velvet voice call my name. "Bella" he said, as I turned to look into a pair of bright, burning, golden eyes. "Hi," was my intelligent reply.
"I wanted to apologize, about a couple of weeks ago when I came to your home, but I was unaware of …" he trialed off as I nodded. I knew what he was referring to. Why was he apologizing, and why now? It wasn't his fault. "But anyway I realize this apology is really late and wanted to make it up to you. Maybe explain, if I could." He shouldn't feel guilty for this and didn't need to make anything up to me. I was as confused as ever, but something in me switched, and I was determined to figure out this mystery.
"Okay. You really don't have to though…" my heart was racing and I was blushing. Edward was just too beautiful, and owed nothing to me. I looked away trying to hide my embarrassment. Then I felt his cold, hard but smooth fingers brush ever so gently against my cheek. I looked up, wanting nothing more than my memory back. I knew I had to have known him.
"I want to. What's wrong?
"I just, I just wish I could remember. I feel like I should." I answered way too honestly. It had something to do with the way he was looking at me. I couldn't say anything but the truth.
"Let me take you out tomorrow, I want to show you something. I'll pick you up at ten?" I couldn't answer, I didn't now what to say. Angela said to give him a chance, and I wanted to. Nodding, I quickly turned to get into my truck and pull away.
That night at dinner, Charlie announced he would be fishing the next day, then spending the day at La Push watching some sort of sporting event. I didn't really pay attention to the details, just that he would be gone and I wouldn't have to explain my "date" with Edward Cullen to him. For some strange reason, I had another déjà vu moment. Why were these so frequent lately?
I had trouble sleeping, much too anxious about the next day's activities. When I finally drifted off to sleep I had a new, strange dream. I this one, I was in a the forest, Edward was there again, and just like the last one he flashed his menacing smile at me. I once again tried to follow, and succeeded this time. I followed him, into a beautiful meadow, where he simply stated: 'and so the lion fell in love with the lamb…' With that, I woke up to the morning sun.
It was eight when I woke from my dream so I jumped out of bed and into the shower. I was unsure of where he could possibly want to take me at ten in the morning, so dressed casual. A pair of jeans and sweater, with my favorite Converse shoes. I left my hair down, letting it flow around my shoulders. It didn't matter how hard I tried, I would still be plain next to him.
I ate breakfast slowly, while reading a book to pass the time. At exactly ten o'clock I heard three quick knocks on the door. My heart sped up in anticipation.
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EPOV
I arrived exactly at ten, all the plans set. Alice reassured me it would go well, even with the slight mental block Bella caused. Carlisle warned me to be careful with this. That he worried about her mental state. She wasn't crazy, he knew that, but he didn't want to much stress on her. I wasn't worried; I knew my plan covered all the bases. Alice made sure of that.
I arrived right at ten. I heard the scrape of a chair in the kitchen, and the soft patter of her shoes as she neared the door. Most of all, I heard my angel's beautiful heart beat, racing at my presence. I really hoped that was the reason, that I still had that effect on her.
"Good morning" I said politely when she opened the door.
"Good morning." She replied with a smile. She locked the door behind her and we walked to my car. I went to open the door for her, and she blushed and looked down. Sliding into the driver's side, I wanted to get to the trail as fast as possible. She saw how fast we were going, and I could feel her heart beat speed up. "Holy crow! In a hurry much?" she asked sarcastically.
"Sorry. Just eager I guess. Is that better?" I slowed down to eighty. I hated slow.
"Much." I just chuckled quietly. It was easy to pretend that she remembered like this. But unfortunately that was not the case. I longed to touch her, to hold her, to tell her everything. I had to just be patient. Not exactly one of my specialties. I had been far to patient these past two weeks. I needed her to know.
We pulled over to the side of the road near the trail. I got out and opened her door for her.
"How did you get over here so fast?" she looked at me suspicious. I had slipped and used my vampire speed in my haste. Yes, much too easy to forget.
"I guess you just weren't paying attention." I laughed it off, hoping she wouldn't push the matter. Thankfully she did not.
I started to lead her into the woods, ignoring the posted trail completely. She stopped behind me, but before she could ask, I promised her "I won't let you get lost. Trust me." She just shook her head.
"Lead the way" she gestured with her hand into the forest.
We walked most of the way in a comfortable silence. I sensed she was deep in thought, and I didn't want to disturb her. Especially if she was remembering me. When we were about three quarters of the way, she asked "I don't mean to sound like a five year old, but, are we there yet?" she laughed and I joined her. The sound of her laughter brightened my outlook considerably.
"Just a few more minutes don't worry." The trip had taken less time than I expected, and I could see the light glow from the clearing already, though she couldn't.
When we got close to the edge, I knew she could see it, so I stopped her.
"Look ahead, do you see the clearing?"
"Yes. What about it?"
"Bella it's what wanted to show you. Come see it" I took her hand and slowly guided her towards our meadow.
BPOV
With my hand in his cold one, we walked into the most beautiful place I had ever been. And I had been there. This was the meadow form my dream. The shockingly perfect circle clearing in the middle of the forest. And in the center, was a large, grand piano with a small radio set up on it. The radio was playing the song. The song that had been in my head all week. It was a beautiful melody, soothing and comforting. There was a picnic blanket laid out next to the instrument, with a photo album open on it.
I was frozen where I was in shock. I felt his hand grip mine slightly tighter.
"Bella? Are you okay?" I realized then that tears were running down my cheeks. I let go of his hand and my legs seemed to move on their own accord. I walked to the CD player and turned the volume up.
"How did you…?" I whispered, yet for some reason I was sure he could hear it. I didn't wait for a response and turned to the photo album. I knelt down looking at the first picture on the first page. It was me and him, dressed up. The caption read Prom – Bella and Edward. I had a cast on my leg and we were looking into each others eyes, lovingly. I never remember being so happy. The tears started to flow harder now as I flipped through the book seeing each picture, of me and him, or of me and him and some other people I couldn't really place. The last and final picture was one that shocked me the most. I was smiling, but it was a forced, unhappy smile. And he was the same. His golden eyes hard and cold. The photo had a crease down the middle, as if it had been bent. This caption was dated, September 13th, one day after my eighteenth birthday.
"Oh my god," I was gasping for breath now, lost inside my own head, crying harder as my song played in the background.
"Bella," I heard him say behind me. I was sure he was crying too, although I couldn't bring myself to look at him. The moment the doctors, my family, my friends, and I had been waiting for was here. The memories started flooding back at a pace I could barely keep up with.
It seemed like a sick joke. My one wish, to remember, was the thing to bring me so much pain. I saw Edward's black eyes in biology that first day. I saw him stop a moving van with his bare hands, I saw him in the meadow, glittering like a thousand diamonds in the bright sun. I saw myself, kissing him, I saw the ballet studio, James, and the hospital afterwards. I saw my eighteenth birthday, and Jasper trying to kill me. I saw the longest and most clear memory of all.
"Bella, we're leaving."
"My world is not for you"
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me" "You don't want me?" "No."
"You're not good for me, Bella"
"I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. It will be as if I never existed."
Lastly, yes the pain was not over, I felt the pain I had been in for that month before the accident all at once. Then I saw the accident. I relived it in a matter of seconds. I saw the tree come at us, or rather – us at it. I felt the blow to my head and hear my own scream. They say that your life is supposed to flash before your eyes. It's true. Mine did. I saw Edward, in our meadow, telling me he loved me. "Goodbye, I love you" I told my fantasy. And then I blacked out. At least if I died, I wouldn't have to feel the pain he left me with again.
I opened my tear filled eyes, sobbing, to look right into his, pained golden ones.
"You, you, you…" I couldn't say it. But I had to. "You left!" I screamed, louder than I intended. I saw another flash of pain swipe across his face.
EPOV
Bella was on the ground weeping as she reached the last photo in the album. I had taken back the CD I had made her, the pictures she took, the ones my family had taken throughout our time together. I brought my piano out her to play for her. I had to know what she was thinking now more than ever. She didn't respond to my calling her name so I bent down in front of her. She held her yes closed tight, and seemed to be mumbling something to herself. Her memory, it was coming back.
Suddenly her eyes shot open, looking directly into mine. "You, you, you… You left!" she screamed. I knew she would see the pain across my face, but I was hiding nothing now. My worst fears coming true before my eyes, she hated me.
She picked herself up off the ground and, still crying, started to walk towards the woods. "Bella, don't go." I begged.
She turned around, and I could tell she was angry now. "What Edward? Did you think you could come back and I just wouldn't remember the fact that you left me? Or maybe, you thought you'd refresh my memory, just leaving out that little event? Or were you just going to use this opportunity to start from scratch, like the past nine months never even happened and hope that I never remembered?"
"No, Bella. I wanted you to remember I swear. I wanted to explain –"
"What's there to explain? You got what you wanted. I remember perfectly now. "You're not good for me, Bella" "I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. It will be as if I never existed." Ring a bell, Edward? Well, thanks, at least if I had never remembered then I wouldn't have to feel this pain again!" She turned to leave again. I can't believe how much I hurt her. I had to stop her and explain.
I ran to her, easily cutting her off and looked her directly in her pained, tear filled eyes. "Bella I love you. Everything I said that day was a total lie. I thought you'd be better of with out me, safer. But all I've done was hurt us more." If I could cry I would be. I just wanted her to believe me. "I wanted you to remember. Even the biggest mistake of my life, I wanted you to remember. As much as I wish I could go back in time and undo what I have done, you need to remember it. Because I couldn't stay away from you, Bella. I can never leave you again. I swear. I'll do anything Bella, to gain your forgiveness –"
She cut me off when her lips pressed against my own. Something I was definitely not expecting. This kiss was hard, urgent. Her fingers wove into my hair and pulled me closer. I was not going to break up this kiss. Boundaries be damned. I needed her. She pulled away gasping for air, leaning her forehead against mine.
Then the greatest thing I ever heard left her lips, "I love you Edward Cullen" she breathed out. Pulling her face away and looking directly into my eyes she continued that statement, "But if you ever do anything like that again, I swear I find someone who can kill you!" We both chuckled at the same time.
"I will never leave you again, my love." I vowed. Knowing I had every intention of keeping it. The apocalypse couldn't keep me away. I loved Bella for eternity, and I planned on making sure we had it. I would give her everything she desired, even that. I will never live without her again.
We spent the rest of the day lying in our meadow. Catching up. She told me how she felt when I had left, and I told her of how I returned those feelings. Neither of us did well without the other. She told me about the accident, and seeing me in our meadow, just before she thought she was going to die. I vowed, and made sure she knew it too, to always keep her safe, and she would never have to worry about death again.
"Really, Edward?" she questioned, disbelieving.
"Bella, we don't have to do it now, or work it out now, but I swear, I will never let you leave my side. I love you, human or not, forever, and I intended on getting that forever." She smiled and we kissed each other with as much passion as we had in us. When she pulled away for air, I missed her lips on mine already.
"Bella, marry me." I whispered, so quietly I was unsure if she even heard. But her eyes looked into mine, and after a moment of thought, she whispered back a quiet, soft, "Yes."
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