AU. This was inspired by Nieriel Raina's The Viewing.
However, it meshes with my other fics, Erynel is Legolas' younger sister. Ar-Pharazôn (called the Golden) was the last king of Numenor...he tried conquering the Undying Lands with highly unpleasent results, including but not limited to the utter destruction of his land.

Disclaimer: I own neither Tolkien's works or anything fabricated by one Peter Jackson. Oh well...

I hope you enjoy!

Thranduil glanced at his children. Legolas smiled back wryly while Erynel pulled a face at the obnoxious noise surrounding them.

Though all three had lived for years beyond count, hidden in this world of men they were still surprised at how uncouth "civilized" man could be. Around them the theatre was filling up with jabbering edain. Sloppily dressed teenage boys with ratty unwashed hair, simpering girls with overmuch makeup, middle-aged men and women with tired eyes watching their children.

Erynel winked at her brother as a platinum blonde twenty-year old flopped dramatically beside their father. Her eyelashes were literally weighed down by mascara and dragged heavily as she bated them at the king.

Thranduil stared for a moment in frank disgust and turned for aid to his children. Legolas' shoulders were shaking suspiciously as he whispered something to Erynel. Thranduil glared, fit to bore holes through his son's impenetrable skull. Feeling the weight of his father's gaze, he turned sighing apologetically as he glanced at the source of the fearless king's dilemma.

Luckily, for all three Susan Marie was suddenly distracted by a lanky, unkempt young man and turned her dubious attentions elsewhere.

A flash of scarlet caught the prince's attention as a group of adventurous college kids entered garbed in full Middle Earth regalia. One particularly well-crafted costume seemed vaguely familiar. He leaned to back to question the twins who had been snickering softly during the Susan Marie interlude.

"Does that costume remind you of anything?" he asked. The twins turned as one.

"Saruman" declared Elladan, "Just the sort of ostentatious nonsense he used to wear."

"Except that even Saruman never wore anything that silly looking on his head." said Elrohir.

"Yes, what is that spiky thing?" said Erynel, with what sounded suspiciously like a giggle.

"I think it is supposed to be a crown" laughed Legolas, as the lights around them dimmed slightly, "It looks like something Ar-Pharazôn used to wear!"

"But this is the Hobbit, not the Fall of Númenor" said Elladan under his breath, "We should have watched the first two, maybe it was explained in them."

"Stop talking, squirts!" yelled an impatient and irritated voice behind them.

"But it hasn't started yet" muttered Legolas softly, "Why do we need to watch five trailers before the movie begins? I will never understand men."

"Squirts? Us?" mumbled Elladan.

It began at long last.

Smaug swooped down in a blaze of CGI glory.

"What happened to his diamond-covered belly?" asked Erynel, "I would think that they would be jumping to add something like that."

Legolas said nothing.

Bard and his son stood defiantly amid the ruins of the town while the five elves glared at him. He drew the black hunk of metal using his son's shoulder…"What!" hissed Legolas outraged, "That is ridiculous! What sort of archery experts did they use for this film? Anyways Bard fought alone, he wasn't even married yet!"

Elladan and Elrohir smiled infuriatingly at their outraged friend.

And the movie moved on.

Thorin went mad over the gold. Thranduil looked over at the four younger elves. "I was never on the best of terms the Oakenshield" he whispered, "but even I would never have believed that he was that mad."

And then Lee Pace made his entrance. Thranduil subjected the screen to a scathing glare.

"What on earth did they do to that poor man's eyebrows?" he muttered. Legolas and Erynel chuckled quietly as "Thranduil" ranted about "ending this".

"I know you liked jewels ada" whispered Erynel maliciously, "But that much? Have you and Legolas been hiding something from me all these years?"

Thranduil didn't even bother turning to her.

The comments came thicker and faster as the story devolved.

"Elves don't have red hair!"

"Oh, I don't know about that, Silvan elves don't, the Noldar on the other hand…"

"How big is this Middle Earth…Gundabad is weeks away from the lonely mountain!"

"War goats?"

"Trolls?"

"A moose?"

"Azog? But he was killed ages ago!"

"Dain sounded nothing like that! He had black hair!"

"Why are the dwarves on Ravenhill?"

"Legolas why do you have Thorin's sword?"

"I never touched Orcrist, ada had it the whole time."

"Kili and an elf!"

"What in Arda!"

"I know you're light Legolas….but really? Falling bricks?" Legolas decided to personally strangle whoever decided that gravity was non-existent in Middle Earth. He wasn't going to live that one down for at least five centuries.

"Love?"

"Of course naneth loved me. This is ridiculous"

"I am so glad we were left out." said Erynel, Elladan and Elrohir grinning at the fuming king and prince.

"Why don't they choose actors that look like us?"

"Why is everyone blond? Elves aren't blond, they are golden-haired.

"Even Thorin wasn't that crazed…fighting on ice…"

"Our grandmother was never that creepy! Not even when she crossed the Helcaraxë!"

"Where was Lord Celeborn?"

"What happened to Gandalf?"

"I liked Bilbo…"

"And the Shire…"

"Balin was good..."

"And….um...eh the Lonely Mountain…"

"Smaug could have been worse…"

"Well that was a waste of time even for an elf…"

"These people liked that?"

"I believe that calls for some Dorwinion!"

Five shadowy figures slipped away into the night, laughing merrily.