Summer is their season. Even when they are separated, the summer brings them together. A series of one-shots to pass the summers of Serena and Nate.
The S3 finale made me sad. Still, I have hope in NS and I'm sort of glad that Serena decided to take some time to figure things out so that they could have a real chance. Their break-up was heartbreaking, and I wrote this because I'm sure there must be some emotional fallout...
#1 – Postcard from Paris
He broke her heart. She still loves him. He still loves her. She broke his heart.
Why is this so hard?
//
He doesn't hear from her for the first week. She's all over Gossip Girl, where even Parisian girls are excitedly sending in their snapshots of the stylish Serena and Blair taking over the City of Lights by storm. He can barely breathe when he sees her face. She looks beautiful, just like he always thinks she does. He carefully examines each image, trying to assess if she looks sad or not. A part of him is glad that she is smiling again, but another part of him hopes that she is just as miserable as he is.
The only way he can tear himself away from her shining face plastered all over Gossip Girl is to find solace in Chuck's little black book. Even then, it's not enough. Nothing ever feels like it will ever be enough. Chuck is in self-imposed exile in Prague, Dan has become strangely silent, and the person that Nate wants to talk to most in the world might just be happy without him.
Then the first postcard comes. It's a picture of the Paris skyline at night with the words 'Paris, je t'aime' beneath it. He turns over the postcard to see Serena's messy cursive,
Nate,
I'm still sorry. I hope you're having a good summer.
Serena.
It's simple and short, but for Nate, it's enough. He wonders if she wanted to write more, if she wanted to explain why she left the country...why she left him. Still, just seeing this physical evidence of the fact that she still thinks of him is enough.
He holds and looks at the postcard until it's worn, as if it has traveled a long and difficult journey. He thought hearing from her would make him happy, but it just makes him hurt more. Serena writes about summer, as if summoning the indisputable fact that the summer is theirs, as it always has been.
The way she writes his name - it's soft and delicate. Nate wonders what she was thinking of when she wrote it. Was she thinking of all the happy times between them, or the painful last words they shared?
She writes that she's still sorry, and Nate instantly mentally echoes that he is sorry too. He is sorry that they actually came to this, that they couldn't pass all the obstacles and instead were torn apart. It breaks his heart that she has to write him explaining to him that's she's sorry. He knows – he knew from the tears in her eyes when she said she had to take some time to herself "if they were ever to work." He was sorry he said that he wouldn't give her that time, that he was tired of waiting. He thought he could be brave and bear the absence, but it was harder than he imagined and nothing could numb the pain. There were reprieves, dizzy moments spent with the girls from Chuck's black book...but nothing could make him forget.
Finally Serena had written, "I hope you're having a good summer." It seems so insignificant, like a thoughtless add-on to a simple postcard. Yet, Nate knows that it means something much more and he smiles, as if the mention of summer is some hidden secret between the two. It is this sentence that finally makes him feel a little happy, after all the days of sadness.
This summer is shaping up to be beautiful. New York has finally broken free of the dark dreariness that covered her, and she is now filled with sun and breeze. Nate wants to enjoy the season, but feels like he can't...not without her. So he goes to the post office instead and buys a beautiful postcard of the New York skyline that reads "New York, I love you". He'll mail it to her as soon as he can.
//
Blair wants to go shopping again, but Serena pleads with her to let her stop by the post office first.
"Why? We are enjoying ourselves in Paris, not associating ourselves with the muggy streets of New York." Blair says with her natural Parisian accent, and Serena cannot help but still feel a slight pang in her heart for the "muggy streets" of New York.
"I just want to write Nate a quick postcard. We didn't really get a proper goodbye." Serena explains.
"S," Blair says sympathetically, noticing the sadness that suddenly crosses her friends' face. "I know it's hard, but sometimes we just have to let love go."
Serena doesn't answer her best friend directly. "Have you heard from Chuck?"
"No, and I don't ever want to again," Blair replies with defensive bitterness. "Dorota mentioned he went to Prague or something."
"Are...are you really done with him though?" Serena asks carefully. "What he and Jenny did...but can the love ever come back through it all?"
Blair sigh sadly, then replies with a quiet voice, "I don't want to talk about it, S."
Serena notes that the wounds are still fresh and decides to take Blair's mind off things. "Well, while I'm at the post office, you can write a letter to Dorota. I'm sure she'll be glad to hear something about Paris after all those baby pictures she has been sending you."
"Well...I did buy this beautiful little dress," Blair said as she lifted a soft pink dress from a bag. "I should at least ensure that the little baby grows up with a fashionable start." Serena laughs at her best friend, remembering how long Blair had spent searching for her perfect gift to give to Dorota's newborn daughter.
"So it's settled, we'll go to the post office first," Serena declares.
They arrive at the post office, and Serena finds that her task is more difficult than she expected. There are hundreds of postcards to choose from, and she can't even think of any words to write.
Blair had already finished writing a lengthy letter detailing outfits she had envisioned for Dorota's baby and Serena has only finally decided on a postcard that reads 'Paris je t'aime' under a Parisian skyline. She stares at it blankly, unsure of what she should write, something that is enough for Nate.
"It's easy enough S," Blair says impatiently, "just write either "I'm in love with Paris and have forgotten all about you" or "I love you and I want you back, love Serena"."
"It's not that easy." Serena says softly. She has tried so hard to be happy, to give sunshine-y smiles and to let Blair and Paris take her mind off things, but she can't hide forever from how heartbroken she feels.
"It's you and Nate," Blair says. "You two have known each other forever, and you guys...you still have a chance. Take it or leave it S."
"But B...what if he hates me forever? I mean...when I was hurt, I didn't turn to him. You should have seen him Blair, he looked so hurt."
"You guys have heart each other, just like people do. Both of you make mistakes, but what matters is just where you choose to go now. Don't worry S, there is still hope."
Serena gives her friend an appreciative hug and finally begins to write. "I'll be done in a second, wait for me in the car."
She starts things by writing his name delicately – as if a little unsure of how she should tread. Then, she writes the first and most honest thing that comes to her: 'I'm still sorry'. She can't think of what to write next. Should she really write what she feels: that she misses him terribly and still feels hurt without him? Still, she's terrified of being wounded again, like he made her feel when he wasn't there for her.
She resolves to end it simply with a 'I hope you have a good summer.' It's simple and generic, but Serena also knows that it carries a secret meaning, that only the two of them could decode. The summers belonged to them, to their secret smiles and friendship. As she drops the postcard in the mailing slot, she can't help but also wish that Nate is also reminded of their happy summers. Or at least, he thinks of her.
Blair is waiting impatiently in the car, and the postcard is already on its way around the world. Serena stops to take a deep breath and close her eyes. She doesn't know what will happen this summer, this summer where Nate and her are spending apart from each other. Yet, the sun is shining outside, and just like Blair said, there is hope.
Serena allows herself a small smile. They are apart, separated by painful memories and an ocean, but it is summer and there is definitely still hope.
//
I considered putting the first part behind the second part, but decided to leave it as is. I love the idea of summer for NS – from what I've seen of them, it really seems to belong to them. I still hold out hope for this couple! :)
Next Oneshot: young!NS.