TWILIGHT ORIGINS: The Chili Dog Adventure
It was a long day for Edward. Bella was really sick and Renesmee hadn't been born yet. He didn't know what to do with himself. Was Bella going to die? Would Renesmee be born? Is Jacob secretly trying to steal Bella from him right under his nose?
He saw the way Jacob looked at Bella as she lay there dying. He could hear his heart beating faster. He knew Jacob was turned on by Bella's sweaty body and near death complexion. Was it love or hunger?
They were out of food in the house so Edward thought it might be hunger so he and Emmett went to the grocery store.
"What do you want to get?," Emmett asked Edward.
"I don't know. Maybe a nice meat product? Let's see if hot dogs are on sale."
They went into the chilled meats section and saw that Hebrew Nationals were on sale! Two for one!
"That's a sweet deal.", Emmett said.
"It is!", Edward said.
"Kosher meat is usually more on the expensive side due to the concept of supply and demand so we should take advantage of this savings.", Emmett said.
They put the Hebrew Nationals in the cart and headed for the check out.
"Wait," Emmett said.
"What?", Edward asked.
"We're so stupid! We need buns!"
"You're right about that! Who ever heard of a vampire eating hot dogs without buns!"
They went to the bread isle and got some buns. The good kind with the sesame seeds on the side.
They got in the 15 Items Or Less line but were shocked to see some old bag with a cart filled with groceries in front of them.
Emmett tapped her on the shoulder.
"Excuse me. This is 15 items or less."
The old lady looked at him with a mean look. "Don't put your hands on me!"
Emmett turned to Edward and said, "I think I'm going to have to teach this lady some manners."
Edward held Emmett back. "Wait, Emmett. We forgot ketchup. Can you go get it and I'll deal with this?"
"Okay. What kind?"
"See if Heinz is on sale. If not, just get the Hunts or the store brand."
"Okay."
Emmett went to get the ketchup.
Meanwhile, the old lady was taking FOREVER to put all of her groceries on the belt. Edward decided to take matters into his own hands and… FOOMP!… in a lightning flash he had all of her groceries on the belt.
"What just happened?", the old lady asked.
"I used my vampire speed to help you.", Edward said.
"That's very nice of you, young man.", the old lady said.
"Young man… Right.", Edward thought.
Emmett came back with the ketchup.
"We're good. The Heinz was on sale.", he said.
"That's so cool.", Edward said.
The old lady finished her transaction and Edward and Emmett were next. The checkout guy asked them if they had their savings card.
"Do you have it?", Emmett asked.
"I don't.", Edward said.
The checkout guy told them that they could just fill out another form and he could give them another card.
"Will this effect my other card and all of its savings points?", Edward asked.
"No. You can bring in your original card on your next visit and we can transfer the points from this card onto that one.", the clerk said.
"That's another sweet deal.", Emmett said.
The bagger handed them their bags and they walked out into the parking lot.
Emmett said, "Jacob better appreciate us getting him some hot dogs. Do you think Bella died yet?"
"No. I can still feel her inside me.", Edward said.
Edward pressed the package of hot dogs up against his butt and blasted a nasty, juicy fart all over them.
"Wait'll he takes a bite of these fart dogs!"