Torn

"If you don't stop worrying so much, you'll have those lines permanently embedded into your forehead!"

Charlie expressed his concern just a tad more harshly than I would have liked at that moment. I was absolutely sick with worry over Jacob. I knew this was silly; Carlisle was taking great care to make sure the stubborn and too-proud werewolf's bones were set correctly to heal properly. And knowing Jacob, he would be fully alert and complaining about the turn of events in no time.

I breathed deeply, a heavy sigh escaping from my lungs.

"I know it's silly. Jake is tough. He'll pull through in no time I'm sure." These words took on a different meaning to me than I'm sure they did as Charlie absorbed them.

He grunted in response. "That's a fact. The Black family has a good set of genes in their pool." He had no idea. His voice then grew gruffer. "You understand now though why you are forbidden to ride that infernal two-wheeled death trap of yours. And so help me if you do, you'll—"

"Dad, calm down. I have no intentions of riding the motorcycle again. I'm going to talk to Jake about selling it as soon as he's able to."

Seeming pleased with this response, he continued more softly, "Listen, Bells, I just don't want you getting yourself sick with this. You know that won't do anyone any sort of good. Especially Jacob. He wouldn't want you to sit here, poking at your food, starving yourself, and sulking at his expense." I looked down at my plate full of the spaghetti I had made for dinner, actually seeing it for the first time, so lost in thought. When was the last time I had eaten? I couldn't remember. With freezing to death last night in that wind-blown tent and the inevitable vampire attack this morning, food had honestly been the furthest thing from my mind. Though my stomach suddenly gave a loud complaint, which Charlie heaved a sigh over. "Give it a day or two," he continued, "and then you can go see him. I don't want you down there pestering Billy while he's out cold."

I nodded slowly in response.

"Until then, eat."

I sighed again and stabbed a twisted fork-full of spaghetti, lifting it into my waiting mouth.

After a much needed shower and teeth brushing, I headed quickly to my bedroom. It was still early, but the day's events had completely drained me and I longed for the comfort of my old quilt—of his cool arms around me.

As I entered my room and closed the door quietly behind me, I saw him sprawled casually across my bed; my angel in waiting. His face was no longer hard and worried; an expression I had grown quite accustomed to over the last several days. It helped to relax me immediately. The relief that it was all over—that Victoria was finally gone—radiated from his perfect face. I smiled weakly at him.

I crossed my room and flopped down onto the bed as Edward quickly pulled me into his strong, icy embrace. He leaned down and kissed my hair as I curled up against his marble chest. We lay there like that momentarily, not uttering a word.

"He will be alright, Bella," Edward finally broke the silence.

"I know, I know," I insisted.

"You worry too much."

"Tell me something I don't know…" I mumbled under my breath.

"Jacob is awake."

"What?" I snapped my head up to look him in the eyes, the liquid gold smoldering there, but faded slightly at the expense of exerting so much strength today.

"You said to tell you something you didn't know," he chuckled.

"How long has he been awake for?"

"Only an hour or so. Carlisle was just getting back from La Push when I was leaving. He said he's still pretty heavily drugged with pain meds and sort of out of it, but awake nonetheless." Edward looked away then, temporarily lost in thought. The corners of his lips curled up into a slight smile.

"What is it?" I questioned, confused.

"It's just that when Carlisle told him he wasn't allowed to phase until he gave him the okay, Jacob threw an incoherent fit. I found the replay of it in Carlisle's mind quite funny to watch, all drugged up on large amounts of Vicodin."

"Yes," I breathed through clenched teeth, "hilarious."

"Oh, give it a rest, Bella." Edward rolled his eyes, only to bring them back to meet my gaze. He cupped the right side of my face in his left hand and pulled me gently closer to his wintry lips. He paused for a brief second an inch away and exhaled into my slightly open mouth. The cold, sweet scent of his breath knocked mine out of me and I felt dizzy. Suddenly all annoyance departed my now limp body. He leaned in the other inch and brushed his lips softly to mine, sending a shiver down my spine. I pressed my lips back to his more urgently, sliding my right hand up his chest and around his neck, holding him there.

A few minutes passed and I started feeling light headed. I finally forced myself, extremely unwillingly, to pull away and attempt to breathe normally again. I looked down at the collar of his shirt, fidgeting with one of the buttons there. He removed his hand from my cheek and curled his fingers around mine, stopping my action.

"What is it?" I could feel his eyes on me, no doubt filled with some sort of irrational concern, but I refused to meet his gaze and instead stared at his perfectly smooth hand around mine.

"I want to go see him, Edward." Then I shook my head before he could speak to protest. "I need to go see him."

"Not now, Bella, love," he cooed, trying to sound completely comforting but I recognized the edge of tension in his words; something I was sure only I could do paying careful attention. "Let him rest for now and work off the medication. He wouldn't be very coherent to talk to at the moment anyway."

"I know, it's just…"

He reached up and placed his forefinger under my chin, tilting my head up to meet his eyes again. The concern was there, just like I had suspected. "I know, sweetheart, but waiting until the morning is really the best for everyone right now, and you need your rest as much as he does."

I choked back a laugh as my eyes looked away from his magnetic stare. "That's funny, because the last time I checked I hadn't done much but cause problems for everyone. I didn't even help in the fight—not really anyway. I'm pretty sure I'm the last person anyone should be worrying about right now."

"Enough," was all he managed to say as he pulled my head to rest against his neck, stroking my hair. He was right though. I was extremely exhausted and I knew I should sleep, but after what had happened today before the newborns descended…what happened between Jacob and I in that small clearing in front of our make-shift campsite…what happened to my heart when his unfamiliar warm lips pressed so longingly and urgent against mine…

I shook my head abruptly.

"What are you thinking, love?" Edward continued to stroke my hair gently.

"Just recalling what a horrible monster I am for hurting the ones I love all the time."

His body, if possible, stiffened more against my side. "I told you I'm not holding anything against you for doing what you did, Bella. I mean that."

Of course he wasn't. I could do no wrong, ever. I felt like I would always be forgiven by him, no matter how much I hurt him. But the truth was I needed to talk to Jacob so much more now than I ever would have otherwise. That brief moment in the clearing where it felt like our bodies had become one and I could feel nothing else but him everywhere, all around me, something happened. Something that I didn't want to admit to myself. A small click in my mind felt like puzzle pieces fitting together. I knew I loved Edward more than I ever thought it would be possible to love someone, but something deep inside me was nagging at me. I could feel it tearing a whole in my heart.

I was in love with Jacob.

This was easy to admit now and I could no longer deny it. But how strong would this feeling be? Surely it wouldn't overtake the feelings I had for Edward…would it? I flinched a little. I had to speak with Jacob tomorrow. End of story. This had to be sorted out immediately. I knew it made more sense in the long run to stay with Jacob and not Edward. There was so much of my human life I would miss and I could finally admit that now. And Jacob was, for the most part anyway, still human. The fit seemed natural; seemed right.

I turned my head slowly to look up at Edward who was still staring at me intently. But what about this other life that I knew I wanted so badly. To become a vampire; a Cullen. I loved my new family greatly and I wouldn't want to lose them either. But the loss of all the Cullens combined didn't feel like it would hold as much weight as the loss I would feel if I told Jacob goodbye. I flinched again at this sudden realization. Edward's grip tightened slightly on me.

"Are you alright, Bella?" His voice was silky smooth but his brow creased with worry.

"Fine," I mumbled half-heartedly.

He raised an eyebrow. "You're a terrible liar, you know." He smiled my favorite crooked smile.

I blushed and looked away again. "I know," I replied in a small voice.

"So what is it, then?" he pressed.

I could feel the solid lump beginning to form in my throat. I swallowed quickly trying to force it back down so I could find the breath to speak. "Do you think…that we…really belong together…forever?"

His face did the exact opposite of what I figured it would, and he smiled, amused almost. "You know how I feel about you, Bella. You are the reason for my existence now. But if you are having second thoughts about becoming one of my kind, I understand. I don't want you to make any rash decisions if you are feeling at least the slightest bit unsure."

He missed my point completely. Oh, well. It was probably better this way until I was able to speak with Jacob first. I sighed and nodded once, placing my cheek against his cold chest and closing my eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again immediately as Edward wrapped the quilt around me and placed his arms tenderly around my waist. He began humming my lullaby and I was out faster than I could find the strength to protest against my heavy eyelids.

Ok guys, so what do you think? Am I heading in the right direction or has this just been done far too often to be any good? Feedback appreciated! :)