"Cruel"

summary: It seems that everyone he comes in contact with has a cruel streak. (A kind of "Curt-reflects-on-his-life" deal going on.)

warnings: slash (bound to be since it's VG, right?) Curt/Brian, incest Curt/bro, violence, drug-use, language, suicide, sex

a/n: I have a soft spot for Curt. The title may not exactly fit the entire story, but I thought it worked. And this was posted before. I pulled it for some odd reason -- cold feet, I guess. I really hope it's okay. Please R&R.
30.10.06 -- I edited up the errors and changed the songs to "by performer" instead of "by writer".

disclaimer: I wish I could say I even own the soundtrack. I don't. I don't even own a copy of the movie -- that, alas, is property of the local Hollywood Video. VG is the brainchild of creator Todd Haynes, and Jeremy Lyons -- Curt and Brian belong to them; I'm just playing with them. Arthur (and Mandy, if she shows up) is also not mine. But I will claim the names Nick, Katya, Arik and the character Tawny -- he's my dysfunctional brainchild ;-)

The scene starts in the loo of the pub after Curt has talked with Arthur.

And enjoy!

-----j-u-s-t---s-o-m-e---u-g-l-y---m-e-m-o-r-i-e-s-----

Intro -- "Cruel Demon"

Brian Slade had a cruel streak. Curt Wild could be fierce himself, but for that, for all his eccentricities and antics, for his personality defects -- for all that, Curt did not have a cruel streak. His brother, for all his tender touches, had also had a cruel streak. It had shown through more and more as time had passed, for that was how cruel streaks worked. Straight cruel nature was different. That was all present from the get-go. His father had been like that. But cruel streaks were subtle, and when they showed, it hurt more. Brian was no different. But Curt believed -- no, he knew that Brian's was another trait that had solidified the relationship.

Self-destructive, sadomasochistic, mentally disturbed -- Curt had been given a shitload of labels for over half of his life. They had actually started when he was five, but the labels had gotten more scientific, precise, cold after the shock treatment.

Curt looked into the mirror above the sink he was leaning heavily against. The image that looked back at him looked like shit -- skin pale and sallow in complexion, sweating, grey-coloured eyes dull, dodgy. He was jonesin' for a fix so very badly... He savoured the ache. Not only that physical pain, but there was an emotional ache gnawing at him as well. It hurt far worse and would be a helluva lot harder to get over, and never would be erased. But the emotional ache was not from the junk craving.

Yes, Brian Slade was a cruel bastard.

Cruel for leaving him alone here. Alone with his fucked-up thoughts.

Alone with this aching need for him, for Brian.

Alone with his memories.

Damn that boy Arthur for bringing it all back.

"Fuck you, Brian Slade! Fuck you, Maxwell Demon! Tommy fuckin' Stone! Fuck it all!"

The mirror shattered to the yellow-tiled floor in a rain of sparkling shards as he shoved an angry fist through it. Blood dripped down with the glittering pieces as well. Death of glitter, he thought absurdly. He swallowed the tears and sobs that were so very close to surfacing. He thought he had had it under control. He thought he had moved on. Deluded bastard -- you never have. Never will. He sat down amid the broken pieces he had caused. It seemed a lot like his life had ended up...

(The lyric in the page break is from "Gimme Danger" by Ewan McGregor and the Wylde Ratttz)