I think I took the wrong turn again, or maybe a wrong straight line, I really can`t say what I did wrong. But something was definitely not right in this situation. My brothers and my sister will happily provide anyone asking about my skills with maps, or lack thereof with stories, too numerous to count anymore. And yes, most of them will be right. Such a pity…

Back to my situation. I seem to have misplaced myself.

I know that some of you will now shake their heads, claiming that I am not quite right in the head or absolutely nuts, but I died. Just a few minutes ago, too. And it isn`t a nice feeling, I can tell you that.

Most of you will now scream because a ghost shouldn`t be able to write a story or even think after death, but like I mentioned before, I must have taken a wrong turn to the afterlife because I am not dead anymore. Shocking revelation, I know, but true nonetheless.

Maybe I should start with the beginning, or rather the end of the first life I lived. At least that would be a good starting point for something like this. My name will not help you and to be honest, my memories are getting foggy. Trivia is long since gone and I can`t remember the name of my older brother and all I know is that my name began with a `M`.

But I know that I was on the way back from the cinema with my best friend, we had shared our popcorn and the nachos, even the soda we drank was shared. We laughed as we left the cinema, eyes nearly closed and full of mirth as we repeated the funniest scenes over and over again. To get her to her car and me home, we had to walk over a bridge. It was late and windy, rain was falling down on us, drenching our shirts and jeans, splattering mud over our shoes. I remember that we walked close to each other for warmth. I remember the noises from the deep river below us. I remember the passing lights of cars, which sped by, drenching us even more with water. And most importantly, I remember my friends wide grin which morphed into a full laugh, her eyes closed and tears streaming down her face from laughing. It had made me warm, feel content. Her brown eyes were dancing with sparks when she opened them again. And then I remember that my gaze strayed from her form as a loud screeching sound cut through the air. A car had hit the road wrong, the tires not getting any grip and it was coming in our direction.

I would like to say that I pushed my best friend out of the way, that I was fast enough to get her to safety, that I was bright enough to calculate where the car would hit so that we both wouldn`t stand there anymore, that I was courageous enough to just try to protect.

I am ashamed to say, that nothing of it was true. I was not fast enough, never was really, to push her away, was not bright enough to even add 1+1 in this mere seconds, was not courageous enough to try to protect her.

I remember her head whipping around, how her hands were gripping mine so hard that I could swear that the bones were cracking, how her laughing face blanked in under a second. I remember that I screamed loudly, my feet frozen to the ground.

And I remember the car, a dark blue Mercedes with a missing left light, the woman behind the wheel was so pale it rivaled even chalk.

I don`t remember the pain when the car hit us, all I know is, that both my friend and I were flying through the air, over the edge of the bridge. In all this time, this few seconds, she hadn`t let go off me, she was still holding onto me with all she was worth. And I was glad.

Glad that I wasn`t alone in this situation, glad that even now she would accompany me, glad the last thing I saw would be her face, her eyes.

We dropped down, I don`t know if we screamed the entire time or not. The night sky over us was filled with dancing lights, some from cars and even more from the stars above. The moon was hidden behind clouds at the moment and I remember that I felt sad about that fact. It hurt as we both hit the river, as the liquid closed over our heads, as cold hands were dragging us down.

Down, down, down…

We didn`t let go of the other, even as darkness took over…

But alas, I awoke alone. Or maybe `woke up` was too much because I never really went to sleep. It was more like `came to exist again`, I really don`t know how to explain it better than that. So, as I came back to my thoughts it was in an all-around darkness, not cold but warm and comforting. I could still feel the water dripping down from me and I grimaced as I tried to think of my image in a mirror. My eyes roved over or through the darkness, looking for my best friend, but she wasn`t there, I was alone.

I don`t know how long I was standing there but after a significant amount of time had passed I moved. My first steps were slow and my feet were dragging, over what was unclear because everything was just black. I walked on, my steps getting surer and stronger with the passing distance. My clothes dried slowly and the pain in my back and in my spine lessened drastically. It was a relieve for me.

The blackness got lighter after my jeans were dry again, it was getting more grey by the step. And then I found the light. It was suddenly at the end of a small corridor which just showed through the dark and the grey tones of color. That would be the end, the light, the passing gate into heaven or hell or purgatory. At least in some religions, mine including. Maybe I would meet my friend again after walking through the light? Would feel her hand again in mine, we would be together again. And I would wait with her, for my family and her family to join us one day so that we all could be together and find happiness.

Personally I think that everyone makes his or her own heaven or hell because not two people think about the same things for peace and happiness, for redemption and everything else. So maybe I would just walk through the light and find myself in my own personal heaven or hell, or I would get reborn. It was all open now, nothing was set in stone. The light was getting nearer now and the tones of grey were getting brighter and brighter and I was nearly running now to get to my destination, wanted to be –

A loud wailing sound shattered the darkness behind me and my head whipped around, my body following. Behind me the darkness was churning and moving but I couldn`t see through it. I could only hear the crying sounds of an infant. And it broke my heart.

I always were a sucker for children and animals, would try to protect and care for them and now here, after my death I heard an infant crying. The screaming was not loud enough for the source to be near, but I was hesitating to go to the light. Why was there an infant here? Why was he or she crying? And why could I hear the infant? My best friend, who had hold my hand even in death wasn`t anywhere to be seen around me, but I could hear an infant crying in the distance?

Was this some kind of test? Or were the lost souls yearning for company? Was there even anything like lost souls? I mean, when people die, they have to go somewhere, right? Like I am now walking through the darkness into the light, but maybe some people didn`t want to go into it? Or did they see something else than me?

The crying got louder and sounded more like a shrieking. Like the small one was in so much pain and was crying his or her heart out for anyone to hear, to come for rescue. I looked back to the light, to the shimmering entrance for the next great journey. But as hard as I wished to continue on the way, I couldn`t just abandon a crying child and even if it turned out to be a trap or something like that, my conscience wouldn`t allow me to just go on without checking over the baby first.

My feet were following the screams, back into the darkness, while the shades of white, grey and black began to whirl around me. Although the pearly grey tones never really left me and wasn`t that just nice? I thought that I was just going back to the darkness so I would have to follow the screams. While jogging in the direction of the crying I stared around, tiny sparks of light, just as bright as the light to the next journey, were dancing over me and around me, following my steps. Some of this sparks were now, that I noticed them, flowing faster than me, twirling forwards like leaves in a wind, illuminating my way.

With every step the screaming and crying got louder and louder and the colors around me changed ever so slightly. Silhouettes were growing out of the dark, all in grey shades and they began to move, first it was just like looking at picture after picture, till it was like viewing a movie. The silhouettes were that of people, running people with bags and children clutched to their bodies. Dogs and Horses ran between the humans, all fleeing and running as fast as they could. Behind the fleeing humans were other human shapes, all holding some kind of crude weapons in their hands and every time they hit a fleeing shape, they would fall down and hit the ground. Some of the falling shapes burst into color for a few seconds the instant they met the floor, others took a few minutes on the ground to do the same and I realized that I just saw more people dying, so much more gruesome than my own death.

The scene was eerily silent, the dying people didn`t make a sound, the horses were quiet and even the dogs didn`t bark. The only sound I could hear was the crying infant, and to judge from the intensity from the screams and the sobbing, the child must be near me. Slowly I wandered on, bypassing some of the silhouettes and I tried to never look into their faces, I didn`t want to see their expressions.

My feet carried me to an overturned cart. Strewn around it were vegetables, spices and parts of splintered wood. A woman was stuck under the cart, only her torso looking out from under the heavy wooden vehicle. Her head was laying on the ground and she didn`t move anymore, I couldn`t even see if her chest was rising and falling or not. But in her arms was the source of the crying and sobbing.

A small infant, barely over a year old maybe, was screaming its lungs out, the small hands clutching onto the vest of the unmoving female. It was a small boy, and he was the only person or thing in color around me. He had pale skin under mud and blood, his eyes were shut so I couldn`t see the color but what flabbergasted me the most was his hair. The small tufts of strands on his head were blue and I mean an electric blue tone, like, not natural where I come from! And I really didn`t think that the hair was dyed!

The small boy was sobbing loudly now, his arms outstretched in my direction, his deep copper colored eyes focused on me. Someone had really fucked over the colors on this child, I swear! But he was still sobbing, small tears running down his cheeks and he made a grabbing motion to me. With slow movements I got to my knees and robbed to him, trying not to touch the unmoving woman beside him.

"Hey buddy. Don`t cry. Everything will be ok again, I swear, just please don`t cry anymore. You will be in a better place soon, I promise." I murmured to the boy, my hands just shy of touching the infant in front of me. The boy gurgled loudly at me, smacked his lips two times and then grabbed my hands.

The instance his skin touched mine, I felt something in me shift and somewhere in my head, something clicked into place. I stared at my arms and hands, where it seemed as my color slipped away. My former slightly tanned skin grew paler and paler with every ragged breath I took and the boy got more and more color, as did the scene around me. I could hear muffled screams, barking and neighing in the background.

What happened to me?!

Replacement, granted.

What? What for a replacement? What was happening here?

Black dots started dancing over my eyes, getting bigger and bigger with every second. The infant in my arms (how did he get there?) was silently observing me, his gaze far older and wiser as I had imagined normal. And then he grew. He aged in front of my eyes, even as I got smaller, and wasn`t that just fucking terrifying!

The small baby morphed through his aging process, first a toddler to a child to a teen and finally into a young adult. His hair grew and got even more curious because it gained some brighter and darker strands of electric blue, his copper eyes lightened a hue or two but his pale skin tone never changed. He smiled down at me, yes down, because as he aged I seemed to de-age!

"Thank you." He said to me, his voice husky and tender. One of his hands stroked over my head while the other kept me safely pressed against his body. And then he pressed a kiss on my forehead. I giggled and grabbed onto his clothes, which had just appeared around him.

"Thank you. I would not want to be separated from my mother. I couldn`t have followed her if not for you. Please be safe. I wish you a long and happy life. I have to go now." He kissed my forehead again and then he placed me back on the ground, in the embrace of the dead woman, where he was placed before.

The last thing I saw from him was his serene smile as he stood up and took the awaiting hand of a beautiful woman. Then he and the woman disappeared.

And I was left.

In a body so different from my old one, with other memories too, that my soul or spirit just blacked out. Maybe to come to terms with my new predicament or just because everything was getting to much, I really don`t care about that at the moment.

The darkness around me seemed so much better for the moment, that I let it claim me.