Written for comment_fic on livejournal.
Perry sighed, massaging his vein that was bulging in his forehead.
"You know, Perry," Jordan said, "If I want to flirt with our dinner guests a little, that's my prerogative. It's like you don't want me to have any fun."
"Inviting Keith into a long-term arrangement with us is not flirting 'a little', Jordan."
"Zip it, Perry. And if I want you to wear a cute little outfit with the adorable blue leather short shorts, is that too much to ask?"
"I'm wearing them aren't I?"
"They look really good, Dr. Cox."
"Shut up, Keith," Perry answered.
"And if I want to have a contest to see whether you and Keith can switch outfits in less time than it takes me to microwave dinner, then I don't think that's too much to ask either."
Keith began to take off his bunny outfit when Cox said, "No. No, no,no,no,no, Jordan, no. I am not wearing a bunny outfit, especially one that heBarbie was wearing, and BELIEVE me, I am trying so VERY hard not to imagine WHY WHY WHY he would have a bunny costume and hoping so very hard - like children waiting for presents from Santa before their parents tell them there's no such thing as jolly men in red suits who come down the chimney because if a guy is coming down your chimney he's either robbing you or your parents killed a guy and hid him up there and he's just now been knocked loose by a bird trying to nest and the bird was probably crushed by the falling corpse - I am hoping THAT hard that this costume was never used in the presence of she-Barbie, and I use the term SHE to be generous. Because the thought of me in that costume which is NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Because the only way I will EVER wear a costume that has a tail is if I am dressed as a devil and I get a red cape and a stick-thingy with the points, because the thought of even pretending to get to torture people who annoy me for eternity - well, that's just COOL, heh, OR, if instead of a costume I undergo radically new genetic therapy that will literally make me half dinosaur in which case I will need the tail to help me keep my balance as I go around killing people with my teeth. And believe me when I say Jordan those are the ONLY two circumstances in which my conscious body will be wearing a tail. So if you really want to see it, you're going to have to save it for the funeral."
"Geez, Perry, if you don't want to do something just say so. I'm not interested in bullying you into losing all will of your own."
"That's good to know," Keith said.
"Yeah, I wasn't talking to you, Keith," Jordan answered, "Now straighten your ears and hop around."