A/N:::Hello everyone, okay so this story is a bit different but I feel that I have to write it I don't normal use Casey and Olivia parings but it's the only way this works in my head. Please note this story is not for the faint hearted it deals with bullying, self-harm, eating disorders and of course murder and rape but that's svu for yah. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter please read& review, this story means a lot to me. Okay well thanks a million and enjoy.

Standing outside of the interview room watching as Olivia nick question the young girl they have in there with Don next to me, I should feel calm I've done this so many times but this case is almost too much to take and it only just started. I watch the little girl she can't be more then twelve she has short blonde hair and bright green eyes I also note the wristbands she has on each arm, how anyone could do this let alone a child and then I remember. I take a few deep breaths and try to focus on what they are saying.

"Now molly why did you bring that gun to school" detective Benson looks at the child whose mother is all but balling.

"You don't have to answer that molly" her attorney Lisa Whitmore explains.

"I don't know" molly cries "I don't know" she hugs her mom.

The two detectives leave the room and don switches off the sound; I soon sense that all six eyes are now glaring at me. All I want to do is run hide in my office hand this case over to someone else.

"So Casey what are we going to do" Liv asks I think she can tell that I'm not all there.

Snapping back to reality I try to answer "I know she's 11 but she brought a gun to school and killed two classmates and injured four others " I shake my head running a hand over my red locks.

"Do we know why she did it" I ask trying to keep the room from fading into silence

"She's not talking, we are heading over to talk to the four victims now" nick spoke.

"Ok well let me know, I'll be in my office" I say trying to get out of there I walk quickly trying not to let the tears fall as I head for the front of the building and outside. I start the walk back farther downtown to my office but I notice I'm shaking. I let a small sigh when I see a coffee shop I step in and order a large coffee.

I reach my office and walk inside glad no one has tried to talk to me I slid in my door toss my jacket on the couch lock the door and fall to the floor as I begin to cry. I don't know how long I stayed like that but I knew I had to because what was flashing in my mind made me sick. I slid back the bracelet on my left wrist and ran my right thumb over the five almost faded scars.

I heard the buzz of my phone and reached for it in the purse next to me I looked at it ' a text from liv great' I tell myself I open it hoping it's not about the case.

"Casey hun are you ok? Let me know if you need to talk or a drink, we talked to one on the girls she told us something but we want all four statements I'll be by your office in an hour or two love yah."

I smile at the text from my best friend she treats me better than anyone I think I might actually love her, but that's crazy and besides if she knew me if she really knew everything about me about my past she wouldn't even be my best friend. I wipe away the last of the tears I don't think I could cry anymore even if I wanted to. I stand and make my way to the couch before texting her back.

"Thanks love and drink would be wonderful. Also ok, I'll see you soon" I sent it and set my bag and coat on the table before lying on the couch I wanted to just lay there until my eyes dried enough so I could see I hadn't planned on falling asleep.

I was awakened by a light knock on my door 'crap' I thought how I fell asleep. I scramble to my feet and unlock the door. I'm guessing by the concerned look on her face I must look horrible.

"Come in Liv" I say turning towards my desk I take the chair behind it and sit before motioning for Olivia to do the same. She sits in front of me and hands me a cup of coffee I wonder what's going through her mind.

"Here Casey I think you could use this" she says sliding the coffee closer to me.

"Thanks … so what did you find out?"

" well the kids we talked to all called her a freak they said she didn't really have any friends and that she got picked on a lot, but none of them would say about what all they said were the two who died were the ring leaders."

"Well I guess we know what defense they will be using" I say

"How are you going to prove that she's not crazy" she asks me.

What I wanted to say was that I know she's not crazy, depressed and scared yes but not crazy. But what I say sounds crazy in itself.

"I don't think I should"

"You want to plead her out" she practically yells "she killed two kids and harmed four others"

"Please lower your voice, I just think we need to hear her side of things"

"Well she isn't talking and I don't think offering her a deal to get it would be any good"

"I didn't say that did I " I don't know why I'm fighting with her this never ends well, I take a large sip of coffee and look into her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that glow when she's angry I just wish she wasn't mad at me. After a few moments of complete silence Liv speaks again

"I just don't get it, boys bring guns to school , don't girls normal take the violence out on themselves"

"Wow sexist much" I snap shooting her a death glare.

"I'm just saying "

"yes and I'm just saying that sometimes there is no more room to take out the pain on yourself and you have to find another person to harm"

"So you're saying you understand how she could kill another person over herself"

"Well what are you saying that killing yourself is a better option than trying to take down your tormentors" I can tell that my breathing is heavy I try to relax but it's not helping I can feel this attack building.

"Casey" Olivia says calming her voice guess she can tell she hit a nerve "I'm sorry" she mouths as I begin to relax I nod at her she looks at me with those eyes and I see concern.

"I'm ok, but maybe you should go" I say trying not to make any real sudden moves.

"Ok but text if you need anything" she says as she heads for the door she opens it and turns back "I really am sorry if I upset you"

I nod to her as the door closes and she walks down the hall, I lean back in my chair and let a few tears fall from my still burning eyes. I should tell her she loves me she can help me, but I can't cause her the pain of knowing any of this I don't want to know any of this. I close my eyes and then begin blinking a few times trying to get the thought out of my head but I can't. That tensing in my body and almost as if I was someone else I do something I haven't done in almost three years. My desk drawer slides open and my hand reaches to the back corner I pull the small black box out and remover its contents.

A single metal blade

It feels cold in my hands I slid the blade lightly across the tips of my fingers trying to fight I don't want to do this, but I know I won't relax until I do.

I can feel my tears burning my cheeks as I slide my skirt down just enough to see the skin on my hip bone and I know I can't fight anymore.

Two quick and deep swipes and I'm free.

I can breathe again

I put it back in its box and back in my desk and wipe the tears from my face. I feel awful about how I treated liv she is my best friend after all. I reach for my phone and text her.

"Hey girl, I'm sorry too tell you what let me make it up to you tomorrow my apartment, you me a six pack of beer and some girl talk."

I was shocked by the quick reply but smiled at her words.

"Hey no stress, It's a date, be there at eight tomorrow"

Date I ask myself then laugh surely after that fight today no way did she like me as anything more than a friend and if she ever finds out about my past no way she ever would. I set my phone down on my desk and start on this what I'm sure is an endless amount of paperwork.

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