BABY, DON'T ASK
My first have FF, so please be kind. English isn't my native language, so sorry for eventual grammar mistakes…
"How many girls have you been with?". Great question. A trip down Memory Lane between Chuck and Blair. After 1x18.
DISCLAIMER: Even after begging the CW, I still don't own Gossip Girl… I'll have to deal with it! Gossip Girl belongs to its rightful owners.
"How many girls have you been with?"
"What?"
" I asked you how many girls you've been with since you abandoned me…"
"Listen Blair, it wouldn't make things better for you to know it…"
"You're very much mistaken… I need to know because first you make me think you're this changed person and then you do that… You make me think I am your one and only when really I'm just a fuck to you… a meaningless fuck!"
"How can you say that? You know how I feel about you! We didn't even fuck during that week."
She sighed…
"I was used to know how you felt about me… But now I really don't anymore! And that last statement proves me you wanted me just that way! You suggested that bullshit!"
"What bullshit?"
"The let's-take-it-slow bullshit!"
"50…"
"50 what?"
"I fucked 50 girls this summer… but they are meaningless, and we both know it! You're my one and only, I swear… Last summer I abandoned you because I was scared… My father told me I would come home a changed man, he told me I would be the next Nathanial… And I wasn't ready for that…"
"You don't really get it, do you? I never wanted you to be the next Nathanial, I never wanted you to be fucking Prince Charming! I just wanted you to be yourself but without the whores! And you couldn't even to that"
"Maybe I wasn't ready back then, but I am now! You need to trust me!"
"Why should I trust you? Give me a reason, and 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count… 3 words, 8 letters… Say them and then maybe I'll trust you a little more"
"I… I…"
"…"
"Blair, you know I do! For God's sake, I never said them to anybody… You're the first person I'd say them to… This isn't easy for me!"
"And it is for me? You see, you can't even put your feelings on the line! How am I supposed to trust you when you can't even express your feelings?"
"Because every time I put my feelings out there I end up with my heart trough a paper-shredder! I end up miserable, with nothing else than scotch and whores! Just like after Cotillion…"
"Ah, right! We always end up there… Cotillion… when in your view I've been a bitch! But you know what? You know why I went back to dear old Nate? You know why?"
"No, I really don't! I just know you hated me because I ruined your so called perfect plan! I ruined your Cotillion! Couldn't you see I did that just because I had no other choice. I-"
"You know what? I really don't care what happened in the past. What I meant is that-"
"You see? You always avoid this confrontation!"
"Oh, you wanna talk about that night? Let's do it! I left you on the dance floor because I realised you were a jerk who only cared about himself. I was heading home when Nate and I bumped into each other, he told me he always loved me and I was so upset I degraded myself into sleeping with him!"
"Oh, so now he becomes the meaningless fuck! That's a new one!"
"I didn't say that! Anyway, I slept with him just because I had nothing, it was my last resort! I really loved him before, but then you came along and all changed…"
"What changed?"
"My life changed, my plan changed! I wasn't supposed to sleep with the villain and actually develop feelings for him! It was supposed to be me, Nate, picket white fence and 2.5 children… but then I realised it wasn't what I really wanted, I realised I wanted more… I realised I wanted fire, passion… I wanted love. But I couldn't trust you! So I put back my mask and went back to him… I acted like I was happy for that little amount of time I was back to him, before you definitely ruined my life with that Gossip Girl post."
"About that.. I always regretted what I did-"
"I really don't care if you regret it or not! Did you think about the consequences when you hit the button 'send'? You keep saying you have this deep feelings for me, but if you really did you wouldn't have done what you've done!"
"God, I was angry! You called me 'a mistake so far in the past I can hardly remember', that doesn't speak deep feelings either!"
"I was scared! I pushed you aside because I tought that if a 'good' guy like Nate could hurt me that much for sleeping with my best friend, then what would you be able to do to me? You always made me see you like a bad person, scotch in hand and girl at hip… Then at my birthday you confess your deep feelings for me… What am I supposed to think? Should I trust you? Should I believe you change like that in 24 hours?"
"I can't change my past… I was who I was… I can't do anything about it! But you know you would never be another whore… You were my best friend's girlfriend, my partner in crime… I would never treat you like that!"
"Really? Because you did… you left me like one of them, you ditched me!"
"Come on Blair, that's ancient history-"
"It's not ancient history, it's our history!"
"So what are we going to do? Are we gonna walk out of that door and pretend nothing really happened between us? I don't want that."
"I don't know what we are supposed to do! I don't want that either!"
"Maybe we could just be friends, like before…"
"We were never really friends Chuck… we were something… we were partners in crime… but we definitely weren't friends…"
"But we can try! Actually we can try something more-"
"No Chuck, we can't! You know what happened last time, I can't risk again! I need to be with someone who really loves me, who won't leave me for a sloppy interior designer!"
"Blair, I know it took me some time, but… I love you!"
"No, you don't… you're just saying that because you are afraid you'll loose me, because-"
"Blair, I really do love you… I love you because you're smart, I love you because you're gorgeous, I love you because you're sexy, I love you because you're evil, I love you because you're my perfect match, I love you because you're the first girl I really cared about, I love you because you're you and because of a lot more things…"
"Chuck, I don't know what to say…"
"Say you love me too."
"I-…"
"Blair, I know you do… You can trust me this time! I've never been something before you."
Open ending!
I really don't know if I like it. I really LOVE reading GG fan fiction (I'm obsessed), but I don't think I'm really good at writing them… But I just wanted to try, so… Review, pls.