Author's Note: A bit of a cracky story based on a strange dream I had. I wrote it up as a bit of a reader's block-reliever of my story I'm finishing up before posting here in order to post regular updates. Enjoy its short randomness. :]
Altaïr and the Mermaid
Altaïr stared down at the cool, rippling waters of a lazy-flowing lake before him. He shivered. To anyone else, it would look calming and relaxing. To him, it looked sinister. Imaginary inky black fingers just beneath the surface were there to snatch him if he got too close to the edge, he was sure of it. And so, he began to turn away.
A disturbingly large fish tail that flicked above the water caught his attention. Curious, he turned back to the river again when a mermaid popped up out of the water and waved at him. At that moment, Altaïr thought three things: Why is her hair green?, Oh my Allah, a mermaid?, and the immature little boy in him screamed out in delight: "BOOBIES!"
"Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, I will help rid you of your fear of water. Come, I will teach you how to swim!" The woman beckoned, her wet hair sparkling in the sun like emeralds. Altaïr stepped slightly closer, intrigued, but not close enough to the river to jump in.
"Why would you want to help me?" he asked, eyeing her suspiciously. Suddenly, she jumped out of the water, fins fading to legs.
"CAZ YOU'RE SEXY AND I WANNA RAPE YOU!" She hollered, grabbing him by the robes and tossing him into the water, jumping in after him while he flailed about, trying to reach the shores once more.
Altaïr drowned.
Malik rejoiced.
The End.