It's Not Easy Being Green

By Leener

Set some time after "The Games"

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, so don't go trying to sue me or anything!

It is amazing that through one's life the many trying experiences appear to test one's fortitude. I admit one in particular immediately springs to my mind. Of course a superior specimen such as myself has faced many near death experiences, but that is nothing compared to the incident to which I refer. It has come through my own profound understanding that humans can be one of the most tiresome yet amusing species in existence.

As I remember things (which I can be sure is clearly by my memory), I had started a journey to visit a group of humans. For reasons I cannot begin to explain, this particular group had managed to weasel a place into my heart. As I began to reach my intended destination, I pushed my horse to move a little faster. That day made it the second day of my journey. I probably could have cut my time in half if I had brought an escort to clear the road ahead so I did not have to travel so cautiously, but I felt it would be better to turn up alone.

I pulled on the reins and brought the horse to a stop and gazed up at the treehouse. Only humans would build a dwelling in the trees. I do not think I will ever understand their primitive minds. I jumped off my horse, tied the reins to a nearby tree branch and approached the fence.

I knew from experience that touching the fence would be rather, well, shocking, but I also knew that there was a door that would let me safely past it where I could get into the elevator. Of course being the great thinker that I am, I knew that I could not be sure how I would be greeted if I were to walk in unannounced. I remembered how these humans had greeted uninvited visitors such as myself, so I felt it better to announce myself.

As I began to open my mouth to shout out a greeting, the sound of raised voices reached my ears. An intelligent being such as myself always knows that it is best to know all you can about your surroundings before you rush in without all the facts, so of course I stopped to listen.

"I know you did it, Marguerite! You're always going through my journals and making corrections here and there!"

"Excuse me! As if I would go through the trouble of reading your rubbish! And even if I did make corrections here or there, which were warranted when you got the facts completely wrong I might add, I would have no reason to pour a bottle of ink all over your journal!"

I chuckled to myself as I heard the argument continue. Apparently the little journalist had come to the conclusion that the delectable Marguerite had sullied his journal. Of course Veronica and Roxton had taken their predictable sides. No sounds from Challenger had reached my ears and as began to I wonder what the old fellow was up to, I pushed the thought out of my mind and made my presence known.

"Hello up there!" I shouted.

Immediately following, I heard the argument cease and several heads leaned over the balcony.

I heard several expletives and one "for crying out loud" as I was recognized. Some more shouting occurred and I listened in amusement as I heard Roxton struggle to stop Marguerite from shooting me.

"Is that any way to greet a friend?" I bellowed.

"No, but it's a good way to greet you! What the hell do you want?"

I admit that I was not surprised by Marguerite's attitude. The woman understood me very well and was right to be on her guard. The rest of her species would bode well to learn some of her survival techniques.

"My dear, Marguerite," I began, "so lovely to see you again. Lord Roxton, Mister Malone, and Miss Veronica. And where is dear Professor Challenger? I am surprised that in all of the commotion you are raising that he is not in the gist of it."

"I believe Marguerite asked you a question." I remember the shock I received on hearing this coming from Malone who moments ago could not talk about her without losing his temper. Humans! One moment they are transparent, and the next you wonder at their motivations. It must be their "camaraderie." What I do know is that this group would make a pitiful group of lizards, with the exception of Marguerite who has some potential. But I digress.

"Now listen here! How long are you going to keep me down here? You can obviously see that I have come alone and that if I wanted to do you harm I could have easily entered your dwelling. But, I have chosen to go about this business in the right way, so why not show some of that trust you humans seem to relish and invite me inside? I am an Emperor you know, and it is very uncivil of you to not give me a proper welcome."

"I was going to give you a proper welcome, but his Lordship stopped me!"

I heard them conversing amongst themselves before Veronica stuck her head over the railing and told me to wait and that she would be down in a moment. I heard the elevator descend and Veronica emerge and walk over the fence where I was waiting. She had her knife unsheathed and was giving me a piercing glare.

"You better have a good reason for coming here Tribune. And I warn you, if you leave my home in shambles like you did last time, you'll be very sorry."

"I assure you, my dear, I come with nothing but honorable intentions. You have my word that I will do neither you nor your friends any harm." To this I raised my hand to my chest and bowed graciously. Imagine my surprise when not only did she scoff, but turned her back on me and headed to the elevator.

"The word of a lizard doesn't mean much to me, and certainly not one who has betrayed us several times already."

I considered turning around and leaving and not making the offer I had come so humbly to deliver myself. But, I admitted to myself that this group of humans fascinated me and I couldn't pass up the opportunity so I continued into the elevator behind her.

As we reached the top I smiled at the warm welcome I received. There were no guns pointed at my face, only crossed arms and several glares. Perfect! I congratulated myself that so far things were already working out according to plan.

"Hello! My you are all looking well! I see you have all managed to keep yourselves alive after I saved you?"

"Of all the insufferable-"

"Marguerite!"

Roxton had actually reached out and prevented her from charging me. Not surprising considering the foul mood in the air that I happened to walk in on. She shook off her arm and sighed.

I bowed and smiled. "Marguerite, you are looking even lovelier than the last moment I saw you."

She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled one of her more beautiful smiles. "Why Tribune, you are detestable as always."

"You're too kind, Marguerite." I couldn't stop the hiss that followed. The woman found the easiest ways to irritate me. "The reason I am here is because-"

"Let me guess, you need our help again," said the journalist as he so rudely interrupted me.

"Someone is trying to kill you again and you need us to be your bodyguards?" I watched as Veronica took her turn with a smirk.

"Or maybe you want to kidnap Challenger and force him to give you more technology so you can try to conquer the plateau?" And of course Marguerite could not pass up the opportunity to use that devilish tongue of hers.

I turned to Roxton and saw that he was watching in amusement. He shook his head and laughed. "What is it you want, Tribune?"

I could have been more annoyed at the rudeness displayed to me by an inferior species, but honestly I expected no less. A group such as this did not know excellence when they saw it and since I had not gone there to educate them, I continued with my prepared speech. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I was on my way to your dwelling to invite you all to a feast being held in my honor. Now that I am Emperor, a coronation must follow. A mere technicality but tradition nonetheless. Since you all helped me gain my rightful position, I thought it was only fitting you were there to witness my moment of triumph. You will be my guests of honor at the coronation as well as the feast that will be held afterwards."

"What? Now?" Malone shared a glance with his friends. "We're kind of in the middle of something right now."

"Yes," I laughed to myself, "I could not help overhearing as I was waiting to come up."

"More like eavesdropping, if you ask me." Marguerite muttered but my highly superior ears picked it up.

"On the contrary my dear, half the plateau must have heard your trifling argument. If you were to ask my opinion, what is the point? Forget the matter and accompany me to the capital!"

My keen powers of observation picked up on the flush of anger that rose in Marguerite's cheeks but she quickly schooled her features and acted nonchalantly.

"It is no matter to me if everyone wants to go, only make sure that if I stay behind that Malone doesn't leave anymore journals lying about carelessly. We all know how I like to destroy whatever I can get my hands on."

My eyes shifted to Malone and I could barely suppress my laughter at Malone's comical antics. Taking what Marguerite said as fact, he actually raised a finger in the air in triumph. "Ah ha!" he shouted, "so you admit it!"

"Malone," Lord Roxton intervened, "don't be an ass. I've told you several times, Marguerite couldn't have done it. She was out of the treehouse with me this morning and didn't have access to your journals."

"Of course you'd take her side."

I admit that while watching this scene play out I was very proud of myself for not leaving when I had the chance. These humans were most amusing and if I had left I would have missed the opportunity to see a grown man such as Malone pouting and lamenting the loss of pieces of paper that only contained his meaningless thoughts as if they were profound works of a skilled mind!

True to form, Veronica defended her journalist friend. "And who else could have done it? We all know Challenger is in his lab today performing volatile experiments that he can't leave alone. And Marguerite is the only one who likes to take liberties with other people's possessions!"

"Excuse me!"

Again the color rose in Marguerite's face and I actually thought that a fight was going to ensue but alas, Roxton and Malone held both of the females back. Marguerite managed to calm herself down and take a deep breath.

"Now look Malone, I'm very sorry your journals were ruined and I know how important they are to you. But I am telling you once and for all, I didn't bloody do it!"

"And I'm supposed to believe you?"

"Whatever happened to your American ideals such as 'innocent until proven guilty?'"

"All right, fine! Have it your own way! We'll have a trial! And then when you are proved guilty you can stop acting innocent!"

I hissed in displeasure at all the shouting. My highly superior ears were very sensitive and while I was amused when I first arrived, now I found the matter completely tiresome.

"A trial?" I believe it was Veronica who posed that question but I cannot be entirely sure. By this point I had taken a seat and to alleviate my boredom, I picked up a spare book to read and wondered how long it would take for them to take notice of me. I heard Malone prattle on about the details of a trial but I tuned out most of it. Before I knew it, all eyes had turned to me and I put down my book.

"Well?" Malone asked.

I was indeed confused but I was not for a minute going to let them know it. A lizard never reveals a moment of weakness. Those types of imbeciles never make it to adulthood. Instead, I chose to take a vague stance and wait until the matter revealed itself to me. "Let me think about it a moment."

"Come on, I would think you'd relish being a judge."

And there the matter became to clear to me. I was amused at the whining tone in Malone's voice and considered making him beg me, but I could tell from Marguerite's lovely face that she would like nothing better than for me to leave and that decided it for me. "I would be delighted to serve as a judge!"

As I listened to the humans squabble amongst themselves after my acceptance, I admitted to myself, and this is something I would only admit to myself, that I was at a loss as to what to do. As an Emperor and as a lizard, I was more than capable of making difficult and important decisions but humans are savage and primitive in comparison. I only hoped they had a half way civilized system.

I decided to broach the subject first and interrupted them. "Pardon me, but how are we to continue? I agreed to participate out of the goodness of my heart, but I don't expect to be kept waiting all day listening to your constant bickering! Honestly, it seems you all know how to take advantage of a lizard's natural good nature. After we have concluded the proceedings I trust that you all will be accompanying me back to the capital?"

Even though they did not agree with enthusiasm, the matter was settled definitely. A victory is a victory, no matter what the means taken to achieve it! I was more than willing to play along with them in order to accomplish what I had set out to when I started my journey.

Once that matter was settled, we started the preparations for the trial. Malone explained that since Marguerite wanted to be innocent until proven guilty, which I come to understand is something popular from his native country, that the trial would proceed in an American fashion. Malone reminded me of Professor Challenger when he was excited about something, he rambled on and on. So in the interest of time I will sum up the explanations and preparations.

Marguerite being the accused would be "the defendant" and Lord Roxton would act as her advocate, or as Malone called him "defense attorney." Malone being the accuser would act as "the prosecutor" and Veronica would be his co-counsel. I was told that there were not enough people to make a jury, whatever that is, so that the decision would come entirely to me, the judge.

"How is it Malone that you have fixed yourself to have two people to argue your case while I only have Lord Roxton?"

Marguerite had not wanted to participate and was sitting moodily in a chair with her arms crossed over her chest. She was very quiet through most of Malone's speech but Marguerite is not the type to sit back and watch. She always takes action, whether it be straight forward or craftily.

Malone paused in his drawn out speech and sighed. "Marguerite, trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I've been to plenty of trials and I can have a co-counsel if I wish."

"More like you remembered it from those bloody penny dreadfuls." As I was seated next to Marguerite, I was the only one who heard her remark before she continued in a louder voice. "Trust you? This coming from the man who is accusing me of something I didn't do? Excuse me while I laugh."

I wanted to ask her what penny dreadfuls were but there was no time. Before I could open my mouth to speak, I felt arms around me and was being pushed into another chair. I hissed in protest and might have done bodily harm to Malone for his rough treatment but he moved out of my reach. In a few more moments, tables and chairs had been rearranged. I sat behind a desk, while in front of me to my left sat Marguerite and Roxton and to my right sat Malone and Veronica.

I looked inquiringly at Malone as he walked from one corner of the treehouse to the other looking for something. Before long he found what he was looking for and placed it on the table before me. I could not imagine why he would give me a tool of labor.

"I believe I volunteered to act as judge, not a craftsman!"

Malone was surprised at my words but it was only for a moment and then he started laughing. I admit that I was not at all amused. "No Tribune," he said, "that'll be your gavel. We don't have a real one so we will have to use a hammer instead. That's the tool of the judge to keep order in the courtroom. You just pound it on the table and everyone will settle down."

I looked at the tool lying on the table in front of me and sighed. I would never understand humans. "Very well," I took the hammer in hand and banged it on the table. "I will do as you wish, but I think a whip would be more effective." I did not want to touch the dirty tool any longer so I laid it back down. "Shall we begin?"

"Yes." Malone rose out of his seat and started walking about the room. "As I told you before, the prosecution will start." I tried very hard not to laugh as I watched Malone continue to pace with a serious expression on his face. He cleared his throat several times before speaking.

"The reason I first came to the plateau was because I promised my editor a great story. Since then I have devoted myself to trying to capture every detail I could of this fascinating place. We haven't found a way home yet, but maybe one day we will. How can I turn my story in if my work is constantly being destroyed? Not only that, but my journals hold some of my private thoughts. On a place like the plateau, it is necessary for a person to work through their thoughts and try to get some perspective. I like to think of myself as a reasonable man. One who doesn't jump to conclusions very easily. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt which has caused some people to believe me to be a naïve person. That may be true. But what I will try to prove to this court is that Marguerite Krux destroyed one of my journals. This accusation is not unfounded for on many previous occasions Marguerite has tampered with my journals. This time she has simply gone too far!"

As he finished his speech, he went back to his seat next to Veronica and I saw them whispering. I can imagine that she would be complementing him on how well he did or some such nonsense of that sort. "I believe it is your turn now," I said addressing Roxton.

He rose from his chair but did not walk around the room. He stood behind Marguerite's chair and placed his hands on the back of her chair. "We all know the sort of person Marguerite is. We have all lived together in close quarters for over a year and come to have known each other very well. I admit that Marguerite has done many an unscrupulous thing in her past, but so have we all! You cannot judge present actions based on the past. If Marguerite says she did not do it, I believe her! Why? Because so far she hasn't given me a reason to not trust her word. Whenever I have doubted, she has proven me wrong. And I will prove that you," said while pointing at Malone and Veronica, "are wrong to doubt her. That is all."

He took his seat and I watched Marguerite looking at Roxton out of the corner of her eyes. She was still acting as if she could not care less how the trial went one way or the other, but I could tell that Roxton's words had an affect on her. The man certainly had a way with words!

After Veronica and Malone finished whispering, Malone again rose from his seat but this time approached Marguerite.

"Isn't it true, that on several occasions you have been caught tampering with my journals?" he asked.

Marguerite had her arms crossed and refused to look Malone in the eye. I think she would have kept ignoring the lad if Roxton hadn't whispered something in her ear and Malone repeated himself several times.

"All right, damn it, I admit that I have read your journals and maybe made a correction or two when you were grossly misrepresenting me, but I have not ever destroyed your journals and I haven't destroyed anyone else's property in this house!"

Malone nodded his head, "So you say. You are the only person who would have reason to want to destroy my journal and I am supposed to take your word for it that you didn't do it? When just as you have admitted that we all know you have gone through my belongings before?"

"But I didn't do it! How many times do I have to tell you? Would you like me to repeat it slower? I. Did. Not. Do. It! This is absolutely ridiculous, what's the point in continuing with this? Everyone's mind is already made up that I did it, I've been through this sort of thing enough to know what the outcome is going to be."

As I listened to Marguerite speak, my mind was working. When I agreed to be the judge, I thought I would sit here, listen to them complain, say she's guilty and then we could be on our way to the capital. But now that I am hearing everything, it isn't just a simple matter of a journal. There is something deeper working underneath the surface. Of all the people in the treehouse Malone automatically suspected Marguerite even though both she and Roxton are claiming she wouldn't and couldn't have done it.

I know the type of person Marguerite is. I've seen her do some underhanded things but she did them all for a purpose, most of them being to save these humans she calls her friends. Still, the moment something suspicious happens, all eyes turn to her. I've seen these humans risk their lives for each other, yet I am still sitting here listening to such meaningless squabble. I really do not understand humans.

As Malone took his seat, I decided it was my turn to speak. "Marguerite, you forget that it is not Malone who is deciding matters here, but myself. You may continue Roxton."

Roxton also rose from his seat and came to stand in front of Marguerite. "Can you please tell us what you did this morning, Marguerite?"

"I need to explain it, Roxton? Well I suppose I'll have to explain my diabolical plan. I woke up, decided today was the day, strode straight to the table where Malone was working all morning and when he wasn't looking I poured an entire bottle of ink on his journal and then left the treehouse with you."

To this, he only gave her a stern look. "Marguerite, be serious."

Marguerite sighed. "Oh very well. I woke up and came to the table. You were there, Challenger was down in his lab and I was told Veronica had taken him breakfast downstairs and was keeping him company. Malone had finished and was sitting in his corner working on his journal. You and I finished eating and left for the Zanga Village."

"Thank you." Roxton had a peculiar smile on his face. "And tell me Marguerite, when we left what was Malone doing?"

"He was-" Marguerite stopped mid-sentence and looked over at Malone. "He was still sitting at his table writing in his journal!"

Roxton now wore an even bigger smile and turned towards Malone. "Do you remember that, Malone?"

I watched Malone's reaction carefully. If this was true, then Malone was the last one to be seen with the journal, I had to make sure he didn't ruin it himself and frame Marguerite. I did not really believe he was the type, not only because he seems like one of those foolish honest people but because I did not honestly think he had the brains for it,but all possibilities had to be considered. His expression seemed to be one of a person who was thoroughly confused. He did not seem upset as if he was caught; instead, he looked chagrined as if he realized his horrible mistake. He nodded his head.

"Yes, now that you mention it, I do remember that I was still working when you left and that I had paused in the middle of my thought so say goodbye."

"I told you I didn't do it!"

"Well," I said as I rose from my chair, "in light of this recent turn of events, my judgment is that Marguerite is innocent and did not commit the crime she was accused of. So, now can we leave for the feast?"

"Hold on a minute," Veronica interrupted. Why did these humans always have to interrupt me? I believe they take delight in vexing me. "That still doesn't explain who poured the ink on Malone's journal."

Marguerite crossed her arms over her chest and gave Veronica a wry smile. "Well, seeing as how Roxton and I weren't in the treehouse, maybe it was you Veronica."

"Me? Why would I want to wreck one of Malone's journals?"

I could see Marguerite was enjoying this turn of events. "How do I know? Maybe it was an accident and you knew how much it meant to Malone so you decided you wouldn't say anything. And then when he automatically accused me, you decided that it was a perfect way out for you so you sided with him!"

Tempers were again rapidly rising and I could see Veronica did not like what Marguerite was saying.

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing? If I had done it, accidentally or not, I would have told Malone! I wouldn't lie about it!"

"So now that situation has reversed itself, you don't like being wrongfully accused do you? Maybe next time when I bloody well say I didn't do it you'll believe me!"

At this point my patience was wearing thin. I came all this way and generously offered these humans to accompany me to the capital where they would have seats of honor at my coronation. Not only am I treated horribly, I still generously decide to help them with their problem. The problem was solved and yet I was still being ignored!

"What does it matter? Maybe the wind picked up and the bottle of ink tipped over by itself! We already know none of you did it so what is the point standing about arguing? I fulfilled my promise so now it is time we left or we will miss the festivities!"

"Well, I suppose he's right. Look Marguerite," Malone's face had turned red and I could tell he was dreading this part, "I'm sorry I accused you of ruining my journal and I'm sorry I didn't believe you. Will you forgive me?"

Marguerite smiled and nodded her head and Malone visibly relaxed. Then she pounched. "I most certainly will not, Malone. Did you really think that I would sit here listening to you accuse me unjustly and I'd let you off easily? Not on your life, pal. I think you can begin to make it up to me by taking over some of my chores for the next few weeks, I'll think of some more things for you later."

Malone sighed in defeat. "All right, Marguerite you win."

"Of course, I usually do." I must say that Miss Krux had one of the most dazzling smiles I'd ever encountered. I again voiced my concerns about leaving and they finally agreed to set off with me as soon as they could get Challenger out of his lab.

Veronica went to fetch him and in a few minutes he made an appearance. On seeing me there, he was very much surprised.

"Tribune! What the devil are you doing here?"

I greeted him warmly and wondered why I was the only one in that treehouse that possessed any form of manners. "You missed all the excitement, Professor. But we can explain it all later. For now, I can tell you that you will be accompanying me to the capital for a wonderful feast."

"Oh, I see." He glanced at his friends as if he did not trust my word alone. When he saw them acknowledge the truth in my words, then and only then did he start making his preparations.

I stood by the elevator waiting along with Marguerite, Roxton and Veronica who were already packed. Malone was helping Challenger finish so we could get going.

"Oh I say Malone, I meant to mention this sooner but it slipped my mind. Earlier today I had come upstairs for some fruit and tea and before I could even pour myself a cup, I heard a small explosion in the lab. In my haste, I accidentally bumped into your table and upset a glass of ink that spilled onto your journal. Do forgive me lad, but I could not stop to clean it up. There was a small fire in the lab I had to take care of."

The five of us on hearing this were completely shocked. None of us for a minute even considered Challenger as a possibility. All of us shared a look with each other and broke out in laughter. All of the arguing and theatrics were for nothing.

Challenger looked at all of us and was confused. "I would think that Malone would be upset, but I fail to see what is so humorous about the situation."

Marguerite managed to pull herself together and put an arm around Challenger's shoulders. "Oh George, wait till you hear what we went through today."

Of course after the situation was explained to Challenger, he understood why we were all laughing. He thoroughly apologized to Malone and to Marguerite. We made it to the capital and had a pleasant time. Well, as pleasant a time that you could have with a group of humans.

THE END