Hi hi! Another little ficcie here for everyone to read! Just to warn you it's rather angsty and depressing. Or at least my housemate tells me so. It's also slightly romantic, so I apologize for any overwhelming urge you have to vomit at the sugary parts. I'm about as romantic as a grizzly bear so you can imagine I felt writing those parts! Oh, by the way it also skips back and forth between Aya's and Yoji's POV. It starts off with Aya and then switches back and forth. You can tell the switch because of the ****. If it gets confusing just let me know and I'll repost with the POV at the top of each switch.
Anywho, read and enjoy! Reviews are always appreciated!
I don't own Weiss Kreuz and the song belongs to the Seat Belts – No reply. I suggest downloading it if you don't have it 'cuz 1) it's an awesome song; and 2) the fic might make a bit more sense.
******(A)
The sky is grey today. There are no leaves on the trees. It's getting cold and damp. It will probably rain. I drive in silence to visit you. The bouquet of flowers I arranged sitting on the passenger seat. Freesia and gentian nestled among cattleya. A red and white rose sit in the middle, wound around each other(1). I turn and drive through the gates. I park the car, pick up the flowers and get out. I walk the path that has become far too familiar. Halfway up I hear voices and look up and to my left. A fair sized group is gathered, all dressed in black, grey or some other dark colour. A young woman stands out a little further from the rest of the group. A pair of red roses in hand. I can't hear what is being said but know what is. I heard thee words only six months ago. I watch as she steps forward and lays the roses on the box before her.
I turn away quickly, tears stinging my eyes. I continue to walk until I reach one of the more remote areas. I step forward and lay the bouquet beneath your name
Like the perfect ending
I step back and bow my head in prayer. I pray that you'll hear me.
Everything changed after you left. The missions became less and less dangerous and further in between. It won't be that long
Omi is well. He's top of his class right now. he write his entrance exam for Tokyo U next week. He's quite nervous but Ken and I are sure he'll ace it.
Speaking of Ken, he's well. With fewer missions he's been able to spend more time coaching the neighbourhood kids. They're doing really well too. Next month they have a big tournament. As for myself, I'm alive.
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone
I can't say much else than that. Everyday I struggle to find something to get me through the day. Yesterday I found your hair brush behind out dresser. I suppose it's my dresser now actually. I could still faintly smell you in it. A few golden hairs remained stuck among the bristles.
In time I pray you'll forgive me
I held that brush to my chest and started to cry.
Now you know the man I am
I'm sorry I've been so weak. I've tried to be strong but everything has been reminding me of you. I'm sorry, I'm weak.
Can you forgive me?
I hear the sound of a car passing by. I turn and watch as the party I saw earlier get into the large black cars meant only to be driven on these grounds. I sat in one of those with Omi, Ken, Manx and Birman. Only five of us to send you to your final home.
I feel my knees weaken like the day we laid you to rest. That day flashes through my mind and the emotions I felt that day wash over me. I fall to my knees, tears running down my cheeks.
I fall
Like the sands of time
//I feel a hand on my should and look up to see Omi's teary eyes. He extends his hand silently telling me it's time to go. He helps me stand and guides me gently to the car. The driver closes the door behind me. I watch out the window until you can no longer be seen. I look at the others. They all have tears in their eyes byt are looking at me to see what I do next.
"I..." I croak out.
I don't finish but let the tears flow. My icy mask deteriorates and I let emotion over take me.//
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there
*****(Y)
I hear your pray and am permitted to visit you. I smile upon seeing you. You're more beautiful than I remember. I see the flowers you brought for me and walk over and smell them. I feel tears come to my eyes as I see the flowers you used and the two roses entwined.
Wish Omi good luck for me. I'm sure he'll ace the exam too. He's always been incredibly smart. Tell Ken good luck at the tournament. He's worked so hard with those kids that I'm sure he'll be able to take them to first place. You found my brush eh? That was my favourite one too. Added some volume but smoothed at the same time so you wouldn't get frizzy hair. You cried koi? Why? I miss you too.
Don't be sorry koi, don't. I'll never see you as weak. I know you and you are not weak.
I hear the car passing too and watch you watch the group of people. The same day flashed through my mind. I stood here that day watching you fall to your knees then as you have know.
I rush over and wrap my arms around. I don't know if you can feel me koi but I can feel you.
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would I've missed this koi. Missed having you in my arms. Missed kissing you, making love to you, fighting, making up, dancing, lounging, everything with you. We gave ourselves to each other and I love you all the more for it.
You gave yourself to me and showed what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
Finding love, death, refinding love and death again. That's been my life.
This was my life
It never made much sense to me
*****(A)
Aya-chan has woken up. She's been asking me what I've been doing since the accident. I've lied to her. Not completely though. I told her I was working in a flower shop. I didn't tell her that it is a cover job that I've killed hundreds of people since that day so long ago.
With every lie that I've lived
I feel bad for lying to her. She's such an innocent girl still. She doesn't need to know that onii-chan has been a murderer for all these years. It hurts to lie to her.
Part of me would fade
She asked why I was still so sad. Just like Aya-chan to see straight through your cover emotion. I smiled at her and told her I was fine and not to worry. She's still as stubborn as I remember. She wouldn't let me drop it so easily.
Into this empty shadow I've become
I broke down and told her everything about you and me. She smiled at all the stories I told her about what you would do to try and get me to smile. She then cried with me after she asked if you could come and visit next time. She cried with me until our tears ran dry. She was happy though. Happy that I had found someone amongst the chaos that I could be happy with. Then she hugged me and if felt good. You arms were the last ones to hug me. It felt so good whenever you hugged me. It feels like your arms are around me now.
And now I feel so numb
I use to find myself in your arms. For the past six months I haven't known where to look to find myself.
I no longer know myself
I still remember everything about you. I'm remembering all those little things that you told me on the lazy days we'd stay in bed napping, kissing, making love. I still know the feel of your skin, the curves and dips of your body, the silky strands of your hair between my fingers.
But I still know you
"Yoji."
I call
Silence answers. Why should there be an answer?
And there's no reply
Like some phantom cry
You can't hear me can you? No, I didn't think so.
On ears too far away
****(Y)
I hear you. I'm right here holding you and I can hear you. I still know your curves, the feel of your skin, the feel and smell of your silky hair. I can smell it right now. That beautiful sweet smell that belongs only to you. I close my eyes and see you in my mind.
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
You saved me countless times on missions when I was careless. If you hadn't saved me, we may never have found each other. We may never have known each other like we do now. Thank you for saving me all those times.
For all the time you walked the life for me and standing by my side
I say, thank you
My carelessness got you injured which in turn put me in my current state. I wish my life could never have included our other job but without it I never would have met you.
Here lies my life It never felt that real to me
Tears start to stream down your cheeks again. I love you koi. I always will.
You'll always mean so much to me
Stop crying please. I say your name but I don't think you hear me.
And there's no reply
Please try and hear me. I'm here with you now. I'm here.
And there's no reply
I love you so much, please try and hear me. My life wouldn't have been the same without you. Do you know that? Do you know how much you meant to me?
You'll never know how much you meant to me
****(A)
I sob your name over again and again.
And there's no reply
Why did you leave me? I finally had my life in some order again and then you left me. Why did you have to leave me?
And there's no reply You filled a gap in my life that I though could never be touched again. I never told you what you meant to me. You left me and you made me realize how much you meant to me. I'm sorry I never told you when you were around.
You'll never know how much you meant to me
****(Y)
I didn't mean to leave you. I'm sorry I tired to hold but I was sucked away.
Don't be sorry that you never told me. I already knew. How could I not know? How? Don't worry over it. You never said it but I could see it. Don't be mad at yourself for it.
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
****(A)
As I look back and remember the first time I met you and until I left you here I can't help but smile. I remember your flirting with the schoolgirls in the shop both before we started dating and after. They loved you. They thought you were fantastic. We didn't tell them the truth though. We told them that you had to leave and wouldn't be back, ever. There was heartbreak all around. But I hurt the most.
I remember the look on your face the day we got caught in the back room by some of the schoolgirls. I don't know what was worse. The embarrassment of being caught, the complaints from the girls or the fact that some of the girls thought the two of us together was the best thing in the world.
You gave yourself to me and should me what the truth could be
For that I say, thank you
****
Anywho, read and enjoy! Reviews are always appreciated!
I don't own Weiss Kreuz and the song belongs to the Seat Belts – No reply. I suggest downloading it if you don't have it 'cuz 1) it's an awesome song; and 2) the fic might make a bit more sense.
******(A)
The sky is grey today. There are no leaves on the trees. It's getting cold and damp. It will probably rain. I drive in silence to visit you. The bouquet of flowers I arranged sitting on the passenger seat. Freesia and gentian nestled among cattleya. A red and white rose sit in the middle, wound around each other(1). I turn and drive through the gates. I park the car, pick up the flowers and get out. I walk the path that has become far too familiar. Halfway up I hear voices and look up and to my left. A fair sized group is gathered, all dressed in black, grey or some other dark colour. A young woman stands out a little further from the rest of the group. A pair of red roses in hand. I can't hear what is being said but know what is. I heard thee words only six months ago. I watch as she steps forward and lays the roses on the box before her.
I turn away quickly, tears stinging my eyes. I continue to walk until I reach one of the more remote areas. I step forward and lay the bouquet beneath your name
Like the perfect ending
I step back and bow my head in prayer. I pray that you'll hear me.
Everything changed after you left. The missions became less and less dangerous and further in between. It won't be that long
Omi is well. He's top of his class right now. he write his entrance exam for Tokyo U next week. He's quite nervous but Ken and I are sure he'll ace it.
Speaking of Ken, he's well. With fewer missions he's been able to spend more time coaching the neighbourhood kids. They're doing really well too. Next month they have a big tournament. As for myself, I'm alive.
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone
I can't say much else than that. Everyday I struggle to find something to get me through the day. Yesterday I found your hair brush behind out dresser. I suppose it's my dresser now actually. I could still faintly smell you in it. A few golden hairs remained stuck among the bristles.
In time I pray you'll forgive me
I held that brush to my chest and started to cry.
Now you know the man I am
I'm sorry I've been so weak. I've tried to be strong but everything has been reminding me of you. I'm sorry, I'm weak.
Can you forgive me?
I hear the sound of a car passing by. I turn and watch as the party I saw earlier get into the large black cars meant only to be driven on these grounds. I sat in one of those with Omi, Ken, Manx and Birman. Only five of us to send you to your final home.
I feel my knees weaken like the day we laid you to rest. That day flashes through my mind and the emotions I felt that day wash over me. I fall to my knees, tears running down my cheeks.
I fall
Like the sands of time
//I feel a hand on my should and look up to see Omi's teary eyes. He extends his hand silently telling me it's time to go. He helps me stand and guides me gently to the car. The driver closes the door behind me. I watch out the window until you can no longer be seen. I look at the others. They all have tears in their eyes byt are looking at me to see what I do next.
"I..." I croak out.
I don't finish but let the tears flow. My icy mask deteriorates and I let emotion over take me.//
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there
*****(Y)
I hear your pray and am permitted to visit you. I smile upon seeing you. You're more beautiful than I remember. I see the flowers you brought for me and walk over and smell them. I feel tears come to my eyes as I see the flowers you used and the two roses entwined.
Wish Omi good luck for me. I'm sure he'll ace the exam too. He's always been incredibly smart. Tell Ken good luck at the tournament. He's worked so hard with those kids that I'm sure he'll be able to take them to first place. You found my brush eh? That was my favourite one too. Added some volume but smoothed at the same time so you wouldn't get frizzy hair. You cried koi? Why? I miss you too.
Don't be sorry koi, don't. I'll never see you as weak. I know you and you are not weak.
I hear the car passing too and watch you watch the group of people. The same day flashed through my mind. I stood here that day watching you fall to your knees then as you have know.
I rush over and wrap my arms around. I don't know if you can feel me koi but I can feel you.
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would I've missed this koi. Missed having you in my arms. Missed kissing you, making love to you, fighting, making up, dancing, lounging, everything with you. We gave ourselves to each other and I love you all the more for it.
You gave yourself to me and showed what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
Finding love, death, refinding love and death again. That's been my life.
This was my life
It never made much sense to me
*****(A)
Aya-chan has woken up. She's been asking me what I've been doing since the accident. I've lied to her. Not completely though. I told her I was working in a flower shop. I didn't tell her that it is a cover job that I've killed hundreds of people since that day so long ago.
With every lie that I've lived
I feel bad for lying to her. She's such an innocent girl still. She doesn't need to know that onii-chan has been a murderer for all these years. It hurts to lie to her.
Part of me would fade
She asked why I was still so sad. Just like Aya-chan to see straight through your cover emotion. I smiled at her and told her I was fine and not to worry. She's still as stubborn as I remember. She wouldn't let me drop it so easily.
Into this empty shadow I've become
I broke down and told her everything about you and me. She smiled at all the stories I told her about what you would do to try and get me to smile. She then cried with me after she asked if you could come and visit next time. She cried with me until our tears ran dry. She was happy though. Happy that I had found someone amongst the chaos that I could be happy with. Then she hugged me and if felt good. You arms were the last ones to hug me. It felt so good whenever you hugged me. It feels like your arms are around me now.
And now I feel so numb
I use to find myself in your arms. For the past six months I haven't known where to look to find myself.
I no longer know myself
I still remember everything about you. I'm remembering all those little things that you told me on the lazy days we'd stay in bed napping, kissing, making love. I still know the feel of your skin, the curves and dips of your body, the silky strands of your hair between my fingers.
But I still know you
"Yoji."
I call
Silence answers. Why should there be an answer?
And there's no reply
Like some phantom cry
You can't hear me can you? No, I didn't think so.
On ears too far away
****(Y)
I hear you. I'm right here holding you and I can hear you. I still know your curves, the feel of your skin, the feel and smell of your silky hair. I can smell it right now. That beautiful sweet smell that belongs only to you. I close my eyes and see you in my mind.
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
You saved me countless times on missions when I was careless. If you hadn't saved me, we may never have found each other. We may never have known each other like we do now. Thank you for saving me all those times.
For all the time you walked the life for me and standing by my side
I say, thank you
My carelessness got you injured which in turn put me in my current state. I wish my life could never have included our other job but without it I never would have met you.
Here lies my life It never felt that real to me
Tears start to stream down your cheeks again. I love you koi. I always will.
You'll always mean so much to me
Stop crying please. I say your name but I don't think you hear me.
And there's no reply
Please try and hear me. I'm here with you now. I'm here.
And there's no reply
I love you so much, please try and hear me. My life wouldn't have been the same without you. Do you know that? Do you know how much you meant to me?
You'll never know how much you meant to me
****(A)
I sob your name over again and again.
And there's no reply
Why did you leave me? I finally had my life in some order again and then you left me. Why did you have to leave me?
And there's no reply You filled a gap in my life that I though could never be touched again. I never told you what you meant to me. You left me and you made me realize how much you meant to me. I'm sorry I never told you when you were around.
You'll never know how much you meant to me
****(Y)
I didn't mean to leave you. I'm sorry I tired to hold but I was sucked away.
Don't be sorry that you never told me. I already knew. How could I not know? How? Don't worry over it. You never said it but I could see it. Don't be mad at yourself for it.
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
****(A)
As I look back and remember the first time I met you and until I left you here I can't help but smile. I remember your flirting with the schoolgirls in the shop both before we started dating and after. They loved you. They thought you were fantastic. We didn't tell them the truth though. We told them that you had to leave and wouldn't be back, ever. There was heartbreak all around. But I hurt the most.
I remember the look on your face the day we got caught in the back room by some of the schoolgirls. I don't know what was worse. The embarrassment of being caught, the complaints from the girls or the fact that some of the girls thought the two of us together was the best thing in the world.
You gave yourself to me and should me what the truth could be
For that I say, thank you
****
Aya Yoji Simple joy float through my mind of times we We had some wild times together had together. We really were amazing. We had didn't we? You're right we were some great times together. Amazing. I had to convince you to I remember one time when we thought that do some stuff but you loosened up Omi and Ken had gone out for the evening and after a while. Like that time you Decided to 'break in' a few rooms in the house. suggested we break in some rooms in I suppose we should have made sure of the fact the house but Omi and Ken weren't That they were out before we started. They gone like we thought they were. That couldn't look at us for a week! was great! I got the lecture though from Omi about what is and what isn't appropriate behaviour in a house. I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by The only thing I see, is you You save my butt a lot too. Despite what We really looked out for each other the others think I have had a number of close didn't we? Not just on missions but calls on some missions. I had you watching everyday things. I don't know what I over me though. Thanks. would have done without you to pull my butt out of the fire so many times. Thanks. For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side I say, thank you You mean everything to me. My life made You meant a lot to me Aya. I'm more sense with you around. You helped me sorry it had to end. Neither one of us deal with Aya-chan, Takatori, and broke my wanted it to. We really had no choice icy exterior. I actually started to smile in the though I suppose. I'm glad I got to store. I suppose I all I really want to say is: see beneath that icy exterior and that you got too see beneath the playboy exterior. I suppose I'm just trying to say: You in my life It all meant so much more to me"I love you."