It was snowing at 5am. I had the heater on full blast in the car, but it still seemed as if the cold was getting in. Our interviews were scheduled for 6am, and here we were, an hour early. She smiled and rested her head against the cold window. It was a smile that I had fallen in love with, what seemed a life time ago. She shivered.
" Are you alright?" I asked haphazardly.
"I'm okay. I can't tell if it is either excitement, or nerves. I promise I'll work my best though, so I can help you pay the bills!" Her smile was bright, with her eyes closing because of it.
" Don't you worry about a thing okay? Save all the money you make. We'll need as much as we can muster with the little one on the way."
That look. I will never forget that look. Her hands slid to her stomach, and rested softly. Though she looked scared out of her mind, she looked at peace, with a hint of excitement, excited to hold our darling child in her arms.
I looked out the window, the sun was just beginning to color the twilight a violet aurora.
We both landed jobs in an office building. She was a receptionist/customer care representative; I was working in the design area of the office. I found myself taking quite a few breaks, to go and to check up on Lilly. I knew she was blind. I knew she was different from the world, but by god she didn't. She was so strong, I was jealous of her, and I loved her so deeply. Although most of the time, I would stay silent, and simply watch her, sometimes I would just come up behind her, and put my hands over her eyes.
"Guess who..." I said with soft humor in my voice.
"Hmm... I'm not sure, I can't see who is talking!" She would playfully tease right back.
And the days went on like this. I did not tease her at all about being blind, that was not the point of my hands over her eyes, I knew she was blind. It was sort of our inside joke, and she appeared to adore the attention. But one day, she was very upset. I had not done anything, but sat next to her on one of my breaks and just talked to her, and made sure that she was comfortable.
" Is there anything I can get you Lilly? Are you feeling well?"
" I'm just fine, I don't need anything."
I slinked quietly away after acknowledging. What could be making her act like this? I had heard of things like this happening when women were with child, but this... this just didn't seem like Lilly... Was it something I had done? Was it something that had happened at work? I didn't know, and she would not even acknowledge something was wrong, but whenever we would speak, her words were laced with such venom... On the car rides home, she would be perfectly silent, and it had even gotten so bad that when I would speak to her... She would say nothing in return.
"Did anything interesting happen today?" the look on my face was one of pain.
"..." Her head simply rested against the window.
"Were your callers nice today?"
"..."
"Lilly... I..." At that point I pulled the care over, coming to an easy stop.
"Lilly, please, talk to me.."
She looked to me sharply, turning her whole face towards me, and I could see the fire that resided in her eyes, and the look was nothing functional, I felt as if it's only purpose was to sling my heart like a blade.
" And just what do you want me to say?"
" God, Lilly, Anything! Tell me about how you love the taste of tea, or hate the smell of vinegar. Tell me anything! I don't care what it is!"
At this point the look on her face was just simply heart breaking. Fear, and anger mixed in a whirlwind, that bred only the tempest of deception.
"There's nothing to talk about! I just want to go home!" She yelled her voice nearly cracking.
I leaned back from her. Our home life had become so bad, that she refused to sleep next to me at night... Usually pushing me off the bed, and causing me to sleep on the floor. Which did not bother me too much, I knew she was pregnant, and I wanted to do anything to make her happy. Yet we never did anything together anymore...
It had been a long day. We were both tired, and on our way home once again, there was nothing but silence. I had grown accustom to the silence now, it had been weeks since she stopped talking to me. We didn't make love anymore either, not that it was that important, but I always felt refreshed after her and I would make love, like our relationship was renewed, and cleanly re-varnished. I often wondered if it was work that was making her this way, because she didn't act like this before...
"Hey Lilly... You know... if you wanted to be a stay at home mom, I would work my best and see to it that it was possible.."
"..." She simply looked dead on ahead.
Then out of nowhere, I said something that I'm sure I would later regret.
"Lilly, If you want this to work, things need to change. I need you. I need you. Not this person who has taken your place, because I don't even know who you are anymore!"
By the end of my sentence I had already pulled over once again.
Her brow furrowed, like a ticking time bomb, I waited. She bit her lip, her eyes closed, her eye lids trembling. She took a deep breath, and all of those things ceased as she composed herself. She opened her door, and stepped out. I was at a loss for words. I didn't know how to react to this; I had never seen or felt these feelings I had inside. Though, I still followed suit. She was already walking briskly away from the car.
"Lilly!" I shouted, "You can't run away from this. There is something wrong, and I know it! Please don't lie or hide it anymore. Open up to me Lilly, please, I love you."
She turned to face me, tears in her eyes.
" I don't ever want to hear you, or meet with you again."
"But… Lilly... We're having a baby...Please... Don't do this." I said, choking up.
"I'll make whatever mistakes I want with whoever I want."
Those words, I would never forget them. They were like pieces of shattered glass in my heart.
All I could do was watch her walk away. Walk straight out of my life..
I slipped into a spiraling depression, where the only thing that numbed the pain was alcohol. I spent most of my days inebriated, sleeping where I fell. Each morning I would sit up wherever it was I had fallen the night before, and reached for the nearest pack of cigarettes I could find. I picked up quite a few nasty habits in that time. Lilly and I had lived a mostly western style life to spite where we lived. After lighting my cigarette, I walked towards the window, and opened the curtain. The sun light felt good on my half naked body, which only caused me to open the window for the fresh air. I felt strangely good. Hearing three raps on the door broke me out of the monotony of my daily routine. I rolled my eyes, flicked the cigarette out the window, and took only a few steps to reach the door. Sliding the door open, I rested and elbow against the door way.
"Good morning Kida," A familiar friend from Yamaku, and his cheery no legged girlfriend stood only a few feet behind him.
"Man, what do you want?" I said somewhat groggily.
"I heard about what happened," He shifted, it was obvious he was uncomfortable just randomly dropping in on me like this.
I took a deep breath, it was shaky, but deep, only to nod.
"You… guys want to come in?" this was the first social interaction I had had in weeks.
Hisao nodded with a soft smile, so I stepped aside and let them in. Emi bounced in following in suit.
"Good morning Kida," She said in her normal cheery voice. She was so sweet it was almost sickening.
As they made their way to the couch, I made my way to the kitchen (Which resided in pretty much the same room), and grabbed a dark brown glass bottle, and began to pour an amber liquid into a short glass. I had the day off anyway, so I was just going to fuck off today.
"Would you guys like anything to drink? Maybe something to eat?" Although I was not born in this country, I did pick up the mannerisms of courtesy.
"No thank you,"
" Who told you?" I said directly. I wasn't in the mood to beat around the bush.
"Akira,"
"Shit... She's back in Japan? I'm in a world of trouble now," I was surprised she wasn't here right now beating my ass, but she always very understanding, so she would at least let me get out my side before pouncing on me.
"She wasn't angry, which was really surprising, considering everything that happened," Emi added, as if she was trying to make me feel better.
"Yeah, well it's been three months since Lilly left me, so what do I care..," I took a sip from the glass.
"That's the thing; Akira was the one who drove us here," He was scratching the back of his head nervously.
I nearly choked, spewing out the small amount of alcohol I had in my mouth.
"What?!"
"Yeah, and she wanted us to talk to you first, to see if you would even bother talking to her."
There were a million thoughts running through my head all at once. But the one that sang the loudest above all others, was what good would a talk with Akira now do? For the first time, I set my glass down, and stood there enveloped in my thoughts.
"Yeah... I'll talk to her..," I was unsure of my decision, only because I didn't want any trouble. Not because I couldn't handle it, but because I didn't want Lilly or the baby wrapped up in family drama arising from this…
Emi had already been holding her phone in her hand, before I even said anything. Hitting a single button on her phone, I ventured to guess she texted Akira. What's more, is that I assumed she had already written out the text before I spoke. Goes to show how well my friends know me I guess.
Before long there were three more raps on the door. My stomach was in knots. The last time I had seen Akira was when Lilly and I had taken a trip to Scotland to visit with her family. They even offered me a job, which I gratefully declined. I found myself wondering if that was a bad decision on my part... Gulping, I slowly opened the door to see the contented smile that always graced Akira's lips, but I also knew that she was a wily one.
"S'up," She said in a pleasant manner, which threw me off guard.
"Akira I..," I stumbled.
" You gonna invite me in or what man?" Her tone was of a playful tease.
"Yes. Please, come in," I cleared my throat, obviously embarrassed and stepped aside.
I had kept my eyes on her, the entire walk back to the kitchen to fetch my glass.
" I've got some imported Bourbon here Akira, want a glass?"
" You're lucky I'm here on business, or I'd drink you right under the table,"
No booze for Akira? Damn... My stomach leapt, because I knew that meant I was in trouble.
"Hey Kida, if you want, Emi and I can stick around," Thank god for Hisao, I was so grateful of his offer, and I had seriously considered it, but I only sighed and shook my head.
"No, that's alright. I think that Akira and I need to be alone for this conversation..,"
"Are you sure?" Emi asked, now visibly worried. She could see that I just asked them to leave, but my eyes screamed please stay.
Hisao only gave Emi a look, one that I couldn't really read. She only nodded, looked away and jumped up off the couch.
"We'll see you later then,"
Hisao and I were eye to eye as I slowly slid the door shut. Taking a deep breath, I turned around.
"Akira, I didn't..," She cut me off.
"Listen, you know me better than that Kida. Of course I want to hear your side of it. Doesn't mean I'm not pissed at you, but I want to hear everything," She took a seat where Emi was sitting, and crossed her legs. To spite the fact that I had a larger stature than her, she was still more intimidating. Honestly, she scared the shit out of me.
It took roughly about 35 minutes to explain everything, and the looks that slid across her face had my heart screaming at some points. She would ask a question, and I would answer, it just worked better that way rather than me stumbling all over the place.
"That does sound pretty strange for Lilly... She's always been calm and collected..," Said as a matter of fact, without even hesitating, which only meant that she had already thought that before our conversation.
"That's what I thought, but no matter how hard I tried she wouldn't open up to me," by this point I had taken a seat right across from her.
Her body language was so hard to read; she carried the mannerisms of a male, with body language, but performed it with such female finesse. She was for the lack of a better term, confusing.
"I spent all last night with her, Kida," She looked directly into my eyes, which made me uncomfortable.
"Y-yeah? Is she..," Again, Akira cut me off. Dammit woman!
"She's doing okay. That's best I can describe it. She went to Hanako's after she walked off. How she got there is beyond me," But really she wasn't too surprised that Lilly found her way.
"Lilly..," was all I could say before choking up to the point of not being able to talk. I brought my clenched fist to my mouth, all the while my eyes began to brim with tears, fearing the boiling point I rubbed my eyes with all the haste I could muster. Clearing my throat, I sat up straight.
"Now come on, knock that off," Akira said with that underlying playfulness.
Thank you Akira, thank you. She caused me to smile, which did help me feel better, and able to respond once again.
"Now, I'll be going to Hanako's again tonight to sit with Lilly. If you want..," This time I cut her off.
"I would love to,"
Akira stood up, with a slight stretch and a yawn. She was very skilled in hiding the fact that she hadn't slept in days.
"And that's all I need to know Kida. Next time I'm in town we'll drink," She gave me a two finger salute as she left.
The door still slightly open from Akira letting herself out, I closed it the rest of the way. Turning around I rested my back against it, and slid down to the floor.
My days at Yamaku were simple. I wasn't handicapped like most of the student body. I found it strange at first that my dad would choose a school like this one for me, but later I found out why.
"Son, we want you to be independent. Yamaku is secluded, so you won't have the temptations of normal city life. And the student body here is so friendly. Give it a few weeks and then tell us if you still want to go to a normal school." My father had said. I was so angry with them, it was as if they were calling me handicapped and just wanted to push me away, and hide me off somewhere.
Then I met Lilly.
I was only halfheartedly enjoying the festival, during my first year at Yamaku. Only sort of bouncing from each vender, just to see what they had. Out of absolute nowhere Miyagi, the teacher of class 3-2 stepped into my path.
"Excuse me son, have you seen any students of class 3-2?" She was frantic, must be short on help I thought.
"No, sorry I haven't. Is there anything I can help with?" I was bored anyway, nothing better to do.
She rushed me over to their food stall rather quickly, almost pushing.
"Lilly, I found someone to help you while I look for some more of your class mates," Almost shoving me into Lilly.
" Uh... Hi, my name is Kida Nakimura," I introduced myself with the finesse of a bull in a china shop.
"Hello, pleased to meet you. My name is Lilly Satou. Can you get three bowls of Miso soup please?" The way she transitioned from introducing herself, to ordering me around was as smooth as silk; I had barely even noticed she asked me to prepare orders.
"Oh, yeah sorry!" I began to work hastily, only to realize I had no idea what I was doing or where anything is.
" Uhm.. Ms. Satou, where is the Miso?"
She smiled lightly in my direction, and felt around for a ladle.
"It's right here. And please, call me Lilly,"
It was at this point I realized that she was blind. I hadn't spent any time worrying about any other classes other than my own, so I did not know that class 3-2 was for blind and legally blind students. I only knew about Mrs. Miyagi, because Mr. Mutou had introduced me to her on my first day.
The first few rushes were clunky and disorganized, until I got the hang out it, then we were a well-oiled machine.
My eyes lifted slowly open. Eyes finally finding focus, I looked out the window to see that the sun had gone down. Giving a stretch I got to my feet, wondering when in the world I had fallen asleep. Groaning, I stumbled into the kitchen. And for the first time in 3 months I didn't want a drink. Perhaps it was the sudden social interaction, or maybe even the supporting (If not random) visits from close friends. While contemplating my renewed respect for my friends, my body instinctively jumped when my cell phone started to ring. Reaching into my pocket, I lifted it quickly and looked at the screen, and what I saw caused my heart to leap higher than I did.
Incoming call: Lilly
I stood there staring at the screen for what seemed an eternity. My heart ached to flip open that phone and answer as quickly as I could, but... I found myself wondering what I would even say to her. Akira must have gotten her to agree to call me, through no little effort I imagined. She'd kill me if I didn't answer, but my heart ached so terribly remembering those awful things she said before she stormed off.
I don't ever want to hear you, or meet with you again!
Even now, the words slice my heart in pieces without even trying. Regardless though, no matter how much she hurt me, I still loved her. She was my world, and she was carrying another testimony of my love for her. Taking a deep breath, Very shaky breath, and decided to answer the call.
" H-hello?"
"H-Hi.." Lilly responded in such a small voice. It hurt to hear her use such a soft tone, almost as if she was scared of me answering.
Both lines were silent for a few moments. I don't think that either of us had anticipated what to do beyond this moment. But I praised god, or whatever celestial being granted her the strength to call, and for granting me the strength to answer.
"How have you been...?" I initiated the conversation, because I could just feel that she was not going to be able to.
"Breathing..," Although her response was a short sweet one, it made me smile.
"Are you... still playing?" this time she took the initiative in preceding the conversation.
"..No," I looked to the old acoustic guitar in the corner of the room. Sitting so lonely on her rack, her strings aching to be plucked. I just could not bring myself to do it. I couldn't, I just couldn't.
"Lilly, Will you be honest with me now?" I asked almost afraid of the answer.
"Yes..,"
She drew a deep shaky breath, and all I could do was attempt to brace myself for the incoming hell storm. But surprisingly enough, she exhaled slowly.
"Kida, I want to talk about this in person," Her small voice sounded a little surer of herself this time around. I was sure that was an invitation.
"When?" I asked, my stomach twisting and turning my insides.
"Tomorrow," I assumed it was because, knowing Lilly, it was because she wanted to formulate herself.
"I'll come over to Hanako's tomorrow then," and I sat there, waiting for a reply. But one never came; the line began to beep at me, indicating that she had hung up. Yet for some reason, I stayed on the line for a few moments more, probably out of pure shock of what just transpired. Maybe my life could get back on track...
For the first night in weeks, I didn't drink myself to sleep. And for the sake of my sanity, I crawled into our bed, to bury my face into her pillow. I rolled around for a few hours, trying and trying to go to sleep, but it was like the night before a fun activity. You are just so excited for it, but also hope that it isn't going to be a letdown, or in my case, heartbreak, from the same source as the first.
When I finally had gotten up, I stumbled into the bathroom, took a shower, and brushed my teeth. My face had gotten scraggly, so I shaved. I wondered if I should wear something nice, and then remembered how futile looking nice would be; I usually focused on feeling and smelling nice for Lilly.
Hanako lived quite a little ways away, so walking there was out of the question. Hopping in my car, I simply drove. Hanako's apartment was nice; she lived in a nice neighborhood, and even had a nice boyfriend who lived in Osaka. I sat out in front of her building for almost 10 minutes, composing myself, and working up the courage to go and knock on the door. Finally doing so, I shivered in front of Hanako's door, excited, yet also dreading seeing Lilly. Taking a deep breath, I raised a hand to rap on the door, but before my hand even made contact, the door slid open, and Akira caught a rap in the forehead. I stood there, my knuckles resting against Akira's forehead, speechless, and thinking that his was already forming to be a disaster.
"You're buying me a drink for that, because nobody hits this and doesn't pay for the drinks," she swatted away my hand surprisingly playfully.
"Come in!" Hanako called from her tiny kitchen, which was set up much like my own.
My breathing was shaky already, not like I was going to cry, but because I felt so nervous. My heart was thumping so loud in my chest, I felt like it was going to burst out. Lilly was sitting on the only real furniture in the apartment, which was a simple rocking chair next to the window. I stepped next to her as silently as I could, and began to try to say something, but my throat caught.
"Hi..," Her eyes were mostly closed, her head tilted from me, as if trying to hide. She must have either heard me or caught my scent. I was wearing cologne she liked.
"Hey there..," I almost instinctively reached out to touch her shoulder, but stopped myself. That day flashed through my mind, and all I could do was withdraw my hand.
Not much of a conversation so far, but I was letting it build. All I could do was cant my head, and try to listen, even if she would not speak.
"So! Kids! Hanako and Me are gonna jump out for a smoke! Play nice!" Akira grabbed Hanako's arm, and tugged her out the door, so that Lilly and I could be alone.
With the closing of the door, I reached my hand out, and barely brushed Lilly's. She didn't pull away, but what amazed me even more, was that she turned her hand, and slowly grasped onto mine. Not only did this make my heart weep, but it made me smile, like a dying fire inside finally fed.
"Kida... I do want this to work..," her hand was tightly gripped around mine now, and I loved every blood restraining moment.
"Lilly, I have thought about you every day. And I've done a lot of thinking, and a lot of self-evaluation. I've come to the decision that no matter what it is, I am willing to do everything in my power to make this work," I ran a thumb over the top of her hand, and knelt down beside her.
Before I could even respond, she turned and threw her arms around my shoulders, and buried her face into my neck. Her sobs broke my heart, and to reply, all I could do was stroke my hand over her head, and comfort her in her time of need.
"Lilly... It's time you told me what's wrong..," I nuzzled my cheek against the side of her head.
"I know..," she whispered through tears into my neck, as she nodded her head.
Pulling away slowly, she sat up, and began to touch her eyes with a tissue that had been concealed in her other hand.
"Kida. You treat me like a child. Like someone who needs to be taken care of. I have taken care of myself, and my sister, for 17 years before you. Don't expect so little effort from me," She spoke without venom.
This was so much to take in at once. The issue, I was overbearing. For me that was a hard thing to admit, but she was right.
"But it's not all you Kida... I have had these migraines that don't go away... And the morning sickness has been horrific," Her hands rested tensed on her stomach.
My jaw tightened, because she made me worry so much, but this time I bit my tongue. Switching positions, from her side to directly in front of her, I slipped my hands up above hers. I fought back the knee jerk reaction to ask her if she was comfortable, but I could plainly see that she wasn't, I needed some tact.
"How have your pre-natal appointments been? You were scheduled for one last week..," Even though I had been hurt by her, I still kept track of these things. She was carrying our child after all.
"It was a fairly stressful visit," She winced. Then began to breath more deeply than before, I could fight it no longer.
"Lilly.. Are you alright?" I leaned forward to her, I expected her to be mostly upset, or maybe even angry, but she did not respond in a vicious way.
"It's been getting hard to breath..," She spoke; sweat beading on her forehead. At this point I was beginning to worry more and more.
"How long has this been going on?" I was beginning to put the pieces together.
"Quite a while now... since before I..," She stopped right there. Her back straightening, she took one deep breath, and exhaled slowly, trying to catch her breath.
She began to weave back and forth in a slow methodical manner. For her methodical was nothing knew, but this worried me so much, yet I hadn't any idea what to do. But before I could even speak again, she collapsed forward onto me. I landed onto the floor with a thud, yet cradled her as we fell, trying to make sure neither that she nor the baby were hurt in the fall. Rolling her over, I looked to her face, and cradled her. Her breathing was irregular, and shallow. My heart nearly stopped, as my mind froze... I didn't know what to do, or how to react. One thing came to mind.
"Akira!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, which she responded to, barreling in the door from outside.
"What happened?!" Akira responded, already digging into her pocket.
Hanako was tight on Akira's heels as I shouted.
" I don't know! She just collapsed! Get an ambulance!" was really the only response my mind could formulate, as I cradled Lilly's limp, but breathing, body to my chest and rocked from front to back.
Akira, had a small frame, but was surprisingly strong. I experienced it while she peeled me from Lilly, as the medics began to examine her. Although I struggled to make contact with Lilly again, Akira kept me from her, because she knew that I would only get in the way.
"Kida calm down! Let them work! The sooner Lilly gets to the hospital, the better," Akira had both hands planted firmly on the fronts of my shoulders, holding me back.
My movements and struggles became weaker and weaker while I slowly began to calm myself. Akira finally granted my body reprieve from her hands, as she retracted from me.
"Come on, we need to be right behind them," she beckoned Hanako, and I to her car.
We waited in the reception area for such a long time I was almost convinced that time had stopped. I had been pacing the whole time, and not a single doctor or nurse had come out to inform us of what was transpiring, so that obviously led me to believe that she was having more complications than initially thought.
"Kida, stop being so nervous. You're going to pace a rut right into the floor! And I tell you, I'm not paying for it!" Akira interjected her normal humor, which caused my next step to hesitate. Dammit Akira... you know just what to say.
Hanging my head, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of a rut in the floor. Sighing heavily, I took a seat between Hanako and Akira. Leaning back, I crossed my arms and began to think once again.
"She wasn't angry with me Akira..," Taking the whole conversation, and putting every piece together.
Akira simply looked to me, and canted her head.
"...She was sick," I took a deep breath, as Akira rested a hand on my shoulder.
"She's pretty resilient, she'll be okay," Though I was fairly certain she was trying to convince herself more than Hanako or I.
Poor Hanako was in such shock, she hadn't said a word since we arrived at the hospital. Just sat absolutely still.
Finally, after holding our breath for such a long time, a nurse came out, and spoke directly to me.
"Sir, please come with me,"
As I rose, all I could do was grasp onto Akira's hand. I was going to need some stability for this. The nurse led us through a set of doors, and down a corridor, then left. We were in the ICU, my heart thumped like a jack hammer. We stopped next to Lilly's room. She was resting peacefully on her bed, with the covers up to her chest. They had placed an oxygen mask on her, and there were a few cords and tubes attached to her.
My throat caught again.
"She has had some serious complications. How her pre-natal doctor did not catch this we are uncertain. But what we found was Preeclampsia," The nurse shuffled through her charts.
"I'm not a doctor; you're going to have to explain that to me," I said, my head resting against the glass, looking into Lilly's room.
"What it means is that she was very sick. The baby had to be delivered via emergency C-section. The placenta had come partially away from her uterine wall. To make problems worse, it caused her liver to rupture. She just came out of surgery. She is stable, but for right now we have her in a chemically induced coma, so her body can heal without stress taking its toll." The nurse never once made eye contact with me. Not once.
I had no answer. I had no reply. Shock pulled itself upon me like a blanket, engulfing me.
"He's going to need a minute," Akira directed the nurse away, as she went along with.
I stood there. With only one thought. No, one plea. Asking god, or whatever celestial being was listening.
Please... don't take Lilly away from me...
Blinking out of my shock, I began to register everything the nurse had said. Whipping around, I walked briskly to Akira and the nurse.
"You said the baby was delivered..," My new father instincts setting in, wanting to know where our child was, and to protect it.
"Yes sir, it was a baby girl. She almost didn't make it, but she is in the nnicu now. If you'd like I can take you to her," Still not making eye contact, but offered a smile.
All I could do was nod, and follow.
And there she was, in a big clear box. A few doctors watching over her, using the built in gloves to ensure she was doing better. I took a deep breath as I stepped up to the box. What I saw chilled me to the bone. Not once, in my entire life, would I have ever thought possible, the number of tubes coming from a child. What made it worse was this was my little girl. It was right there, I could hold it no longer. I broke down. Tears began pouring from my eyes like a waterfall, and even Akira was not unaffected by this. She grabbed me and pulled me to her, in an embrace that was not only meant for me.
"She is doing well in the incubator, for now. We have a nurse who will be watching over her all night. We will let you know as soon as any further information is made available," The nurse spouted out, and quickly walked off. Not like I could hear her over my own sobs as it was.
My sobs were sadness, pain, and joy.
Sadness, because the love of my life, was now struggling for her life, and there was nothing I could do.
Pain, because our little girl was fighting just as hard in the first few hours of her new life.
Joy, because they are both still alive and fighting.
I stood next to that clear box for the next 7 hours. My hands almost constantly in those stupid built in rubber gloves, my thumb rubbing over our little girl's shin, which was the size of my thumb. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"You should go sit with Lilly for a while. Maybe get some rest. I'll stay here with her. Besides, it would give me a chance to spoil her, so I'm her favorite," Akira gave me a toothy grin.
I smiled lightly, and a nod to match, and Shrugged as I made my way back to Lilly's room.
I took a seat next to Lilly, and cupped my hands around the one hand that didn't have tubes coming from it. Pressing my lips to her hand, I sat there, only watching her, helplessly unable to assist her in any way, except for be there for her.
The next few hours were pretty slow, and thankfully uneventful. Hanako however did come in, cried and visited a little bit. Akira simply touched Lilly's hand, holding her emotions back like a stone wall holding water. She's such a stubborn woman.
"We are going to jump out for a little bit. Is there anything you want us to bring Kida?"
I thought for only a moment.
"Yeah... Bring my guitar," Food was not even a thought to me, I couldn't help her physically, but I could at least try to help mentally.
After the festival died down at Yamaku, the paths started to clear, except for some stragglers. Those stragglers involve Lilly and I, after we shut down the food stall.
"That was a pretty good hall tonight," At first, her arm around mine had seemed sort of intimate, until I saw it's functionality.
"Yes, it was. I almost gave up on having a food stall at all when my classmates decided to disappear," she made a cute laugh that I really liked.
Looking around, I saw the stage that was set up, and to my amazement, it still had a guitar on it. Giving a little laugh, I began to walk towards the stage. Slowing down, I stopped Lilly before she bumped into it.
"Wait here," I hopped up on the stage, grabbing the guitar; I came back and sat on the ledge of the stage.
"Don't laugh. I'm not very good,"
" Not very good at what-" Lilly was cut off, I had begun to play.
I played because her and I had worked all night. I played for her.
It was a song about a girl and a boy who had grown up together in an orphanage. Life had not been kind to either of them, but they always had each other when the hard times came. When they got older, they fell in love, neither of them had been adopted yet. As soon as he confessed his love to her, things turned for the worse, and she had been adopted. He was left by himself, with no one to rely on when these hard times came. He left the orphanage as soon as he turned 18, and spent his life looking for his lost love.
After I had finished, I gave a soft *ahem*, it had been a while since I had sang last, so naturally my voice strained a little. She giggled and clapped.
"You're very talented!" Her hands lowered, one above another in her lady like poise.
"Ah... Thanks... I haven't played in a while, I'm even surprised I remember that song," I blushed lightly, strumming idly on the strings.
"Do you know any other songs?" She canted her head, with a beautiful smile on her face.
Thinking, I strained my brain trying to remember what songs I knew.
"I know a couple... I know one I learned for my mom..," Placing my fingers in the correct frets to begin.
I sang about a woman who had sat down with her son. She had been diagnosed with cancer, and was dying. She implored her little boy to live a simple and honest life. To treat others as he would want to be treat, and promised him that one day he would find love, and a wonderful family. But until that day, he had to be strong, and forge on. Her words lived, and echoed in his heart all of his life. She told him her only regret, was not being able to see him become a man. Yet she wanted him to understand that he would never be alone. She would always be with him.
My voice had cracked a few times during the song, but she didn't seem to mind. Clearing my throat again, I set the guitar down.
"Okay, I think that's enough for one night," I found myself thinking that I had over strained my voice.
"Awe, But I was enjoying that!" She gave a cute pout.
"I'll play more for you tomorrow," Blushing again, I scratched at my cheek nervously.
"It sounds like your mother was a wise woman. What happened to her?" She stood there so dutifully, I found myself amazed by her, even just the grace in which she carried herself.
"She... Got sick, really sick. She died three years ago. I remember that song was my mom's favorite... So I learned it just for her." I looked down, my fingers aching still, but it was a good ache.
"Do you mind if I ask what she was sick with?" Her curiosity knew no bounds. Usually at this point I would have stopped talking about it, but for some reason I liked her.
" A.L.S., Or more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Though I am thankful she went peacefully into the night."
" I'm sorry to hear of your mother's passing, but I am happy that she went peacefully."
Hopping down from the stage, the fireworks had begun rather abruptly, and had taken me off guard. She laughed at my voiced start. Even though she was the one who should have been startled.
We simply stood there, her arm latched onto mine again. Even though it was functional, I blushed, and kept looking at her, not the fireworks. She was bathed in so many different colors; each and every one of them suited her.
With the dwindle of the fireworks, and the stillness of the night beginning to take grasp.
" I should probably get you back to your dorm,"
" Or we could go for a walk. After standing there, I'd like to stretch my legs," She canted her head smiling.
Her stillness was unnerving. Deep into the night I would sleep with one eye open, constantly watching her chest rise, and fall. I could only take solace in the fact that she was peaceful right now, and in no pain. Every time a nurse would come in to check on her, I would bolt straight up, wide eyed and awake. Two days had gone by since she collapsed.
"How is she doing?" I asked the nurse, while she examined her.
She had lifted the blankets, and checked on her incision. Going over her stats, and even checking to make sure her eyes dilated.
"Well, she is doing much better, but the doctors would like to keep her under for a few more days, so they can keep an eye on her closely. Her incision is clean, with no infection, and her eyes dilate just fine. I'd say she is in pretty good shape."
This gave my poor heart some much needed relief. Sitting back, I pulled the blanket that was given to me by the nurses to my chin, and closed my eyes.
During the next few weeks, Lilly and I had became much closer, so far as to spending most of the day together. I played for her rather often, which was good for me since it gave me something to do. I wasn't too interested in joining the clubs the school had to offer. Not that I didn't like them, I just was not drawn to any of them except for one. And it was good for her too, because she enjoyed what I played. I even went so far as to hunt down the originals on the internet, and let her listen to them. Most of them she had said she liked my version better, which was a huge stroke to the ego.
"Hey Lilly.. I've been meaning to ask," I started off rather nervous, and I am still not sure why I was so nervous.
"Yes Kida, what is it?" She replied, in her formal, flawless way.
"I was wondering... would you mind letting me take you out for dinner tonight," Even though I didn't have that much of an allowance, I still had enough money for this.
"Kida, did you just ask me out on a date?" She said with a fake offended tone.
"Yeah... Yeah I did. I mean, if you don't want to, I can just go eat by myself. It just wouldn't be as much fun," I replied with a playful one.
"Since you insist on going, I may as well grace your night with my presence," If I didn't know Lilly, I am not sure I would have known she was playing with me.
"Not full of ourselves are we?" I teased as I poked her side softly.
That night is where our relationship started.
My eyes opened slowly, to the dull ache of sunlight. Squinting, I heard a few people talking just outside of Lilly's room. One was Akira, and there were two others. Doctors or nurses I assumed. Standing up, I walked over to Lilly's side.
"Good morning..." I whispered softly, as I touched her hand. Her fingers had twitched over my hand, which made me excited, and instantly put me in a chipper mood.
Kissing Lilly's hand, I slid out the door. I stopped dead in my tracks. It was Lilly's parents, all the way from Scotland. I couldn't help but gulp.
"M-Mr. Satou. Mrs. Satou," I gave a quick bow, and offered my hand to Lilly's father, in an attempt to shake his hand.
"Kida. How is she?" He cut straight to the point, shaking my hand in his usual firm grasp.
" I assume you have already spoken to the nurses, and possibly even the doctors, but from my point of view, she is doing really well..," My tone was very formal, because this was Mr. Satou. Mr. freaking-Satou. Mr. You-hurt-my-daughter-and-they'll-never-find-your-body-Satou.
Lilly's mother did not have too much to say, she mostly addressed Akira, then entered Lilly's room. I did not take it personally, I would do the same thing if my daughter... I stopped thinking.
" Mr. Satou, would you be interested in meeting your granddaughter?," I smiled with as much pride as I could muster.
" You know what? That sounds pretty good. Darling, Kida and I are going to go see the grandchild,"
Sort of a funny label for my daughter…
As we made our way to the nnicu, Mr. Satou told me about their flight, and how it had taken quite a while for Akira to call them, and that he was a little disappointed in the fact that I didn't call them, for which I apologized profusely. We stepped up to the incubator, and there she was. She looked a lot better now than she did a few days ago.
"They've cleaned her up pretty well. Though she still needs the tubes to live and breathe. She's beautiful huh?" I said with quite the pride. But of course I thought my daughter was beautiful, look at her mother.
"Yeah, she's quite the cutie!," He pressed a finger to the incubator. Turning to me, he looked dead serious, which made me worried.
"Now Kida, you and I have some business to discuss," By business, I really hope he didn't mean a far off trip for me that was a one way ticket...
Even though Akira had brought my guitar, I still hadn't played. The doctors said that we needed to be careful not to over stimulate Lilly, and to let her rest.
Lilly's parents remained in town, Mr. Satou did not want to leave until Lilly was awake, and I respected that.
"We have weaned her off of the Thiopental since last night, so hopefully she should be coming around in the next few hours," Doctors always looked so professional in their white lab coats, and with their little stat clip boards, I thought, but my gosh sometimes they were so full of themselves.
"Thank you doctor. That will be all," Mr. Satou dismissed the doctor as if he was on his pay roll, and by god I was thankful for this man. So much in fact that it made me snicker as the doctor walked off in a huff.
I stayed at Lilly's side for the next few hours. I was excited for her to be awake, and every so often I would kiss her hand, just to see if she would react to it.
Eventually though, I decided to play my guitar to pass the time.
This song was an old one. About a girl and a boy who were out on a date, when tragedy struck. They had a car accident, and the girl died in the boys arms. But from that moment, he swore that he would be a good man, because then that way, he would see her again.
Although the song was a very sad ending one, it happens to be one of her favorites. Letting out a tender sigh, I sat there quietly after the harmonics came to an end.
"I was listening to that," She spoke her first words in just under a week without opening her eyes, but a soft smile has slid across her face.
"Good morning sleepyhead," I said softly, and then took her hand in both of mine, to place a tender kiss upon it.
"You drank so much last night Lilly! You party animal!" Akira said with a soft excited voice.
"Akira!" Mr. Satou reprimanded her. Then touched Lilly's other hand.
"Lilly, your mother and I are here too," Her mother leaning in and kissed Lilly's forehead.
"What happened?" She was obviously dazed and confused, which was just a side effect of the Thiopental, or at least that's what the doctors said, but she hadn't missed a beat, she knew she was in the hospital.
"You and the baby were sick," I said as softly as I could.
"The baby..?" Her hands slid from mine, and her fathers, to her stomach. She began searching, but found nothing. She began to hyperventilate.
"Kida... Where is the baby? Oh god I can't... I can't feel the baby..," She was now at this point freaking out pretty bad.
I leaned up, and pressed my forehead to hers, trying to calm her.
"They had to deliver the baby early. She is okay though, she's a little fighter. Calm down Lilly... Breathe deep," I instructed, just as we had learned in the labor classes we took.
Lilly began to breath steadily again, but just looking at her you could tell she was tired. I looked to the rest of the family.
"Lilly, get some rest okay?" I sat back down next to her.
Her hand tightened around mine.
"Please stay Kida..," she pleaded.
"I plan to," Smiling into her hand.
She smiled softly, as she turned her head, and fell back asleep.
We had snuck out after curfew. Luckily we evaded the security that roamed the campus at night. We made our way into town. The park was quiet, and a beautiful sight. I laid out a blanket; it was a picnic late into the night, and on a school night none the less. But the air was cool, crisp, and smelled wonderful. As I began to put the food on the blanket, Lilly had already taken a seat, and was happily taking in the sounds and scents of the park.
"A beautiful spot you have picked out," She commented softly, although I found it silly she used the word beautiful...
"I'm glad you like it. I thought it would be a nice night for us to sneak out," I said cheekily.
After sitting down next to Lilly, I began to hand her things to try. Some sweet things, and some savory things. It was a pretty playful evening. I was feeding her surprises, by only the bright light of the moon. On her last bite, she covered her mouth, and laughed.
"Did you make this?" She asked, still trying to swallow down her food.
"I did! I use to cook with my mom. And even my step mom after my dad remarried. But that was only about 6 months ago..," I took a little bite of cake. I had to do quite a few favors to get the cafeteria workers to let me use their stoves...
"I'd say she taught you well!" After she had finally gulped everything down. Touching her lips with a napkin, she giggled lightly.
"What's up?" I asked kind of confused about her giggles.
"Oh, nothing. Just how romantic this is," She gave a soft contented mmm
I gazed upon this beautiful girl, silvered by the moonlight, I couldn't really control myself. I leaned forward slowly, my heart pounding.
"Lilly..." I said quite softly.
"Mm?" she turned her face towards me, as if she knew.
I pressed my lips to her. She was fairly surprised, but didn't object. She actually leaned into it, but I could feel that smile riding on her lips. That girl was a brain ninja, she knew what she wanted me to do before I even knew... After drawing back slowly, I cleared my throat.
"Uh.. I uhm..," Stuttering, all she did was laugh.
"Oh shut up," she reached her hands up, and cupped her right hand to the crook of my neck and pulled me to her, this time she kissed me.
She took the lead, pushing lightly, in the direction that she wanted me to go. In her directing, I ended up on my back, and she crawled above me. Straddling me, she lifted up her skirt, licking her bottom lip slowly, which caused me to blush profusely.
That night we made love.
I awoke to the feeling of a hand stroking my head. Opening my eyes, I tilted my head up to see Lilly sitting up completely, with a soft smile on her face.
"Good morning sleepyhead. You were making some strange sounds. What were you dreaming about?" She spoke softly.
I gave a heavy blush, and looked away.
"Do… Do you remember that night in the park?"
"How could I forget?" Her voice was almost exaggerated.
Laughing, I leaned up, and kissed her tenderly.
"Hey hey hey, none of that while I'm in here," Mr. Satou entered the room. I straightened up right away, because, let's be honest. No matter how scared of Akira I am, her father is tenfold. Also he has the means to make me disappear without a trace, so I thought playing it safe was my best option.
"Father..," Lilly said with a fake pout, but held her arms out to hug him. He obliged, and held her in a soft embrace for a moment. I was impressed to see how healthy her relationship with her father had become since we had visited them the year prior, fresh out of Yamaku. Considering how much resentment she had for him before then.
"Has Kida spoken to you yet?" He glanced to me.
I shook my head slightly.
"No sir, I just woke up," Offering an apologetic smile.
"Well that's no excuse!" Mr. Satou gave me a toothy grin. So that's where Akira gets it.
"Talk to me about what, Kida?" She looked fairly concerned but she deserved to know.
"Your father and I talked. And I've decided that once you and the baby are well enough to travel, we are going to move to Scotland. He offered me a job working for his firm... again. I thought that it would be a perfect opportunity for me to start making more money, so you can go to school to be a teacher..," I said sheepishly.
"After this scare, your mother and I would like to have you much closer than Japan." He had sat down on the bed next to Lilly.
"Is this what you want Kida?" Lilly asked, her hands fiddling slightly.
"I want you. And I want you to be happy. I want you to chase your dreams. Gabriella and I will be right there chasing right beside you. Besides, 60,000 pounds a year sounds pretty good." I scratched the back of my head with a smile on my face.
"Wow, is that how much you offered Kida, Father?" She sounded pretty happy about it.
"Of course he'll have to work for it, but yes darling. I did,"
" And who is Gabriella my love?" Lilly finally caught it.
"Well... You have been in a coma for just under a week... and our little girl needed a name. So I named her Gabriella. She's a little fighter too. And right now, she is fighting pretty hard. So she will be in no shape to travel any time soon." I said with a hint of sadness in my voice.
"Don't worry about a thing, I will make sure everything is paid for until you are able to travel, and come home to Scotland. I will worry about moving your current home to the guest cottage in Scotland. Until then, you just worry about getting better Lilly." Her father stated. I was grateful, and I know that Lilly was too.
I slipped a hand down, and grasped Lilly's.