Preface:

Reader, I must tell you something before I tell you my story.

I am a dreamer, who has too big an imagination.

People, who have a big imagination, tend to dream bigger dreams than what they can handle. At night they dream that they are heroes, and that they've found their true love, and life is perfect, and then they wake up to Earth, where instead they are bullied, they fail tests, and life is shit. But, all the while, when it gets to be too much, they just think of their imaginary lover, the one of their perfect dream, the one that makes you smile in your sleep, that makes your eyes glaze over and sparkle as we look up to the sky and hope. We let people smack dirt in our face, because at the end of the day we shake off the dirt and dream and pretend that it never happened, so we can put up with it the next day.

I looked up into the sky, and I saw clouds and my dream, an old dream I've had for a long time, that reoccurring dream that you always pray you'll have again tomorrow, because that one gave you hope.

Whether I'm dreaming or wide awake, I only know one thing:

He's given me hope.

Reader, please promise me something before I continue. Don't be surprised when I cry. Instead, be surprised when I throw a punch, when I laugh, and when I am truly, whole-heartedly, happy.

But expect me to cry.

Chapter 1:

Heather: Well, hello.

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way and all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn
and I've been a fool and I've been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I'm always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues drawn

But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah!

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah!

Shake it Out by: Florence and the Machine Album: Ceremonials

watch?v=RCWnVznnWcs

I do not like math! It's a waste of this soon-to-be-next-author-of-the-great-American-novel 's valuable time, which I need to drink in all I need to kick Penmanship's ass! I have much more important things to do than AP Calculus, AP Biology and AP Government, I need to work on Creative Writing; I have an award to win in that class! The last thing I need is another stupid science award; I have seven of those already! I need to finish Les Miserables, and don't get me started on the list of Jane Austin that I still have yet to read, not to mention Charlotte Bronte, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, and of course The Bible, and all the while I am expected to be working on my novel, it's already too much to handle! But, these little annoyances, called A.P.'s and Honor's bull crap is keeping me from my passion! Well, no more! I refuse to contribute to this outlandish thing we call a public school education!

At least that's how I convince myself to give up studying for my history test, because I already know I'm going to fail it. Yes folks, meet the artist!Where my creative every-where-ness knows no bounds. You think it'd be pleasant, but let me tell ya somethin', it ain't.

I go by Heather, because that's the name my dad gave me, and I don't think people would ever want to call me Paprika (which it would actually be pretty awesome if someone called me that), so Heather it is. So allow me to enter the world of reality for a moment here, I don't come here often, and I like to see how the place has changed since I've last been here.

Truth is, I only have one Best Of Show Science Fair awards, a Biology award, a teacher's award (which honestly is an award for how well I kissed up to my teachers) and that's it. I do have to do all that reading, but most likely I'm going to end up like any other starving artist, unless I get some other writing day job. And finally, I can't just sit down and scream "screw the system" because the system is screwing me. I'm a senior with a bad case of senioritis, and I will do anything for an excuse to go to sleep.

It'd been a long day, which doesn't make any different from any other day, because every day is long for me. There are 24 hours in a day and 18 of those hours I'm running in circles, doing homework or whatever, always thinking, dreaming, hoping, crying, anything. It seems as though life is a never-ending, swirling black hole that we're all forced to be a part of. We are all forced to be stuck on the same piece of ground, and only explore the things that have already been discovered and recorded as a been-there-done-that, because now only the boring stuff is left to discover.

We are all apparently so different, but forced to live the same lives, the same boring routines that nobody likes, but we complain and continue them because we feel we have no choice. But we ready do have no choice, and I really am stuck. And there is nothing I can do to change it; not matter how hard I try, I can never win.

Reader, I will tell you something, something I don't always tell people. Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to explore, but not just on Earth. No, I wanted to stretch my arms into the infinity of space and let my fingers graze along the yawning movement of time.

I wanted… Well, I wanted a lot of things. It's hard to put my finger on which one was my deepest desire, although I had probably a good number of them. I guess deciding what I didn't want is where my story begins. I didn't want to become like my mother (who doesn't?), I didn't want to be some lame writer that people let starve, and I didn't want to go unheard of. Most importantly I didn't really want to hang around in the same stale air with 4.5 billion people who also inhabit this filthed planet.

So, my theory, is that knowing what I didn't want.

Is what lead me to get what I did want.