Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, the creative rights, or these characters nor do I make money off this. I just borrow them for my own enjoyment.
There was someone in the holodeck, running one of the Captain's programs though he had already booked the time slot for himself. It was with a bit of ire that he tapped the computer console to see who was breaching holodeck etiquette. The answer surprised him, driving out any hint of irritation.
Chakotay stood a moment outside the closed doors. He could turn around and no one would know. He didn't have to go in and see her and it wasn't as though they were close anyway. What good could he do?
"Commander." Tal Celes greeted him with a bright smile, passing with a toolkit in her hand. Chakotay couldn't produce more than a wobbly turn of his lips.
"All right," he said to the grey doors. "You can do it. She's no different than any other crew member." He pressed the door chime and the smooth, female voice of Seven of Nine bid him to enter.
She sat on one of the wooden chairs, her limbs stiffer than he thought possible. The firelight glinted off her implants so that her posture and the converging shadows seemed to absorb her into the woodwork. He had a brief vision of the Da Vinci works coming to life like ancient Borg waking.
"Commander." Seven's eyes met his briefly then returned to staring at the large, winged machines that loomed over her head. If he hadn't already become accustomed to her mannerisms, Chakotay would have taken this as a dismissal. Instead, he moved closer and faced the machines as well. The shadows danced against the wall and again unnerved him with their clawing presence.
"This is the last place I would have expected to find you."
"I do not see the point in wasting time on the holodeck," she agreed.
"So that means this isn't wasting time." He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. His statement must have surprised her for she finally looked away from the machines and held his steady gaze.
"Have you come to issue my punishment?"
It was his turn to be caught off guard. "Punishment?"
"I disobeyed orders, put Voyager in danger, almost caused the deaths of two officers -"
"First of all," Chakotay put a hand on her shoulder for the briefest moment to silence her list, "no one died. Voyager is fine and having to take the long route around alien territory isn't the worst thing that could happen to us out here. It probably also won't be the last time either. As for your guilt, neither I nor the Captain blames you for that." He gave a dry chuckle. "Even B'Elanna couldn't be angry with you for being the victim of a Borg homing signal."
For a few minutes there was silence between them. Seven absorbed his words and somewhere during her personal chastisement for the harm she'd caused she began considering what Voyager meant to her.
"I didn't want to rejoin them." Seven, certain her new emotions were strikingly obvious on her face, turned back to the wood machines and unfinished art. "Even when the signal was strongest, I didn't want to go back. My actions weren't my own. It felt like a nightmare I couldn't escape."
"No offense, but I didn't know you dreamed."
"Sometimes." Her eyes flickered briefly to him. "It is a new experience, one the Doctor claims unable to prevent. I thought it was part of the homing signal, but I dreamed last night as well."
"Dreams aren't all bad, Seven. They can be a tool to examine subconscious feelings we either can't or don't want to acknowledge." Seven turned her large eyes to him. Her steady gaze and the shine of the firelight on her ocular implant unnerved Chakotay though he couldn't say why. "Sometimes they're also a good escape from reality."
"I thought that was the point of sleep."
Chakotay felt a smirk spread over his lips as he noticed an unfamiliar crinkle at the edge of her eyes. "I didn't know Borg made jokes."
Seven appeared to prepare an answer, but instead simply dipped her head. The truth was that she didn't wish to be Borg anymore, but the expression of this wish was entirely beyond her.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Perhaps later." They lapsed into a surprisingly comfortable silence, each watching the flickering light and shadows. Chakotay had completely forgotten about his own leisure plans.
"Seven, may I ask you something personal?"
"Proceed."
"Why didn't you want to rejoin the Borg?"
Seven dipped her head, thinking. "I am uncertain. Adapting has been difficult and many aspects of humanity are still confusing to me. Still, Voyager feels… like…"
"Home?"
She looked at him again and there was no doubt as to her surprise. "Yes."
"I actually owe you an apology. I didn't trust you when you first came on Voyager."
Chakotay felt her piercing, unsettling gaze on him as though he was being examined by the Collective itself before she said, "You still don't."
"I…" It would be a lie to deny it, but admitting the truth seemed too harsh. He'd attended Tuvok's debriefing and knew despite Seven's detached attitude she'd not behaved as a heartless drone.
Seven, sensing his conflict, nodded and turned back to face the firelight. Chakotay felt the urge to explain.
"I can see that you're trying and you are valuable to Voyager, but you're right. I don't fully trust you yet."
"Then you have more wisdom and foresight than Captain Janeway. Borg should not be trusted." There was no bitterness or anger in her tone, merely matter-of-factness. Chakotay would have preferred anger. Her acceptance was somehow sadder.
"I'm not saying you can't earn that trust, Seven." He gazed at her, trying to force himself to see something of the girl he'd glimpsed in her memories, the human Janeway insisted was hidden inside. When he spoke, he wanted to believe his own words. "You were Borg, but you're not anymore, not if you don't want to be."
Seven nodded once and stared ahead stoically. Inside she felt a pang. Chakotay made it sound easy to give up everything she'd been forced to embody for years. Assimilation was a thorough and traumatic experience for an adult. As an adult assimilated in childhood the Collective was all she knew and all she trusted. Be human? It would be just as easy for Chakotay to become a Cardassian.
"I guess I've intruded on your thoughts long enough." Chakotay stood to leave. Seven started, realizing she had overlooked the length of her stay.
"My apologies. I forgot someone had this time reserved. I'll leave."
"No, that's all right." He smiled down at her furrowed brow. "I think you need the time more."
"Thank you, Commander." She did appreciate the opportunity to think things over in an environment of her choosing. Chakotay hesitated a moment.
"By the way, I think the Captain planned on a chat. Don't be surprised if you get interrupted again." Seven nodded and he left, wondering if he'd done any good.
Janeway was indeed in the hallway when Chakotay exited. He came across her a few corridors away from Seven's hideaway. She smiled and confirmed their dinner plans for the end of the week before continuing on to the holodeck. Chakotay shook his head with a rueful smile. He couldn't help feeling a little sorry for Seven of Nine. It was obvious to him that she was barely starting to wrap her mind around her own feelings and now she would have to hash it out with Captain Janeway. He wished for the millionth time that they had an official and trained counsellor onboard.
When he returned to his quarters, Chakotay sat in silence and practical darkness, reviewing his conversation with Seven. The more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he grew. It was easy to condemn her, he knew. She was often blunt and as prone to a defensive streak as any other human or - he smirked - part Klingon. What was harder and yet just as important was realizing she was a victim of circumstance, as any one of them could have been.
An old picture of him and his father caught Chakotay's eye and his heart gave a twinge. His father was actually brave, inquisitive, intelligent and could easily have been a Starfleet scientist had he not been so dedicated to living outside of convention. Were it not for his people's prejudice against Starfleet and the technological advantages the institution represented, would Chakotay's family have become drones by a slip of fate? He wondered if he would have coped half so well if he'd been assimilated as a child or even as a rebellious youth.
No, he couldn't trust her yet, but he knew that with every passing day he would come closer. Understanding was slowly dawning along with the growing certainty that he too could glimpse the lost human girl in her. He knew Ensign Kim was often in company with Seven of Nine and hoped the friendship would continue to be an assistance to her. Chakotay couldn't think of a friendlier or less assuming person to ease Seven into individuality.
With such amiable thoughts to conclude his concern, Chakotay pushed all thoughts of Seven and Borg aside and distracted himself with light reading until he could sleep. Rest came to him easily, but he wasn't left to it without some interruption.
He dreamed of the forest his father used to take him to explore. It was as it had been in reality: densely overgrown, bright, sunny and warm.
A snake coiled on a branch near Chakotay's head and gazed at him with liquid black eyes. If a snake's face can be said to convey pity, that would be how the serpent's expression appeared to Chakotay.
"What?" he asked, knowing the snake wouldn't answer. Indeed, it dropped its head as though disappointed in him, but Chakotay couldn't think what for.