Title: My Phobia
Rating: NC - 17
Summary: Harry's fear is being away from his cupboard so the Dursley's never really complained...but he relates his cupboard to someone even better that he's waiting for, but even then he doesn't always have his safeties.
Warnings: Sexual situations between two males. Mind play, other things.
Length: 1, 223
You see, I have this fear. I never, ever want to leave my cupboard, ever. I don't want to meet new people. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to die.
When I leave my cupboard I get scared easily. It gets to the point I can't breathe because I'm so nervous. A little while after that, things start to blow up.
When that happens my uncle beats me, yelling about how I'm a 'Freak', and that's exactly who I am.
Harry Potter, The-Freak-Who-Lived.
Hogwarts closed down before my second year started. Its Voldemort's now. Dumbledore died the same night the stone was claimed.
That was five years ago.
Since the Muggles I live with are so cruel, I'm only ever able to read and sleep with the occasional meal. They stopped being my relatives when I found out I had a godfather, and of course the first time they almost starved me to death after Vernon had beat me.
It's been five years of finding salvation in books and sleep. I love my room, but I love my dreams just as much. You see, I dream of this man, he has eyes that remind me of Voldemort and oddly enough: it doesn't scare me.
I never did explain why Dumbledore died that night did I? Well, when I'm at Hogwarts, I try not to leave my dorm or the potions lab. We had rights to it for some odd reason. It was something about learning to control one's self during class. Maybe it was just me that had rights to it, and maybe those rights were actually detentions. I don't really remember at the moment, but either way; the potions lab was one of my very few havens.
I minded my own business at Hogwarts, everyone shunned me when I was sorted into Slytherin. I was ridiculed and teased. The Savior of The Wizarding World, in Slytherin? I think not. It was horrible, and it always frightened me to walk down a corridor by myself. The first month of term had barely gone by before I was ambushed. A lot of Gryffindors and Syltherins had thought it would be fun to see exactly how I had escaped Voldemort.
I barely made it out alive and I wouldn't have if not for Draco.
The days passed and I spent more and more time in my dorms, or in the potions lab. Professor Snape never minded me so long as I didn't blow up anything, he didn't even tease me like he did the other students. It was odd, but I was thankful, is opinion mattered to me, and if he hated me, I probably would have hated myself.
I didn't bother to even look into the rumors of there being an ancient artifact in the school. I did not read the papers since they only served to drag my name through ever evil and back, and I never received mail.
So when hundreds of people in the building turned to me for help when Dumbledore disappeared, I ignored them, and I did it as any Slytherin would. I used Poly Juice Potion, and I became a faceless nobody. I used an animagus potion so that all anybody saw was a green anaconda in the Slytherin Dormitory whenever they were looking for me.
Dumbledore died that night, and the thing is; I really didn't care. The man had done nothing but ruin my like. He took me from My Cupboard, he took me from my safety.
Back to my dreams though, did you know Voldemort likes to write? He does it almost every night, I know because I'm with him when he does. He asks my opinion on some things, and on others he'll sit over them and reread for hours before deciding their rubbish and set it a flame.
Other nights we sit and talk, he talks about his childhood at the orphanage, and how that when he was first growing up in a Muggle environment that he wanted to be a Police Detective. He wanted to solve murder cases and track down dealers. Its mostly fascinating on these nights, he's so…human.
We do puzzles too. It's such a Muggle thing that the first time he even suggested it, I knew that my face must have looked really funny because of the shocked and kind of laughing face I made.
I pull my covers over my head and huddle into the corner of My Cupboard as I hear a blood wrenching scream.
No.No.No.No.No.NO.
I'm not leaving My Cupboard. I'm not leaving my cupboard. I'm NOT LEAVING MY CUPBOARD.
My chest is rising and falling so quickly that it hurts, and I really can't seem to breathe as I try to suck air into my lungs as fast as I possible can.
There's a thunk before I can hear something heavy fall down each of the stairs from the top.
Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. It stopped at the landing, I guess it was to big to fall down the last to.
Wrapping my arms around my knees, I pull them to my chest, hoping upon my wildest dreams that it's just some Muggle robber, or a serial killer that chose the Dursleys as his unfortunate victims. That he doesn't know where I am and that there isn't a wizard in my house.
"YOU FREAK, GET YOUR MAGIC OUT OF MY HOUSE!!" I whimper, nonononononononoNO!
It isn't the Order, I know it isn't because if it was the attack wouldn't be violent. It would be manipulative and quick. That's just how Minnie is, and she's loads better at it then Dumbledore ever was.
I want to stay in My Cupboard, I want to go to sleep so my dreams can save me. I WANT TOM!!
"Oh, Potter!' No no no no no no no. I don't know that voice I don't know it at all, and who ever it is I want them to go AWAY!!
I whimper when there's movement right in front of My Cupboard and I almost die from lack of air as there's a soft chuckling before there's a click.
One.
Clank.
Two.
Snap.
Three.
Fush.
Four. Only one left, please don't let them find the key, please, please don't let them find it I beg to myself.
There's silence for a while and I almost think the person has given up before there's an explosion and I'm thrown against the shelves of My Cupboard and someone looks in.
It's a woman, with black hair, and black eyes. Her hair's curly and she's beautiful, but I don't know her. I'm afraid, I can't breathe.
There's an explosion behind her and her deranged smile turns to one of fear and nervousness as something else explodes.
I don't even think I'm breathing any more, there's another explosion and my chest feels like it's going to explode as well. I NEED AIR MERLIN DAMMIT!!
I can feel this floating sensation in my head, and I know I'm not going to be conscious much longer, I just won't, but it'll be fine because my breathing will finally return to normal and I'll see Voldemort.
I black out after I hear a scream of pain, and I realize that I'll be knocked out…I won't be able to apologize.
I'm sorry Miss.