Summary: After years of trying and failed attempts at getting better, Brian finally finds himself in rehab. Quickly he learns that his therapist, Dr. Greeves, isn't just interested in helping him get better, but she's interested in Zacky. Brian is forced to relive the best and the worst of his memories in hopes to get better like he promised Zacky.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the boys. I do own Dr. Greeves :D and the story. Title credit: Oasis 'Wonderwall'
A/N: The summary is crap. I didn't know how to explain the story without giving away the ending. So please don't base it upon the crap sentences that are above the disclaimer. Thank you!
"Today Is Gonna Be The Day That They're Gonna Throw It Back To You"
Chapter 1
(Monday, November 14, 2011)
The room was too movie set like.
That was the first thought that came to his mind as he walked in and gave it a once over. He was sure he had seen it in a movie before, but for the life of him he couldn t pin point just the one. There was a mahogany desk at the far end, a lap top and plants covering the top, and just a few photo frames. They were all turned, he noticed so that he couldn t see who or what they were of. A wall sized cabinet stood behind it that was filled with books, but he didn t even try to give them a good look. He couldn t bring himself to care what they were.
"You must be Brian, a woman s voice came from behind him."
Startled slightly his head snapped to look over his shoulder. Great, he thought, more stereotypes. He tried his hardest not to roll his eyes as he took in her dress clothes. The dark brown suit jacket and ruffled white blouse beneath it only to be finished off with the dress shoes and matching skirt.
"I'm Dr. Greeves, why don t you take a seat so we can get started."
He stood there, his head the only thing moving as he watched her walk past him and go straight for her desk. It flowed too easily for her, he concluded. The way she was able to move around and act as if it was just a daily thing. Then again, she was the therapist so this was a daily thing. He realized he was still standing when she sent him a warming smile and with her pen pointed towards the chairs that were placed in front of her desk. Afterwards going back to the now open file in front her making him wonder if she had really looked at him or not.
The seats were crap, was the next thing he noticed. They were too comfy and it made him feel like he was beings swallowed hole. Shifting to the front he found it was too hard and gave up. Maybe if the couch swallows me hole, I won t have to deal with this crap he concluded as he fell back into it and sighed. With no luck though because he still there, sitting across from the brunette who was still reading over his file.
"So Brian, you're one of our newer patients, correct?" she asked not looking up from the papers.
"Yeah," he grumbled.
She had the papers, was it that hard to figure out? After all they had the date on them right? He let his eyes wander over the books now, deciding he would much bore himself looking at those then nothing at all.
"Okay then, lets begin," he drug his eyes back towards her as the words finished leaving her mouth.
"Brian I'd like to being with asking you a few questions. I'd also like to remind you that through the law everything you tell me will kept confidential. Do you understand?"
"You know I'm not mentally inept, they told me this earlier. Its not like I forgot and I'd rather not have to sit through it again," he grumbled crossing his arms over his chest.
"Okay then, I wasn t sure if they did or didn t. Well lets start, shall we?" only she never gave him a chance to answer.
She had already pulled out a notepad and had her pen ready the moment she had asked and looked up at him, "Do you understand why you re at the facility?"
He wanted to laugh at her, maybe throw in a few words that he had already been told countless times to never use.
"Yeah, I came here on my own you know." Was all he said, wishing that he had made it a much more colorful answer.
"Why did you feel like you should enter rehab?" she questioned as she began to scribble along the light blue lines.
"I have a drinking problem, and a drug problem," he stated only quieter this time around.
"How long have you had these problems? Have you tried getting help before," she looked back up at him.
"I've had problems with drinking for about four years now. The drugs only got bad the last two," he mumbled now wishing more than ever that the chair would pull him into darkness.
"And have you ever tried getting help before?" she asked again and he shook his head.
"What made you change your mind?"
"Zacky," the name left his lips with a defeated breath.
"Is Zacky a friend or relative?" he shook his head feeling that stinging in his eyes again.
"No," he stated more so trying to stop himself from breaking down at just his name.
"No?"
"He was my fiance," he stated looking anywhere but in her direction.
"Was?" he wanted to growl in frustration, he didn t like the one word questions.
"Yeah he was," he snapped.
"What happened?"
"He ended it eight months ago when I relapsed for practically the millionth time," he explained focusing on the metal filing cabinet that had some form of diploma or certificate on top of it.
"So you had tried quitting before coming here?"
He nodded closing his eyes, "the longest I ever lasted was two months. I kept relapsing and it hurt him too much."
"Was he worried that it would kill you?"
"Yeah, so he left. He told me if I got help he would come back to me,' he answered.
"Brian, why don't you tell me about Zacky," she proposed in hopes that it would get him to open up.
"Why would you want me to talk about him?" he asked with confusion clear as day on his face.
"I'm just curious about him because he seems to be a big part of your life. You're also more at ease now that he s been brought up compared to when I first came in and saw you."
He looked at her for a long moment trying to decipher what she was planning. She didn't think that Zacky was the reason for the drugs and alcohol did she? She wasn't asking that though, he realized and decided that the thought was absurd. Zacky was never the enabler, he was the one who had kept him from that last final slip off the edge.
"Brian?" he looked over at her.
"You zoned out there for a moment. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, m'fine. So what do you want to know about him?"
"Well," she smiled again as she laid the notepad down but kept the pen poised on top of it, "anything really. Tell me what you liked about him, what you didn't. Just tell me about who he is as a person. You don't have to get personal about it."
He nodded letting his arms slid into his lap, picking at the cotton pants while the smile tugged at the ends of his lips the moment he started to think about all the good times they had shared.
"He was smart, not Ivy League school smart, but smart. When we were still in school there were countless times that he would end up helping me. I was never one to pay attention in class and when I was younger I used to be able to get away with it. That didn't turn out the same way my last two or three years of high school. He was on the baseball team too, would go to practice until six sometimes even later depending on how mad the coach was. But if I ever needed the slightest help, he was always there for as long as I needed him. That s just who he was, you know? He was one of those people that you could count on, hell or high water he was there."
"He had this thing about him where if he walked into a room everything grew calm. Laid back kinda guy who would just randomly show up and you had no idea that he was there. He liked to watch things, sat on the sidelines and keep an eye on things. When I was younger, me and the guys would get into fights at school and he was always there to break it up before the teachers would show up. Sometimes he didn't get so lucky and would get a few blows, but he never got mad. He'd just make fun of us for a few days."
"Sometimes I wondered if he knew me better than I did. He knew how to make everything better, no matter how angry or sad I was. Before we got together I was mean to him. I would talk down on him, for weeks I did that, because I was scared. When I was nine my parents had divorced, my Dad was kicked out and I didn't see him for a while. I thought he was mad at me because I chose to stay with my Mom. Later on I found that wasn t true, but with his new lady and kid we never had the same relationship again. It was a bit strained and I was worried on how he would react."
"React to what?" she interjected causing him to look back up at her.
"React to how I felt about Zacky. My Dad had some homophobic family on his side, and I was too scared to ask him if he was too. I didn t want to lose him and I thought that if I could push Zacky away then the feelings would fade. They didn t though, one night I broke down and he was there. I remember how mad I was, more so at myself but I was mad that he was there nonetheless. I told him that he shouldn't be, that he should be mad at me, angry for how I had treated him. But he wasn't, he said he understood and that he would always be there," he explained.
"Is that when your relationship started?"
Brian nodded in response as he popped his fingers in his lap.
"Did you ever tell your Father?"
"Yeah, after I graduated and started going to college. He took it better than I thought, he wasn't disapproving but he wasn't approving either. He thought it was a faze, a way at getting back at him. My brother and I had to go to counseling during their divorce, and they were told that it could affect us later on in life. He thought that was it, but after three years he finally accepted it. None of our friends or close family seemed to care, they never treated us any differently either."
"Well that's good, especially in a society that is still having trouble adjusting to those types of changes," she noted and he nodded in response.
"We're almost out of time so I just have a few more question before I let you go. Okay?"
"Yeah," he answered letting his head fall back on the chair for a moment.
"You said earlier that you had tried to quit, but you relapsed. When you tried was it a gradual thing or did you try cold turkey?"
"Cold turkey", he replied looking back at the books on the cabinet.
"And you said that the longest you were able to go was two months?"
"Give or take a day or two", he answered with a nod.
"Are you taking any medication that the facility is giving you?" she questioned as she went back to writing.
It was only then that he noticed that the page had already been turned and the second page was almost full. How had he not noticed her writing the entire time?
"No," he stated, still stuck on all the writing.
Okay then, well our time is up and I ll see you the same time next week. How is that?" she asked looking up at him with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, okay," he answered grimacing on the inside.
She smiles too much he thought as he pulled himself out of the chair, he turned towards the now open door where the man who had led him to the office was waiting. With one last glance over his shoulder he watched as he flipped over the second page and continue to write. Scoffing he shook his head, if she had that much to write about on just who Zacky was, she could write a damn series on the muck up that was now called his life.