Disclaimer: I, Lacey Lee, Disclaim any and all Harry Potter characters and any Gary Oldman Crazy that may be found in the passage to follow. I do on the other hand, claim pride in any and all, random, stupid, and pointless characters that may or may not pop up such as the cellmate Rodger Rudford. Thank You for you kindness and patience. Love, Lacey Lee.

Sirius Black with Gary Oldman Crazy.

Chapter 1: The Cell

Sirius Black sat huddled in the corner of his dark cell rocking back and forth while listening to his cell mate, Rodger Rudford, talk to himself about breaking into the department of mysteries in the ministry of magic. Sirius stopped rocking suddenly and looked around. "Shh," he snapped, "Do you hear it?" Rudford continued to talk to himself and Sirius asked louder, "Do you hear him?"

He pounced suddenly and grabbed. Then he sat back on his heals cackling in crazy laughter, "It's a rat! A RAT!"

Rudford had stopped talking now and was watching him eagerly, "Does it miss a toe?" He asked, he had heard the story at least once everyday. Sirius stared at him blankly so he asked again, "Does it miss a toe because Peter Pettigrew cut his off."

"I know that," Sirius snapped, "I was just about to check." He then looked suspiciously at the rat's toes. It had all of them—and one extra. "No…no it's not him," he said darkly, "But him will come here one day! One day I will catch him!"

Now Rudford laughed, "He ain't never gonna come here to you! Nuts! Your nuts!"

"Shut up!" Sirius shouted and he lunged and then whacked and Rudford fell down for his daily nap. Sirius then went back to his corner until a few minutes later when he heard someone go, "Pst!" By the door. He got up and scuttled over to peer out and see the minister of magic.

"You find anything out?" The minister asked in a low voice.

"You got the goods?" Sirius asked gruffly.

He looked around shiftily and then passed The Daily Prophet through the bars of the window. Sirius then opened up one corner and saw the latest copy of Playboy. He giggled gleefully.

"The information," the minister insisted forcefully.

"He wants his henchmen to break into the department of mysteries," Sirius said blandly.

"He has henchmen men now!"

"It would appear so."

After the minister was gone Sirius sat back down in his corner to enjoy his magazine but then stopped suddenly when he spotted a picture. A red-head family standing outside a pyramid but the only thing he seemed to see was a rat sitting one of the boy's shoulder. "Rat! Rat! RAT!" He practically screamed.

Rudford lifted his head showing that he was not actually out, "Does he miss a toe traitor?" he asked bitterly.

"Yes! Yes! YES!" he jumped up and started to dance around, "HE MISS HIS TOE HIS MISS HIS TOE!" He then laid down to sleep so he could twitch and periodically shout, "HE'S AT HOGWARTS!"

A/N: Sorry, I know this was utterly random and stupid but it is my first fic and I just had to spoof Gary Oldman's INSANE performance. There is more stupid and Random to come. Up next: The escape!

Love, Lacey Lee